Tag: family

Activity Bundling – The Fun of Cleaning Up

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“You can’t compete with someone who is having fun.” – unknown

Up until last week I had cobwebs in my kitchen. They were higher than I could reach without a ladder or tool. I’d notice them but always on my way to getting something else done so they persisted.

It was the same with rehanging the hooks in the hallway that pulled away from the wall, the fascia board in my bathroom that came off when the kids climbed on the counter one too many times, peeling off the stickers Mr D applied to the cabinets when he was three-years-old, replacing two of the six light bulbs in the bathroom that used non-standard light bulbs, and on and on.

Because we rented out our house as an AirBnB, we’ve been chipping away at this list of little projects that I constantly noticed but never got done. Our first booking is in mid-June.

The whole project started because we have friends that have lived in France for three years. We wanted to visit them before they move in August. But every time I went to book the airfare this spring, the price jumped because of oil prices and I couldn’t afford them.

I’d been entertaining the idea of listing my house on AirBnB during the World Cup games here in Seattle but it seemed like so much work. But then I read The Fun Habit by Mike Rucker, PhD and his concept of activity bundling brought it all together for me. By combining the adventure of getting to see our friends in Europe with the work of getting the house ready, we could make the whole thing fun. [If you haven’t yet listened to the podcast with Mike, I found our conversation to be as inspiring as his book.]

I figured it was worth a try. Even if we didn’t get any bookings, at least we’d get a fixed-up house.

But then we did get bookings. Now I’ve booked our tickets because we have to be gone and we are madly finishing all these little projects. Michelle from the BoomerEcoCrusader blog is 100% right – decluttering feels great. Mr. D wants to know why we go to the donation center every week with a car loads of clothes, toys and books. Because we’ve had all that stuff pile up too much over the years.

Every night I fall into bed exhausted. But I also feel lighter. Like all those little projects were weighing me down in a way that I didn’t even realize. We’re earning this adventure one step at a time – with the bonus of coming home to a house that has all (or most) of the little things done.

(featured photo is one of our bedrooms after an extensive decluttering!)

Quote is from EnlightenedMind622

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

The Smell of Rain

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“It’s the closest thing we poor creatures have to magic, my dear – the ability to be transported through time by a waft of scent that unlocks a memory.” – Jason Fry

On a recent warm Spring Friday night, my kids and I walked up to a local burger joint. It’s six city blocks away and the walk held its own sense of nourishment as we looked at flowers, stopped to talk with neighbors, and chatted about some of our favorite memories that this route holds. Like the time when Miss O was three-years-old and got a Wonder Woman shaped balloon made for her by a balloon animal vendor at the farmer’s market. Then as we walked home, she rubbed it along a picket fence, popped one of Wonder Woman’s legs, and burst into tears for the rest of the way home.

The weather was in the high-60’s and we scored an outside table under the awning at the local burger place. As we sat there waiting for our food and watching the other people in line, ten-year-old Miss O noticed big splotches of rain dotting the pavement. She said, “I think it’s raining.” A surprise because it wasn’t in the forecast.

And then I was hit with the smell of rain, noticeable even amidst the odor of the bacon and burgers emanating from the restaurant. I replied, “Oh yes, I can smell it.”

Miss O questioned, “Rain doesn’t have a smell. What does it smell like?”

Her query launch a flood (pun intended) of sense memories. The sound of the wooden typhoon boards being slotted into place when we lived in the Philippines when I was a child. The electricity in the air when the weather shifts on a mountain. And from Eastern Washington where I went to high school, the smell of a crop field absorbing the first drops of rain.

As I contemplated the words to describe what rain smells like, she exclaimed, “I smell it!” And I smiled knowing that she was starting her own memory file named The Smell of Rain. The first entry is a warm Spring Friday night in the neighborhood she grew up in.

(featured photo is from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

Lessons in Persistence: A Child’s Perspective

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“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” – unknown

On any given sunny day, it’s not a question of if we’ll hit something over the fence, it’s a question of which fence. In fact, six-year-old Mr. D hits baseballs over the fence so often, we call them “neighbors” instead of “homers” because they are our opportunity to visit our neighbors.

So it was no surprise that on one of the many warm and lingering light evenings last week, Mr. D and I were playing in the back yard and lost a stomp rocket over the fence. But it went into our neighbor’s yard that is not next door but lives on the street behind us. Those retrievals mean we have to either walk around the block to knock on the door…or try to retrieve it without leaving our yard by leaning over the fence to grab it if it hasn’t fallen too far.

On this occasion, we looked over the fence and saw the stomp rocket was stuck in a tree and almost in reach. So Mr. D tried to use a rake to get it. It fell lower.

Then we got out the duct tape, created a sticky end of a pole and tried to grab it. It was two inches too short.

By this point our yard was strewn with the ladder, rake and every other tool we’d considered for the project. I decided to attempt one last thing by using the extendible branch trimmer. I touched the rocket, it shifted, but I didn’t get it.

So I said to Mr. D, “We should just walk around and get it from their yard.”

He looked at me and said, “We can’t give up now!”

I had to chuckle. Serves me right for teaching my kids to try and to not give up. Then they parrot it back to me at all the important moments.

I gave it one more try and bingo, we got it.

I’m still laughing. And am taking it as confirmation that I chose the right name for my podcast, The Life of Try. 🙂

(featured photo is Mr. D during the retrieval process)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

A Knock From Heaven

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“Our life experiences will have resonances within our innermost being, so that we will feel the rapture of being alive.” – Joseph Campbell

The knock from heaven came at 9:12am on Friday, November 7th, 2014. Having an exact time for it makes it seemingly clear when it was anything but. But it was odd enough at the time to be noticeable.

I was driving to meditation class on a crisp, fall morning in Seattle. Not in a hurry because I had plenty of time before the 9:30 start, even if I needed to circle the block a few times to find parking. Driving the route between my house and the studio where we practiced meditation was neither complicated nor congested as we congealed into a circular pattern around the neighborhood lake.

I was in a euphoric mood because I’d just signed off on everything I needed to start my cycle to try to have a baby via in-vitro fertilization (IVF) as a single parent.

It felt like everything was about to change and I was riding high on that excitement. But the anticipation came with an edge.

First, the fear about how my 45-year-old body would handle pregnancy. I’d never tried to get pregnant before so there was no history one way or another. All the tests and procedures boded well but I was well into the category of advanced maternal age.

Second, the vulnerability of doing this without a partner. I hadn’t wanted to have kids until after I got divorced. I told my ex-husband that I didn’t want to have kids. After the relationship ended I discovered that the whole truth was that I didn’t want to have kids with him.

While it seemed like the divorce was because of his infidelities, both of us sustained wounds. His announcement that it was time to have kids and my refusal to cooperate were telling markers of our relationship. He expected me to orbit around him and I was more like an asteroid on my own trajectory.

I felt healthier and happier on my own. So much so that taking the risk to start a family on my own felt manageable. Scary and exposed but within my window of tolerance.

The third element in my mix of emotions was the buoyed elation of my close friends. I had three dear women older than me that carried their own stories of desire without success when it came to having kids. All of them had made peace with how life had worked out but stood as a testament to the complexity of ambition, expectations, and relationships. They channeled pure enthusiasm for my pursuit of creating a family in a non-traditional way.

So when the knock from heaven came, it pulled me out of my effort to tease out the threads of all these emotions. That guy on the bike next to me must have rapped on the back of my car. But there was no near collision or obvious reason why. Did I get too close to the bike lane and the biker tapped a warning? I didn’t think so. Maybe they’d had wobbled and reached out a hand to steady themselves? Or maybe I was going too slow?

Those were my explanations in the moment.

A few hours later, I was working on a project in the garage when I missed a call from my mom. When I dialed her back, she haltingly told me through tears that my beloved 79-year-old dad died in a bike riding accident. A bike accident. He’d gone for a ride in a quiet neighborhood in Tucson and just happened to turn a corner and hit the frame of a passing car. What in most cases would be a broken collarbone had instead been instantly fatal because of the angle of the collision.

After I hung up, I sat there in a daze. Then I thought of the knock. Had it happened at the same moment my dad died? No, he’d died at noon. Even accounting for the time change between Tucson, where he was, and Seattle, it wasn’t even close. The knock had come two hours before he died.

My understanding of the knock has traveled its own path through the stages of grief. Denial – it didn’t mean anything. Anger – I knew life was about to change but not like that! Sadness – there was never enough time with my enthusiastic and supportive dad. Bargaining – it must mean that my dad left this world knowing my IVF plan even though I wasn’t going to tell my parents until it worked.

And finally, acceptance. Sometimes heaven knocks when you really need to pay attention. A little tap to make sure you are tuned in. So that when the invitation comes to sign up for a job, or unseal the envelope that might contain bad news, or pick up a phone call from someone you haven’t heard from in ages, you are primed to lean in.

Now that I’ve accepted this, I hear knocks from heaven differently. Eleven years after that first one, they show up as the most ordinary things. Like the sound of footfalls on the stairs first thing in the morning from my six-year-old son. The beat of my heart catches something a little extra and I come awake to the miracle of the moment. It’s a stutter that accounts for the ups and downs and twists and turns that all came together to make this life possible.

Or the pulse in my wrist when I hold hands with my 86-year-old mom as we say grace before a meal. It feels like a tap to remember that even though she seems so healthy, the comfort of her physical hand in mine will not last forever.

Or the tap of my chin against my 10-year-old daughter’s head when she gives me a hug. The angle between our heights seems to change on a daily basis and our banter reflects the accelerating maturity. I squeeze a little tighter when I feel that knock so that she can feel in both her heart and her head that I’m near.

Sometimes heaven knocks to remind me that this life is more mystical than it seems. It doesn’t need to make perfectly logical sense in order to lean in to receive the courage and heart that comes with accepting that there is more here than meets the eye.  

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

Lessons from Letting Go: Parenting Reflections

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“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the Pooh

There’s a lot of grief that comes with parenting, isn’t there? And I’m not referring to the grief the kids give us. I’m talking about the variety that comes with letting go.

My 10-year-old daughter< Miss O, changed the wallpaper of my phone to be a rotation of pictures of her and her younger brother. Now every time I tap the phone, I see a picture of one of the two of them, usually as younger kids.

Along with the cute pictures comes the grief. It’s small but I feel a stab of knowing I’ll never hold them on my hip like that again. Or that the era of toddler speak that required Momma interpretation has ended. Or that we don’t have so many moments of un-self-conscious joy anymore. There are all sorts of things to mourn as I get that momentary hit of how much we’ve changed. As neuroscientist Maya Shankar explains, every change comes with a loss of identity.

When I leaned into the grief, I found three things blooming underneath.

Gratitude. My sister-in-law’s mom, Georgia, repeatedly told me a story when I first had kids. She said that when my sister-in-law was six or seven, she asked Georgia to play. Georgia laments that her reply was, “No, Honey, I’d rather read my book.”

I learned from that story to say “yes” so that I’m not talking about it when I’m 75-years-old. There have been many moments it has been hard to put down my book or stop progress on something I want to get done. But more or less, when my kids have said, “Mommy, look?” or “Mom, do you want to play ball?” I’ve said yes. So now when I feel the pangs of grief that come with letting go the younger selves of my kids, I also feel the gratitude for all the memories we have made and continue to make.

Learning. My kids have learned to walk, talk, ride a bike, read, play musical instruments, bat a ball and a myriad of other things. But the grief makes me realize how much I’ve learned as well. Things like that I had name my feelings so I could teach them how to name theirs. Also how to pitch baseballs, get grass stains from the ballfield out of pants, make slime, and clean slime from clothes too. These years have not only been full of memories but also lessons and growth too.

Faith. Miss O is heading to middle school next year. The horizon is already changing with boys, more complex relationships, and a wider circle of independent activities. The number of things I can’t control is growing exponentially larger every day.

Of course, I’ve never been able to control much. This whole journey of parenting has helped me lean into faith. To say “yes” to making memories, learning, loving and leading, and then leave the rest to God.

Grief is uncomfortable. Even the small “g” kind that I’m feeling these days. But underneath it is a whole lot of goodness that reminds me to lean in to creating a life worth growing out of.

(featured photo is Miss O and Mr. D in 2019)

The Long View of Life

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“A heart that loves is always young.” – Greek Proverb

My kids and I attended a memorial service for a 98-year-old friend, Jean, this past weekend. There is a lot of life to honor when someone lives that long.

It’s tempting to do it by what she did: she was a mother to four children, a member of her church for more than 70 years, she was an elementary school teacher, and when she retired from teaching, chose to work at the information booth at the local mall for more than 20 years.

Or by what she loved: she loved to play bridge and to cook. She cooked for the church youth group every week for 4 years and then published a cookbook of how to feed large groups.

But what struck me most was the quality of her relationships. She made friends wherever she went. In fact, I didn’t get to know her well until she was in her 90’s. Jean made the effort to reach out to me with little things she passed along from her family to my kids. I wrote a post about her in 2021 when she gave me a copy of the cookbook she published in the 1980’s. There was a woman at the service who had been a friend of Jean’s for 94 years.

But Jean’s life wasn’t just a walk in the park. Forty years ago, one of her daughters was murdered by a stalker when she was in her late 20’s. Going through that ordeal was when Jean got to know my dad so I know she forged relationships in good times and in bad.

Here’s what I loved about going to Jean’s service. It was a reminder to me that even when life seems complicated, messy and hard, we make it through because of the relationships we build. And it’s never too late.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the How to Share podcast, a podcast where guests share what they’ve lived and learned!

How to Share A Return Home

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“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” – Joseph Campbell

I lived in the Philippines until I was almost seven-years-old. When I went back to visit with my family 22 years later, I was surprised that I could navigate a few streets near where we used to live. It was like a pull that oriented me to where I spent the first years of my life.

So I related to Mario Cartaya’s phrase of letting the subconscious guide when he shared his emotional journey back to Cuba after 56 years on the How to Share podcast. Mario has written a touching and insightful memoir about that trip, Journey Back Into the Vault.

Mario tells us how his family’s rushed departure from Cuba as a nine-year-old left him with a vault of childhood memories that he couldn’t unlock. Mario shares stories from his 1-week journey back to Cuba that helped him unlock the memories in that vault. We talk about how so many magical moments unfolded as he visited the scenes of his childhood.

We talk about the close-knit sense of community in Cuba. Mario tells us about the Cuban diaspora and how the pain of separation affects families on both sides.

Mario tells us about his current project chronicling the historic friendship that the US and Cuba once shared.

Mario is a wonderful guest who delivers a strong sense of hope for whatever divides us and a reminder that we can all work to find our own inner peace and deliver it to this world. I know you’ll love this episode and his book, Journey Back Into the Vault!

Key Themes:

  • Mario’s traumatic departure from Cuba in 1960
  • The vault of childhood memories and their significance
  • Revisiting childhood homes and places in Cuba
  • The impact of family separation and diaspora
  • The historic friendship between the US and Cuba from 1860-1960
  • Mario’s current project on US-Cuba relations

Check out this short clip of Mario’s deep and insightful elevator pitch for Journey Back Into the Vault:

Here are some ways you can watch or listen to all of this fascinating and compelling episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying – The Life of Try: Personal growth, one try at a time.

What does real support actually look like—especially when someone is struggling, failing, or figuring things out?In this episode of The Life of Try, Wynne Leon explores how to support others without adding pressure, and why focusing on effort instead of outcome can make all the difference.Whether you’re a parent, coach, friend, or teammate, it’s easy to unintentionally turn encouragement into expectations. But research—and stories from figures like John Wooden and Carol Dweck—show that when we shift our focus to effort, persistence, and growth, we help people stay in the process longer and build real resilience.This episode dives into: → Why it’s often harder to watch someone try than to try ourselves → How subtle signals can create pressure without us realizing it → The difference between encouragement and expectation → How to support kids, friends, and colleagues in a way that builds confidence and persistence → Practical ways to reinforce effort, not just resultsIf you’ve ever wondered how to truly support someone you care about—especially when things aren’t going well—this episode offers a powerful reframe.Because sometimes the best support isn’t helping someone succeed……it’s helping them keep going.🌍 Show notes and more inspiration: https://wynneleon.com🔔 Subscribe for more:Subscribe to The Life of Try for more conversations on:personal growth, creativity, reinvention, resilience, writing, and mindset.📌 Subscribe & Stay UpdatedABOUT MEHi, I’m Wynne Leon — host of The Life of Try, a personal growth and self-improvement podcast exploring resilience, reinvention, uncertainty, and the courage to keep trying.Through thoughtful interviews, reflective conversations, and real-life stories, I share insights to help you navigate change, get unstuck, and move forward with more intention.🌍 Website: https://wynneleon.com━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🎥 Watch Next➡️ Letting Go Of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving➡️ The Courage to Try Something New: Lindsey Goldstein on Growth, Failure and Reinvention➡️ How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life | Mike Rucker, PhD, on Joy, Burnout and the Fun Habit🔗 CONNECT WITH ME:• Website:→ https://wynneleon.com/• Instagram:→ https://www.instagram.com/wynneleon/• Facebook:→ https://www.facebook.com/wynne.leon/ • Amazon: → https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B002IKWX14
  1. Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying
  2. How to Celebrate the Try
  3. How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life; Michael Rucker, PhD on Joy, Burnout, and The Fun Habit
  4. Reinvention, Resilience and The Courage to Try| Lindsey Goldstein on Gap Year
  5. 51: Letting Go of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving

Links for this episode:

How to Share a Return Home Transcript

Journey Back Into the Vault on Barnes and Noble and Amazon

Mario Cartaya’s website

From the host:

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo from Pexels)

How to Share Perspective

Posted in howtoshareTagged , , , , , , , , , 51 Comments

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” – Sydney Smith

I’ve told this story before but it still cracks me up. When my daughter was three-years- old, I asked her how many houses she could see when she looked out the ground floor window of our house, it was about three.

Then I took her up to the floor above and ask her how many she could see and it was about seven.

Finally we went out onto the little deck on our rooftop and I asked her how many she could see and it was more than she had numbers for. “Miss O” I said “this is the perspective that you get when you are older, you know that everything fits into a larger picture and you are able to see more of it.”

Miss O’s eyes got wide and she looked at me like I was a crazy lady. I admit, that lesson was a little before it’s time. But I love a good dose of perspective. It’s one of the reasons I enjoyed this latest How to Share podcast conversation with author and educator Andrea Simon about her wonderful book, Did You Live the Life You Wanted?

We talk about perspective, regret and the meaning of life. She tells us why she choose to write this story as a novel and how the course she taught about how to write about family plays into her writing.

There are so many fantastic female friendships and characters in this book that spans 50 years. Andrea talks about how she asked men and women if they lived the life they wanted and what she learned differs when women and men answer that question.

We talk about the meaning of life and how writing plays into that. Andrea’s incredible experience as an educator and facilitator shines through as we dig into the depth of life and how we share it.

This is a great episode full of perspective and wisdom with a thoughtful guest. I know you’ll love it.

Takeaways

  • The novel spans 50 years, highlighting female friendships.
  • Writing about family requires sensitivity and respect.
  • Men and women often have different perspectives on life choices.
  • Older women may feel they had fewer options in their careers.
  • Regret can lead to personal growth and new opportunities.
  • It’s important to pursue personal desires as we age.

Here’s Andrea’s fabulous elevator pitch for her novel Did You Have the Life You Wanted?:

Here are some ways you can watch or listen to all of this insightful and helpful episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying – The Life of Try: Personal growth, one try at a time.

What does real support actually look like—especially when someone is struggling, failing, or figuring things out?In this episode of The Life of Try, Wynne Leon explores how to support others without adding pressure, and why focusing on effort instead of outcome can make all the difference.Whether you’re a parent, coach, friend, or teammate, it’s easy to unintentionally turn encouragement into expectations. But research—and stories from figures like John Wooden and Carol Dweck—show that when we shift our focus to effort, persistence, and growth, we help people stay in the process longer and build real resilience.This episode dives into: → Why it’s often harder to watch someone try than to try ourselves → How subtle signals can create pressure without us realizing it → The difference between encouragement and expectation → How to support kids, friends, and colleagues in a way that builds confidence and persistence → Practical ways to reinforce effort, not just resultsIf you’ve ever wondered how to truly support someone you care about—especially when things aren’t going well—this episode offers a powerful reframe.Because sometimes the best support isn’t helping someone succeed……it’s helping them keep going.🌍 Show notes and more inspiration: https://wynneleon.com🔔 Subscribe for more:Subscribe to The Life of Try for more conversations on:personal growth, creativity, reinvention, resilience, writing, and mindset.📌 Subscribe & Stay UpdatedABOUT MEHi, I’m Wynne Leon — host of The Life of Try, a personal growth and self-improvement podcast exploring resilience, reinvention, uncertainty, and the courage to keep trying.Through thoughtful interviews, reflective conversations, and real-life stories, I share insights to help you navigate change, get unstuck, and move forward with more intention.🌍 Website: https://wynneleon.com━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━🎥 Watch Next➡️ Letting Go Of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving➡️ The Courage to Try Something New: Lindsey Goldstein on Growth, Failure and Reinvention➡️ How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life | Mike Rucker, PhD, on Joy, Burnout and the Fun Habit🔗 CONNECT WITH ME:• Website:→ https://wynneleon.com/• Instagram:→ https://www.instagram.com/wynneleon/• Facebook:→ https://www.facebook.com/wynne.leon/ • Amazon: → https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B002IKWX14
  1. Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying
  2. How to Celebrate the Try
  3. How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life; Michael Rucker, PhD on Joy, Burnout, and The Fun Habit
  4. Reinvention, Resilience and The Courage to Try| Lindsey Goldstein on Gap Year
  5. 51: Letting Go of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving

Links for this episode:

How to Share Perspective transcript

Andrea Simon’s website

Did You Have the Life You Wanted? on Barnes & Noble, and Amazon

From the host:

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo from Pexels)

Showing Up

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“Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know.” – Carl Jung

My ten-year-old daughter, Miss O, had a stomach bug this weekend. It hit hard on Friday night and then followed that typical 24 hour course where she felt miserable and threw up a half dozen times and then was mostly done.

When six-year-old Mr D realized that his sister wasn’t feeling well, he set out to make her his famous medium water. You know – not too hot and not too cold. In a lovely confluence where the one thing he knows how to make and the only thing she could keep down met, it was a beautiful gesture.

There was little else that Mr. D and I could do for her. She spent most of her day crying out in agony. Witnessing suffering like that makes me feel crummy. For me, helplessness usually turns into irritability. Fortunately, I was reminded of three things that I’ve heard/read lately:

From poet Mark Nepo, “… someone I love comes along in pain and I start dumping my pockets, looking for the one thing I know that will help them. But time and time again, the only thing they want is for me to open my heart like a sponge to them. They only want to be heard and held.” I swear my pockets are hanging out for how often I dig to try to find something to help only to learn this again and again.

When I talked with Sharon Eubank on the How to Share podcast she related some great lessons from her decades trying to help others as Global Director of Humanitarian Services for the LDS church. The one that really stuck with me was “My solution to your problem will always be wrong.” In this case, the foods that Miss O wanted to eat when she started to feel better wouldn’t have been my picks – but they worked for her.

And then in my most recent podcast conversation with author Amy Weinland Daughters she spoke of not knowing what to do for her friend, Dana, whose teenage son had cancer and then died. Amy started writing letters as a way to show up. She didn’t think it would make a difference but when Dana’s daughters asked Dana when she thought Amy would stop, Dana replied with something like, “I hope never.” We think what we are doing for someone who is suffering or grieving isn’t enough. But it does make a difference.

So I made an effort to pause my productivity efforts that made me feel like I was doing something by washing sheets and sanitizing bathrooms to just show up and stay present when Miss O cried out in pain and discomfort. I rubbed her back or her feet, told stories, and ordered more medium water from Mr. D. It really is what you are that heals. It’s all part of the magic of being there for someone.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Share the Load

Posted in inspiration, UncategorizedTagged , , , , 110 Comments

“It’s not the load that weighs you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – C.S. Lewis

When my kids and I recently watched the movie, “A Boy Called Po,” 10-year-old Miss O asked what the description “heavy” meant. The movie is about a widowed father struggling to take care of his autistic son in the wake of his wife’s death and a lot of work pressure. Heavy applies but it’s also a delightful drama.

We’ve had some really interesting family conversations about this movie. Miss O really empathized with the boy in the story who seems to be about 10 or 12-years-old. She was also pretty critical of the dad who she thought should be more patient.

This came on the wake of comment she made to me that the staff at school working with disability students should be more patient. From my point of view, both the dad in the movie and the staff at school are doing the best they can and a pretty good job. So I countered that adults need empathy too.

This is where it gets interesting – because then Miss O said she wanted to do everything I do in a day just to see. We picked Saturday of this weekend. I gave her a list of all the food prep, pet care, chores, and special projects we had for the day.

I checked in to see how she was feeling at lunchtime. She said, “Right now I feel okay. We’ll see how I feel at the end of the day. I can see it might be okay to do for a day but it would be tiring to do all day, every day, for years.”

Then we returned home a little before 5pm after a fun outing, and it was time feed the dog, the cat and make dinner. She made a plan of what she wanted to cook, then discovered she had to empty the dishwasher she’d run earlier, and in the midst of doing that, her younger brother said, “I’m hungry.”   

I offered to help and even so, it was almost two hours between when we came home from our activity and when she got to sit down and eat her dinner. Then the kitchen had to be cleaned, the gecko had to be fed, and there were snacks to prepare for while we watched shows.

At the end of the day she said, “I don’t know how you do it. It’s impossible to get it all done.” She’d finished one load of laundry but it needed to be pulled out of the dryer to fold so the second load could be dried. She observed, “it’d be okay if you could carry things over to the next day but then you have to start everything else all over again.”

For my part, I just tried to let her do it, do everything she asked, and roll with her decisions and timeframe. So I experienced what it’s like to not be in control of the flow and the timing. It was a great lesson for how adaptable my kids are. I also felt far more rested at the end of the day and it gave me an idea of how much wear and tear what I’m trying to do is.

So I’m scripting my own movie, “A Girl Called O.” It’s a comedy, with a side of drama, and the lead is pretty heroic. She cares enough to want to understand and try it all. In the end, not everything is tidied up but the characters care enough for each other to show up and share the load.  

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.