Tag: inspiration

Vulnerability at Any Age

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“I believe that you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage.” – Brene Brown

Let me take your temperature on something. Do you think that middle-aged and older means that you don’t have to be vulnerable any longer? Emotionally vulnerable, that is.

After all, we don’t have to go door to door with our resumes looking for our first job. And many who have life partners have had them for quite some time. We know our hobbies and interests and don’t have to try a bunch of new things to see what fits. We’ve even developed our conversational patter so that anything that comes close to a sensitive spot can be deflected without much effort.

Here’s the discovery I’ve come to after many years of searching for the things that make me feel vital. Continued vulnerability is one of them.

When I believe that vulnerability is off the table, I’m unlikely to:

Move out of my established lane

Upset the status quo of “my success”

Market or promote my writing

Try to find love

Brainstorm wild ideas

Try new things

Make new friends

Learn new technologies/applications

Express my feelings in relationships that have gone on so long that it risks the status quo

State my opinion about politics or religion

Here’s what I’m afraid of. If we retire from life, we leave so much potential and wisdom gained from 50 years or more unsaid. The things we’ve learned through trial and error that we are passionate about? We fail to bring them up.

When I was in my mid forties and wanted to have children, I found it incredibly difficult to say out loud. In one respect, it makes sense because such a precious dream is fragile in its early stages. But when I managed to broach the subject with a few of my dear friends, the incredible support they offered helped to fuel the vision.

So for me, I think I want to keep pushing myself towards openness. But I’d love to know what you think about vulnerability at any age.

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Preciousness of Life

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“Our life experiences will have resonances within our innermost being, so that we will feel the rapture of being alive.” – Joseph Campbell

The morning after a really rough night’s sleep, I was sipping tea and realized I didn’t like the mug. It was scratchy to my lip and it made my tea taste different. We were staying at a friend’s house on the Washington Peninsula so all the mugs were new to me.

Because I hadn’t slept well, I was more attuned to it. After a dozen sips, I forced myself to go the kitchen and change mugs. The smoothness of the new one made me realize how many sensations go into feeling soothing.

I hadn’t slept well because I realized in the middle of the night that I hadn’t refilled the water reservoir for Rusty the gecko before we’d left home for three nights. I sat up with a pit of dread knowing that without the water misting twice a day to keep his enclosure humid, he’d likely die. The questions swirling of when I last did it and how long he could survive sent me shooting out of bed.

It was our last night of this mini-getaway. It was 3am I was two hours and a ferry ride away from home. There was nothing I could do to help poor Rusty in that moment.

Instead I sat until I unraveled the knot of feelings in my gut. I felt the weight of all the responsibility I carry for keeping things alive. I sensed the thread of how tenuous life can be. I even worked my way to compassion for myself for making mistakes.

I finally went back to sleep feeling how dang precarious this thing called life is.

So when I awoke, I needed that soothing cup of tea. I wonder how often we forget that our time here is limited. Speaking for myself, when I lean in to the knowledge that life ends, it spurs me on to pay attention and drink out of the right cup. To take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others.

There’s a happy end to this story. I emailed my mom and she checked on Rusty. He was out of water – but she refilled it and misted him. He made it. So one other thing – thank goodness for moms!

Signs and Mystics

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“If you were waiting for a sign, this is it.” – unknown

I would never describe my father as a mystic. He was a Presbyterian pastor through and through. His theology and rituals were aligned with the institutions he served.

But my mom told me a funny story about when he decided to retire. She reports that he came home and said, “I’ve decided to retire because the clock stopped working and the stapler ran out.”

 Isn’t it interesting how we interpret the signs in our life? Something happens and it resonates with what we’ve been thinking, feeling, or intuiting. And often, speaking for myself, that resonation can have great power to shift what previously seemed immoveable.

Three things I need to align with the signs in life: quiet, curiosity about new ideas and ventures, and awareness of the world around me. I’m quite sure I’ve never seen a sign when my head is down, the blinders are on, and I’m marching towards a deadline. Or maybe I have, and just failed to take it in. Maybe mystics are simply the people who open to possibility more often than not.

One of my favorite signs comes from when I was in my late 20’s. I was driving to work on a sunny Spring morning with the top down on my little VW Cabrio convertible. I’d just broken up with a boyfriend and was wondering what to do next. I took the exit for I-90 bridge over Lake Washington and as the traffic slowed, Mt. Rainier loomed over the view. I thought, “I should climb that.” It launched my amateur climbing pursuits that took me throughout the Pacific Northwest as well as Russia, Nepal, Peru, and Mexico.

Every time I see Mt. Rainier, especially from the freeway, I’m reminded of the power of signs. I get a powerful goose to put the top down, whatever my proverbial top is at the moment, and look around.

Refining Our Wishes

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“Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

I’m going the long way to solve a problem in my house. This is not an excuse for a long post – in fact the post is only 354 words. Just an admission at the outset that I understand there are more expedient ways to address the issue.

Here it is: Mr. D is in a phase where he wants a lot of things. He sees it on tv and then wants to own it. He’s quite tenacious at five-years-old for insisting on what he wants. Right now we have a “wishlist” for these things. It works to a degree but it’s too easy to just add and add and add to it.

So I came up with the idea to build a box that he could write every wish into (to practice his writing). And for every wish, he has to come up with an accompanying thing he’s grateful for to put in the box too.

I also wanted to show him how we can build things. So I started with the leftover wood I had after fixing my kitchen flooring and measured out and cut some pieces of wood to build a box. Two boxes really – one for nine-year-old Miss O as well so she doesn’t miss out.

I triumphantly carried these things upstairs so that the kids could do the work of assembling and decorating these boxes. But then, on the kitchen counter, I roughly fit the pieces together to show off and saw my mistake.

The base is 2.5” wide – the pieces are 1” thick. Assembled that way, the “box” is only a half an inch. It’s not that wishes won’t fit in there. It’s that they’ll never come out. 🙂

So, I set out to show that it’s okay to wish for things, but then we have to work for them. And I ended up demonstrating that sometimes when we put together the pieces of our dreams, it doesn’t work out the way we intended. But that’s okay too – because we get to refine and repeat.

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Do-Overs

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“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.” – Marianne Williamson

Funny how life sometimes provides a do-over.

Last spring I was talking to a mom whose oldest child was a pandemic virtual Kindergartner with Miss O. At the time of the conversation, her second child was just finishing Kindergarten. The Mom said to me, “I had no idea how healing it would be to have a normal Kindergarten year.”

I nodded and noted it, knowing that I didn’t really get it.

But now that Mr. D has been in Kindergarten for almost two months, I’m finding she was spot on. The field trips, waffle parties, recess, and gym class. All sorts of things that Miss O’s class couldn’t do. And all the learning – the ABC chant, the letters and numbers – I get to hear about but without having to sit alongside.

I wouldn’t have said that I needed to heal. I was surprised to find this do-over feels like balm for my nervous system; an edit to a storyline I wasn’t even aware had been written.

It feels like I’ve put down the weight of having to be a teaching assistant on top of everything else. There’s delineation between weekdays and weekends. I’m watching things happen like the socialization of five-year-olds without my facilitation. I’m able to take a big step back and breathe out what I didn’t even know I was carrying.

It makes me think of other do-overs that I’ve been able to do. My second attempt at climbing Mt. Rainier when I summitted after having to turn around on my first attempt. Falling in love again after a heart break. Re-doing a crochet project after unraveling a crooked line.

I also can think of do-overs that haven’t been so fun – colonoscopies come to mind. But my friend’s statement reminds me that each time, for better or for worse, is a chance to re-write the script. Seems like a good thing to remember, especially on a Monday.

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Case for Non-Competition

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“A head full of fears has no space for dreams.” – unknown

I can’t get Miss O to put down the guitar. I know that’s a funny thought – why would I want to?

Here’s the situation. My nine-year-old daughter, Miss O, has a gift for music. She has nearly perfect pitch so that if she hears something, she can play it. And she’s learned piano from my mom, ukelele from YouTube videos, started clarinet in the school band, and also sings in a choir.

She’s practiced these things, and my mom has been a fantastic teacher, but mostly she has enough natural ability that she makes it look easy.

All good – until Mr. D wanted to learn to play the guitar. We have a little one that we picked up at a garage sale that was missing three strings. I ordered some replacement strings and voila, Mr. D had an instrument that he could carry around and try.

He’s not really wanting to formally learn anything quite yet. He’s five years old. But he likes putting the strap around his neck and strumming. I found a chord on YouTube and went to show it to him – he didn’t want to do it. But Miss O was standing right there and said, “Can I do it?”

Of course, she picked it up easily. So I asked her not to play the guitar. To give her younger brother some space so he can have a thing that is his own. She nodded her agreement – and then by 30 minutes later had circled back to try to play it.

So I gave her a longer explanation about why that can be discouraging to her brother. She gave it a rest for about a half a day.

When I found her with it at the end of the next day, I started again tiredly. She yelled, “So I can never pick it up and strum it?” And because nuance didn’t seem to be working, I said emphatically, “Yes!” and she angrily stomped off.

At bedtime, I told the kids the story about when Mr. D was 2-years-old and had the cutest little Hawaiian shirt. I dressed him in it every time we went to a party and everyone oohed and aahed, “What a cute baby!”

So Miss O said to me, “I hate it when he wears that shirt. He gets so much attention.” I explained that what I did to help wasn’t to get her the same shirt – or buy them both a new outfit that matched each other. I helped her find a new dress and shoes so she could feel good about what she was wearing – on the inside –even if she didn’t get all the compliments the baby did.

I summed it up that sometimes we just need to give each other space. That competing or comparing, especially over time, can often undercut someone’s confidence.

I must have flubbed the ending. Because at the end of the story, Mr. D wanted that shirt and Miss O said, “I knew I wasn’t going to like that story.“

I left the bedroom with two grumpy kids still pouting. I was frustrated because I couldn’t fix it. It struck me that we were all too close on this one – perhaps telling the story when we were all together wasn’t the right timing. Or that we just needed some time. Or that bedtime wasn’t a good time to tackle this. All of the above, I suspect.

And that is why my guitar gently weeps. From under the couch where I hid it.

Let’s Stick Together

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“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

Last Thursday, I had a moment of chaperone panic. I was in charge of Mr. D and another 5-year-old, a little girl named, Lydia. She was a delightful little girl who wanted to name our team, Rainbow Unicorn. So she was exactly on message for her age group.

After seeing all the sights, playing the games, eating lunch and picking out pumpkins, I asked Lydia if she wanted to do the corn maze. She had said several times she wanted to do it. As we approached the entrance of the maze, it was just the three of us: Mr. D, Lydia and me.

We walked fifteen feet to the first intersection and Lydia yelled, “Let’s split up!”

I bit back my scream of “Noooooo!” and eked out a mostly calm, “Let’s stick together.“

It strikes me that spreading chaos is a little fun. Not that little Lydia meant anything by it. She was just injecting a little five-year-old energy into the event.

Maybe my panic struck a little harder than usual since it’s election season in the US. I’m tired of the divisiveness that stokes up fear and the conflict entrepreneurs that capitalize on it. Let’s stick together.

The Ritual of Tea

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“Good habits automate us, helping us get things done. Rituals animate us, enhancing and enchanting our lives with something more. The intrinsically emotional nature of rituals gives them their animating power.” – Michael Norton

Before the pandemic, my “office” was at a favorite local coffee shop. My kids were little and at home so I needed a place to escape to. I’d walk in the door of the coffee shop, throw my backpack onto my favorite comfy chair by the window if it was available, get my cup of green tea, and then settle in to work.

For me, wrapping my hands around a hot cup of tea is like an automatic reset button. It helps me notice the moment before I move to the next. Part of the fun was just being around all the other regulars and hearing conversations. There is something so delicious about the conviviality of coffee shop comradery.

So I loved the conversation I had with Vicki Atkinson this week on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast: Tea Time with Wynne and Vicki

We bring in one of my favorite quotes about tea from Mark Nepo. He likens tea to the way we make sense of our lives. From gathering the leaves, to pouring water over it, to drinking it slowly, we cultivate the aromatic blend that helps us and heals us.

Both Vicki and I like the ritual because it slows us down. Having a cup of tea is like an invitation to bring forward what we already know.

I share my secret for how long I let it steep. And Vicki shows some treasured sets from her family that hold so much more than tea.

Vicki shares a delightful book about making tea that has been a gift and a reminder to let the swirls of tea help settle our thoughts down.

I’m confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we share the power of storytelling over a cup of tea.

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 89: Tea Time with Wynne and Vicki

HoTM Episode 89 transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

Steeping the Tea Leaves of Life by Wynne Leon

My Kind of Swirl by Vicki Atkinson

Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

The Risk Factor

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“Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.” – unknown

A couple of weeks ago, on the third time I took five-year-old Mr. D to the skate park, we ran into a fifth grader at school who is the boy that Mr. D admires the most. And this boy is a terrific scooter rider. Is that the right way to put it? I’m unsure of my skate park lingo.

This boy rides a scooter and can drop in to the steepest of the bowls, propel himself out, kick the base of the scooter around so it does a 360 and then land it, bringing all the energy to an elegant stop. It is truly impressive.

I watched Mr. D observing this boy and wondered if it would make him reckless. Mr. D stood quietly for a while just taking it all in and then he started scootering back and forth on the flat concrete practicing popping a wheelie.

On the next visit, he found the most gradual of the slopes and started practicing going down one side and back up the other. This sport is not in my wheelhouse so I’m of no help to him. But he figured out how to bend his knees at the bottom of the slope.

He keeps making incremental risks and discoveries with each visit. I remarked on this to my friend, Eric, and he quipped, “Even five-year-olds have a built in risk meter.”

To which I’d add – “that works.” A certain amount of risk is necessary in order to learn. We have to be willing to look foolish, expose ourselves as newbies, and try something in order to quit it. I mention that last one because it’s often my barrier – I hate quitting things so I often won’t start something so that I can prevent having to quit.

So, I’ll speak for myself when I say that one way that life becomes rutted for me is when my risk meter breaks. Everything new will peg too high on the meter so then I try nothing. I’ll claim my past risks as badges that insulate me from ever having to try anything new again. And then I stop learning.

The funny thing about risk is that it’s a little contagious as well. The next time we went to the skate park my nine-year-old daughter, Miss O, came along. Seeing her brother try the gradual slopes encouraged her to do the same.

So here’s to being open to taking the right risks in life.

Little Steps of Calm

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“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” – Najwa Zebian

Now that I’ve spent a dozen years practicing meditation and trying mindfulness, I find it interesting to take a look back at the time I spent mountain climbing. Because mountain climbing is kind of a mindless activity.

In a journey of 50,000 steps or so for a climb, you don’t necessarily want to remember each one. In fact, it might be a little painful if you did.

So while the endurance and grit is transferrable to life down low, perhaps the mindless moving forward is best left on the mountain. Speaking for myself that is. I don’t want to sleep walk through the days of my life.

This is just one of the many reasons that I love the warm and inviting conversation I had this week on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast with my co-host, Vicki Atkinson.

I think it’s fair to say that we all have times where life feels frenzied. And it isn’t only because our to-do lists get too long. It’s also because of the pace of the world around us, and our exposure to the news, in whatever way we consume it.

Both Vicki and I start the day with sacred time. It’s non-negotiable for me so that I can at least start the day with a measure of faith and perspective.

But we know that doesn’t work for everyone. So we talk about our tricks to instill some calm. Vicki tells us about how she sets aside multi-tasking to focus on one thing at a time. And more than that, how to slow tasks to reap the full benefit.

For me, music can help to disrupt the stress swirl. Tuning in to songs from my youth delivers a noticeable energy lift as well. We touch on the research of Harvard psychology professor Dr. Ellen Langer about how our brains can impact our bodies.

It’s not hard to imagine that Vicki is an inveterate smile-r. She shares a story about how offering friendliness to others brings a side benefit of joy.

I’m confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we share the power of storytelling.

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 88: Meditative Moments with Wynne and Vicki

Episode 88 transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

Episode 79: Sometimes You Have to Laugh with Author Pete Springer – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

Remembering How to Bounce Back – Dr. Gerald Stein

Kindness all around us! – Brian Hannon

The Subtle Shaping of Our Brains – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

Meditate on this! – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

Write it Out – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

From the hosts:

Vicki’s book: Surviving Sue

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith