Tag: friendship

Ropes are Relational

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“A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I awoke Friday morning to the sound of a drip in my bathroom. Amazing how a drop of water in another room landing on a bath mat that’s designed to absorb water can penetrate the unconscious. It felt like I came abruptly awake and then sat straight up listening. It reminds me of something I heard from acoustic ecologist Gordon Hempton that our ears never sleep, even when our brain does.

The vent on the fan was the source of the leak. So this weekend I got out one of my climbing ropes so that I could do some repair work on the roof. Afterwords, as I was coiling the rope, I was struck by how ropes are like friendship. It takes me a long time to coil a 60 meter rope so perhaps I was just delirious but I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch.

Ropes help us cross dangerous terrain: In the mountains when conditions are icy, steep, or pitted with crevasses, being roped to a team helps ensure safety if someone falls. We know from research, like the longitudinal study that Dr. Robert Wallinger talks about in his TED talk, that friendship has a similar effect. Good relationships keep us happy and healthy.

It’s easier to unkink a rope when it’s not frozen: Ropes, like friendships, get knotted and kinked sometimes. Ropes, like friendships, are easier to unkink when they aren’t frozen. When guides come back into camp after a summit or training exercise, they take care of the ropes right away. Even when the conditions are rough and people are tired and sore, it’s worth the effort to straighten and coil it before it freezes. In my experience, this is true for friendships as well.

Ropes are heavy: Carrying a climbing rope adds around 10 pounds to your pack, more if the rope is wet. When my friends and I climbed together, we’d divvy up the group gear to spread the load. But often when a climber isn’t feeling well, a team member will carry the rope for them. In my experience of good friendships, the same thing happens with carrying the weight of the relationship. Often, it isn’t a completely equitable split of time and effort that makes a friendship work but the willingness of both parties to switch off carrying the load when things get rough or busy.

Here’s the other thing that I love about ropes – they require me to find someone to hold the other end. I tend towards the stubbornly independent so this slows me down enough to get help. As I coiled the rope back up, I also appreciated how reassuring it was to have my mom and sister-in-law there when I roped up to repair the seal around the fan vent. I never slipped or needed the rope to catch me but I knew it was there and it made me feel safer. Just like my friendships.

(featured photo is mine of a rope coiling at the climbing gym)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Living Life Fully

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“Some pursue happiness, others create it.” – unknown

Writing a going away card for our neighbors that are moving back to England forced me to put words to what makes them so special. When they moved here three years ago and their kids were 5, 7, and 9 years old, what was most noticeable were their charming accents.

But their charm ran a lot deeper than that. They came to Seattle with a spirit of adventure. The dad’s job allows him to work anywhere in the world. I heard the mom describe their decision making process of looking at the whole globe and choosing Seattle. The water, the mountains, the green drew them in.

So luckily they landed in our neighborhood – right on our street! I met the kids when I was helping out with school picture day as I escorted anyone that was new to the school or out sick on regular picture day down to the photographers. In the process I met these three delightful children who were verbosely happy and excited to be here.

But here’s what was so inspiring about them. They weren’t just happy and adventurous people when they landed. They maintained it for the three years they lived here and by doing so they enraptured our whole community.

I’d see them after a break and they’d have taken a road trip down through Oregon, California, Nevada and back up through Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, and Idaho. The mom would joke that they’d rolled in at 11pm the night before school started again so she wasn’t going to win any Best Mum awards for that.

They did things like climbing to Camp Muir on Mt. Rainier, and spending one holiday at a dude ranch. One holiday they went to Las Vegas and let each of the kids pick a show to see for their night. Then they spent the rest of their time exploring the wilderness near Red Rocks.

It was like without the ruts of having lived in the area long enough to know their favorites, they were free to bounce around and try everything. And the same went for friendship. Not knowing anyone meant that they were open to meeting everyone.

The Buddhists and Stoics talk about contemplating our demise as a way to live more fully. It strikes me that my neighbors exemplified an aspect of this. They likely knew they’d return to England at some point so they lived this adventure to the fullest while they were here.

Here’s what I finally landed on for their going away card. This family with their adventurous, happy and authentic hearts was a gift to us and our community. They reminded us how many wonderful places, experiences and people are around when you are willing to look. And because openness translates to any language, a blessing wherever they go.

May we all be.

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I co-host a author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about collaboration and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

A Mini Blog Tour

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“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real…to be honest…to let our true selves be seen.” – Brene Brown

A few years back I proposed/threatened/promised that I wanted to one day pack my kids and dog into an RV and go on a tour to meet blog buddies. The WordPress community really is so amazing for incredible stories, big hearts and willingness to interact.

While that tour is mostly a fantasy, I’ve been lucky enough to meet so many bloggers through Zoom when we’ve done podcasts. I’ve enjoyed these conversations with people that feel like they are already friends immensely.

On top of that, I’ve been fortunate to meet a number of WordPress friends in person over the years. Playwright Jack Canfora, artist Libby Saylor, Deb (Closer to the Edge blog), and Betsy Kerekes (Writing and Martial Arts blog). Unfortunately, I’ve not yet met my podcast partner and dear friend, Vicki Atkinson (Victoria Ponders blog) in person. But I was lucky enough to meet Vicki’s brilliant and delightful daughter when she came to Seattle.

When the incredible and effervescent Cindy Georgakas (Uniquely Fit blog) said she was coming to the Seattle last weekend, I jumped at the opportunity to spend a few minutes with her as well. My kids, Cooper the dog, and I piled into the car to do a mini blog adventure to meet up with her near where she and her family were staying.

Cindy confessed that her family didn’t think her blogging friends were real. Not only was it fun to prove that notion wrong but it’s also pretty amazing to discover that our blogging friends are pretty much who you’d expect them to be based on their writing.

Jack is witty, Libby is passionate, Deb is whip-smart and charming, Betsy is clever and strong, and Cindy is authentic and inspiring. Seeing that depth in person makes me even more grateful for the realness of this lovely community!

(featured photo taken by Cindy Georgakas)

One Hundred and Still Going Strong

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“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

In the senior living community where my mom lives, there are several people over 100 years of age. My kids love hearing stories about them and meeting them in the hallway. After all, if you reach 100, you’ve probably learned a thing or two, right?

Let’s hope so because Vicki Atkinson and I are celebrating our 100th episode of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. I’m just so incredibly grateful that Vicki, my podcast partner and dear friend, was and continues to be willing to do a storytelling and author podcast with me. Despite the fact that we’ve never met, this has been such a rich collaboration in which I’ve learned SO MUCH from the ever insightful, engaging, and sunny, Dr. Vicki!

We’ve also learned a bit about podcasting over these two years. So we sit down to mark the moment and answer four questions:

  • What were our favorite stories?
  • Do we have a biggest a-ha moment?
  • What have we learned as hosts?
  • Goals for the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast in 2025?

Vicki shares that she actually went back and listened to the very first episode. She says that instead of the cringe-worthy moment she expected, it was worth listening to our goals of being authentic and vulnerable.

We also spend some time laughing about the technical difficulties we’ve encountered along the way. In spite of those, we’ve forged through and added features like captions and transcripts to make the podcast more accessible.

In this celebratory moment, we honor all the incredible and inspiring guests we’ve had on and applaud our wonderful listeners and subscribers. We couldn’t be more grateful for all of you who’ve accompanied us on this journey.

I’m confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we share the power of storytelling and pause to celebrate before we move on to the next 100 episodes!

We know you’ll love it!

Please help us celebrate 100 episodes by subscribing on YouTube and Spotify!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 100: Celebrate with Us!

HoTM Episode 100 transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

GRATITUDE for the Guests that have joined us on these 100 episodes – sometimes even more than once!

From the hosts:

Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith;

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Fate Worse Than No

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“If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.” – Wayne Dwyer

When my friend, Eric, was over for dinner last week, I asked him if he had room in his car to take his chairs home. In the pause as he considered it, Miss O jumped in and said, “Yeah, they were just dumped here.”

Eric surprisingly showed up with chairs unbidden on the morning of Thanksgiving of 2023. And while we used them around the table for that Thanksgiving and this past one, they haven’t been used otherwise.

I think Miss O was doing the thing we often do – saying one sentence too much when there’s a pause because we’re afraid the answer will be “no.” Call it pressing the point or making the case, often it’s trying to shift the answer in our favor. Sometimes it comes with an unnecessary punch.

Because “no” isn’t the worse thing we can hear. Sure, it means we aren’t getting our way for the moment. But consider all the missed opportunities if we didn’t ask at all. Things like dates you didn’t go on, the path you didn’t take, and the pitches you didn’t make.

And the chairs we stored for 420 days because I hadn’t asked my friend to take them. Fortunately, Eric did have room for chairs in his car that night. As we carried them to his car, he and I had a good laugh about the chairs that were “dumped.” Not the word I’d use because they came with good intent and thankfully left in the same spirit.  

(featured photo from Pexels)

A Fond Farewell

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“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” – Mark Twain

I’ve become entranced with a word lately: inkling.

Inkling according to Merriam-Webster is a slight knowledge or vague notion. It comes from Middle English yngkiling meaning “whisper or mention.”

When I think of the inklings I’ve gotten, they relate to the niggling feeling that something is off. I’ve had inklings about big events like when my business partner told me of my ex-husband’s infidelities and right before I was laid off. Kinda like a surprise party when everyone stops talking to you in advance.

And I get inklings about little things like when one of my kids is about to catch a cold. Something isn’t quite right about how they react or eat food and it sets off the radar.

For me, inklings are closely related to the internal God whispers, those insistent notions that seem Divinely inspired. On a recent morning when I meditated, I had the urgent sense that I needed to reach out to our dear blogging friend, Julia Preston.

Later that day, I discovered that she’d passed away the night before at the age of 85. She hadn’t blogged much after her cancer diagnosis but she’s been present in emails and comments in the last few months.

After I published one of my favorite posts about the words I become entranced with, My Love Affair with Words, Julia jokingly asked what word I associated with her. I had no hesitation before responding “luminescent.” Julia glowed with love and light for all. She faced her diagnosis with that same delightful curiosity about what comes next.

Her last blog post hinted about the light and love we all can (and should) tap into. Julia left us with the question in When We Gonna: “When are we gonna turn the world around with the power of our thoughts? When are we gonna create light instead of dark and love instead of fear?“

Julia was laid to rest yesterday. For anyone who has an inkling to do something in her honor, her favorite causes were St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital and the ASPCA.

RIP, dear Julia. Your light and love remains!

For more about Julia’s profound impact, please see Vicki Atkinson‘s beautiful reminiscence in Collective Gratitude: The Feast Before the Feast

And Julia’s most recent book is available on Amazon: Voices: Who’s In Charge of the Committee in My Head?

(featured photo from Pexels)

Opening Questions

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“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” – Aesop

Recently my daughter, nine-year-old Miss O, and I were at our neighborhood grocery store. When we went through the check out line, Miss O asked the clerk, “How’s your day going?”

The genuine question worked instantly. It was as if a light went on inside the young woman. She answered, “Busy, but in a good way so that the day goes fast.”

Miss O responded, “I like your purple hair.”

It reminded me of a wonderful podcast conversation that Vicki and I recently had with blogger, parent, and social justice advocate, Ab, about finding our people.

Ab tells us the great story of a chance encounter he had with a woman standing next to him and his family in an hour-long line. She led with a query and Ab answered with his trademark humor and openness.

Vicki and I delve into how these encounters can be very different from what we imagine when we genuinely lean into them.

Ab talks about the loneliness epidemic and how the antidote to negative feelings and isolation is connection. While finding your people isn’t always easy, it’s facilitated by having an open-heart.

We explore how sometimes we’re in the prison of our own thoughts and how human connection breaks us out of that loop and facilitates kindness.  

This is such a fascinating episode. I love the kinship we have with Ab. And he’s so good at illustrating how community is where kindness and empathy happens. It’s where we have the opportunity to support each other and create deep relationships.

I’m confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we share the power of storytelling about finding our people.

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 95: Finding Our People with Ab

HoTM Episode 95 transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

Sharing the Heart of the Matter Episode 95 show notes

Ab’s Blog: My life with T

Ab’s post: Hiking Takakkaw Falls and Canoeing Emerald Lake at Yoho National Park

The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community’s 2023 report “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation”  

The Human Library Movement

From the hosts:

Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith;

(featured photo from Pexels)

Ring a Bell

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“There is within each one of us a potential for goodness beyond our imagining; for giving which seeks no reward; for listening without judgment; for loving unconditionally.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I’ve hung a yak bell on the inside handle of my back door for decades. I bought the bell in Nepal when I trekked to Everest base camp so I find it a pleasing sound for many reasons. It’s been useful so that my dogs can signal when they want to go out. Neither Cooper nor Biscuit before him were big barkers so it was pretty easy to train them to ring the bell when they want to go outside.

It’s a lot harder to train them to just do it when they NEED to go out instead of just want to go out. <Squirrel> But hey, I won’t complain about a system that works most of the time for canine to human communication.

Lately, I’ve been noticing that Cooper rings the bell for the cat. That is, if he sees her sitting outside the door wanting to come in, he’ll ring it. Or, if she’s sitting next to him and wants to go out, he’ll ring the bell. When I open the door, he sits back down and doesn’t go outside as if to say, “I’m just doing this for my friend, the cat. Who could do it for herself but doesn’t want to appear trainable.”

Who says chivalry is dead?

My Window Washing Friends

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“A friend accepts us as we are yet helps us to be what we should.” – anonymous

When we arrived at the place on the Whidbey Island beach that we are staying this week, the windows facing the water needed to be cleaned. Last year when we rented this place for vacation, I didn’t think to wash the windows until the end of the time we were there.

But in the spirit of live and learn, I remember this year on the second day we were here. Luckily, two of my dearest friends, Katie and Eric were with my kids and me on that day and we washed off the salt spray residue together.

I think window washing is one of my new favorite metaphors for friendship. Dear friends are the ones who you allow to see through the most transparent layer. They are the people who help wash your interior windows. Friends as the people who know when your outlook has gotten grimy and apply a good helping of elbow grease to clear it. And who you trust when they say, “Looks good!”

I could run this metaphor into the ground. But I’ll stop there and say how grateful I am for dear friends who make washing windows fun!

Because it’s a great segue to the podcast episode my dear friend, Vicki Atkinson and I did this week. Dr. Stein has become a great friend of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast so it was so fitting that he came on to share revealing and delightful stories about friendship.

He tells of the three categories of friendship according to Aristotle. And we talk about the investment that it takes to build a platonic relationship with another.

Of course, with investments come payoffs. And Dr. Stein coaches us through how to think about that term when it comes to friendship.

In the course of any lasting relationship, apologies come into play. Dr. Stein tells us some wonderfully illustrative stories about apologies that help to get to the heart of apology.

I’m certain you’ll enjoy the scenic and beautiful places we go when we share the power of story.

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 78: The Blessings and Responsibilities of Friendship with Dr. Gerald Stein

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

(featured photo from Pexels)

Links for this episode:

About Friendship⁠ by Dr. Gerald Stein

⁠Becoming Close Friends: A Practical Guide ⁠⁠by Dr. Gerald Stein⁠

⁠Episode 78 post by Vicki Atkinson on Sharing the Heart of the Matter

Dr. Gerald Stein’s Blog: ⁠Dr. Gerald Stein⁠

Other podcast episodes with Dr. Stein:

⁠Episode 60: The Perils of Prediction with Dr. Gerald Stein⁠

⁠Episode 46: Being Your Own Best Friend With Dr. Gerald Stein – Part I⁠

⁠Episode 47: Being Your Own Best Friend With Dr. Gerald Stein – Part II⁠

⁠Episode 37: The Waiting Game with Dr. Gerald Stein⁠

⁠Episode 29: Accidental Philanthropists with Dr. Gerald Stein⁠

⁠Episode 20: The Art of the Interview with Dr. Gerald Stein⁠

From the Hosts:

Vicki’s recently released book: ⁠Surviving Sue⁠

Wynne’s book about her beloved father: ⁠Finding My Father’s Faith⁠

Along For The Ride

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“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love it what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Franklin P. Jones

When Vicki Atkinson first read my book about my beloved father, Finding My Father’s Faith, one of the things she remarked that she loved was the way he described riding on trains when he lived in India.

He was 24 or 25 years old, studying to get a Masters degree from Benares Hindu University. During his school breaks would travel around India third class, sitting on the floor like everyone else, and practicing his Hindi.

I admit I hadn’t thought at length about that aspect of my dad because that was just the guy he was. He didn’t proselytize, mention he was a pastor, or have any agenda – he just liked people. Whether he was golfing, hiking or riding mass transit, my dad enjoyed talking with his fellow travelers in this life.

I mention this because in this week’s podcast, Vicki and I talked with dear friend, marketing man, and creative guru, Eric Knudson about riding the bus.

Eric is a dear friend of mine and a master story-teller. I’ve known Eric for ten years and through the years, he’s regaled me with many stories. I can’t tease out exactly the formula but it’s some combination of his use of humor, timing, and detail that makes him so entertaining to listen to.

He also had the pleasure of knowing my dad and understanding what a whirlwind of energy and good-natured sociability he was.

So in this episode, he brings both his fantastic storytelling and a bit of my dad to a great story about a recent bus ride. It’s hilarious, dramatic, and full of fun. Here’s a sneak peek:

I’m certain you’ll enjoy the scenic and beautiful places we go when we share the power of story.

We know you’ll love it!

Check out the full podcast at: Episode 76: On the Bus with Eric Knudson

(featured photo from Pexels)

Links for this episode:

Vicki’s personal blog: Victoria Ponders

Wynne’s personal blog: Surprised by Joy

Vicki’s recently released book: Surviving Sue

Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith