relationships – Page 4 – Surprised By Joy

Inter-generational Impact

March 7, 2025March 6, 2025Posted in podcastTagged creativity, family, inspiration, kindness, love, podcast, relationships, writing53 Comments

“I hold that a strongly marked personality can influence descendants for generations.” – Beatrix Potter

I’ve mentioned these details before but every once in a while I’m reminded of how remarkable it is that:
– In 2014, I made all the final arrangements to get pregnant via IVF on November 6th and thought, “Wow, life is about to change.” And then on November 7th, my dad died in a bike accident and I thought, “No, not like that!”
– Ten months later, I finished the line edits on the book I wrote about my dad at 8pm and seven hours later at 3am, I went into labor with Miss O

I’ve always known their stories are inextricably tied. But it is fascinating to see Miss O’s understanding of that evolve in ways that I can’t predict. How her perception of the grandfather she next met grows is really cool to see. It’s like a sneak peek into the inter-generational impact from the Beatrix Potter quote for this post.

This coming Sunday, March 9th would be my dad’s 90th birthday if he were alive. Vicki Atkinson and I sat down with my nine-year-old daughter, Miss O in Episode 106: The Miss Factor with Miss O. to talk about him.

Miss O was given a fourth grade class assignment to write about a perspective change. When she came home with this short essay about my dad, I was stunned.

She reads the essay to us and tells us what inspired her. Clearly I have a personal interest in this but at a bigger level, it’s fascinating to see what kids take away from family stories.

Vicki asks about how Miss O finds her voice and is so good at teasing out why it’s so meaningful to hear it from her perspective.

When we dig in to what Miss O knows about her grandfather who she never met, it’s both interesting and endearing to see the impression she’s gleaned of my dad. It’s also really funny to see the many ways they are alike.

Miss O talks about what she is doing next. Namely, making a slime channel on YouTube kids. As Miss O says, she is passionate about slime and she wants to share her creations. Fortunately, for all us we have boundaries – the slime has to stay in the rec room and she’s only showing her hands.

We’re confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we talk about family stories!

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 106: The Miss Factor with Miss O

Episode 106 transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

From the hosts:

Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

My book about my beloved father, Finding My Father’s Faith that I wrote in the months after he died and before Miss O was born.

(featured photo is my dad and me at age 2)

Widening the Circle of Compassion

February 26, 2025February 25, 2025Posted in kindnessTagged compassion, inspiration, kindness, living, love, relationships80 Comments

“Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.” – Albert Einstein

On Monday night after the kids went to bed, I was outside in my pajamas wearing my hat with the built-in head lamp sorting through the dirt of a terrarium. In a moment of sanity, I thought, “What the eff am I doing?”

On one level, it was easy to understand what I was doing. I was trying to find our pet snail after the terrarium accidentally slid off the shelf when five-year-old Mr. D tried to put it up. We’d cleaned up the dirt and put it back in the terrarium but didn’t see Snail-D, also known as Gary, when we did. Since it happened during the middle of dinner time and on bath night, we hadn’t had time to return to try to see if he’d survived the fall.

So maybe the better question was why was I doing it? I have a limit to how much I can do in a day. I often say that I’m off the clock after the kids go to bed. It’s when I finally get some downtime. While I will sometimes do the dishes, I try to be pretty good about just having a cup of tea and reading a book.

We hadn’t intended to adopt another creature but Mr. D discovered Gary the snail crawling up the side of our entertainment center. He must have come in on the cat’s coat. So, it seemed like he’d found us and Mr. D was really excited about having his own “pet.” I didn’t think we’d manage to keep him alive for a day. But now, a month later, Gary seems to be thriving.

Until the accident, at least. I have to admit, I have come to sort of like Gary. He’s pretty social anytime the kids get him out of his terrarium. And he eats all my left-over lettuce.

But I suspect that the real reason I spent my me-time on Monday night looking through the dirt for Gary was because life is precious and precarious. Deep down I know the conditions of my life could change because of an accident or because of the whim of a whacky autocrat.

So helping others, even mollusks, also helps me to feel better.

You’ll be happy to know that Gary survived.

(featured photo is Gary before the accident)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

Suffering

February 24, 2025February 23, 2025Posted in love, UncategorizedTagged healing, inspiration, love, relationships63 Comments

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

I don’t often think about my ex-husband, for better or for worse. [Yes, that was a marriage joke. 😊] After we divorced, he got married to his third wife. I discovered, once I wasn’t married to him, that I did want kids and had them on my own.

But something I read the other day made me think of something he said fifteen years ago when our marriage was unravelling. “I suffered so much as a kid that I don’t want to suffer any more now.” It was his excuse for not wanting to do the work to figure out the why of his infidelities.

He did suffer as a kid. His parents divorced when he was three years old. His mom remarried a man that ended up going to prison for bank robbery. He was in high school and living with his dad and his dad’s third wife until his dad and step-mom left town in the middle of the night to move 1,000 miles away without telling him because they were in trouble with the IRS.

My ex was a smart kid. He figured it out and managed to work his way through college to create a different life than his parents.

Here’s what I read that made me think of my ex:

“While I am not a victim, I didn’t ask for certain shaping experiences to happen to me. I didn’t ask to be slapped or ridiculed as a boy or to be mistreated by lifelong friends later in life. In truth, If I had experienced different things, I would have different things to say.

What is most healing about bearing witness to things exactly as they are, including my own part in my pain, is that when the voice of the pain fits the pain, there is no room for distortion or illusion. In this way, truth becomes a clean bandage that heals, keeping dirt out of the wound.

To voice things as they are is the nearest medicine.”

— The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo

That meditation helped me to understand that the point of cleaning our wounds isn’t to suffer more, it’s to heal at that deeper level.

Here’s the funny thing. In not wanting to do his work, my ex made me want to do mine. He’s right – there’s too much suffering in this world. I was motivated to heal my wounds so I don’t thoughtlessly create others.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

Good For the Soul In All Senses

February 19, 2025February 18, 2025Posted in inspirationTagged life, love, relationships, senses, whidbey island72 Comments

“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.” – Paulo Coehlo

I spent this past Valentine’s Day weekend up on Whidbey Island with my friend, Eric, my kids, and Cooper the dog. It’s taken me a while to figure out why repeatedly going back to this same place is so good for my soul – even on cold, cloudy weekends in winter.

It’s because it lights up the complete sensory experience.

Cooper the dog experiences everything through his mouth.

Nine-year-old Miss O runs barefoot through the sand singing and dancing.

Five-year-old Mr. D gets up close and touches everything.

My friend, Eric, handles everything with his sense of humor. That counts as a sense, right?

I visited this beach a few times before I had kids. It’s a lovely spot. But to come here with these young spirits changes the whole experience to a full immersion. Instead of just walking through and taking pictures of what I see, they remind me to embrace the experience with all my senses.

And to stay close to the people that make you feel alive.

(all photos are mine)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

Be Kind

February 17, 2025February 16, 2025Posted in kindnessTagged envy, families, kindness, love, parenting, relationships85 Comments

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato

We’ve been attending a lot of kids birthday parties recently. Five-year-old Mr. D said to me, “Mama, seeing kids gets presents at their birthdays makes me feel jealous.”

I replied, “That’s understandable.” I thought about saying something about generosity, grace. or friendship. Instead, I decided to tell story of my own.

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking Cooper the dog in the neighborhood and I noticed that our neighbors have two new nice cars. I like this family a great deal so I felt a small stab of envy but not in a snarky way.

A couple days later, I ran into the mom of this family. I asked how she was. She answered that she and her husband were flying down to California to get her 20-year-old son’s stuff from college. He was diagnosed with lymphoma over the holiday break and is starting treatment soon. Damn. Damn. Damn.

As I gave her a hug and my deep felt and sincerest best wishes, I thought of my recent pang of envy. Everyone is going through something. Perhaps it only depends if we are close enough and trustworthy enough to know what it is.

I told a simplified version of this story to my kids. I’m not sure they got a lot out of it because they don’t yet quite understand that people have layers like onions, to quote Shrek. It may be years or decades before they fully comprehend that even though we always want new “stuff,” that isn’t what truly matters.

But I figured we can at least start the conversation now. I suspect we all need the reminder. I know I do.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

The Gift of a Good Host

February 14, 2025February 13, 2025Posted in podcastTagged commitment, creativity, podcast, relationships, writing44 Comments

“If it’s the right chair, it doesn’t take too long to get comfortable in it.” – Robert de Niro

Not long ago I went to a luncheon at a friend’s house. The decor was perfect, the food was beautifully presented and delicious, the company was lovely.

And yet – I was uncomfortable. I was handed a glass of ice water with lemon when I arrived and there was no place to put it down. I kept my coat on because everything looked too perfect to be a coat repository. Everyone was standing around awkwardly before the meal began because it was too early to sit at the table and there wasn’t another alternative.

My takeaway was the being a good host is more than making things look “perfect.” It’s about making people comfortable. And this luncheon came back to me because this week on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, Vicki Atkinson and I turned the hosting duties over our HoTM partner, Brian Hannon. And he’s a very good host!

Brian’s roots as a journalist are on full display in this episode. He is such a fantastic interviewer. He coaxes out the lessons Vicki and I have learned in 100 episodes.

And he challenges us to think big to answer who would be on our celebrity guest list.

In some very delightful and prescient chit chat, we get to cheer on the Eagles in advance of their Super Bowl LIX performance.

Most of all, we have a great time celebrating the milestone of 100 episodes and taking a moment to appreciate what goes into starting, envisioning and maintaining a collaborative effort like a podcast.

We’re confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we tell stories about making a podcast!

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 103: Turning the Tables with Brian Hannon

Episode 103 Transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

Episode 103: Turning the Tables with Brian Hannon on HoTM

Brian’s blog: https://writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com/

From the hosts:

Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo from Pexels)

Things About Parenting I Think I’ve Learned So Far, Part 2

February 10, 2025February 9, 2025Posted in ParenthoodTagged confidence, dreams, humor, inspiration, love, parenting, relationships79 Comments

“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. Dubois

It’s been a couple of years since I originally compiled a list of what I thought I knew. As I sit down to write this update, I realize that the richness of parenting comes with a lot of doubt. What works one day with one kid doesn’t necessarily work the next with another.

So in the spirit of admitting that I don’t really know anything, but still keep trying, here’s what I think I’ve learned about parenting recently.

Don’t interrupt a child trying to tie their shoes.

Once they talk like adults, it’s harder to remember that they don’t have the brain development to go along with the vocabulary.
Remembering that BEFORE I speak is what comes with maturity

It takes a lot of food to support those growing brains. One trick is to teach them to cook.
Anything they participate in making tastes better.

Once they are out of car seats, it’s much easier to get IN the car.
But it’s harder to get TO the car.

Motivation is touchy – too much pressure and they zing out of control. Too little pressure and they don’t move. It’s like coaxing an element from solid to liquid form so be careful with the Bunson Burner.

Many clues about the internal state can be discerned by listening. As Lawrence Cohen said, “Children don’t say ‘I had a hard day, can we talk?’ They say, ‘Will you play with me?‘”

Growth is not a straight line.

Some issues will solve themselves without parental involvement. Learn to hang back.

Confidence and independence go hand-in-hand. But both start from the heart. When we believe they can, they do too.

Listening to what a child observes is one of the most rewarding parts of parenting. When they report on a purple house, the first star at night, or the sound of a bird as it taps on a wire, stop everything to take it in.

I still haven’t solved the sock problem. They get stuffed behind the pillow, under the couch, in my purse, and on the porch. Most mystifying, or maddening, is when they end up back with the clean socks.

There will be things that drive you crazy. Like the socks. Or the last half hour before bedtime.
Coping with parenting is like looking at an optical illusion where you can see the old lady with the big chin or the young lady with a hat.
Pick the perspective that fills you with joy.

Be gentle. Be calm. Be kind. And that includes to yourself.

Riding bikes to the ice cream shop always improves the mood.

There are many different types of closeness. But one definition, proximity, helps to create a lot of the other types.
Being proximate and close means you’ll sometimes feel the sting of growing pains. Understanding that’s what it is will help to salve the sting.

Other people’s emotions can be hard to handle.
That circular relationship of handling my emotions about their emotions is instrumental to growing up… for me and for them.

Learning is almost always messy.

This is clearly a personal call but maybe clean less than you think you should and play more than you think you should.

The amount of time you spend playing with your kids when they are young and you are old and busy has a relationship to how much time they spend with you when you are old and they are grown and busy.

When kids are parked in their big spaces, proud and confident, they act better.
Being someone who helps move the mindset from small and whiny to big and empowered is tricky…and powerful!

Dreams are precious. Just listen.

(featured photo is my kids and me after biking in the rain. Thanks to Dave Williams for his edits to take the names off the helmets).

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

Snakes and Stories

January 27, 2025January 26, 2025Posted in storyTagged adventure, blogging, creativity, relationships, storytelling, writing67 Comments

“Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living.” – Rachel Marie Marten

This past weekend my kids and I went to the Reptile Expo. I know that might be the least appealing hook for a Monday but stick with me.

It was an experience gift that my niece gave us for Christmas. The same delightful niece from whom we got the crested gecko. And guess what? My kids loved the idea. She and her husband made this great bingo card for the cards to help guide the experience.

My niece had given us an extra ticket so I extended the invitation to my friend, Eric. He asked if my niece was mad at me and then humorously declined. But he came over for dinner after we got back and had lots of questions.

And that’s where this got interesting to me. My kids loved the expo and so my off-the-cuff response was that we had a good time. But Eric is a great storyteller and pressed for the details. When he asked all about the show, it elicited stories and information I hadn’t really thought to mine.

Like he asked who went to reptile expos and it made me think of our reaction when we arrived. The show was about an hour south of Seattle and when we neared the fairgrounds, there was a huge line of people at the gate. We thought there must have been something else going on. Turns out the lines were for the reptile expo.” Two hundred people?” Eric prompted. More like two thousand.

And the type of people that attended were mostly families. In the bathroom, we saw a woman helping her grandsons wash their hands. And then she said, “Cmon, let’s go find grandpa and great-grandma.”

The first exhibit near the doors was snakes and the kids wanted to hold one. I stood back to watch until the gentleman that got one out for us explained that the protocol with kids is that he hands the snake to the adult and they supervise the kids holding them. Ugh.

Eric wanted to know whether the exhibitors were just people showing off their pets or if it was a money making opportunity. Most of the animals there were for sale. In one display, there was snake after snake after snake in what looked like cake displays. You know the topper you put on a cake plate? Let’s hope that these had latches to secure them. I didn’t get close enough to check.

There was also a guy who was charging $5 for anyone who wanted to take a picture with his snake around their neck. We passed but I got a picture of him with the snake around his neck. Eric took a lot at that and laughed, “Not surprisingly, he’s got snake tattoos.”

And there were also a couple of rescue organizations that had snakes, turtles, and geckos to adopt. I asked how most of their animals come to be in their care. It’s mostly when animal control calls them in. They even have a fostering system just like with dogs and cats.

One of these booths is where my kids got to pet a tortoise named Tate and hold a bearded dragon named Quibble. The volunteer that was helping us said she didn’t really enjoy geckos so I asked if it was bearded dragons she liked. “No,” she replied, “I like snakes.” When I asked, she listed the kind of snakes she had. I confess that I stopped actively listening after the fifth. Yikes.

People also sell the bugs that reptiles like to eat. Five-year-old Mr. D and I were looking into a container that had several geckos and Mr. D said, “Look, there’s a beetle.” And then a gecko noticed. It’s tongue was so fast that it was barely perceptible. It clearly enjoyed a crunchy snack.

Gecko in an enclosure looking like he's smiling after eating a snack.

Which led me to the story about seeing a display with 10 gerbils for sale. There was only one left and I was unclear about whether people were buying them to be pets or…? Eric’s response, “Can you imagine the level of stress for a gerbil at a snake show?”

On the way out, my kids nearly fell over when we came across some axolotls (see featured photo). These are the Mexican salamanders that are like the pickleball of elementary school kids. In the last few years, it seems like the increase in axolotl merch has been meteoric – stuffies, backpacks, keychains, and more. Eric confessed that until he saw our picture, he wasn’t sure that axolotls were real.

I’ll spare you the stories of the snake throwing up and the snake pooping. Suffice it to say, my kids had a great time at the reptile show. And I got some pretty good stories out of it – because Eric asked for the details.

It makes me wonder if an element of creativity…and life… is having people around us interested in asking. Last question from Eric was, “Did you check your car for snakes when you got home? No? That’s okay – you can just sell it.”

The Fate Worse Than No

January 20, 2025January 19, 2025Posted in inspirationTagged adventure, confidence, friendship, relationships, risk60 Comments

“If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.” – Wayne Dwyer

When my friend, Eric, was over for dinner last week, I asked him if he had room in his car to take his chairs home. In the pause as he considered it, Miss O jumped in and said, “Yeah, they were just dumped here.”

Eric surprisingly showed up with chairs unbidden on the morning of Thanksgiving of 2023. And while we used them around the table for that Thanksgiving and this past one, they haven’t been used otherwise.

I think Miss O was doing the thing we often do – saying one sentence too much when there’s a pause because we’re afraid the answer will be “no.” Call it pressing the point or making the case, often it’s trying to shift the answer in our favor. Sometimes it comes with an unnecessary punch.

Because “no” isn’t the worse thing we can hear. Sure, it means we aren’t getting our way for the moment. But consider all the missed opportunities if we didn’t ask at all. Things like dates you didn’t go on, the path you didn’t take, and the pitches you didn’t make.

And the chairs we stored for 420 days because I hadn’t asked my friend to take them. Fortunately, Eric did have room for chairs in his car that night. As we carried them to his car, he and I had a good laugh about the chairs that were “dumped.” Not the word I’d use because they came with good intent and thankfully left in the same spirit.

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Love You Can’t Wipe Off

January 13, 2025January 12, 2025Posted in loveTagged confidence, family, love, parenting, relationships86 Comments

“How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved.” – Sigmund Freud

One morning last week, I gave five-year-old Mr. D a kiss on the cheek as he was getting out of the car at school. He turned and said, “Sometimes I wipe your kisses off.” I laughed and then he jumped out of the car and ran to join his class line.

I was still laughing when this retort popped to mind: “Nice try but the mark of love doesn’t wipe away that easily.”

It’s in the clean clothes you have to wear. And packed with the lunch I’ve taken the time to try to balance nutrition with edibility.

It’s with the reading practice we did last night so you can feel more confident today. And in the jobs I let you “help” with to gain a since of accomplishment.

Love is in the echo of you saying “My best mom in the world” when we snuggle on the couch in the morning.

It’s in the tilt of your head when you speak because you know you are worth being listened to.

And it’s in the even-handed way you treat other people and the dog and cat with curiosity and companionship.

We don’t have everything and sometimes butt heads, but love shows up to help smooth out our edges.

Love is in your knowledge that you can tell me that you wipe my kisses off. And that I’ll still keep trying on your way out the door.