Category: inspiration

Holiday PSA: Remember to Play

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“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you remembered to do today was breathe.” – unknown

There’s a difference between being tired and exhausted, isn’t there? If I wasn’t so exhausted, I’m sure I could tease it out. Somehow an avalanche of work obligations, the kids school and social commitments, and holiday preparation all landed at once in my life. I’ve been tackling as much as I can every day, sleeping hard every night, and then getting up to try to shovel out again.

Somewhere in there I’ve noticed three things that become a lot harder when I’m exhausted: being present, generating humor, and keeping the faith. As someone who typically has a lot of energy, or at least consumes enough sugar to fake it, I was surprised that those depend on having some gas in the tank. [case in point, I think I could have made that sugar joke a lot funnier if I wasn’t so tired!]

As usual, my kids save me. Usually because they provide so much distraction that I can’t take getting stuff done too seriously.

But in this specific case, because I had to take them to a delightful indoor play place for a birthday party this weekend. Painted all over the walls were some really good quotes that pointed out the benefits of play:

“Think what a better world it would be if we all – the whole world – had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap.” – Robert Fulghum

“It’s a happy talent to know how to play” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Those who play rarely become brittle in the face of stress or lose the healing capacity of humor.” Stuart Brown

I can’t be the only one exhausted at this time of year so I thought I’d share these with you. Also, I think I write about this every year about this time so I’m hoping that writing about these will help future me skip the stress and remember to play. [Again, I think that had some potential to be funnier.]

Here’s to play – or at least cookies and milk and then a nap!

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Making a List and Checking It Twice

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“Make sure to include yourself in the list of things you need to take care of this week.” – unknown

During this last week when the kids had a week off from school, six-year-old Mr. D repeatedly asked at bedtime what we were doing the next day. I discovered that he felt much more grounded when we made a list. It worked even better when he wrote it himself.

I’m a list person so I totally relate to D’s love of lists.

  • Lists help me prioritize what I need to do first.
  • There’s nothing like a list to keep me going when my motivation flags.
  • Writing a list reminds me of James Clear’s adage, “You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
  • I get a great deal of satisfaction when I cross an item off my list.
  • When I don’t get something do, it prompts me to consider whether it’s simply that I don’t have the time or I have simple underlying resistance that I need to address.

Nothing like a list to bring things into focus. Mr. D included “Chillax” on his list. It’s a good reminder to prioritize downtime even on days when the list is long.

(featured photo from Pexels and quote from Enlightened Mind 622 – Make Sure to Include Yourself)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Backing Up My Assumptions

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“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

Last week I experienced the digital version of having to evacuate the house. My beloved laptop stopped being able to connect to AC power. It’s been touchy for a couple of years so I’d been putting the plug in a certain way and then jiggling it until the red light came on. And then it stopped being able to charge at all.

So I had to grab everything I needed in the span of the power remaining on the battery.

In theory, this should be no problem. I back everything up to the Cloud. In practice, I like to put things in places that aren’t backed up and think I’ll organize them later.

I closed my laptop (to save battery, of course) and thought about it. The first list of things I came up with were the things I needed in the short term. It felt like this was the equivalent of getting my family out of the house in the case of an emergency. Pretty obvious what to grab and the high-level “go bag” I’d prepared helped make me efficient.

But then the next list of things were the precious things in case I couldn’t get my laptop back. These were the digital version of grabbing the baby books and my dad’s lucky baseball mitt before running out the front door.

At this point I was pretty sure I could live with what I had and just needed to spend the time to rebuild my old laptop for what I needed to get done. This is the step where I learned the most because I started making mistakes. I flubbed a post, called someone by the wrong name, and didn’t have time to double-check details.

I ran smack-dab into my assumption that even in the case of disruption, I should be able to get operate like it’s business as usual. Sure, I can rebuild a laptop, stop by the repair shop and still get Miss O to the orthodontist, make all our classes and activities, and just do meetings in the car. <eye roll> Dang, my face still hurts from hitting that metaphorical wall.

The good news is that I got the laptop to the shop with enough battery power remaining that they could get the encryption key they needed in order to fix it. I’ll be back to full power in a couple of weeks. But more lastingly, I learned that in order to give other people grace, I need to learn to give myself some too.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Share the Load

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“It’s not the load that weighs you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – C.S. Lewis

When my kids and I recently watched the movie, “A Boy Called Po,” 10-year-old Miss O asked what the description “heavy” meant. The movie is about a widowed father struggling to take care of his autistic son in the wake of his wife’s death and a lot of work pressure. Heavy applies but it’s also a delightful drama.

We’ve had some really interesting family conversations about this movie. Miss O really empathized with the boy in the story who seems to be about 10 or 12-years-old. She was also pretty critical of the dad who she thought should be more patient.

This came on the wake of comment she made to me that the staff at school working with disability students should be more patient. From my point of view, both the dad in the movie and the staff at school are doing the best they can and a pretty good job. So I countered that adults need empathy too.

This is where it gets interesting – because then Miss O said she wanted to do everything I do in a day just to see. We picked Saturday of this weekend. I gave her a list of all the food prep, pet care, chores, and special projects we had for the day.

I checked in to see how she was feeling at lunchtime. She said, “Right now I feel okay. We’ll see how I feel at the end of the day. I can see it might be okay to do for a day but it would be tiring to do all day, every day, for years.”

Then we returned home a little before 5pm after a fun outing, and it was time feed the dog, the cat and make dinner. She made a plan of what she wanted to cook, then discovered she had to empty the dishwasher she’d run earlier, and in the midst of doing that, her younger brother said, “I’m hungry.”   

I offered to help and even so, it was almost two hours between when we came home from our activity and when she got to sit down and eat her dinner. Then the kitchen had to be cleaned, the gecko had to be fed, and there were snacks to prepare for while we watched shows.

At the end of the day she said, “I don’t know how you do it. It’s impossible to get it all done.” She’d finished one load of laundry but it needed to be pulled out of the dryer to fold so the second load could be dried. She observed, “it’d be okay if you could carry things over to the next day but then you have to start everything else all over again.”

For my part, I just tried to let her do it, do everything she asked, and roll with her decisions and timeframe. So I experienced what it’s like to not be in control of the flow and the timing. It was a great lesson for how adaptable my kids are. I also felt far more rested at the end of the day and it gave me an idea of how much wear and tear what I’m trying to do is.

So I’m scripting my own movie, “A Girl Called O.” It’s a comedy, with a side of drama, and the lead is pretty heroic. She cares enough to want to understand and try it all. In the end, not everything is tidied up but the characters care enough for each other to show up and share the load.  

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

The Power of Sharing: Lessons from a Bunny Encounter

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“We form friendships with unrelated people. It’s universal in human groups. We cooperate with each other, altruistically. We’re kind to strangers — again, to unrelated individuals. This is different than many other types of cooperation, which are also seen in other animal species, but often that cooperation is between genetically related individuals. We do it with genetically unrelated individuals. We teach each other things. People take this for granted, but it’s actually unbelievable” – Nicholas Christakis

I find it fascinating when my kids demonstrate something that we do all the time as grown-ups. In this case, discern who to share with.

My six-year-old son, Mr. D, and I were walking on our favorite beach on Whidbey Island this weekend when we saw a bunny in trouble. It was trying to climb the bank back to the grassy top about 100 feet above. It kept on getting about two-thirds the way up. But then the incline was too vertical so the bunny fell back down.

Mr. D and I were watching it. He said the thing that was running through my head. “Take a rest. Calm down. Try another approach.”

But its frantic efforts made it lose ground and attract our dog, Cooper’s attention. The bunny started running along the bank parallel to the beach about 10 feet up. Cooper started chasing it. Because he wasn’t on the leash, all I could do was call him (good luck with that) and run after him to try to leash him.

The bunny finally exhausted itself and fell to beach level. Cooper caught up and nosed it but I don’t think did any more damage than what happened when it fell. When Mr. D and I got there, it was breathing and moving its front paws, but I’m not sure its back paws worked any more. We put Cooper on leash and left the bunny to rest but we weren’t feeling hopeful about its survival. It was a tender moment.

Later that afternoon, Mr. D quietly said to me, “I told Miss O about the bunny. I didn’t tell Eric though. He’s too funny for that.”

It was such a great example of what we all do when we share something. We evaluate who the audience is, whether they can be trusted with the information, and if it’s the appropriate time. It’s just like sharing a file in the office. Are we putting it in the correct location with the right permissions?

Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong but we keep trying. Because to share is human, and as Yale sociologist Nicolas Christakis says, it’s unbelievable!

There are times I get rusty and the words for any experience that is hard or tender come out slowly. I’ve found that it’s easier to keep it flowing than let myself get encased in my armor. Thank goodness for kids that show me how. And for this beautiful blogging community who receives so beautifully!

Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – sharing leads to success.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Standing Up for Democracy: Lessons from Kids

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“To understand where you stand in own your life, you cannot remain seated.” – Christine E. Szymanski

I can rely on my kids to have a nose for what’s authentic. At 6 and 10 years old, they might not be able to tell me exactly why, but they can tell the difference between people who are phoning it in and others who are genuinely present.

At the end of the day this past Saturday, I asked them what they liked most about the day and what they could have done better. It’s part of our nighttime routine. Unless we are so tired that we’ve flipped our lids. That happens sometimes too.

They both answered that their favorite part when we went down to the little lake that is a five minute walk from our house and participated in a Stand Up For Democracy event. The organizers were trying to gather enough people to create a continuous loop of people to encircle the lake which is three miles in circumference.

What surprised me about the answer was they liked that even more than watching the Mariners down at the pub with our friend, Eric. Or playing with their friends, skateboarding, or building imaginary spaceships.

My kids can’t yet spell out the details of what makes a democracy, monarchy, or autocracy. But they can tell the good feeling of standing up for what matters and the sense of community that comes from people trying to quietly show their commitment. It’s authentic, it’s strong, and it feels better than worry.

I think they’ve got that right.

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – sharing leads to success.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

When You Fall On Your Face

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“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Confucius

This isn’t a story about me falling on my face (although I have plenty of those stories) but a recent incident when my 6-year-old son, Mr. D, fell on his. Although I’m sure I echo the sentiments of many parents when I say I’d happily take my kids’ falls for them if I could.

It happened when we were playing Little League summer ball. Ten-year-old Miss O was able to play on the team too and it was an informal sandlot team that would divide into two teams and scrimmage with whoever showed up.

There was one difference between summer ball and the first season of baseball that Mr. D played – they played outs. If someone got the ball and forced an out or tagged an out, the player would go back to the dugout.

But in this hodgepodge of rules, the teams still batted everyone in their lineup each turn at bat. The last person at bat was the “homerun hitter” meaning they and anyone else who was on base would run home.

On the last inning of a scrimmage one night in July, Mr. D was the homerun hitter. He hit the ball squarely. But by the time he’d gotten to third base and was rounding to home, the other team had gotten the ball. All the players on the other team were chasing him down the third base line. It was only about five of them but it still felt like a terrifying and mad pursuit. That’s when he fell on his face.

He was furious! His sister tried to give him a hand up and he slapped it away. So she was furious because he’d refused her help. I tried to help too but he was inconsolable. Since he was the last hitter of the last inning of the game we managed to get to the car and leave but not before everyone was well aware of our upset.

On the way home, we talked about how sports makes us want to try and how it hurts when we don’t make the play. But the tradeoff is not trying at all. Actually, Miss O and I talked about that, Mr. D said very little.

At bedtime, Mr. D went to get his journal and wrote the very first thing he’s ever written in it. He asked me, “Mom, how do you spell ‘Slide like this?’”

The next morning he told me he wouldn’t be able to go to camp because he was still thinking about the baseball thing. I responded that he’d probably think about the baseball thing all day and it would be more tolerable at camp when he was busy than at home when he was not. He finally agreed to go to camp.

When we picked up the boys we were carpooling to camp with, he said to them, “I have to tell you a baseball story. It’s not good.” I was astounded. He’s not nearly as verbose as his sister.

It was only when he told the story to them that I understood that he didn’t fall on his face – he was trying to slide. But he’d never tried it before and didn’t know that you can’t slide from halfway down the base line. Or maybe you can – but it takes a lot more practice.

So, he fell on his face. He wrote about it. He told others about it. And once he did, seemed to be over it.

Here’s my takeaway. Sometimes we try new things and it doesn’t go well. It hurts like hell but you recover more quickly when you share.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – in our families, friendships, at work and in the world.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

The Rope Team

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“Sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

When I was climbing mountains, I noticed a funny thing when we roped up on the higher slopes of a mountain. We transformed from being individual hikers to becoming a team. The physical manifestation made a psychological difference.

Fortunately, I’ve never had to arrest the fall of someone else while on a rope team. But I have willingly climbed into a crevasse. It made me immensely grateful for the people above holding on to the rope.

A similar team phenomenon happened to me and my kids a couple of weeks ago when we were on vacation.

It was perfectly smooth when the kids and I decided to go paddleboarding after dinner. But by the time we got our paddleboards into the water, it was starting to blow again.

We’d been paddling every day for ten days to get the feel for the tides and current. At the beginning of the vacation, six-year-old Mr. D was paddling with me riding on the back of his board. Once he’d gotten proficient enough with his strokes, he graduated to be on his own.

So Mr D was on his own paddleboard. Ten-year-old Miss O had decided she just wanted to ride along on mine. On this night, Mr. D wanted to go all the way down the bay to the pirate flag, a notable marker about a mile down the beach from where we launched.

When we were about halfway there, the wind was present but not too much of a factor. We held a family meeting to make sure we wanted to continue. Mr. D had looked at that flag for 10 days and was determined to get there.

We celebrated momentarily when we reached the pirate flag. Then Mr. D said he was tired and just wanted to rest. At nearly the same moment, the wind whipped up and started pushing us farther away from home.

I said aloud, mostly for Miss O’s benefit, “Please, God, help us.” We weren’t in immediate danger but it was going to be a hard paddle back. At any point, we could have paddled 20 yards to the to the beach and walked back. It would have been a slog pulling the boards but it was a viable option.

Miss O got philosophical about how we ask God for help. We weren’t asking for it to be easy – just for help in any form. As it was, Miss O volunteered to get on Mr. D’s board to both give it more weight and to paddle.

Even with the two of them, they were being pushed backwards by wind. So I attached my leash to their board and we paddled back as a team. I paddled on my board, Miss O and Mr. D took turns paddling on theirs. Roped together, we slowly made our way home.

The overall feeling when we hit the beach? Gratitude. Thank God Miss O had opted to ride along and had fresh arms. Thank God she made the transfer from one board to another without mishap. Thank God for making us a team.

Because that was what stuck with us. Just like with climbing, roping together turned paddling into a team building exercise -and it worked. There are so many ways we are buffeted by the winds of life. A team can make all the difference.

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – in our families, friendships, at work and in the world.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

And for anyone curious about the inside of a crevasse, here’s what it looks like:

Life is A Puzzle

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“Learn how to see, realize everything connects to everything else.” – Leonardo da Vinci

We did a few puzzles in the past couple of weeks while we were on vacation at the beach. Mostly Miss O and I chipped away at them with occasional assists from Mr. D and friends that came up to visit.

Five things I noticed about how doing a puzzle is like life. Or how life is like a puzzle.

  1. When you first sit down, all the pieces look the same and it feels impossible. The puzzle doesn’t start itself. Having an approach like turning all the pieces right side up and putting together the border pieces together makes it feel doable.
  2. You don’t find a piece unless you look. Sure, every once in a while you might get lucky and find something that fits as you walk by. But mostly, you have to be in the game if you want to make a match.
  3. There are many ways to find a piece – by color, by shape, by content. This reminds me of perspective and how we all see things differently.
  4. You can’t make something fit no matter how much you want it to. It goes easier when you honor the “no’s” in life.
  5. There’s nothing like the feeling of slotting in the last piece. But you can relish the satisfaction of connecting any two pieces if you aren’t too much in a hurry to get to the big picture. Enjoy the little moments.

I keep learning that playing IS life. It seems like we are just spending idle time but really we are gaining perspective on everything else. Because at least for me, those moments when you see the big picture help to inspire the awe in the everyday.

Just like the photo on the front of the puzzle box helps when putting it together. Right?

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – in our families, friendships, at work and in the world.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

It’s On Us

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“In true dialogue both sides are willing to change.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“It’s on me.” I was explaining my parenting approach to my neighbors who telling me a story about their daughter. They were mid-sentence in talking about how their son-in-law travels leaving their daughter with three kids. Then they realized I am always alone with my kids and the story died mid-way through.

I laughed it off and explained that I think it’s easier not having to adjust to absence. I’ve seen this reaction with other parents who start to complain to me about being left with the kids and then end up apologizing to me. No need – I chose to parent alone when I had my kids by IVF and I’ve known from day one that it’s on me.

What I find interesting is the balance that I’ve had to find – or tried to find. I can’t be too touchy feely because I also have to be the disciplinarian. Mind you, I’m still pretty touchy feely but it’s tempered me a bit.

I’ve observed this sometimes with my parenting couple friends. One can be the “fun” parent knowing that the other parent will bring order. Or someone can be the “let’s spend money” parent knowing that the other will temper it with budgets. And sometimes when things get out of hand, the non-involved one absolves themselves saying, “well, they started it, they can see it through.”

Of course it goes beyond parenting. When there’s two, there’s an interplay that brings middle ground. One optimist and one pessimist. One adventurer and one safety-minded. One extravert and one introvert.

Being a single parent has made me more aware of the ways we can be extreme. Sure, we can make a mess, but knowing I’ll be the one to lead the clean-up keeps it in check. Sure, we can use our stockpiles (of food, art supplies, money, whatever), but knowing I’ll have to refill them makes me more conscious of the effort involved.

It makes me wonder if our cities, states, and countries would be better off if we all were Democans, Twigs, or whatever the country equivalent. Or at least behaved as if we were between elections. Would we do less of a pendulum swing if we knew we were the ones responsible for tempering it? I think we’d do more advocating for each cause we’re passionate about and less sitting back and bitching when it’s not “our guy” in office.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to suggest this. Well, here’s to remembering our responsibility in every arena and knowing it’s on us.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – in our families, friendships, at work and in the world.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.