communicationskills – Surprised By Joy

“If you want to be truly understood, you need to say everything three times, in three different ways. Once for each ear…and once for the heart.” – Paula Underwood Spencer

Eight years ago at a birthday party for a friend, I met a remarkable woman. It was a milestone birthday which is why I can pinpoint it that precisely.

This woman stood out not because of what she did (a therapist I later learned) or what we talked about (stand up paddle boarding in Puget Sound) but because she listened like a lake. That was the image that came to me when talking with her. She absorbed the conversation instead of volleying back and forth like tennis. Also it seemed like her words came from her depth.

It reminds me of a phrase I heard in a eulogy almost three years ago. We were honoring a man who was the father of a childhood friend. His grandson said about him, “He loved by listening.”

Two examples that stand out in the last ten years because they were great listeners. I often make the mistake of thinking I need to say something to be remembered – but these examples remind me that just learning how to listen well is remarkable in itself.

Fortunately, I was able to have a great conversation with my dear friend, Dr. Vicki Atkinson about how to receive for the How to Share podcast. In this episode, Vicki discusses the essential skills of listening and receiving in conversations. She emphasizes the importance of reflective listening techniques, being present, and using the SLANT method to enhance communication.

Our conversation explores how to navigate conversations with empathy, the role of affirmation, and the significance of maintaining boundaries while supporting others. Vicki also highlights the growth opportunities that arise from effective listening and the need for authenticity in communication.

Here are some key takeaways:

Everyone can learn how to be a better listener (as Vicki says, the runway is wide!)
Reflective listening helps slow things down and enhances understanding.
Tonality is crucial in reflective listening to ensure the speaker feels heard.
Active listening involves being present and engaged in the conversation.
The SLANT method is a practical approach to effective listening.
Asking clarifying questions shows genuine interest in the speaker’s message.
Affirmation and encouragement are key components of effective listening.
Setting boundaries is important to avoid taking on others’ burdens.
Listening well can mitigate stress and prevent larger issues.
Authenticity in communication fosters trust and connection.

And a short clip from the episode to whet your appetite:

I’d be honored if you’d listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe. Here are some ways you can listen and watch to the full episode:

The podcast player embedded below
Click this link to watch in a browser: How To Receive with Dr. Vicki Atkinson
Subscribe to How To Share on Spotify, Amazon Music, or Apple Podcasts
Subscribing to the YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@howtosharepodcast

51: Letting Go of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving – The Life of Try: Personal growth, one try at a time.

Expectations can inspire us to try—until they harden into a demand for a specific outcome. In this episode of The Life of Try, Wynne Leon explores how unmet expectations fuel disappointment, why that disappointment can keep us from taking healthy risks, and what it looks like to stay hopeful without clinging. From a childhood lesson about “pressing for the answer” to Alexander Fleming’s accidental discovery of penicillin, we’ll trace how openness, curiosity, and faith can turn apparent failures into forward motion. Along the way, we’ll draw from Brené Brown’s research on disappointment, Maya Shankar’s reframing of identity after loss, and spiritual wisdom about surrender and non‑attachment—so you can keep trying even when the path changes.In this episode, you’ll learn how to:Recognize when expectations are motivating you—and when they’re setting you up for disappointmentPractice openness and curiosity when a try doesn’t go as planned (and why that matters)Name and communicate your expectations to reduce “unspoken contracts”Reconnect with your deeper “why” when your “what” gets taken awayHold onto faith that trying will lead somewhere good—even if it’s not the destination you imagined.The Life of Try is a podcast about personal growth, one try at a time.What happens when trying becomes more important thangetting it right?The Life of Try is a personal growth and self‑help podcast about getting unstuck, navigating uncertainty, and choosing to try—even when it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, or not your idea.Hosted by Wynne Leon, the show explores how real growth, reinvention, and discovery often begin not with confidence orclarity—but with a single attempt. Through thoughtful interviews, reflective conversations, and real‑world case studies, each episode examines what it looks like to keep going when doubt shows up, plans fall apart, or life forces achange you didn’t ask for.This podcast is for anyone who:Feels stuck or uncertain about what’s nextIs navigating change, burnout, or reinventionWants to live more intentionally without pretending growth is easyBelieves progress starts by trying—again and againThe Life of Try isn’t about hustle or perfection. It’s about learning as you go, surfacing what matters, and sharing what you discover along the way.If you’re ready to surf the uncertainty, outlast the doubts, and step into your own try‑cycle, you’re in the right place.Links for this episode:The Life of Try HomeLetting Go of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving transcriptSir Alexander Fleming – Biographical – NobelPrize.orgHow to Regulate Your Emotions and Mental Chatter When Bad Things Happen | Maya ShankarAtlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Connection by Brene BrownPenicillin Wasn't Alexander Fleming's First Major Discovery | Scientific American

How to Receive with Dr. Vicki Atkinson transcript

Links for this episode:

Dr. Vicki Atkinson at the ⁠Atkinson Group Solutions⁠; Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

⁠A is for Ambivalence⁠ by Vicki Atkinson

(Featured photo stems from Vicki’s comment about the Chinese ideogram for undivided attention in this episode. It’s sourced from undivided attention from Pinterest by Nancy Sherr)