Tag: relationships

The Long View of Life

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“A heart that loves is always young.” – Greek Proverb

My kids and I attended a memorial service for a 98-year-old friend, Jean, this past weekend. There is a lot of life to honor when someone lives that long.

It’s tempting to do it by what she did: she was a mother to four children, a member of her church for more than 70 years, she was an elementary school teacher, and when she retired from teaching, chose to work at the information booth at the local mall for more than 20 years.

Or by what she loved: she loved to play bridge and to cook. She cooked for the church youth group every week for 4 years and then published a cookbook of how to feed large groups.

But what struck me most was the quality of her relationships. She made friends wherever she went. In fact, I didn’t get to know her well until she was in her 90’s. Jean made the effort to reach out to me with little things she passed along from her family to my kids. I wrote a post about her in 2021 when she gave me a copy of the cookbook she published in the 1980’s. There was a woman at the service who had been a friend of Jean’s for 94 years.

But Jean’s life wasn’t just a walk in the park. Forty years ago, one of her daughters was murdered by a stalker when she was in her late 20’s. Going through that ordeal was when Jean got to know my dad so I know she forged relationships in good times and in bad.

Here’s what I loved about going to Jean’s service. It was a reminder to me that even when life seems complicated, messy and hard, we make it through because of the relationships we build. And it’s never too late.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the How to Share podcast, a podcast where guests share what they’ve lived and learned!

Even 10-year-olds Know Better

Posted in life lessonsTagged , , , , , , , 74 Comments

“There is no better test of a man’s integrity than his behavior when he is wrong.” – Marvin Williams

About 10 days ago I was making breakfast for my family on a calm Saturday morning. The news was on in the background and Donald Trump was responding to the Supreme Court ruling about tariffs.

He started, “I am ashamed…”

And then ended the sentence, “…that a couple of members of the Supreme Court don’t have the courage….”

I don’t recall saying anything. But the next thing I knew my 10-year-old daughter, Miss O, was standing on the couch with a pretend microphone in her hand offering an alternate response.

“I apologize. It was my fault. How can I fix it?”

Miss O is not an expert in the workings of the three branches of the US government. But she does possess the emotional intelligence to know that people should take responsibility for their decisions and actions.

I suspect this US presidency resonates in a unique way for those of us who’ve had significant entanglements with a narcissist.

  • The chaos.
  • The willingness to say anything, believable or not, in order to shift the conversation.
  • The loyalty tests.
  • The genuine belief that they should not be held to the same standard of behavior as normal people.
  • The constant need for more recognition and validation.

Being around people who make up their own rules and then blame others when they lose is exhausting. Even 10-year-olds know better.

When I had a business partner who was a narcissist, I was forced to learn the difference between what I can control and what I can’t. The wisdom of Prentis Hemphill helped me cope, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

Not only did I gain a lot of clarity about boundaries, but I also developed a deep appreciation for the people in my life who are trustworthy enough to hold close. I came through that period with a huge amount of gratitude for when life is calm.

There are enough tariffs being levied these days. So I try to remember not to let narcissists tax my energy more than necessary.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the How to Share podcast, a podcast where guests share what they’ve lived and learned!

How to Share A Return Home

Posted in howtoshareTagged , , , , , 45 Comments

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” – Joseph Campbell

I lived in the Philippines until I was almost seven-years-old. When I went back to visit with my family 22 years later, I was surprised that I could navigate a few streets near where we used to live. It was like a pull that oriented me to where I spent the first years of my life.

So I related to Mario Cartaya’s phrase of letting the subconscious guide when he shared his emotional journey back to Cuba after 56 years on the How to Share podcast. Mario has written a touching and insightful memoir about that trip, Journey Back Into the Vault.

Mario tells us how his family’s rushed departure from Cuba as a nine-year-old left him with a vault of childhood memories that he couldn’t unlock. Mario shares stories from his 1-week journey back to Cuba that helped him unlock the memories in that vault. We talk about how so many magical moments unfolded as he visited the scenes of his childhood.

We talk about the close-knit sense of community in Cuba. Mario tells us about the Cuban diaspora and how the pain of separation affects families on both sides.

Mario tells us about his current project chronicling the historic friendship that the US and Cuba once shared.

Mario is a wonderful guest who delivers a strong sense of hope for whatever divides us and a reminder that we can all work to find our own inner peace and deliver it to this world. I know you’ll love this episode and his book, Journey Back Into the Vault!

Key Themes:

  • Mario’s traumatic departure from Cuba in 1960
  • The vault of childhood memories and their significance
  • Revisiting childhood homes and places in Cuba
  • The impact of family separation and diaspora
  • The historic friendship between the US and Cuba from 1860-1960
  • Mario’s current project on US-Cuba relations

Check out this short clip of Mario’s deep and insightful elevator pitch for Journey Back Into the Vault:

Here are some ways you can watch or listen to all of this fascinating and compelling episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2 – How To Share

In this conversation, Sam Daley-Harris talks with Wynne Leon and Vicki Atkinson and unpacks how transformational advocacy fits alongside other forms of activism like protests, litigation, and voter mobilization—and why it can succeed even when Washington seems paralyzed by shutdowns and partisan conflict. Sam shares some concrete examples from global health and environmental advocacy, offer insight into how citizens are working to reverse damage and protect the most vulnerable, and—perhaps most importantly—explain how anyone can be effective, even with just five to fifteen minutes a day. If you’ve ever wondered whether your voice can really matter, this conversation offers both clarity and hope. And Sam offers to be a guide to help you connect to the issues that matter most for you. We love talking with Sam because he shares how to be effective and counter the effects of fear, cynicism and loneliness. We know you’ll love this conversation! Links for this episode:Transcript for How to Share Advocacy Part 2Sam's Sign-up Sheet for resources on how to get startedReclaiming Our Democracy websiteReclaiming Our Democracy: Every Citizen's Guide to Transformational Advocacy, 2024 Edition on Amazon
  1. How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2
  2. What Do You Know To Be True?
  3. How to Share a Return Home with Mario Cartaya
  4. How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer
  5. How to Share Your Superpower with Roger Kastner

Links for this episode:

How to Share a Return Home Transcript

Journey Back Into the Vault on Barnes and Noble and Amazon

Mario Cartaya’s website

From the host:

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo from Pexels)

How to Share a Mission

Posted in howtoshare, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , 48 Comments

”There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other is wings.” – Hodding Carter

In the days when I watched tv (somewhere about a decade ago before I had kids and started going to bed early so I could wake up early enough to write in that hour before they wake up), I really enjoyed watching Dancing with the Stars. There is something fascinating about watching someone translate their skills from one arena to another. Like when a football player does a ballroom dance and it reveals something essential about what they bring no matter the format.

It reminds me of the guest I spoke with on the How to Share podcast this week. Anthony Dyer was special missions aviator for the US Air Force for 20 years. Now he’s written a gripping memoir, Moon Child: Roots and Wings of a USAF Combat Special Missions Aviator. In it you see his courage. First on the battlefield and then in his vulnerability in writing about it.

Anthony knows how to bring it. Here’s a short excerpt that gives a taste of his inspirational courage:

“In gambling, playing with house money means you’re ahead, taking risks with what you’ve already won. That’s exactly how I wanted to exist earthside: bold, fearless, and unburdened by the fear of losing. Life itself was the ultimate win, and I was determined to make the most of it. Living a ‘house money life’ means living with the mindset that you’re already ahead and willing to take the risks with what you’ve already achieved without fearing losing. It’s about embracing life’s uncertainties and challenges and making the most of every opportunity.” – Anthony Dyer, Moon Child: Roots and Wings of a USAF Combat Special Missions Aviator.

Anthony tells us how he went from a childhood in Appalachia to becoming a special missions aviator for the US Air Force. We talk about how his desire to make a difference in the world led to a 20-year-career in the military.

He reveals how he healed from the visible and invisible wounds of war, healing by picking up a pen instead of a bottle. He tells us how he met his wife and what their mission is now.

Anthony has so many incredible insights about how to live fully, heal, and integrate traumatic experiences. He tells us what motto is inspiring him today. This is a great episode with an insightful author who takes life by the horns. I know you’ll love it.

Takeaways

  • Anthony chose writing over alcohol to heal from trauma.
  • The importance of aviate, navigate, communicate in life.
  • Healing can come from vulnerability and sharing stories.
  • Family plays a crucial role in personal healing.
  • God can help you rebuild after trauma.
  • Scars are badges of honor, representing resilience.
  • Conversations with God can lead to personal growth.
  • Fatherhood is Anthony’s most important mission now.
  • Roots and wings symbolize balance in life.

Here’s a great clip of Anthony talking about how writing has helped heal the wounds of war:

Here are some ways you can watch or listen to all of this fascinating and inspiring episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2 – How To Share

In this conversation, Sam Daley-Harris talks with Wynne Leon and Vicki Atkinson and unpacks how transformational advocacy fits alongside other forms of activism like protests, litigation, and voter mobilization—and why it can succeed even when Washington seems paralyzed by shutdowns and partisan conflict. Sam shares some concrete examples from global health and environmental advocacy, offer insight into how citizens are working to reverse damage and protect the most vulnerable, and—perhaps most importantly—explain how anyone can be effective, even with just five to fifteen minutes a day. If you’ve ever wondered whether your voice can really matter, this conversation offers both clarity and hope. And Sam offers to be a guide to help you connect to the issues that matter most for you. We love talking with Sam because he shares how to be effective and counter the effects of fear, cynicism and loneliness. We know you’ll love this conversation! Links for this episode:Transcript for How to Share Advocacy Part 2Sam's Sign-up Sheet for resources on how to get startedReclaiming Our Democracy websiteReclaiming Our Democracy: Every Citizen's Guide to Transformational Advocacy, 2024 Edition on Amazon
  1. How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2
  2. What Do You Know To Be True?
  3. How to Share a Return Home with Mario Cartaya
  4. How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer
  5. How to Share Your Superpower with Roger Kastner

Links for this episode:

How to Share a Mission Transcript

Moon Child: Roots and Wings of a USAF Combat Special Missions Aviator on Barnes and Noble and Amazon

From the host:

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo from Pexels)

Understanding Choices: The Illogical Coat Dilemma

Posted in writingTagged , , , , 64 Comments

“We’re all different. Don’t judge. Understand instead.” – Roy T. Bennett

I have this illogical tic that drives me crazy. When I walk Cooper the dog in the pre-dawn hours, I like to wear my white coat that is puffy with a hood. The problem is that it is not water resistant.

When I hear that it’s raining, I know that I should wear a different coat that is water resistant. The two coats sit on hooks side by side so it’s just as easy to grab the other coat. But most of the time, I still pick the puffy white one. Then I return home with a wet shirt underneath.

I’m a Seattleite and I’ve climbed mountains. I know that the gear you wear makes all the difference in your experience. Granted, the morning walk is only about 15 minutes long so it’s not life or death. It’s not even long enough to be truly uncomfortable.

But it is long enough to think about why I keep making the choice. I finally put my finger on it. It’s because the pockets on the white coat are soft and comfortable. In the morning when I’ve launched myself out of bed and into the cold before I’ve had a cup of tea or done my meditation, it’s dark (and raining), I just want a little bit of cozy.

When I read Anne Beall’s book, The Compassionate Writer, it made me think of this illogical coat choice. Because when I see others acting in a way that will get them soaked, metaphorically speaking, I think they should make different choices.

“Another common bias is what psychologists call the actor-observer effect. Research by Nisbett and colleagues shows that tend to explain our own behavior based on external circumstances – ‘I didn’t have a choice,’ or ‘The situation made me do it.’ However we attribute other people’s behavior to their personality or character. This can skew how we interpret both our actions and theirs.” – Anne Beall, The Compassionate Writer

Anne makes an excellent point that when we write with the understanding of this bias, it’s more relatable. It probably makes us better humans as well. Case in point, I worry when my six-year-old son would prefer to wear a sweatshirt on rainy days instead of a rain jacket. [Apple doesn’t fall far them the tree.]

P.S. If you haven’t heard the How to Share podcast with Anne yet, it’s worth a listen. She’s got so much wisdom about compassionate for ourselves and others!

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing!

How to Share Perspective

Posted in howtoshareTagged , , , , , , , , , 51 Comments

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” – Sydney Smith

I’ve told this story before but it still cracks me up. When my daughter was three-years- old, I asked her how many houses she could see when she looked out the ground floor window of our house, it was about three.

Then I took her up to the floor above and ask her how many she could see and it was about seven.

Finally we went out onto the little deck on our rooftop and I asked her how many she could see and it was more than she had numbers for. “Miss O” I said “this is the perspective that you get when you are older, you know that everything fits into a larger picture and you are able to see more of it.”

Miss O’s eyes got wide and she looked at me like I was a crazy lady. I admit, that lesson was a little before it’s time. But I love a good dose of perspective. It’s one of the reasons I enjoyed this latest How to Share podcast conversation with author and educator Andrea Simon about her wonderful book, Did You Live the Life You Wanted?

We talk about perspective, regret and the meaning of life. She tells us why she choose to write this story as a novel and how the course she taught about how to write about family plays into her writing.

There are so many fantastic female friendships and characters in this book that spans 50 years. Andrea talks about how she asked men and women if they lived the life they wanted and what she learned differs when women and men answer that question.

We talk about the meaning of life and how writing plays into that. Andrea’s incredible experience as an educator and facilitator shines through as we dig into the depth of life and how we share it.

This is a great episode full of perspective and wisdom with a thoughtful guest. I know you’ll love it.

Takeaways

  • The novel spans 50 years, highlighting female friendships.
  • Writing about family requires sensitivity and respect.
  • Men and women often have different perspectives on life choices.
  • Older women may feel they had fewer options in their careers.
  • Regret can lead to personal growth and new opportunities.
  • It’s important to pursue personal desires as we age.

Here’s Andrea’s fabulous elevator pitch for her novel Did You Have the Life You Wanted?:

Here are some ways you can watch or listen to all of this insightful and helpful episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2 – How To Share

In this conversation, Sam Daley-Harris talks with Wynne Leon and Vicki Atkinson and unpacks how transformational advocacy fits alongside other forms of activism like protests, litigation, and voter mobilization—and why it can succeed even when Washington seems paralyzed by shutdowns and partisan conflict. Sam shares some concrete examples from global health and environmental advocacy, offer insight into how citizens are working to reverse damage and protect the most vulnerable, and—perhaps most importantly—explain how anyone can be effective, even with just five to fifteen minutes a day. If you’ve ever wondered whether your voice can really matter, this conversation offers both clarity and hope. And Sam offers to be a guide to help you connect to the issues that matter most for you. We love talking with Sam because he shares how to be effective and counter the effects of fear, cynicism and loneliness. We know you’ll love this conversation! Links for this episode:Transcript for How to Share Advocacy Part 2Sam's Sign-up Sheet for resources on how to get startedReclaiming Our Democracy websiteReclaiming Our Democracy: Every Citizen's Guide to Transformational Advocacy, 2024 Edition on Amazon
  1. How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2
  2. What Do You Know To Be True?
  3. How to Share a Return Home with Mario Cartaya
  4. How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer
  5. How to Share Your Superpower with Roger Kastner

Links for this episode:

How to Share Perspective transcript

Andrea Simon’s website

Did You Have the Life You Wanted? on Barnes & Noble, and Amazon

From the host:

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo from Pexels)

Did I Do Enough Today? Embracing Daily Accomplishments

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“It is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.” – Albert Einstein

At the end of yesterday, I looked at the three holiday cards that I intended to send off this week and grimaced. I didn’t get them done.

And yet at the end of the day I asked my 10-year-old daughter if she’d had a good day and she said, “Yes, and it’s all because of you, Mom.”

I don’t know if I can take credit for that but I did take four kids to the Museum of Flight (my two kids and a friend each). I fed everyone, did the laundry, took Cooper the dog for two walks, touched base with a few friends, and even managed to take a shower, meditate, and create some calm to carry with me throughout the day.

But I still looked at those cards and asked the question that I frequently wrestle with, “Did I do enough today?”

The answer that I usually come to is that I did as much as I could and it was enough. I might not be changing the world or getting things done at the pace I would like, but I show up and will eventually get where I’m going. I’ve done a lot of work to accept that as enough. Thank goodness I manage to sleep at night so I can start again the next day.

So here’s my question to you – do you ask yourself, “Did I do enough today?” And if so, what’s your answer?

(featured photo is the Space Shuttle Trainer at the Museum of Flight)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

Please check out the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing!

Showing Up

Posted in loveTagged , , , , , , , , , 78 Comments

“Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know.” – Carl Jung

My ten-year-old daughter, Miss O, had a stomach bug this weekend. It hit hard on Friday night and then followed that typical 24 hour course where she felt miserable and threw up a half dozen times and then was mostly done.

When six-year-old Mr D realized that his sister wasn’t feeling well, he set out to make her his famous medium water. You know – not too hot and not too cold. In a lovely confluence where the one thing he knows how to make and the only thing she could keep down met, it was a beautiful gesture.

There was little else that Mr. D and I could do for her. She spent most of her day crying out in agony. Witnessing suffering like that makes me feel crummy. For me, helplessness usually turns into irritability. Fortunately, I was reminded of three things that I’ve heard/read lately:

From poet Mark Nepo, “… someone I love comes along in pain and I start dumping my pockets, looking for the one thing I know that will help them. But time and time again, the only thing they want is for me to open my heart like a sponge to them. They only want to be heard and held.” I swear my pockets are hanging out for how often I dig to try to find something to help only to learn this again and again.

When I talked with Sharon Eubank on the How to Share podcast she related some great lessons from her decades trying to help others as Global Director of Humanitarian Services for the LDS church. The one that really stuck with me was “My solution to your problem will always be wrong.” In this case, the foods that Miss O wanted to eat when she started to feel better wouldn’t have been my picks – but they worked for her.

And then in my most recent podcast conversation with author Amy Weinland Daughters she spoke of not knowing what to do for her friend, Dana, whose teenage son had cancer and then died. Amy started writing letters as a way to show up. She didn’t think it would make a difference but when Dana’s daughters asked Dana when she thought Amy would stop, Dana replied with something like, “I hope never.” We think what we are doing for someone who is suffering or grieving isn’t enough. But it does make a difference.

So I made an effort to pause my productivity efforts that made me feel like I was doing something by washing sheets and sanitizing bathrooms to just show up and stay present when Miss O cried out in pain and discomfort. I rubbed her back or her feet, told stories, and ordered more medium water from Mr. D. It really is what you are that heals. It’s all part of the magic of being there for someone.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

How to Share Impactfully with Social Media Friends

Posted in howtoshareTagged , , , , , , 75 Comments

“A little consideration, a little thought to others, makes all the difference.” – Eeyore

About three weeks ago, I opened my laptop to start working and clicked on a Facebook message. A friend that I’d known from Miss O’s pre-school days had died. I burst into tears. It couldn’t be. She’s ten years younger than I am, her youngest child is only 11 years old. She loved being a mom more than anything and I couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t be there to see her beloved kids grow up.

And moreover, because I’d seen the posts where she’d had a car accident about nine months previous and then complications had kept coming up, I was bereft because I hadn’t done anything but post a couple of comments. She wasn’t someone I was particularly close to, but I had so much respect and adoration for her.

It hit me especially hard because I was also in the middle of reading Amy Weinland Daughter’s book, Dear Dana. Dear Dana, is a beautiful chronicle of a letter writing campaign – and a thoughtful reflection of how social media does and does not work for us when it comes to real relationships.

On the latest episode of the How to Share podcast, I was lucky enough to be able to talk with Amy about Dear Dana and the incredible insights she gleaned. Amy tells us how her project got started when she saw on Facebook that her friend from summer camp 30 years before had a son who was sick and needed prayers. Amy starting writing them letters.

She explains how this effort blossomed into a project to write each one of her 580 Facebook friends a letter. We talk about the level of effort involved in writing that many letters and how it was transformative for her.

Amy shares some of the research around the benefits of writing and we talk about the insights of what she learned about the benefits and limitations of social media in the process of her project. One of my favorite a-has is that we can use social as a jumping off points for real relationships because we lose the richness if there is no investment in relationships.

We talk about God-whispers and how listening to them can help us participate in making this world a better place. Amy’s perspective is so real and inspirational that I know it’ll leave you feeling motivated.

This is an incredible episode with a powerful story and loads of magic. I know you’ll love it.

Takeaways

  • The most changed participant in the writing process is often the writer themselves.
  • Writing doesn’t require formal skills or extensive practice.
  • A simple act of writing can have a significant emotional impact.
  • All you need is a postage stamp and a human heart to express yourself.
  • The power of writing has always been within us, waiting to be discovered.
  • Engaging in writing can lead to personal growth and transformation.
  • You don’t need to write hundreds of letters to make a difference.
  • The act of writing can break down barriers to communication.
  • Everyone has the potential to express themselves meaningfully.

Here’s an incredible clip from Amy reminding us that it’s never too late to care:

Here are some ways you can watch this amazing and inspiring episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2 – How To Share

In this conversation, Sam Daley-Harris talks with Wynne Leon and Vicki Atkinson and unpacks how transformational advocacy fits alongside other forms of activism like protests, litigation, and voter mobilization—and why it can succeed even when Washington seems paralyzed by shutdowns and partisan conflict. Sam shares some concrete examples from global health and environmental advocacy, offer insight into how citizens are working to reverse damage and protect the most vulnerable, and—perhaps most importantly—explain how anyone can be effective, even with just five to fifteen minutes a day. If you’ve ever wondered whether your voice can really matter, this conversation offers both clarity and hope. And Sam offers to be a guide to help you connect to the issues that matter most for you. We love talking with Sam because he shares how to be effective and counter the effects of fear, cynicism and loneliness. We know you’ll love this conversation! Links for this episode:Transcript for How to Share Advocacy Part 2Sam's Sign-up Sheet for resources on how to get startedReclaiming Our Democracy websiteReclaiming Our Democracy: Every Citizen's Guide to Transformational Advocacy, 2024 Edition on Amazon
  1. How to Share Advocacy with Sam Daley-Harris Part 2
  2. What Do You Know To Be True?
  3. How to Share a Return Home with Mario Cartaya
  4. How to Share a Mission with Anthony Dyer
  5. How to Share Your Superpower with Roger Kastner

Links for this post:

How to Share Impactfully with Social Media Friends transcript

Dear Dana on Barnes & Noble and Amazon

Amy’s website

(featured photo from Pexels)

Ropes are Relational

Posted in friendshipTagged , , , , , 69 Comments

“A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I awoke Friday morning to the sound of a drip in my bathroom. Amazing how a drop of water in another room landing on a bath mat that’s designed to absorb water can penetrate the unconscious. It felt like I came abruptly awake and then sat straight up listening. It reminds me of something I heard from acoustic ecologist Gordon Hempton that our ears never sleep, even when our brain does.

The vent on the fan was the source of the leak. So this weekend I got out one of my climbing ropes so that I could do some repair work on the roof. Afterwords, as I was coiling the rope, I was struck by how ropes are like friendship. It takes me a long time to coil a 60 meter rope so perhaps I was just delirious but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch.

Ropes help us cross dangerous terrain: In the mountains when conditions are icy, steep, or pitted with crevasses, being roped to a team helps ensure safety if someone falls. We know from research, like the longitudinal study that Dr. Robert Wallinger talks about in his TED talk, that friendship has a similar effect. Good relationships keep us happy and healthy.

It’s easier to unkink a rope when it’s not frozen: Ropes, like friendships, get knotted and kinked sometimes. Ropes, like friendships, are easier to unkink when they aren’t frozen. When guides come back into camp after a summit or training exercise, they take care of the ropes right away. Even when the conditions are rough and people are tired and sore, it’s worth the effort to straighten and coil it before it freezes. In my experience, this is true for friendships as well.

Ropes are heavy: Carrying a climbing rope adds around 10 pounds to your pack, more if the rope is wet. When my friends and I climbed together, we’d divvy up the group gear to spread the load. But often when a climber isn’t feeling well, a team member will carry the rope for them. In my experience of good friendships, the same thing happens with carrying the weight of the relationship. Often, it isn’t a completely equitable split of time and effort that makes a friendship work but the willingness of both parties to switch off carrying the load when things get rough or busy.

Here’s the other thing that I love about ropes – they require me to find someone to hold the other end. I tend towards the stubbornly independent so this slows me down enough to get help. As I coiled the rope back up, I also appreciated how reassuring it was to have my mom and sister-in-law there when I roped up to repair the seal around the fan vent. I never slipped or needed the rope to catch me but I knew it was there and it made me feel safer. Just like my friendships.

(featured photo is mine of a rope coiling at the climbing gym)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.