“Give light and people will find the way.” – Ella Baker
The other day, my six-year-old son, Mr. D, announced that he wasn’t going back to finish out the last 12 days of first grade. After some delicate probing, I discovered he was worried about a math test.
It’s hard to know what to say to help in a situation like that, isn’t it? And what does real support actually look like—especially when someone is struggling, failing, or figuring things out?
So in this episode of The Life of Try, I explore how to support others without adding pressure, and why focusing on effort instead of outcome can make all the difference.
Whether you’re a parent, coach, friend, or teammate, it’s easy to unintentionally turn encouragement into expectations. But research—and stories from figures like basketball coach John Wooden and psychologist Carol Dweck—show that when we shift our focus to effort, persistence, and growth, we help people stay in the process longer and build real resilience.
This episode dives into:
- Why it’s often harder to watch someone try than to try ourselves
- How subtle signals can create pressure without us realizing it
- The difference between encouragement and expectation
- How to support kids, friends, and colleagues in a way that builds confidence and persistence
- Practical ways to reinforce effort, not just results
And fortunately this research helped provide me a roadmap to help with Mr. D’s math test. I reminded him that he’d already done the work and practice and so the test was just like a baseball game. All he had to do was do his best.
If you’ve ever wondered how to truly support someone you care about—especially when things aren’t going well—this episode offers a powerful reframe. Because sometimes the best support isn’t helping someone succeed… …it’s helping them keep going.
Here are some other ways you can listen and watch this episode:
- The podcast player embedded below
- Click this link to watch in a browser: Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying
- Subscribe to The Life of Try on Spotify, Amazon Music, or Apple Podcasts
- Subscribing to the YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@thelifeoftry
Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying – The Life of Try: Personal growth, one try at a time.
- Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying
- How to Celebrate the Try
- How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life; Michael Rucker, PhD on Joy, Burnout, and The Fun Habit
- Reinvention, Resilience and The Courage to Try| Lindsey Goldstein on Gap Year
- 51: Letting Go of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving
Links for this episode:
- Encouraging Effort, Not Outcome: The Secret to Helping People Keep Trying transcript
- John Wooden – Wikipedia (Overview & Career)
- John Wooden – UCLA Anderson (Official Bio)
- About Coach John Wooden (Official Site)
- The Pyramid of Success – History
- The Power of Believing That You Can Improve (TED Talk – Carol Dweck)
- Carol Dweck – Stanford Profile & Research
Other Episodes you Might Enjoy:
Letting Go Of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving
48: How to Get Unstuck: Michael Yang on Saying Yes, Resilience and Coming Alive
How to Reclaim Fun in Adult Life | Mike Rucker, PhD, on Joy, Burnout and the Fun Habit
(featured photo from Pexels)
Surprised By Joy 
you used the perfect metaphor to inspire mr. d. all of a sudden he knew he could do it and try his best in the big game. he’s got this.
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A worthy lesson, Wynne. We expect or hope for so much in a country that has set the standard for being the best.
A different sort of approach to outcome was offered to me by a Bulgarian patient. He said to me, “Those of you in this country live to work. In my country, we work to live.”
With your guidance, Mr. D will be fine.
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