Fatherly Wisdom

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“I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do.” – Jana Stanfield

I met a friend when I was in my 20’s who summed up his dad’s advice to him:

  1. Always buy the best tires you can afford
  2. Never buy a cheap garden hose
  3. Buy tools with a lifetime guarantee

I marveled upon hearing that about how straightforward that fatherly advice was. Because my dad’s advice was a lot more ephemeral – not surprising given his profession as a Presbyterian pastor.

Jane Fritz of the Robby Robin’s blog recently asked what my dad would say about answering the big questions and challenges of our time: war, climate change, inequality. If you haven’t read her incredible post, Profound questions, seeking our attention and deserving action that builds on Rose’s wonderful and thought-provoking post Meaningful Intelligent Conversations, please do.

Our exchange reminded me of three pieces of advice from my dad, Dick Leon:

  1. Do the next right thing: This is a continual instruction, not a one time thing. Do the right things to make this planet a better place to live in whatever way that you can and according to your passions. Stand up for those that have been treated unfairly. Be kind. Take action on the social issues that are meaningful. Do all that you can to work, support, and encourage a better planet.

    The Dick Leon approach was not to play it safe either. Over the years he worked for Civil Rights, on behalf of Russian citizens during the Cold War, and at the end of his life he was working on land rights for peaceful Palestinian Christians in the West Bank. Most of those issues got him in trouble with some factions of his congregations and his life.
  2. Be cheerful about it: My dad often said that doing the right thing often means doing the hard thing. He recognized that it wasn’t/isn’t easy. So his instruction to be cheerful was two-fold. First, do what you can, and be happy about it. Because if you’re gritting your teeth every step of the way, it’s not sustainable. 

    The second part is that when you are in the groove of doing what you can cheerfully, you attract other people to the cause. Even if they don’t agree, others are more likely to engage in conversation with someone who appears not to already be irritated. Hence how my dad managed controversial topics within a church congregation of varying viewpoints.

    Cheerfulness is not synonymous with toxic positivity. Some of the issues my dad advocated didn’t work out. Others took a long time. My dad’s definition of cheerfulness was what one can do with a happy heart.
  3. When you’ve done all that you can, give up the rest to God: Or a higher power or whatever thing bigger than yourself that you believe in. This was my dad’s way of not worrying about the stuff that was outside of his control. Less energy spent on anxiety equals more energy for doing the next right thing.

I envied my friend from my 20’s for the simplicity of a list of dad advice. But now that I’m middle-aged, appreciate my father’s wisdom more. I believe his list is the reason that I’m still paraphrasing him almost a decade after he died. I’m not sure my dad had any awareness of his impact beyond his lifetime. But I think his advice guaranteed that he did have impact because it was the way he created legacy with his actions every day.

It’s harder to check off things from my dad’s list. But when I follow it, I find great comfort. And cheerfulness, of course!

(featured photo is mine: Dick Leon, on a Dia de los Muertos ofrenda)

For another great list, please listen to Dr. Gerald Stein on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast talk about Being Your Own Best Friend. Dr. Stein comes through with such wisdom and warmth as he provides some great tips for living our best lives.

61 thoughts on “Fatherly Wisdom”

  1. First, what a fabulous picture! What a joyful expression of love! Secondly, please do not be surprised if you find yourself (and your dad) quoted in The “Daily Die-Right Diary.” Thank you for doing such a wonderful job at “doing all the good that you can do!”

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Thanks for the shoutout, Wynne. I love your Dad’s advice, especially with the explanations you’ve included. 💕 Certainly an interesting contrast from the fatherly advice your friend received! 😂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Brilliant idea Wynne of bringing your dad’s wisdom into Jane’s profound deep questions. I read her post late last night. (too late to feel like I wanted to trust myself to give any type of response. His words (these and others) have within them a life time of practical life experience. Not textbook pat platitudes. I have a quote in front of my desk (where I write) that echo’s your dad’s thoughts about being cheerful…it reminds me of your dad, it goes like this : “Never speak from a place of hate, jealousy, anger or insecurity. Evaluate your words before letting them leave your lips (or your keyboard) Sometimes it’s best to be quiet.” Tony A Gaskins Jr. Have a great day Wynne! DM

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    1. I love your thoughtfulness – knowing when it’s too late at night to come up with a best response. I think that often! And the Tony Gaskins Jr quote? Such a great addition, Doug!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love how your perception of your father’s advice has evolved over time, as you’ve acquired more wisdom. While the practical advice about tired and hoses is really good, there’s something powerful about messaging that applies to nearly all circumstances in life. So beautiful!

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  6. I will never, ever tire of Dick Leon’s wisdom. And your reminder, set by his generous, life-long example: “Cheerfulness is not synonymous with toxic positivity. Some of the issues my dad advocated didn’t work out. Others took a long time. My dad’s definition of cheerfulness was what one can do with a happy heart.”
    A nod to perseverance and purpose. What a beautiful companion thought to Jane’s post. Thank you…Wynne and Jane. 💕

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Outstanding! Thank you for this post and for recommending the ones from Jane and Rose. They were great and presented some very important but difficult questions, especially the one about the war. Having been involved in two, I think about them every day. If we can stop selfishness then I believe that wars will end.

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  10. This hits the target needed in these times. It is perhaps my favorite in all of your writing, Wynne. As to your friend’s advice when you were in your 20s, here is a short summary: Buy the best — that will be bad enough!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wynne, something I appreciate in your writing that really shows up in this post is your selfless approach to highlighting (and contextualizing) others and their words/work. How noble and inspiring!

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  13. This was so heart-warming to read. The quote by Jana Stanfield is a very good one. Your dad sounds like such a wonderful man! I’ve heard the first part of your dad’s advice before – “Do the next right thing”. I might not always have a cheerful heart about it. And even when I try to give things to a Higher Power, sometimes I take it back to ponder it some more, hoping that suddenly a fantastic idea will appear. This sweet world needs so much more help from all of us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What a lovely comment from you — and thank you for starting this meaningful conversation, Rose! I hear you about the ways we falter on the advice. Me too! But think – when you wrote your post 6 months ago, could you have imagined the thread it would create? Perhaps the Higher Power is working after all?

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Great Post and as everyone has said great advice from your dad. It seems to me that your dad’s advice is a way of life, and can easily leave a legacy as you demonstrate the values underpinning the advice. Others are learning from your example

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  19. Both your friend and your dads’ advice are wise and sound. Doing the right thing is hard, can alienated, but is essential. We need more people like your dad today, Wynne.

    Your friend’s dad’s advice about buying quality and for life is also very sound. This resonates with me especially after our flat tire last week. 😆

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, a flat tire. I’m so sorry, Ab! Dang. You’re right – my friend’s dad’s advice was also good.

      I suspect/hope that we have more people like my dad than we know. This community being a great example of them. It’s just that they don’t get on the news like the others.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. The fatherly advice and the fatherly wisdom you wrote about are both so timely as we travel through life. However, to “Be cheerful about it.” took it to the next level! Nice work!

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  22. I couldn’t agree more with #2 on your friend’s list. One should never skimp on garden hoses. We did, and I swear, I spend more time unkinking the kinks in our backyard hose than actually watering anything with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. “I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do.” – Jana Stanfield

    Dad advice is the best when a man has lived well and to the best of his abilities, as your has! I applaud my dad too for the values he passed on to me and my brother. He passed away almost 34 years ago, and I still miss him and his positive energy!

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