Tag: love

I Believe You

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A few weeks ago as I was making dinner, feeding the animals, and trying to fit in one more work task, my eleven-year-old daughter said something surprising. “I don’t have any friends.” As the person who sits next to where her Apple Watch charges, I wanted to counter with how often her watch buzzes with texts and phone calls.

But parenting has taught me the power of believing people when confess how they feel.

It started with my kids when they were toddlers and told me they had an owie. I believed them. Seeing the curative effect, I learned to extend it to accepting that when someone says they are lonely, scared, happy, hurting, or whatever else they may be feeling, that it’s true.

It doesn’t have to be objectively true or even true over time. But taking what they say at face value for that moment has turned out to be a good place to start.

When I can do it, that is. It’s often inconvenient to believe people when they tell you how they feel. The other night in order to really listen to my daughter it meant having to pause dinner prep, close my laptop, and tell the pets to wait.

In other cases, it sometimes means having to change plans. Or even more disruptive, adjusting a perception of their lives in relation to mine. I have to stop being a fixer because some of the utility of talking people out of their feelings is so that you don’t have to fix it.

On the flip side, I’ve seen the power of being believed. It removes any defensiveness because there is no need to prove the statement. And it often shares the weight of the load. It eases the path because the person who is believed doesn’t have to add feeling unheard to their burden.

Simply for me, it’s moved me from listening with my head to relating with my heart. It opens moments of connection.

Which was the case with my daughter. When I asked her to tell me more about her friends, we figured out that sense showed up because the friend who she was eating second lunch with had a schedule change and was moved to first lunch. My daughter was feeling the loss.

Feelings are sometimes hard to nail down. Finding people who believe you shouldn’t be so hard.

(featured photo from Pexels)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Risking Too Much and Risking Too Little

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There was a delightfully hopeful young man loaded with gifts outside the middle school last week. He had music playing, a half dozen red roses, a stuffed animal and some candy.  I watched him out of the corner of my eye while I leaned against a pole in the weak fall sunshine and waited for my daughter to come out of the school.

The 850 students of the students seemed to exit in big waves. The first rush of kids eager to be done with school for the day piled out. Then the second, third waves hit and my daughter came out in the fourth. I pointed out the young man with flowers and she said, “He’s waiting to ask someone out.”

But still, the young man stood there, his intended recipient had not yet arrived. My daughter and I went in to check on something in the office. When we came out, he was still there waiting. Other students seemed to be sticking around just to see what happened.

We stuck around a little longer. After about six or seven waves of students piling out, the flow trickled down to just a couple here and there. My heart was beating loudly as I imagined the almost unbearable weight of suspense juxtaposed with his careful planning but the music was still playing and his expression was calm.

My daughter and I finally turned toward the parking lot to leave. We’d gotten about fifty feet when a huge cheer exploded in the crowd – she’d finally arrived. And she must have said, “yes!”

I’ve been pondering a quote that I recently heard a quote from filmmaker Jimmy Chin (director of films like Free Solo, Meru and Everest: The Other Side which was just released).

There are two great risks in life – risking too much and risking too little. They both have extraordinary costs. – Jimmy Chin

It strikes me that those risks come in all shapes and sizes. Asking someone out in middle school definitely qualifies. And from the smiles we saw on the young couple’s faces as we drove past them in the car, I’m so glad this one paid off.

Solving Life’s Problems

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I keep learning the same lessons again and again. Isn’t it funny when you finally solve something and realize you are a frequent flyer with that particular issue?

My son hasn’t been liking 2nd grade. I couldn’t really figure out why. My guesses were because there are shorter recesses, he has a teacher that’s new to the school, or just basic learning style. So I’ve been trying all sorts of things: biking with him to school, talking with the teacher to see how I can help, organizing lots of playdates and fun after school activities to make life in general better, saying I’d pay him at the end of the quarter if he tries hard.

Nothing I was doing seemed to be making a difference. I finally said to him, “I will never give up trying to make this better for you. But you’ve got to keep trying too.” I thought throwing in the towel on education at seven-years-old was too young.

Finally, because math seemed to be what he dreaded the most, I found a math tutoring place. I kinda winced when I told him we were going there – it didn’t seem like more school after school when he doesn’t like school would go over well.

But he loved it. After our first session there, it was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. After his second time, he asked when he could go back. He was disappointed that it was five days til his next session, so I scheduled him an extra one on the weekend.

And the lesson? Lean-in. When an issue arises, it can be an invitation to do more, not less.

P.S. I have a fantastic Life of Try podcast interview with the phenomenal climber Melissa Arnot Reid that will drop on Wednesday (10/28). Melissa’s memoir, Enough, Climbing Toward a True Self on Mt. Everest is a powerful example of leaning-in to solve what isn’t working on the inside — even when you are meeting with great success on the outside. Please subscribe so you don’t miss it!

(featured photo from Pexels)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

Good Leadership in Action

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Recently I had a front row seat to what good leadership looks like. My 11-year-old-daughter, Miss O, is a new 6th grader at a middle school with 850 kids total for 6th, 7th and 8th grades.

She came home one day and told me that she was late to her 5th period science class. Apparently, as she leaves lunch to walk to class, she often encounters a girl who has spilled out a game to play with. Miss O stops to help her put it back in the box.

But on the day in question, the girl had spilled out 4 games so there were hundreds of cards that needed to be sorted out. Miss O stopped to help. Then the girl’s educational assistant came by, asked if Miss O would continue while she and the girl went off to class.

Right as Miss O was finishing, her 5th period class walked by on the way to picture day so Miss O joined the line.

When the school notified me that Miss O was absent from 5th period, I told them the story and clarified she was late but not absent. The attendance person wrote me back to let me know it was all taken care of.

End of story, right? The system worked as it should and all was fine.

Except Miss O came home from school the next day with the kicker. When she stopped again to help the girl at the end of lunch, the principal showed up to thank her, gave her some candy and a school pin, and walked her to 5th period so she wouldn’t be marked late.

Amazing. In a school with 850 students, the attendance person must have mentioned to the principal the story of this one girl stopping to help someone. And then he made a note of it to stop and recognize her. She had chosen to do this all on her own so it wasn’t about being noticed. But what the principal did boosted her natural inclination to help enormously. It’s one thank you that is likely to have a ripple effect through her years.

I was recently reading, Unleash Your Humanity by Yasmine Sherif. Yasmine is a human-rights lawyer that has worked within the UN system for more than 30 years. She writes about what she’s learned about leadership,

“I have learned that humanity rises less through obligation and more through willingness. Leadership is not about becoming perfect. It is about being present and showing up with awareness. Humanity can rise, not from obligation but from desire and joy. We do not need to search the light, we can be the light—not flawless, but steadfast.” – Yasmine Sherif in Unleash Your Humanity

Like the principal at my daughter’s school, showing up with awareness matters. It spreads something viral – inspiration and kindness.

P.S. I was lucky enough to interview Yasmine Sherif about her book and what she’s learned about how we can all be the light. The Life of Try podcast with Yasmine will release on Wednesday, 10/21 and Yasmine’s passion and energy are infectious! Please subscribe so you don’t miss it!

P.P.S. After hearing about what the principal had done, I emailed the superintendent of Seattle Public Schools to tell him the story. He responded about 10 minutes later and copied the principal, the principal’s boss, and the HR department. The ripples of goodness keep echoing on.

(featured photo from Pexels)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

The Need for Repacking

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The first time I shouldered a full backpacking load, I was 20 years old at the base of a hiking trail in the Ecuadorian Andes. I didn’t have the strength to lift my pack, rotate it around to my back, and then hoist my shoulders through. So the leader of the trip suggested I balance my pack on the ground and then sit down next to it and snake my arms into the straps.

So I did that – and promptly tipped sideways.

I mention this because that’s how I feel this fall. I keep tipping over when I try to carry my load. The balance is off and I can’t quite get grounded enough underneath it to shoulder it with any steadiness.

Both my kids need help with school. My 11-year-old daughter is doing fine at middle school but it’s 6 periods and a lot of additional activities.  Keeping track of what goes where and what is due requires some organizational skills that she’s still developing.

And my 7-year-old son isn’t liking 2nd grade. His teacher is new to the school and the district has pared back on recess and amped up math time. It’s a rhythm that he’s finding challenging.

So I bike with him to school to help him get some exercise in before the day starts. Then I bike home and get my daughter off. By that time I’ve spent almost 2 hours getting my kids ready for school. And I’m in transition at work as well so I finding it hard to settle in myself.

Bumpy. That’s how it feels.

I mention the backpack because it’s the way I know for carrying loads. The lesson that I’ve learned repeatedly is that when I am having trouble carrying things, it’s usually because I’ve added them on without repacking. You can’t just stuff new items in the outer pockets, carry extra items in your hands, or clip them onto the top. If you do, they’ll hit you in the face every time you lean over – or you’ll drop them.

When I’ve resisted repacking my pack, it’s usually because I’m scared the group is going to go without me or that I’ll lose my momentum. But I’ve learned it’s not sustainable to carry an unexamined load.

Pull everything out

Give back what’s not yours to carry

Discard the baggage that you no longer need to haul with you

Repack only what is essential

Then you can shoulder a load that you can carry. My apologies if I miss anything while I’m repacking. I hope to be back to my balanced way forward soon!

(photos is of Miss O carrying a backpack at age 4)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

Quaker Wisdom – Way Will Open

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I have so many examples of times I’ve tried to force life to go faster. But out of all of them, I have one clear favorite.

I was trekking to Everest Base Camp with my friends in 2001. We’d flown into Lukla at 10,000 feet elevation and then started the 30 mile trek to base camp. After a couple of days on the trail, we’d reached the charming town of Namche Bazaar and set up camp outside of a tea house to stay for two nights. My friend, Phil, told us this was the first point on the trail that we’d get to see glimpses of Everest.

The next morning I woke before everyone else. I was impatient to see Everest so I set off roaming by myself. After going up and down roads and trails for about an hour, I found a beautiful view and saw the sun rise gleaming off the top of Everest. After enjoying a few minutes of the first light, I headed back down to our camp.

By the time I returned about 90 minutes after I set out, everyone else was awake and starting to get ready for the day. My friend, Phil asked if anyone wanted to see a view of Everest. I joined the group as they walked 5 minutes in the other direction from where I’d gone and got a beautiful view. Doh!!

In this episode of The Life of Try, I dig in to the Quaker wisdom that “way will open”—and the surprising truth that closed doors, delays, and seasons of waiting may be guiding us just as powerfully as forward motion.

Through personal stories about illness, an ending that created space for motherhood, and Parker J. Palmer’s lesson that “a lot of way has closed behind me,” this episode offers a compassionate perspective on how to move forward when life does not go according to plan. I explore how to stop forcing growth before its time, and how to recognize the next honest step when the path ahead is unclear.

Key takeaways:
• How to trust the process when you feel stuck in life
• Why closed doors can provide clarity and direction
• How to practice patience without giving up
• How to keep trying without forcing the outcome


If you’re navigating change, waiting for clarity, recovering from a setback, or searching for motivation to move forward, this reflective episode will help you loosen your grip, trust your timing, and stay open to where life may be leading.

Links for this episode:

Way Will Open: How to Trust Life’s Timing transcript

Quaker Jane’s Glossary of Words and Phrases

Parker J. Palmer’s essay On Way Closes posted at OnBeing.org

Related Episode

How to Get Unstuck in Life and Getting Moving Forward Again with Michael Yang

Success isn’t always about finishing first. Sometimes the greatest victories belong to those who stay prepared, keep growing, and never stop trying.

(featured photo is mine of first light in the Himalaya)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Talking About Precious Things

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“There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve have just met.” – Jim Henson

I overhead a tender conversation between my 7-year-old son, Mr. D. and his 7-year-old classmate and friend, M. M came over for a couple of playdates.

Playdate 1:

M as he holds up Bun Bun, Mr. D’s most prized stuffy. Bun Bun doesn’t go anywhere with Mr. D anymore but he sleeps with him most nights: “What’s this?“

Mr. D: “That’s Bun Bun.“

M: “Okay but what is he?”

Mr. D hunts around for the words for his most valued companion that makes him feel safe and centered. Then he finally comes out with, “He’s my stuffie. Like you know…“

Playdate 2 a week later:

M holds up Bun Bun: “Did you bring Bun Bun to show to the class for the five things about you?“

Mr. D: “No“

M: “Why not? Is he just….just too precious?“

Mr. D: “I guess.“

There’s a palpable difference in my son’s ability to find words for things that are close to the heart versus my daughter. She’s always been quick to disclose anything while he quietly struggles to find the right words.

So my hat is off to Mr. D’s friend for his willingness to try to figure out what’s precious. It’s the important work of how to be vulnerable friends. The timing is tricky, sometimes the words don’t quite come out right, but I think the curiosity to know what makes each other tick is some of the glue that keeps us close.

(photos are mine of Miss O and Mr. D at about age 8 and 4)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

Agate Magic

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NOTE: There is nothing scientifically provable in this story. But it is still 100% true.

This weekend my kids and I had the occasion to visit my dad’s favorite beach. We were visiting one of my dad’s favorite people, Patsi. It was Patsi who whispered in my ear at my dad’s service 12 years ago that I was his favorite child. And Patsi and I were walking on the beach with my dad’s favorite grandchildren he’s never met.

You can see where I’m going with this. It was a powerful place.

As we walked on the beach, we were hunting for agates. I’ll insert the dictionary definition here because the “you know them when you see them” approach doesn’t work well with writing. Miriam-Webster describes these rocks as: “a fine-grained variegated chalcedony having its colors arranged in stripes, blended in clouds, or showing mosslike forms.”

picture of an agate

We walked 40 minutes at beachcombing pace to get to my dad’s favorite beach. As we strolled, Patsi and I told the kids about Dad’s uncanny ability to find agates. My dad had a lazy eye so he essentially could only see out of one eye. This meant he lacked depth perception (in the visual sense, not the spiritual sense). But somehow he developed the timing to hit the tennis ball, the coordination to swing at a softball, and the ability to help everyone find where their errant golf balls were hit. And he could spot agates on the beach.

One of my dad’s favorite antics was to slyly pick up an agate he found and then toss it in front of whoever he was with so they could “find” it. This happened often to both Patsi and me. If we failed to notice the “planted” agate, he’d point it out and tease, “how could you miss this? It’s practically the size of a boulder?”

As we beachcombed with the kids, I was starting to regret talking up the agates so much. It’d been almost 20 years since I’d been to this beach, what if there weren’t agates any more? Was I setting my kids up for a failure?

And then my 11-year-old daughter, Miss O, exclaimed, “I found one!” Patsi, the official verifier, declared it not just an agate, but a boulder of one.

I was feeling the parental anxiety of one kid getting one when it was unlikely that the other would. Then less than three minutes after Miss O’s find, my six-year-old son said, “there’s one!” He found a beautifully colored and shaped one.

We idly kept beach combing. Now that my kids had theirs, I felt more alive to the sunshine and water sounds. As I relaxed in the breath-taking scenery in a place my beloved father loved, I looked down – and there was a beautiful agate directly in front of my left toe.

Completely unprovable but I’m 100% certain my dad was there, “planting” the agates, reveling in our joy, soothing our worries, and surrounding us with love, as he always did.

P.S. Patsi confessed later that she didn’t think we’d find any. She’s lived on that beach for 31 years so she has a pretty good sense. But there’s no accounting for magic.

(photos are mine from Guemes Island, Washington)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

The Stories We Hold

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“Tell me facts, and I’ll learn. Tell me truth, and I’ll believe you. But tell me a story and it will live in my heart forever.” – Native American Proverb

My 11-year-old daughter, Miss O, came home from the second week of middle school with a story she was carrying. She said that there’s a 6th grade boy with ADHD. He’s short with short hair and wears purple glasses. She felt bad for him because her friends said that a teacher in a class stood behind him doing the hand motion for a chatterbox. You know – the talking with your hand kind of motion.

But then this kid got up to do karaoke at lunch. Apparently, they do karaoke on Fridays every week at her middle school. He picked a song and totally rocked it. He just gave it all he had and did great. She started crying as she told me this part because she was so impressed that someone could live out in the open like that, especially as a new-to-middle school 6th grader.

And I told her a story I was carrying. I was out walking Cooper the other day and from a block away saw my neighbor, Ken, out weeding. He lives one block west and one block south of us so not a close connection. But I have spent enough time walking with my dogs and children in the 26 years I’ve lived here that I’ve gotten to know these neighbors.

I watched as their kids left home. Then when they subdivided their lot and built a small house in the yard so their daughter and her husband could live in the house she grew up in. And then the daughter had two babies. We gave them our playhouse and our pink plastic “Fred Flintstone” car. So we’re close enough to be touched by each other but not in each other’s lives.

When I saw Ken, I wondered for a moment if I wanted to walk a different way. Not because I don’t like him, but because I knew in my gut something was wrong. The other day he was weeding his driveway and he didn’t look up. I haven’t seen his wife in a few weeks.

I chose to stay the course and used the block to just open my heart to hold whatever was coming. When I approached, Cooper leaned into him. As Ken threaded his fingers through Cooper’s fur, he quietly said, “I don’t know if you know but Marilyn passed away in June. She had pancreatic cancer.”

Oh dang. I remarked that she was young. Ken said she was 2 days younger than him – 75 years old. When I asked, he told me they’d been married for 48 years.

Both Miss O and I were crying by the time I finished telling the story. Two stories of the quiet struggle and courage of people living out loud. So many different ways to be courageous. The common denominator is that for all those that are watching, there’s not a dry eye in the house.

(featured photo is from Pexels)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

How Badly Do You Want It?

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“A child can teach an adult three things:
To be happy for no reason,
To always be busy with something, and
To know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.” – Paulo Coehlo

I think we are born with a great capacity for persistence. It’s not just the quote that makes me think so.

The other day I was out beach combing with my kids. After we spent about 45 minutes tickling the clams so they’d squirt, picking up the jagged sea glass (that sounds so much better than broken bottles) so it wouldn’t cut any paws, and hunting for moon snail shells, my seven-year-old son, Mr. D discovered a wide tide pool.

There were tiny fish in the pool. He declared he wanted to catch one. I wandered nearby looking at the rocks and shells and watching his efforts out of the corner of my eye. All the while thinking, “He’s never going to catch a fish with his hands.”

So I emptied out our little beach bucket that I’d collected the broken glass and shells in and handed it to him.  The sand was too wet to sit so I kept circling as I daydreamed about sitting down with another cup of tea.

Finally, I took off my shoes and socks and waded in to the tide pool with him. It was warm and about the size a swimming pool with plenty of seaweed for the fish to hide under. I thought I could scare the fish towards him and hopefully speed up the process.

We spotted a flat fish that was almost an inch wide and the color of the sand. He was bigger than the other fish Mr. D had been chasing so he named him, “The King.” Every time Mr. D would get close, the fish would embed himself in the sand. The King’s camouflage was so good that he was nearly impossible to spot.

But Mr. D stayed at it and within minutes, we’d spot him again. As much as I wanted Mr. D to have success, I also was tiring of what seemed like a fruitless process. Isn’t this where we give up and call it a lesson in resilience?

I stepped out of the tide pool and started walking towards my shoes. I called over to Mr. D that we were heading back in five minutes. He responded with a verbal groan but kept working at catching The King.

And about five minutes later, he bent down with his hands together and scooped up some sand. He shouted, “I caught The King!!”

Indeed he did – with his bare hands. I took in his glowing grin as I brought him the bucket to put The King in. Then we happily headed back to where we were staying so Mr. D could show his sister the fish.

Then, after taking a couple of photos and telling the story, he walked The King down to the water and returned him to the bay.

That’s when I realized that persistence was something purer than I often see it these days: it’s keeping with our goals, finding the people that will wade in and help, ignoring anyone that tells us we can’t do it. And that staying with it doesn’t have to preclude being kind and accepting – because we can still tell the story and then let the fish swim away.

So… how badly do you want it?

(featured photo is mine of Mr. D returning The King to the water, second picture is of Mr. D with The King)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!