“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. Dubois
It’s been a couple of years since I originally compiled a list of what I thought I knew. As I sit down to write this update, I realize that the richness of parenting comes with a lot of doubt. What works one day with one kid doesn’t necessarily work the next with another.
So in the spirit of admitting that I don’t really know anything, but still keep trying, here’s what I think I’ve learned about parenting recently.
Don’t interrupt a child trying to tie their shoes.
Once they talk like adults, it’s harder to remember that they don’t have the brain development to go along with the vocabulary.
Remembering that BEFORE I speak is what comes with maturity
It takes a lot of food to support those growing brains. One trick is to teach them to cook.
Anything they participate in making tastes better.
Once they are out of car seats, it’s much easier to get IN the car.
But it’s harder to get TO the car.
Motivation is touchy – too much pressure and they zing out of control. Too little pressure and they don’t move. It’s like coaxing an element from solid to liquid form so be careful with the Bunson Burner.
Many clues about the internal state can be discerned by listening. As Lawrence Cohen said, “Children don’t say ‘I had a hard day, can we talk?’ They say, ‘Will you play with me?‘”
Growth is not a straight line.
Some issues will solve themselves without parental involvement. Learn to hang back.
Confidence and independence go hand-in-hand. But both start from the heart. When we believe they can, they do too.
Listening to what a child observes is one of the most rewarding parts of parenting. When they report on a purple house, the first star at night, or the sound of a bird as it taps on a wire, stop everything to take it in.
I still haven’t solved the sock problem. They get stuffed behind the pillow, under the couch, in my purse, and on the porch. Most mystifying, or maddening, is when they end up back with the clean socks.
There will be things that drive you crazy. Like the socks. Or the last half hour before bedtime.
Coping with parenting is like looking at an optical illusion where you can see the old lady with the big chin or the young lady with a hat.
Pick the perspective that fills you with joy.
Be gentle. Be calm. Be kind. And that includes to yourself.
Riding bikes to the ice cream shop always improves the mood.
There are many different types of closeness. But one definition, proximity, helps to create a lot of the other types.
Being proximate and close means you’ll sometimes feel the sting of growing pains. Understanding that’s what it is will help to salve the sting.
Other people’s emotions can be hard to handle.
That circular relationship of handling my emotions about their emotions is instrumental to growing up… for me and for them.
Learning is almost always messy.
This is clearly a personal call but maybe clean less than you think you should and play more than you think you should.
The amount of time you spend playing with your kids when they are young and you are old and busy has a relationship to how much time they spend with you when you are old and they are grown and busy.
When kids are parked in their big spaces, proud and confident, they act better.
Being someone who helps move the mindset from small and whiny to big and empowered is tricky…and powerful!
Dreams are precious. Just listen.
(featured photo is my kids and me after biking in the rain. Thanks to Dave Williams for his edits to take the names off the helmets).
You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/
I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!
My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.
Surprised By Joy 