Tag: self-improvement

The Tides of Life

Posted in life lessonsTagged , , , , , 54 Comments

“The heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too.” – Vincent van Gogh

Previously, my favorite metaphor for the ups and downs of life was the carousel. You could see the rhythm, it was predictable, which appeals to my engineering brain, and it went full circle.

But my new favorite is the tide. I think it’s more apt. At the beach where we are staying, right now the tide is extremely low in the morning, followed by a very high tide in the afternoon, a barely noticeable low tide and then another high. Like this:

  • Low tide: -1.54 ft at 8:19am
  • High tide: 9.68 ft at 4:26pm
  • Low tide: 7.58 ft at 8:52 pm
  • High tide: 9.55 ft at 1:23am

And then as it moves through the month, it changes to be not so drastic. The low tide/high tide mark only shifts by about 5-6 feet. Like this:

  • Low tide: 1.48 ft at 3.35am
  • High tide: 7.45 ft at 10:08am
  • Low tide: 4.92 ft at 3.05pm
  • High tide: 9.61 ft at 9:04pm

There are several things that I like about the tide metaphor for life.

When it’s really low, it uncovers a lot of things that you can choose to comb through if you’re willing to get your feet wet.

At the times when the swing is drastic, the highs feel almost overwhelming like they’ll flood you. Also, there’s very little room to walk on the beach.

Life feels calmer when it evens out and the highs and lows aren’t very noticeable. But there isn’t a big impetus to get out onto the beach at any specific moment because they’re roughly the same. If you want to find treasures, it’s going to take a deep dive to get to them.

When the tide is very low, it’s going to be hard to float. You’ll have to work pretty hard to just get out there.

And maybe that’s the point: whenever possible, don’t fight the tides. It will change. Let the water come to you.

(featured photo is mine of the bay at a -1.54ft low tide)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

Effort Keeps You Eligible for Opportunity

Posted in thelifeoftry, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , 48 Comments

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe

Golf is the sport that proves that I love my family. That is to say, it’s not my favorite sport but I’ll play if my people want to. So the other day I was playing with my almost seven-year-old son.

We were at a local city-run pitch and putt course where we can play nine par three holes for $12. I stepped up to the tee on the eighth hole, swung hard, and…completely and embarrassingly missed the ball. After a moment to regain my balance and composure, I swung again. It was my best hit of the round. The ball landed two feet from the hole and I got a birdie.

It made me laugh, and it also brought me back to a question I’ve been sitting with. What if coming in second, or a getting a second chance, is not failure but preparation?

In this episode of The Life of Try, I explore the hidden power of effort, persistence, and staying ready when life does not put you out front.

Through a business lesson about losing a big opportunity, Nathan Martin’s dramatic 2026 LA Marathon finish (thanks to Brian from Writing From the Heart with Brian), and the long-build success story of Dutch Bros Coffee, this episode is a reminder that effort keeps you eligible for the opening when it appears.

Key Takeaways:

  • Second place is not always failure; sometimes it is the place where patience, preparation, and readiness are built.
  • Effort keeps you eligible for opportunity, even when you are not out front or visible to everyone else.
  • Staying in the race matters because the opening often appears after most people have already slowed down or stopped trying.
  • A disappointing loss can still position you for a future win if you keep showing up with humility and persistence.
  • Nathan Martin’s dramatic LA Marathon finish is a reminder that you do not have to be in the picture early to have a meaningful finish.
  • Long-term success, like the Dutch Bros story, is often built through years of unseen work, reinvention, and consistent effort.

If you are learning how to keep going, build resilience, try again after disappointment, or trust the unseen work behind personal growth, this episode will encourage you to stay in position, keep showing up, and keep trying.

Here are some other ways you can listen and watch this episode:

Links for this episode:

Why Second Place Might be Preparation, Not Failure transcript

➡️Brian Hannon’s post ⁠It’s a Sprint to the Finish and the Winner Is… ⁠

🎥  Other episodes you might enjoy

➡️ ⁠Encourage Effort, Not Results | How to Build Resilience and Confidence⁠

➡️ ⁠The Courage to Try Something New with Lindsey Goldstein⁠

➡️ ⁠How to Write the Book You’ve Been Dreaming About with Dr. Vicki Atkinson

(featured photo from Pexels)

Support Without Pressure: Why Effort Matters More Than Results

Posted in podcastTagged , , , , , , , , , 47 Comments

“Give light and people will find the way.” – Ella Baker

The other day, my six-year-old son, Mr. D, announced that he wasn’t going back to finish out the last 12 days of first grade. After some delicate probing, I discovered he was worried about a math test.

It’s hard to know what to say to help in a situation like that, isn’t it? And what does real support actually look like—especially when someone is struggling, failing, or figuring things out?

So in this episode of The Life of Try, I explore how to support others without adding pressure, and why focusing on effort instead of outcome can make all the difference.

Whether you’re a parent, coach, friend, or teammate, it’s easy to unintentionally turn encouragement into expectations. But research—and stories from figures like basketball coach John Wooden and psychologist Carol Dweck—show that when we shift our focus to effort, persistence, and growth, we help people stay in the process longer and build real resilience.

This episode dives into:

  • Why it’s often harder to watch someone try than to try ourselves
  • How subtle signals can create pressure without us realizing it
  • The difference between encouragement and expectation
  • How to support kids, friends, and colleagues in a way that builds confidence and persistence
  • Practical ways to reinforce effort, not just results

And fortunately this research helped provide me a roadmap to help with Mr. D’s math test. I reminded him that he’d already done the work and practice and so the test was just like a baseball game. All he had to do was do his best.

If you’ve ever wondered how to truly support someone you care about—especially when things aren’t going well—this episode offers a powerful reframe. Because sometimes the best support isn’t helping someone succeed… …it’s helping them keep going.

Here are some other ways you can listen and watch this episode:

Growth Takes Energy| How Rest Helps Habits Stick – The Life of Try: Personal growth, one try at a time.

Why does growth feel so exhausting—and could rest be themissing ingredient that helps new habits stick? In this episode of The Life of Try, Wynne Leon connects Carol Dweck’s growth mindset research, Adam Grant’s ideas about habits and identity, and the restorative power of sleep,fewer decisions, intentional breaks, and creativity. Through stories from the first day of school, middle-school drop-off, mountain climbing, and her daughter’s crochet project, Wynne shares three practical ways to protect yourenergy while building sustainable change. If you’re navigating a transition, working on personal growth, or trying to avoid burnout, this episode is a reminder that rest is not stepping away from the try—it is what helps you return.Listen next: Identity Before Strategy withKevin Yoder, a conversation about why lasting change begins with who we believe we are—not simply with a better plan.ABOUT MEHi, I’m Wynne Leon — host of The Life of Try, a personal growth and self-improvement podcast exploring resilience, reinvention, uncertainty, and the courage to keep trying.Through thoughtful interviews, reflective conversations, and real-life stories, I share insights to help you navigate change, get unstuck, and move forward with more intention.🌍 Website: https://wynneleon.com
  1. Growth Takes Energy| How Rest Helps Habits Stick
  2. When You Know You're Not Going to Make It
  3. Creating Lift: Leadership, Mentorship and the Courage to Keep Growing
  4. Brand Strategy for Humans with Nancy Martira
  5. Identity Before Strategy: How To Break Through Invisible Ceilings with Kevin Yoder

Links for this episode:

Other Episodes you Might Enjoy:

⁠ Letting Go Of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving⁠

4⁠8: How to Get Unstuck: Michael Yang on Saying Yes, Resilience and Coming Alive⁠

⁠How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life | Mike Rucker, PhD, on Joy, Burnout and the Fun Habit⁠

(featured photo from Pexels)

Fun Is a Practice, Not a Reward

Posted in thelifeoftryTagged , , , , , , , , 54 Comments

“If you’re not having fun, you’re not learning. There’s a pleasure in finding things out.” – Richard Feynman

What if fun isn’t a reward for getting everything done—but a skill that helps us live better right now?

Recently as I was driving ten-year-old Miss O to a rehearsal for a musical, she said, “I always have fun at rehearsals.” Six-year-old Mr. D had a similar answer as I was bringing him home from baseball practice the other night. I asked what he liked best – the base running practice, the scrimmage, the throwing contest? His answer was, “I like all of it.“

What kids know and grown-ups seem to forget (speaking for myself) is that fun is a day-to-day practice, not a reward only to be savored when we get everything else done. Fortunately, my guest for The Life of Try podcast this week, Mike Rucker, PhD, reminded me that parents have some agency in this too. We aren’t just Uber drivers getting our kids to the places they need to go. And that prompted me to put on my mitt and take part of the scrimmage at Mr. D’s baseball practice. The ball didn’t come to me but I enjoyed standing in the field and being part of the fun immensely for a couple of innings.

In this episode of Life of Try, I talk with Mike Rucker, PhD author of The Fun Habit, about the science-backed value of fun and why it matters for stress relief, resilience, creativity, relationships, and well-being. We discuss positive psychology, the “sandwich generation,” burnout, parenting, savoring joyful moments, and how to create simple systems that bring more play, rest, and connection into daily life.

Here are some of my favorite takeaways from this great book and fantastic, science-backed conversation about fun:

  • Fun is not frivolous — it’s restorative.
    Being intentional about fun can help reduce burnout, restore energy, and bring more meaning into everyday life.
  • Happiness and fun are not the same thing.
    As Mike says, “Happiness is a state of mind, but fun is something we can do.”
  • Agency matters.
    When we feel like we have a say in how we spend our time and energy, life becomes more enjoyable and sustainable.
  • Small “pattern interrupts” can change everything.
    Breaking our routines in creative ways can open up more space for joy, connection, and better habits.
  • Fun looks different for everyone.
    It doesn’t have to be loud, social, or high-energy. Fun can be calm, quiet, and personal.
  • Burnout narrows our thinking.
    When we’re depleted, we tend to rely on autopilot. Renewal helps us think more creatively, flexibly, and expansively.
  • Enjoyment is a powerful predictor of sticking with a habit.
    If you want to build sustainable habits, choose approaches you genuinely like—not just ones you think you “should” do.
  • You don’t need a total life overhaul.
    Reclaiming fun can start with just a few intentional hours, a simple list, or one activity that brings you back to yourself.
  • The “Fun File” is a practical tool.
    Keeping a running list of activities that genuinely light you up can make it easier to choose joy on purpose.
  • Making life better doesn’t always mean adding more.
    Sometimes it means removing, reframing, outsourcing, or rethinking routines that quietly drain you.

Here is a clip of one of Mike’s eye-opening points – that having fun is an upward spiral that creates more capacity for challenge and growth:

This conversation is for anyone looking for better work-life balance, more joy, and practical strategies for living with greater intention.

Here are some other ways you can listen and watch this great episode:

Growth Takes Energy| How Rest Helps Habits Stick – The Life of Try: Personal growth, one try at a time.

Why does growth feel so exhausting—and could rest be themissing ingredient that helps new habits stick? In this episode of The Life of Try, Wynne Leon connects Carol Dweck’s growth mindset research, Adam Grant’s ideas about habits and identity, and the restorative power of sleep,fewer decisions, intentional breaks, and creativity. Through stories from the first day of school, middle-school drop-off, mountain climbing, and her daughter’s crochet project, Wynne shares three practical ways to protect yourenergy while building sustainable change. If you’re navigating a transition, working on personal growth, or trying to avoid burnout, this episode is a reminder that rest is not stepping away from the try—it is what helps you return.Listen next: Identity Before Strategy withKevin Yoder, a conversation about why lasting change begins with who we believe we are—not simply with a better plan.ABOUT MEHi, I’m Wynne Leon — host of The Life of Try, a personal growth and self-improvement podcast exploring resilience, reinvention, uncertainty, and the courage to keep trying.Through thoughtful interviews, reflective conversations, and real-life stories, I share insights to help you navigate change, get unstuck, and move forward with more intention.🌍 Website: https://wynneleon.com
  1. Growth Takes Energy| How Rest Helps Habits Stick
  2. When You Know You're Not Going to Make It
  3. Creating Lift: Leadership, Mentorship and the Courage to Keep Growing
  4. Brand Strategy for Humans with Nancy Martira
  5. Identity Before Strategy: How To Break Through Invisible Ceilings with Kevin Yoder

Links for this episode:

How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life | Mike Rucker, PhD on Joy, Burnout and the Fun Habit transcript

The Fun Habit on Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Mike Rucker, PhD’s website

Michael Rucker, Ph.D. on LinkedIn

(featured photo from Pexels)

Lessons in Persistence: A Child’s Perspective

Posted in ParenthoodTagged , , , , , , , 75 Comments

“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” – unknown

On any given sunny day, it’s not a question of if we’ll hit something over the fence, it’s a question of which fence. In fact, six-year-old Mr. D hits baseballs over the fence so often, we call them “neighbors” instead of “homers” because they are our opportunity to visit our neighbors.

So it was no surprise that on one of the many warm and lingering light evenings last week, Mr. D and I were playing in the back yard and lost a stomp rocket over the fence. But it went into our neighbor’s yard that is not next door but lives on the street behind us. Those retrievals mean we have to either walk around the block to knock on the door…or try to retrieve it without leaving our yard by leaning over the fence to grab it if it hasn’t fallen too far.

On this occasion, we looked over the fence and saw the stomp rocket was stuck in a tree and almost in reach. So Mr. D tried to use a rake to get it. It fell lower.

Then we got out the duct tape, created a sticky end of a pole and tried to grab it. It was two inches too short.

By this point our yard was strewn with the ladder, rake and every other tool we’d considered for the project. I decided to attempt one last thing by using the extendible branch trimmer. I touched the rocket, it shifted, but I didn’t get it.

So I said to Mr. D, “We should just walk around and get it from their yard.”

He looked at me and said, “We can’t give up now!”

I had to chuckle. Serves me right for teaching my kids to try and to not give up. Then they parrot it back to me at all the important moments.

I gave it one more try and bingo, we got it.

I’m still laughing. And am taking it as confirmation that I chose the right name for my podcast, The Life of Try. 🙂

(featured photo is Mr. D during the retrieval process)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

The Life of Try

Posted in thelifeoftryTagged , , , , , , 72 Comments

“Sometimes magic is just someone spending more time on something than anyone else might reasonably expect.” – Teller

In 44 episodes of producing the How to Share podcast, I realized that while I’m passionate about how to share, what I’m really interested is trying. Trying is a little upstream from sharing. We try experiments in our life, we learn, and then we share.

Trying feels right to me because matches my background as an engineer and consultant. Also, I see it in my kids as they develop new skills. And I’m fascinated by how we conduct experiments as foundational part of building confidence.

So I’ve spent some time reswizzling the podcast as The Life of Try – a podcast focusing on where innovation, reinvention, personal growth, and discovery begin with one simple choice: to try. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when you’d rather not. Even when life makes the decision for you.

The Life of Try will feature conversations with authors, scientists, athletes, researchers, coaches, and more to help inspire your personal try-cycle. And I’m debuting a brand-new segment—one that “reverse engineers” what world-class trying really looks like.

In this episode our case study is professional climber Alex Honnold, whose headline-making feats—from free soloing El Capitan in Yosemite to scaling the Taipei 101 Tower this January—offer a masterclass in what it takes to attempt the extraordinary.

I break down the real ingredients behind big outcomes: preparation, learning from others, and staying steady through setbacks—and how those same principles apply to the goals we’re chasing every day. Whether you’re gearing up to speak in public, throw a pitch, or learn a new song, you can borrow these lessons and put them to work in your own try-cycle.

This is The Life of Try.

Here’s a teaser clip that shows a bit of what I think is so compelling about Alex Honnold:

Here are some ways you can listen and watch this inspiring episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

Growth Takes Energy| How Rest Helps Habits Stick – The Life of Try: Personal growth, one try at a time.

Why does growth feel so exhausting—and could rest be themissing ingredient that helps new habits stick? In this episode of The Life of Try, Wynne Leon connects Carol Dweck’s growth mindset research, Adam Grant’s ideas about habits and identity, and the restorative power of sleep,fewer decisions, intentional breaks, and creativity. Through stories from the first day of school, middle-school drop-off, mountain climbing, and her daughter’s crochet project, Wynne shares three practical ways to protect yourenergy while building sustainable change. If you’re navigating a transition, working on personal growth, or trying to avoid burnout, this episode is a reminder that rest is not stepping away from the try—it is what helps you return.Listen next: Identity Before Strategy withKevin Yoder, a conversation about why lasting change begins with who we believe we are—not simply with a better plan.ABOUT MEHi, I’m Wynne Leon — host of The Life of Try, a personal growth and self-improvement podcast exploring resilience, reinvention, uncertainty, and the courage to keep trying.Through thoughtful interviews, reflective conversations, and real-life stories, I share insights to help you navigate change, get unstuck, and move forward with more intention.🌍 Website: https://wynneleon.com
  1. Growth Takes Energy| How Rest Helps Habits Stick
  2. When You Know You're Not Going to Make It
  3. Creating Lift: Leadership, Mentorship and the Courage to Keep Growing
  4. Brand Strategy for Humans with Nancy Martira
  5. Identity Before Strategy: How To Break Through Invisible Ceilings with Kevin Yoder

Links for this episode:

The Life of Try: Alex Honnold Case Study transcript

⁠Free Solo: A National Geographic documentary⁠

⁠Alex Honnold Free Solo Climbs Tapei 101 Skyscraper⁠

(featured photo is of El Capitan and sourced from Pexels)

Speed Reading

Posted in writingTagged , , , , , 43 Comments

“No two readers can or will ever read the same book, because the reader builds the book in collaboration with the author.” – Neil Gaiman

This was originally published on 10/11/2023. Heads up – you may have already read this!

I’ve been speed reading blogs lately. My apologies to anyone with whom I haven’t done a good job of keeping in touch. Somehow, I got behind (I say it somehow like I don’t know how, but we all know how life piles up sometimes). Then with notifications that I had 200+ blogs to read, just from the blogs that I follow, I endeavored to speed read my way through.

Interesting thing though. When I did that, I got a glimpse of the bigger picture of our collective writing. Something like flipping through a book with a drawing in the corner to get the feel of animation. I picked up Word Press like a magazine to thumb through and get a sense of what kind of publication it was.

We all have a story to tell

It’s magical when we are treated to another person’s story. We get a little moment of being able to inhabit someone else’s shoes. In the posts I sped through, I found so much vitality created by writers opening up a vein, to steal from Ernest Hemingway, and leaving a bit of themselves on the page.

The narratives range from trauma to kindness, optimistic to pessimistic, factual to fiction which makes it hard to figure out what this collection has in common. But my speed read led to an a-ha. What binds it together is a rich tradition of story-telling.

We are trying mightily to understand what it all means

To borrow another writing quote, Anne Lamott said “Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave.  They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.” There is something in the practice of putting words on a page that defines the outline of what we are trying to live. And as we draft new versions, we keep reshaping what that looks like. We are writing things into life.

It seems this was even more palpable during the beginning of the Covid pandemic when we were faced with something most of us had never seen in our lifetimes. Collectively we were trying to understand the landscape of socialization and security as conditions changed. We faced fear and grief by writing about it.

Now that those concerns have receded, or at least become a familiar backdrop, I see us wrestling with love, parenting, the state of our planet, success, family, aging. Sometimes with humor, and other times with tears, but we show up on the page as real people writing it out.

There is a beautiful persistent vibe of trying to get better

That leads to the final gem that I gleaned from the pile of posts I sped through. There was a consistent spirit of trying to share knowledge. The collective is telling their stories, processing life through writing, and when we learn a lesson, we memorialize it in words.

This might be the highest hurdles of our collective writing. How to offer up the individual lessons so that others can heal and learn. What I noticed is that we are learning through teaching. Often humbly, and with a dose of personal perspective, but as Yale sociologist Nicholas Christoff says, one of the incredible things we do as humans is cooperate with genetically unrelated individuals, “We teach each other things. People take this for granted, but it’s actually unbelievable.”

iWe are publishing a magazine every day. A lifestyle magazine. An inspirational writing journal. A guide to healing. I’m sorry I’ve missed your individual posts but I’m glad for the opportunity to thumb through this magazine. Well done!

(featured photo from Pexels)

Expressive Writing

Posted in writingTagged , , , , 39 Comments

“Fill the paper with the breathings of your heart.” – William Wordsworth

My 6-year-old daughter, Miss O, brought home her journal from first grade because she’d filled the composition notebook. The teacher gives them a topic and they write a little bit every day.  Miss O sat me down to show me how in the beginning of the school year she wrote a couple of words and doodled. By her entries in March, she was writing a couple of paragraphs. She was incredibly proud of her work.

It reminded me of a recent reference I heard to the work of James Pennebaker, a professor of psychology (and formerly the chair of the department) at the University of Texas, Austin. In the late 90’s, he wrote a paper summarizing the findings of studies he’d done that showed that people who practiced expressive writing, writing about thoughts and feelings, tended to have positive health outcomes (less visits to the campus health center or evidenced by blood pressure and heart rate).

In a summary paper published in 2017, Dr. Pennebaker theorizes that expressive writing helps because keeping things secret causes stress. I’d say that many of us creative non-fiction bloggers, know the benefits of expressive writing anecdotally – in the community that we create and the support we get from others. Sharing our thoughts and feelings, even though unnecessary to reap the health benefits according to Dr. Pennebaker, makes them feel more normal.

It feels to me like words give our thoughts and feelings definite shape. It morphs them into things that can be actionable. There is a magic that comes from owning our stories.

This brings to mind the post I wrote about humorist Kevin Kling whose therapist was helping him through a bout of PTSD stemming from a motorcycle accident in which he lost his arm. He was angry and unable to sleep until his therapist had him tell his story about that day as if the accident didn’t happen and he reached his destination unharmed. It worked like a charm and Kevin’s takeaway was, “we need to rewrite our story sometimes just so we can get some sleep.”

Flipping through Miss O’s journal, I find this entry that I share with her permission:

“Wen I grow up I want to be caring. Because caring is nise [nice] and I’m areredey [already] nise. Caring is what you shod be!”

Miss O’s 1st Grade Journal

Secrets

Posted in meditationTagged , , , , , , 14 Comments

“Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.” – Anne Sexton

This week when we are returning from holiday breaks always reminds me of one of the wackiest stories from when I was in business with two partners and we had almost 20 employees. On the Monday after New Years Day in 2008, I was in the office when the office manager came in to say that we hadn’t heard from our program manager, JE, since the Christmas party two weeks prior.

JE didn’t work for me but in a small company, I certainly knew him. I liked him too. He was smart, quiet and diligent about getting his work done. He’d left Microsoft six months before to come work for us and except for one scheduled break in late October, he’d always shown up. It wasn’t unusual for our folks to work from home, especially over the holidays but not answering emails and phone calls was definitely odd.

Since my two business partners to whom JE did report were in Mexico on a hang gliding trip, I jumped in to help. Thinking that maybe we could find his girlfriend’s name and call her to check in, I googled his name. The top result was a memo from the United Stated Department of Justice dated in October of the previous year (the same days of his scheduled absence) that read something like this:

“<JE’s full name>, 27, of <city>, WA was sentenced to six month in prison for his role as the leader of a software pirating group. He will be reporting to <low security prison> on January 1, 2008.”

Well, that explained why we couldn’t get ahold of him! When we finally talked with his girlfriend, she said that JE would be disappointed to know we’d found out because he didn’t want to let us down.

Of course, had he quit before he went to prison, we would have never looked for him!! Granted he had bigger things to worry about in the 8 weeks between sentencing and reporting to the facility but as a logical young man, it seemed obvious that if you don’t want people to look for you, you need to break up with them first.

I think of this often when someone is carrying a secret. It is an immense burden that sometimes precludes thinking and acting rationally. And often the secret itself prevents the carrier from finding the tools to heal – because developing any depth is dangerous, lest it unearth the core of what they are carrying. The secret has a life of its own that requires it to stay buried and drains a lot of energy to support itself.

At the time of my life when this happened, I had a secret too. I was unhappy in my marriage and way of life and I was diligently trying to keep that a secret, mostly from myself. I drank too much wine and then smoked cigarettes when I drank as a way to numb myself from feeling what was really going on.

Thinking back now, I realize that I was forcing myself daily to keep walking down a path that didn’t feel right. I was in a relationship that wasn’t supportive of me, I was in a business partnership with a charismatic that was making me crazy and I had developed no spiritual depth with which I could heal these wounds. All these secrets were a prison in their own way.

As it turned out, I kept my misery under wraps for another year after JE went to prison. Then the charismatic business partner told me of my husband’s infidelities and it all blew apart – the business and my marriage. Finally, no one had any secrets left and I could begin to heal. With nothing left buried, it was finally safe to develop some spiritual depth that carried me out of my prison. I can only hope that JE was able to heal once his secret was out as well.

(featured image from Pexels)

Growing and Blooming

Posted in meditationTagged , , , , , , , 12 Comments

“What we love, others will love and we will show them how.” – Wordsworth

When I was 22-years-old and moving into my first post-college rental, my dad helped me find some used furniture. Some people he knew where moving into a retirement community so we looked at the items they were getting rid of and bought a kitchen table, two chairs and a Christmas cactus. I donated the table and chairs when I bought my first house a few years later but the Christmas cactus has been with me now for 30 years.

It was my first proof that I could keep something other than myself alive. Now I look at that cactus and see it as a reminder of my most important lessons.

It blooms beautifully once a year and then sheds all those flowers as it prepares for its next feat. It’s best to shed the past so you can work towards the next thing.

The cactus does not appear to be doing anything for 50 weeks but then bursts with color for 2 weeks. Most of our work happens on the inside.

Every now and then it’s drooped in the soil it is in and needs to be repotted as its roots grow deeper. We need some new perspective/work/material from time to time in order to stay vivid.

Sometimes it blooms closer to Thanksgiving rather than Christmas. As you get older, you learn to care less about expectations and more about flourishing in the way that works for you.

The growth on the side nearest the light blooms first but eventually, the darker side blooms too. If you water all of yourself, both your bright side and the shadow side will bear fruit.

 Although it’s a cactus, it has no prickly parts. It’s possible to live a long and beautiful life without thorns to protect you.

This weekend I came across my son picking up the dropped flowers with some tweezers and putting them on the stand. It made me think of my most important work. Trying to create a calm, loving space in which others treat things with kindness.