Tag: relationships

Figuring Out Feelings

Posted in psychologyTagged , , , , , 75 Comments

“These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.” – Rumi

There’s nothing like watching a kid trying to figure out what they’re feeling to remind me how hard it is to name what’s wrong.

We traveled this weekend to San Francisco for a family party. Tons of fun! Also lots of people to coordinate with. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how traveling can decrease the easy access to food, increase how far we need to walk, and obliterate the routine. All in the name of doing fantastic things, of course, but a little disorienting nonetheless.

At one point on Friday afternoon, we walked to the Lucas Films office building to see the Star Wars memorabilia on display. They had the R2D2 in the lobby as well as the original Darth Vader costume. And tucked in glass shelving, they had Han Solo’s light saber and some other guns from the movie.

Yeah, you don’t even need to be a huge Star Wars buff to think that was cool!

We walked out of there and my son was upset. He wasn’t crying or saying anything but he parked himself on a wall a half dozen steps from the door and wouldn’t move. When I finally got him to talk, he said, “It’s not fair that they get to have those guns when I want one.”

Hmm… I didn’t think that was the root of it. Granted I’m not a five-year-old boy, but the guns didn’t seem amazing enough to spark a protest.

After some minutes of silent protest with his sister and me at his side and our family patiently waiting about 50 feet away, he finally could be persuaded to walk around the corner to a Starbucks. At least that was a little slice of familiar territory.

Even so, it probably was another ten minutes before he ate and drank enough to come back to himself. He still wanted a Star Wars original light saber but he could move on.

It made me wonder how many times I’ve hit the wall, mistaken the source of my depletion, and tried to climb the wrong tree to get over it. More times than there are Star Wars movies, for sure!

Being human is hard. Borrowing social psychologist Jonathan Haidt’s metaphor for the body (elephant) and the mind (rider) — the elephant stops moving and the rider, thinking it’s in charge, finds the best story why, but not necessarily the most accurate. And then we can find ourselves wanting to shoot our way into the Lucas Films lobby to steal priceless memorabilia when all we really need is a snack.

May the Force (of stopping long enough to get to the bottom of our angst) be with you.

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about how to share anything – to the appropriate audience, with the right permissions, at the most opportune time.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

How to Share Life’s Challenges

Posted in howtoshareTagged , , , , 76 Comments

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

In 2009 when I had to tell my parents that my husband and I had separated, I agonized over having the conversation. It meant that I not only had to manage my emotions about what was going on but also be prepared for theirs. It turned out to be a great conversation because I no longer needed to maintain a veneer that everything was okay.

I’m thinking about this conversation because I was just talking with the thought-provoking and inspiring blogger and retirement coach, Michelle Oram, about how to share life’s challenges on the How To Share podcast. She reminded me that when we share the difficult things we are going through, we open up ourselves to support.

In this podcast episode, Michelle shares her experiences and insights on how to navigate life’s challenges, particularly in sharing difficult news such as a cancer diagnosis. She discusses the importance of prioritizing who to share with, the emotional fatigue that can come from repeated sharing, and the value of support from both close friends and strangers. Our conversation also touches on the nuances of communication in personal versus professional contexts, and how these experiences shape our understanding of support and empathy. I also got to hear about Michelle’s new venture in retirement coaching, emphasizing the emotional aspects of transitioning into retirement.

Takeaways

  • Navigating life’s challenges requires thoughtful communication.
  • Prioritizing who to share difficult news with is crucial.
  • Sharing can open doors to support and help.
  • It’s okay to use different methods to communicate news.
  • Listening is more important than talking when supporting others.
  • People often don’t know what to say, so guidance is helpful.
  • Empathy grows from personal experiences with challenges.
  • Support can come from unexpected places.
  • Retirement can be a significant life change that requires preparation.

Here’s a short clip from our episode to give you a taste of the great conversation. Michelle’s comments about the power of open communication match my experience telling my parents about my breakup and more – when we share life’s challenges, it allows others to be able to support us.

Here are some ways you can listen and watch to the full episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer – How To Share

In this episode, Wynne Leon interviews Anthony Dyer, a special missions aviator and author of 'Moon Child.' They discuss Anthony's journey from a childhood in Appalachia to a 20-year career in the US Air Force, his healing process from the traumas of war through writing, and the importance of family in his life. Anthony shares valuable life lessons learned from aviation, the significance of positivity, and his mission as a father. The conversation emphasizes courage, connection, and the power of storytelling in healing.TakeawaysAnthony chose writing over alcohol to heal from trauma.The importance of aviate, navigate, communicate in life.Healing can come from vulnerability and sharing stories.Family plays a crucial role in personal healing.God can help you rebuild after trauma.Scars are badges of honor, representing resilience.Conversations with God can lead to personal growth.Fatherhood is Anthony's most important mission now.Roots and wings symbolize balance in life.Links for this episode:How to Share homeHow to Share a Mission TranscriptMoon Child: Roots and Wings of a USAF Combat Special Missions Aviator on Barnes and Noble and AmazonFrom the host:My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith
  1. How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer
  2. How to Share Your Superpower with Roger Kastner
  3. How to Share Perspective with Andrea Simon
  4. How to Share Compassionate Stories that Inspire and Connect
  5. How to Share Music with Nancy Shear

Links for this episode:

Michelle Oram’s blog: Boomer Eco Crusader

12 things you should never say to someone with cancer – Boomer Eco Crusader

Best ways to support someone with cancer – Boomer Eco Crusader

Michelle Oram’s Second Life Vision retirement coaching

How To Receive

Posted in howtoshareTagged , , , , , 81 Comments

“If you want to be truly understood, you need to say everything three times, in three different ways. Once for each ear…and once for the heart.” – Paula Underwood Spencer

Eight years ago at a birthday party for a friend, I met a remarkable woman. It was a milestone birthday which is why I can pinpoint it that precisely.

This woman stood out not because of what she did (a therapist I later learned) or what we talked about (stand up paddle boarding in Puget Sound) but because she listened like a lake. That was the image that came to me when talking with her. She absorbed the conversation instead of volleying back and forth like tennis. Also it seemed like her words came from her depth.

It reminds me of a phrase I heard in a eulogy almost three years ago. We were honoring a man who was the father of a childhood friend. His grandson said about him, “He loved by listening.”

Two examples that stand out in the last ten years because they were great listeners. I often make the mistake of thinking I need to say something to be remembered – but these examples remind me that just learning how to listen well is remarkable in itself.

Fortunately, I was able to have a great conversation with my dear friend, Dr. Vicki Atkinson about how to receive for the How to Share podcast. In this episode, Vicki discusses the essential skills of listening and receiving in conversations. She emphasizes the importance of reflective listening techniques, being present, and using the SLANT method to enhance communication.

Our conversation explores how to navigate conversations with empathy, the role of affirmation, and the significance of maintaining boundaries while supporting others. Vicki also highlights the growth opportunities that arise from effective listening and the need for authenticity in communication.

Here are some key takeaways:

  • Everyone can learn how to be a better listener (as Vicki says, the runway is wide!)
  • Reflective listening helps slow things down and enhances understanding.
  • Tonality is crucial in reflective listening to ensure the speaker feels heard.
  • Active listening involves being present and engaged in the conversation.
  • The SLANT method is a practical approach to effective listening.
  • Asking clarifying questions shows genuine interest in the speaker’s message.
  • Affirmation and encouragement are key components of effective listening.
  • Setting boundaries is important to avoid taking on others’ burdens.
  • Listening well can mitigate stress and prevent larger issues.
  • Authenticity in communication fosters trust and connection.

And a short clip from the episode to whet your appetite:

I’d be honored if you’d listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe. Here are some ways you can listen and watch to the full episode:

How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer – How To Share

In this episode, Wynne Leon interviews Anthony Dyer, a special missions aviator and author of 'Moon Child.' They discuss Anthony's journey from a childhood in Appalachia to a 20-year career in the US Air Force, his healing process from the traumas of war through writing, and the importance of family in his life. Anthony shares valuable life lessons learned from aviation, the significance of positivity, and his mission as a father. The conversation emphasizes courage, connection, and the power of storytelling in healing.TakeawaysAnthony chose writing over alcohol to heal from trauma.The importance of aviate, navigate, communicate in life.Healing can come from vulnerability and sharing stories.Family plays a crucial role in personal healing.God can help you rebuild after trauma.Scars are badges of honor, representing resilience.Conversations with God can lead to personal growth.Fatherhood is Anthony's most important mission now.Roots and wings symbolize balance in life.Links for this episode:How to Share homeHow to Share a Mission TranscriptMoon Child: Roots and Wings of a USAF Combat Special Missions Aviator on Barnes and Noble and AmazonFrom the host:My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith
  1. How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer
  2. How to Share Your Superpower with Roger Kastner
  3. How to Share Perspective with Andrea Simon
  4. How to Share Compassionate Stories that Inspire and Connect
  5. How to Share Music with Nancy Shear

How to Receive with Dr. Vicki Atkinson transcript

Links for this episode:

Dr. Vicki Atkinson at the ⁠Atkinson Group Solutions⁠; Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

⁠A is for Ambivalence⁠ by Vicki Atkinson

(Featured photo stems from Vicki’s comment about the Chinese ideogram for undivided attention in this episode. It’s sourced from undivided attention from Pinterest by Nancy Sherr)

To Pick Up or Not to Pick Up

Posted in life lessonsTagged , , , 72 Comments

“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.” – Epicetus

During an early morning walk with Cooper the dog a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a dog poop that hadn’t been picked up. It sat on the little strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street in front of a house a couple streets away from ours.

So I picked it up. And then the next day, I found one in nearly the same spot. I picked it up.

When it happened the third day, something clicked in my head that reasoned that the odds that it was an owner walking their dog and not picking up in the exact same area every day were too great. Instead it was more likely that someone in that house has a dog and was letting them potty out front.

I didn’t pick it up.

Putting up with other people’s sh!t is tiring, isn’t it? And yet, it seems to be a fundamental part of being part of a country and community. Now that’s food for thought. Happy Memorial Day!

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about how to share anything – to the appropriate audience, with the right permissions, at the most opportune time.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Best Mother’s Day Gift

Posted in love, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , 68 Comments

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” – Brené Brown

As I type this, I can hear my kids 10 feet away slurping their hot chocolate. It’s the end of a busy weekend. We had our family over for Mother’s Day and now are winding down.

I’m trying to put my finger on the feeling. Over the course of the weekend, in addition to hosting a family party, my kids and I played a lot of baseball, done chores, cooked meals, watched movies and worked on a project outside to transform an area of our back yard. That last activity involved a lot of manual labor as we dug out a flat space and installed pavers to turn what used to be the base of the kids’ playhouse into a cozy place to sit in the garden.

In the last 48 hours, we’ve hurt our knuckles on the rough paving stones, cried some, especially when we lost our baseballs, and laughed a lot more than we cried. Along the way to finishing our project, we also bought this silly ball pitching machine that sends small 1.6 inch diameter foam balls zinging across the yard at 30 miles per hour. My body aches from moving heavy stones and gravel and chasing small yellow balls.

But my heart is so full. It’s the camaraderie with our extended family. Also this feeling that I’m right where I should be. I love my children whole-heartedly…and I like them too.

When I chose to start a family as a single parent ten years ago I had very little idea of how much work would be involved. I was listening to a God whisper about what came next for my life.

The Mother’s Day feeling I’m having right now? That I belong in this life. I suspect that might be one of the best gifts ever.

(featured photo is mine of our work in progress garden seating area)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast focused on the wisdom and research about how to share anything – to the appropriate audience, with the right permissions, at the most opportune time.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about collaboration and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

Living Life Fully

Posted in friendshipTagged , , , , 64 Comments

“Some pursue happiness, others create it.” – unknown

Writing a going away card for our neighbors that are moving back to England forced me to put words to what makes them so special. When they moved here three years ago and their kids were 5, 7, and 9 years old, what was most noticeable were their charming accents.

But their charm ran a lot deeper than that. They came to Seattle with a spirit of adventure. The dad’s job allows him to work anywhere in the world. I heard the mom describe their decision making process of looking at the whole globe and choosing Seattle. The water, the mountains, the green drew them in.

So luckily they landed in our neighborhood – right on our street! I met the kids when I was helping out with school picture day as I escorted anyone that was new to the school or out sick on regular picture day down to the photographers. In the process I met these three delightful children who were verbosely happy and excited to be here.

But here’s what was so inspiring about them. They weren’t just happy and adventurous people when they landed. They maintained it for the three years they lived here and by doing so they enraptured our whole community.

I’d see them after a break and they’d have taken a road trip down through Oregon, California, Nevada and back up through Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, and Idaho. The mom would joke that they’d rolled in at 11pm the night before school started again so she wasn’t going to win any Best Mum awards for that.

They did things like climbing to Camp Muir on Mt. Rainier, and spending one holiday at a dude ranch. One holiday they went to Las Vegas and let each of the kids pick a show to see for their night. Then they spent the rest of their time exploring the wilderness near Red Rocks.

It was like without the ruts of having lived in the area long enough to know their favorites, they were free to bounce around and try everything. And the same went for friendship. Not knowing anyone meant that they were open to meeting everyone.

The Buddhists and Stoics talk about contemplating our demise as a way to live more fully. It strikes me that my neighbors exemplified an aspect of this. They likely knew they’d return to England at some point so they lived this adventure to the fullest while they were here.

Here’s what I finally landed on for their going away card. This family with their adventurous, happy and authentic hearts was a gift to us and our community. They reminded us how many wonderful places, experiences and people are around when you are willing to look. And because openness translates to any language, a blessing wherever they go.

May we all be.

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I co-host a author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about collaboration and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

A Mini Blog Tour

Posted in friendshipTagged , , , 76 Comments

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real…to be honest…to let our true selves be seen.” – Brene Brown

A few years back I proposed/threatened/promised that I wanted to one day pack my kids and dog into an RV and go on a tour to meet blog buddies. The WordPress community really is so amazing for incredible stories, big hearts and willingness to interact.

While that tour is mostly a fantasy, I’ve been lucky enough to meet so many bloggers through Zoom when we’ve done podcasts. I’ve enjoyed these conversations with people that feel like they are already friends immensely.

On top of that, I’ve been fortunate to meet a number of WordPress friends in person over the years. Playwright Jack Canfora, artist Libby Saylor, Deb (Closer to the Edge blog), and Betsy Kerekes (Writing and Martial Arts blog). Unfortunately, I’ve not yet met my podcast partner and dear friend, Vicki Atkinson (Victoria Ponders blog) in person. But I was lucky enough to meet Vicki’s brilliant and delightful daughter when she came to Seattle.

When the incredible and effervescent Cindy Georgakas (Uniquely Fit blog) said she was coming to the Seattle last weekend, I jumped at the opportunity to spend a few minutes with her as well. My kids, Cooper the dog, and I piled into the car to do a mini blog adventure to meet up with her near where she and her family were staying.

Cindy confessed that her family didn’t think her blogging friends were real. Not only was it fun to prove that notion wrong but it’s also pretty amazing to discover that our blogging friends are pretty much who you’d expect them to be based on their writing.

Jack is witty, Libby is passionate, Deb is whip-smart and charming, Betsy is clever and strong, and Cindy is authentic and inspiring. Seeing that depth in person makes me even more grateful for the realness of this lovely community!

(featured photo taken by Cindy Georgakas)

Take One Day Away

Posted in inspirationTagged , , , , , 83 Comments

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” – Maya Angelou

I’m typing this post on a Sunday morning while sitting on the floor of a hotel room as my kids sleep. This weekend, we didn’t have any events scheduled, the weather was unpredictable, and March doesn’t have any holidays so we made up a get away of our own. On Saturday afternoon we checked into a hotel for one night. It has a pool and is less than 1 mile from our house.

It sounds silly as I type this but I swear the psychological benefits are real. We walked away from all the regular stuff – homework, practice, pet care, cooking, and cleaning – to change it up for 21 hours. This small shift has reminded me that all that we carry isn’t as immoveable as it sometimes seems.

The kids have explored every feature of our 300 sq feet hotel room and spent quality time watching the freeway because the room is fun but not all that scenic. We’ve splashed and swam in the pool, and are about to head down to a FREE all-we-can-eat breakfast buffet.

I know it’s not really free but it still feels freeing. I wonder how many restorative breaks are waiting for us on the other side of silly?

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about collaboration and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

All You Have to Do Is Ask

Posted in confidenceTagged , , , , 93 Comments

“Our problem is not that we aim too high and miss, but that we aim too low and hit.” – Aristotle

Last week, nine-year-old Miss O came home from school disappointed that she’d missed the opportunity to sign up for her school Glee Club. Apparently we’d missed the memo.

So I suggested that we contact the music teacher to see if we could join now. “No,” she moaned, “we’re too late.”

I doubled-down with the parenting trope “It never hurts to ask” but apparently Miss O was sure that it would.

I remember being about Miss O’s age when my mom told me to call the store I wanted to shop at to ask when they would close. I was completely intimidated. It took a lot of drama and role-playing practice. When I finally did it, I discovered that it was a pretty straightforward query.

So I’m completely clear on the many reasons we have not to ask for what we want. I still feel twinges to this day. Asking might reveal that we weren’t on the ball or should have already known. What if we are being disrespectful or disruptive? Perhaps it’ll bring unwanted attention on ourselves. And what if they say ‘no’? What if they say something I don’t know how to respond to?

But despite all this, I remembered late that night to send an email to the music teacher. She responded the next day that she’d be delighted to have Miss O join. In fact, she’d already let Miss O know when she’d seen her that morning.

When I picked Miss O up from school that day, I gleefully said, “Wuhoo, you got in to Glee club! See, you just have to ask.”

She laughed and said, “Yep.” And then she added, “What do you do in Glee club anyway?”

Oh dear – that’s next week lesson: know what you are signing up for before you do so. It’s a lesson I’m still regularly learning…

(featured photo from pexels)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

Those Pesky Bugs

Posted in authenticityTagged , , , , 81 Comments

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

Heads up: this post might bug you.

Oh boy, there are so many great puns about lice. I’ve been thinking about that because we got them last week. Lice, that is, not puns. Well, maybe both.

Funny thing about lice is that they come with an acute sense of shame. This has been going around the school – and seems to be worse after the classes rotated through the bike unit in PE. But even knowing that AND after finding out that four other families from our school were booked at the treatment clinic, I still felt it. It must be a powerful trigger of the fear of community ostracization.

I managed to get over it long enough to tell the school, the teachers, and the families we’d played with recently. Like I’ve found with my other vulnerabilities, it turns out that sharing came with a blessed sense of camaraderie. Most families with elementary school kids have gone through this and the parents had hilarious stories.

There was the family who had sent their three kids to a camp in France. The whole camp played a game where they passed a hat so that the hat wearer got a turn to speak, sing, or dance. Every single kid in the camp came home with lice.

And a mom told me the story of having to go to the clinic to be checked. As she was sitting in the chair getting her hair combed out, a former work colleague came in also to get checked. He launched in to a long conversation with her despite her best, “Can we talk another time?” face.

Someone shared a hilarious video with me that mapped the lifecycle of a mom’s feelings about lice: the shame, the fear, the disgust, the exhaustion, the acceptance.

It makes me scratch my head to wonder why I need to keep learning that being vulnerable results in benefits. I mean benefits in addition to immediately knowing the washing machine cycles answer in a recent NY Times Connections game because I’ve spent so much quality time with my washer in the last week.

These things that come with life aren’t easy. But when we put our heads together, [oops, don’t do that], they can be at least a little funny!

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.