Category: life lessons

Life(cycle) of the Party

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“You knew it would be hard and it would be uncomfortable and it might be awkward and you did it anyway. That’s courage.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

I did it. We did it, I should say. We threw a backyard birthday party for Mr. D’s sixth birthday and hosted 21 kids under the age of eight plus about a dozen parents. And the we? I hired Miss O and two of her 10-year-old friends to help. I also had the invaluable assistance of a young woman who was Mr. D’s pre-school teacher and has become a great family friend.

Here are ten things I seem to learn and re-learn about the life(cycle) of the party.

  1. Parties are a great forcing function. I’m guessing it would be easier to rent a party venue. But I love the opportunity to invest in my home. I try to do a home improvement project and a purge project before every party. I don’t think I sat down for three days leading up to the event. But I laid more pavers to expand my backyard seating area and filled eight bags of dishware, textiles, and toys to give away. That alone made the party a win before it even started!
  2. You have to sleep on it to learn. I walked 22,160 steps on the day of the party. At the end of the day, I was too exhausted to know or feel anything…other than tired. The lessons learned didn’t show up til the next morning.
  3. Even the happiest of events will exhaust you. Mr. D loved his party. It was a fair theme with Crocodile Cave water slide on one side of the yard, an inflatable hot tub on the other and in between a bottle-ring toss game, Skee ball setup, fishing game, and a flipping rings game. After lunch and birthday cake, we made shaved ice cones, cotton candy, applied tattoos and had a ballon art station.

    Mr. D almost fell asleep in his dinner.
  4. You plan, plan, plan… and then let it happen. Miss O had beautifully drawn out the time table for three party phases: WET,  DRYING, and DRY. We had roles assigned for each. We were about 15 minutes into the party when we made our first substitution.
  5. There is that guy at parties regardless of age. In one terrifying moment, I came eyeball-to-eyeball with a six-year-old that said, “I’m going to open the gecko’s cage.” I had to race the kid to the keys. I never thought twice about leaving the enclosure key in the door like we always do.

    The party shtick of that guy (not meant to be gender specific) starts early.
  6. The messy middle happens every time. There was a moment right before birthday cake where it all felt impossible. We took a deep breath and made it through.
  7. No one naturally markets their stuff. Each of the “fair activities” had its own arc. But when the lines at a particular stand ebbed, nobody wanted to be the carnival barker to attract an audience.
  8. Mixing up the ages benefits everyone. In this case it was letting older kids take care of younger kids. It made both ages feel special.
  9. Save time for the after part. My favorite part was after all the guests left. The workers, Miss O, and Mr. D got to really enjoy the fun.
  10. There are a few people that will go the extra mile to appreciate the effort. Keep them close. All the parents were lovely and grateful. A couple went out of the way to tell me afterwards what they appreciated. I suspect these are also the people I know, online and in real life, that take the time to leave good reviews. I want to be more like them.

Looking this over, I think it might be the lifecycle of all the hard things I’ve done. What do you think – is there a predictable arc of big to-dos? Did I miss any lessons learned?

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – in our families, friendships, at work and in the world.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Celebrating Getting To Stay

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“The capacity to learn is a gift; The ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.” – Brian Herbert

I have two young kids with summer birthdays so I’m well steeped in the high expectations that come with celebrating our entry to this life – gifts, parties, songs, cakes. They are just so darn proud of all the growing up they are doing.

I get it because I’m so proud of them too. The expanded perspectives, vocabulary, abilities, smarts, empathy, and maturity are incredible to watch bloom.

But at some point it switches, doesn’t it?

It goes from birthdays being all about being celebrated for showing up and turns into celebrating that we get to stay. At least, that’s the way that it feels to me as I turn 56 years old today.

I am so grateful that I get to be here to love not only my two beautiful kids but also everyone I can. Sure, there are some people and things that challenge my “love wins” perspective but with each year, I understand more that life doesn’t come wrapped in neat packaging. Also, that there is much to learn when uncovering each unexpected “gift” and all I need to do is find the next right thing to do.

So as I unwrap this year, I try to remember to be proud that somewhere along the way I’ve grown into me. My stubbornness has mellowed into tenacious resilience. My faith has evened out the lows and added gratitude to the highs. I’m so delighted that I’ve gotten to stay another year.

Here’s to the next. Thanks for riding along with me!

P.S. I’m writing this while drinking a cup of tea from the Book of Tea. A perfect gift from my co-host Vicki Atkinson of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter books and authors podcast! Thank you, dear Vicki!

(featured photo is mine of my children)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about how to share anything – to the appropriate audience, with the right permissions, at the most opportune time.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

To Pick Up or Not to Pick Up

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“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.” – Epicetus

During an early morning walk with Cooper the dog a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a dog poop that hadn’t been picked up. It sat on the little strip of grass between the sidewalk and the street in front of a house a couple streets away from ours.

So I picked it up. And then the next day, I found one in nearly the same spot. I picked it up.

When it happened the third day, something clicked in my head that reasoned that the odds that it was an owner walking their dog and not picking up in the exact same area every day were too great. Instead it was more likely that someone in that house has a dog and was letting them potty out front.

I didn’t pick it up.

Putting up with other people’s sh!t is tiring, isn’t it? And yet, it seems to be a fundamental part of being part of a country and community. Now that’s food for thought. Happy Memorial Day!

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about how to share anything – to the appropriate audience, with the right permissions, at the most opportune time.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Choosing What to Work On

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“Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.” – Laurie Buchanan

It’s that time of year when my yard needs a lot of work. Weeding, trimming, pruning, planting – there’s a lot to be done.  Whenever my mom offers to help, she grabs her gardening gloves and heads to the front of the house. It’s taken me several years to figure out the pattern, because I’m always surprised. I think we should start in the back.

The back is off the kitchen and family room. It’s where we BBQ, sit and eat. It’s also where we play 90% of the time we’re outside. It seems like a logical choice to focus my time there because it’s the biggest need.

[I know I usually write about podcasts on Fridays. Trust me, I’m getting there.]

My mom’s way of thinking is that the front is what everyone sees and so it needs the most attention because of its visibility.

When Vicki and I podcast with authors, we try to read all the books we are talking about. It’s all the back yard work to prepare and have thoughtful conversations.

In my analogy, the resulting podcasts are like the front yard – it’s what everyone sees. But all the preparation and production is like the back yard where we spend most of our time.

We’ve slowed our pace at putting out podcasts to bi-weekly because the back yard work is taking a lot of time. We hope that makes the resulting productions even more fun to watch!

So stay tuned for next week’s podcast with author, teacher, and former reporter, Mark Wukas. He’s going to tell us about his fantastic novel, The Kiss of the Night and how it was more than 40 years in the making!

We know you’ll love it!

(featured photo from Pexels)

Navigating Unwelcome Surprises

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“Living is the art of getting used to what we didn’t expect.” – Eleanor C. Wood

Last week, at an off-leash area for dogs, a dog latched on to my 18-month-old dog, Cooper’s, face. This dog, a pit bull mix, had been showing a lot of interest in Cooper. But Cooper doesn’t have, or hasn’t yet developed, any defensive postures – he doesn’t bark, raise his hackles, or growl. He’s bigger than many of the dogs and mostly runs away.

For whatever reason, this dog latched on to Cooper’s face between his eye and his ear. The dogs weren’t fighting – and neither dog was even growling. The owner was right there and was doing all that he could to get the dog to let go.

I can’t say how long it went on for – it felt like five minutes but could have been only one or two. As it went on, all the humans in the dog park circled around but no one seemed to be able to help the owner get the dog to let go.

And then finally the dog released. Cooper wimpered and scampered away. The owner said to me, “I’m so sorry. We’re never coming here again.” I’d like to report what I said but I have no idea. Maybe nothing.

I checked Cooper as we walked out of the park and he didn’t have any blood or wounds. The side of his face appeared to be a little puffier but undamaged.

These kinds of things always surprise me when they happen. It’s not that I’m unaware that they can. It’s that I’ve found carrying around the armor of anticipation to be too exhausting. It fends off bad and good things equally. It weighs me down too much in a way that keeps me from trying new things.

Instead I’ve come to figure out what works for me to process these things. I sit on my meditation cushion and breathe and pray. I write about it. I tell the story to others and it helps me to get a handle on it myself.

Somewhere during this process after we’d gotten home from the dog park, I started to settle down. The shaky feeling had lessened and after a time, I even stopped saying “I’m sorry that happened” to Cooper every time I looked at him.

Then as the kids settled into bed that night, Cooper featured high in our list of what we were grateful for. Five-year-old Mr. D was glad his buddy was okay. Nine-year-old Miss O pointed out that it was great that the other owner was helping and was apologetic. I was grateful that the kids weren’t there and it wasn’t any worse.

So in the end, we found bright spots in a story that started with “a dog latched on to Cooper’s face.” I’ve found that navigating unwelcome surprises often helps me to dig deep.

(featured photo is Cooper after the incident)

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Dr. Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

You can find me on Instagram and Twitter @wynneleon

Transforming Anger Into Something Life-Giving

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“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” Margaret Mead

I witnessed a short, angry burst of aggression the other day. A driver pulled into an intersection as if to take a free right. A woman on foot with her dog in tow, crossed against the light, rapped on the car’s passenger window to tell the driver that it was “No turn on red.” Then she kept knocking on the window to continue angrily yelling the same thing over and over again.

The funny thing was that the driver had not yet taken a right turn but the woman was so incensed that it was likely to happen that she broke the rules to tell them not to. It would have been comical had she not been so apoplectic.

The light turned green, the car turned right and the interaction was over. But it stuck with me, so I went home and looked up anger in Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown:

Anger is a catalyst. Holding on to it will make us exhausted and sick. Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit; externalizing anger will make us less effective in our attempts to create change and forge connection. It’s an emotion that we need to transform into something life-giving: courage, love, change, compassion, justice.

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown

I think this piqued my interest because the injustices of this world and our recent national politics make me angry. I need to remember to transform that into something life-giving in order to participate in creating change.

(featured photo from Pexels)

Staying in My Own Lane

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“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” – Judy Garland

My brother and I like to talk about Wordle strategies. It seems to be our easy, go-to conversation. To be fair, my brother has all the strategies and I’m just a decent guesser.

His goal is to have more successes getting the word in three guesses than in four. I hadn’t thought of that particular challenge. So when I changed computers a while back, I had to relog in to the NY Times and it started my stats all over again. I thought this was a great chance to give his approach a try.

For a while my 3’s and 4’s were neck in neck. But then I realized, taking the time to be strategic about getting it in three was irritating me. I’d rather go faster and get it in four.

Taking the time to play Wordle is pleasureful, but taking time to think through all the possible combinations to land on the most likely was just unrealistic.

I was chagrined to realize that life had just given me another opportunity to learn to stay in my own lane. The only way I’ve figured out how to be happy playing the game of life is to find my own goals – not try to live up to others.

(featured photo from Pexels)

Too Mad To Listen

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“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” – Mark Twain

I saw this gas station sign and it reminded me of a story from many years ago.

The house next door to mine used to be a duplex. On the main floor lived a 40-something year old opera singer and music teacher who had lived there for nearly twenty years. She gardened and was friendly with all the neighbors so it was easy to get to know her.

One summer, a new renter moved into the top floor. She was younger than the opera singer – maybe in her early 30’s. I frequently saw her roller skating around the little lake we live near wearing bright red lipstick. She was noticeable but harder to get to know beyond a wave here and there.

The roller skater frequently walked loudly in high heels when she was home and slammed her kitchen cupboards late at night. This was keeping the opera singer in the apartment below her awake past her bedtime. She tried to ask her to stop. The roller skater didn’t want to talk about it. So, the opera singer tried sending her an email. The roller skater’s dad who lived in Florida called her to tell her to stop bothering his daughter.

Then one night the roller skater came home, parked her car in the driveway and left her car lights on. The opera singer noticed and tried to call out to her but the roller skater slammed the door. The opera singer tried to call her on the phone but the roller skater hung up on her. So the opera singer sent her an email.

The next morning, the roller skater’s car battery was dead. The opera singer watched as she slammed the door crying, eventually getting AAA to come help. The roller skater moved out shortly after.

I heard this story from the opera singer so I only have that perspective. I think the roller skater was a sensitive soul that felt every comment deeply. But even so, it’s always reminded me that not listening to others can come at a cost.

I searched my memory banks for a story of when I was too mad to listen. Funny thing is that I came up empty. I take that as a sign that someone out there is right now telling a story about me not listening. I’m just not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse that we often are oblivious to the help never taken.

What do you think?

(featured photo from Pexels)

Creating Space

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“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein

When I packed up my car to go on vacation with my family last week, it was so heavily loaded that there was no floor space visible. The cereal boxes were under Mr. D’s feet and came out a little dented. I hauled the organic milk the kids drink because it is so much more expensive on the island. I even brought our own snuggly blankets because the ones at the cabin are 40 years old and scratchy.

What happened to the days when I could travel with just a toothbrush and passport?

Not claiming that I ever did go THAT light. Especially climbing trips came with duffel bags of gear. But it felt like I could.

To make this even sillier, this vacation was just going 90 minutes from home and on an island that’s the 4th biggest in the US. To put it all in perspective about how close to commerce we are, even when on vacation, there’s a Chinese restaurant 10 minutes from where we stay.

But still I loaded up the car. Even with all that brought, it wasn’t long before I realized that I forgot to bring my favorite tea. A blueberry green tea by Yogi that is pretty hard to find.

As I was lamenting the tea I forgot, I was chagrined to remember that I only discovered this tea because I was on a business trip last year and didn’t have my usual.

Sheesh, I wonder how many times I will have to learn that when we leave space – by breaking from habit or routine or just doing something differently – it creates room for discovery.

Two Stories About Death

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“Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.” – Alan Sachs

I was going to publish something else today — but then I found this post written three years ago and never published in my drafts folder. Who can argue with a post that’s already written?

Story 1

Last weekend my friend Eric and I took the kids on a long bike ride. My toddler was in a bike seat behind me and my six-year-old daughter was on a third wheel bike attached to Eric’s. It was a gorgeous fall morning with moderate temperatures, colorful fall leaves, not too many clouds and we biked five miles to a marina on the waterfront where we met my brother and sister-in-law.

Along the route we’d seen a draw bridge go up, a police car, all sorts of interesting people getting ready for a breast cancer benefit race. So when my daughter said to my brother, “Guess what we saw on the way here?” I was surprised by her answer, “A dead bunny.”

And we had seen a dead bunny about 4 blocks from home.

Story 2

One of my mom’s friends is moving back to Utah. She’s 97-years-old and lived in Seattle for at least 15 but she told my mom that she’s moving back because her husband is buried there. She looked up how expensive it was to transport a body after someone died. Apparently, it’s costly so she decided to move so she’s nearby the cemetery when she passes.

Conclusion

I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say that perhaps the very young and the very old have a frankness when talking about death that is harder to find in middle age.