Tag: joy

Life Begins Now: The Parenting Trap

Posted in loveTagged , , , , , , , , , , , 92 Comments

“It still amazes me that we insist on teaching algebra to all students when only about 20 percent will ever use it and fail to teach anything about parenting when the vast majority of our students will become parents.” – Nel Noddings

My dad used to tell this joke: Three religious leaders were asked the question, “When does life begin?”

The Catholic priest said, “At conception.“

The Protestant pastor replied, “At birth.“

The Rabbi answered, “When the last kid goes to college and the dog dies.“

I’m laughing. Wow do I feel this. As a parent of young children, I do more things in a day that I wouldn’t choose to do than things I would choose. That alone can make me feel as if my life is not my own. Add in the noise and chaos and it’s hard to find peace. Taken all together, that can make this phase of life seem like one to rush through.

 But I know I can’t assume that I’ll be able to enjoy my kids when they are mature adults. I had my kids when I was aged 46 and then 50. When my youngest is 30, I’ll be 80-years-old. Hopefully an alive, healthy, and active 80 years old but nothing is a given. I know that’s true at any age.

So I try to flip the punchline and enjoy my kids, and life, now.

Cleaning up messes

Things in my house are spilled nearly every day. Sometimes by me. Often not very big deals like when a glass of milk with a top on spilled the other day. It just left a corona of milk dotting the carpet.

Here’s the thing I’ve realized. It’s a chance to convey to my dear children that I’ll love them when things are messy.

Bonus points: Longevity specialist Dr. Peter Attia includes getting up from the floor with max of one arm for support on his Centenarian Decathlon list. It includes the ten most important physical tasks you will want to be able to do for the rest of your life. Every time I’m down on the floor cleaning, I celebrate working out the strength and neuromuscular control that I need.

Helping with personal hygiene

It’s funny that kids don’t come with personal hygiene habits baked in. I’d prefer not to have to remind others to brush their teeth or wipe their tush. Add a dog, cat and a crested gecko in the mix and I can pretty much guarantee that most days will have some involvement in someone else’s hygiene.

I love this one because it’s foundational to my outlook. It’s forced me as a congenital optimist, to accept that every day is not going to be perfect, comfortable, or even pretty.

And long after I’m gone, I can trust my kids will have some idea of how to keep their bodies safe.

Bonus points: My personal hygiene has suffered as a parent. Kudos to me when I remember to take care of myself as well.

Feeding them

There are some days where I make food, clean up from making food, only to find that by that time, more food is already required.

But, whether real or metaphorical, I’d argue that giving others fuel to live by is what we are here for.

Bonus points: This is a reminder that cooking is all about exercising our creative muscles. How can I make something when I realize I’m missing an ingredient? How do I make something that’ll last with what I have?

Melt downs

Oh, those moments when big emotions take over and make us uncomfortable. And by us, I mean not only the person melting down but also everyone close at hand. It can be precarious, unpredictable, and draining. It’s also 100% real.

Recently, I took my kids rock climbing. My six-year-old son got stuck halfway up the rock face. He couldn’t find a way past – not moving right or left or shifting his weight. He started to cry. Since I was belaying him, there was nothing I could do except be there with him. And it was the perfect metaphor because I was connected to him by a rope.

From 40 feet away, I shouted up my empathy for his frustration, tried some suggestions, told him he could come down, emphasized that I knew he could do it – everything I could do to help from afar. Finally he shook it off. Then he managed the coolest move — palming the rock with his right hand and smearing the face with his left foot, he leveraged himself up high enough to the next good hold.

It was as rousing of a feat of personal triumph as I’ve ever witnessed.

Here’s where you get to pick your image: port in the storm, rope anchor on a mountain, sacred ground – you have the chance to be that for someone else. And to learn a little bit about what it kicks off in you as well. We don’t often get to see adults do that – the trying, melt down, return and overcoming is usually a longer (and more hidden) process for grown-up risks and triumphs. There is nothing as powerful as watching someone overcome some real adversity. With young kids we get to see that nearly every day.

And then we get to celebrate their success.

Bonus points: It’s hard to stay regulated when someone else is dysregulated. Whether it’s my verbal 10-year-old daughter talking grown-up sounding sass that covers for her childlike emotions underneath or a stranger at the store, I feel it all the way through. But all this practice is helping my central nervous system to be buff!

Distraction

When awake and nearby, my kids provide continual distraction. I could be inside sitting at my computer typing and instead I’m out in a creek skipping rocks. Or I could be sitting on the couch with my phone in hand texting and instead I’m having a dance party and moving my hips. I hunt for snails and hold my kids’ hands while they learn to hoverboard.

Oh, that’s right – I’ve never once regretted a dance party, a rock skipping contest, time in nature, or moving my body.

Bonus points. Psychologist Dr. Alison Gopnik says that kids have lantern brain. They see everything that is around. Adults have spotlight brain – we focus on what needs to be done. Switching into lantern brain can help us solve problems, be creative, and open us to new insights. The distractions can actually help us with solutions for our work when we return to it.

Invasion of personal space

Yesterday my six-year-old son stuffed something in the pocket of my jeans. Gah.  

I’m all for enforcing the boundaries necessary to maintain healthy relationships. But before I decide what those boundaries are, I consider that my kids embody what we look like as open creatures that assume other people will help you carry your stuff.

Bonus points: Ask someone else to help you carry your stuff.

Time

I’m the only one that cares about time in my house. Being on time, getting to bed, the school bell is about to ring, dinner time, time for annual physicals, or it’s about time. All of it.

Because I’m the one that understands time is limited.

Bonus points: Stop caring about the future and enjoy the now.

I’m not guaranteed to get to 80 years old. But I bet that if I do, parenting will have extended my healthspan so that I enjoy it more. And I know I’ll be glad that I didn’t wait until the kids went to college and the dog died to begin living.

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – sharing leads to success.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Joy Is…Focusing on the Right Things

Posted in podcastTagged , , , , 51 Comments

“You are a living magnet. What you attract in your life is harmony with your dominant thoughts.” – Brian Tracy

My dad used to say that if he was working on a sermon about parenting, he was a better parent that week. Same went for forgiveness, faith, bearing witness, friendship, marriage, and on and on. I’m sure it surprises no one that what we focus on has a powerful effect in our lives.

But dang, it can be so hard to stay attuned to the good news. Which is one of the reasons that I found writer, poet, artist, and blogger, Dave Williams’ recent project Joy is ______ so compelling. Over the last five weeks, he opened his blog up to anyone who wanted to fill in the blank and give a description.

Vicki and I were delighted to participate in that project and then extend that note by being able to podcast with Dave about it on Episode 105: Joy Is…with Dave Williams.

Dave tells us how he was inspired by the spirit of his Aunt Diane. Celebrating her infectious personality after she passed away last summer was one of the motivations behind this project.

Another was the idea to strengthen the delight muscle. A suggestion in The Book of Delights by Ross Gay prompted Dave to want to cultivate the same upward spiral.

And Dave was also inspired by Teri Polen’s Bad Moon Rising blogging project that brings the WordPress community together.

In the end, Dave found and shared so much joy in this community project. He’s compiled a Joy Is _____ table of contents that we know will inspire you.

We’re confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we talk about what joy is and how to celebrate that as a community!

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 105: Joy Is…with Dave Williams

Episode 105 transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

Dave’s Blog: https://davewilliamswriter.wordpress.com/

Dave’s “Joy is…” Index of posts: https://davewilliamswriter.wordpress.com/2025/02/27/index-of-posts-in-the-joy-project/

The Book of Delights by Ross Gay on Amazon

From the hosts:

Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith;

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Freshness of the Day

Posted in inspirationTagged , , , , , , 74 Comments

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius

We spent this last weekend at a cabin in the woods by a bay. It was a really cool log cabin owned by some friends for decades so it was filled with relics and treasures. A long pine dining table with log benches. Cocktail swords made out of metal. Wooden storage boxes filled with candles and flashlights. Railings made of rough hewn logs. An enormous stone fireplace.

But it was true cabin. A great main room with two loft spaces for sleeping. In one loft, my brother and sister-in-law had a bed. In the other loft, there were two beds where my kids and I slept. Cooper the dog didn’t like the steep wood stairs so he slept downstairs in the great room.

Point being, it was five people and one dog in one room. A pretty large and very cool room, but none of the usual walls we are accustomed to in our homes. So I was able to witness awakening in a different way.

Cooper woke up first and I could hear the click-click of his nails on the wood floor. Once I got him fed and settled, I sat in a chair by the window. And then over the next hour, one-by-one each person stretched from sleep and came awake.

The snoring stopped, the breathing got lighter, the bodies shifted a bit side-to-side before presumably (I didn’t witness this particular moment), the eyes came open. There was an incredible freshness to the start of the day.

Outside the light started to displace the dark. The birds started chirping and whirring about.  The smooth water reflected the rising light. A fog settled heavily over the land across from the cabin and frost covered trees poked out from the top.

What a joy and honor it is to awaken and experience the newness of a day.

Early morning view of a bay with a hills rising on the other side enshrouded in fog

(photos are mine – featured photo is of the cabin and the second photo is of my view as the sun came up)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

Awe Monsters

Posted in inspirationTagged , , , , , , 58 Comments

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” – John Muir

I was backing out of the driveway the other night. Five-year-old Mr. D was in the back seat and we were on our way to pick up 9-year-old Miss O from a birthday party.

Mr. D exclaimed, “Mama, I saw the first star!”

Sure enough, out the back window was one really bright star. Mr. D’s excitement brought to mind a podcast series I’ve been listening to with Berkley professor Dacher Keltner on the 10 Percent Happier podcast.

Keltner is known for his courses on happiness. But his most recent book is about awe. He describes awe as part of the self-transcendent states, the emotions that help widen our perspective from inward and worried to the bigger picture. He writes:

“Awe is the emotion we experience when we encounter vast mysteries that we don’t understand. Why would I recommend that you find happiness in an emotion that is so fleeting and evanescent? A feeling so elusive that it resists simple description? That requires the unexpected, and moves us toward mystery and the unknown rather than what is certain and easy?

Because we can find awe anywhere.”

– Dacher Keltner in Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life

I’m lucky to live with a couple of awe monsters. They experience it and share it on a regular basis.

But in case no awe monsters are handy, Dacher Keltner has many other suggestions. Here are some that draw from nature: look up at the sky, listen to bird song, be mindful of something that strikes you and take a picture of it.

(featured photo is Miss O (age 6) and Mr. D (age 2) looking at a sunrise)

Little Steps of Calm

Posted in podcastTagged , , , , , , , , 28 Comments

“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” – Najwa Zebian

Now that I’ve spent a dozen years practicing meditation and trying mindfulness, I find it interesting to take a look back at the time I spent mountain climbing. Because mountain climbing is kind of a mindless activity.

In a journey of 50,000 steps or so for a climb, you don’t necessarily want to remember each one. In fact, it might be a little painful if you did.

So while the endurance and grit is transferrable to life down low, perhaps the mindless moving forward is best left on the mountain. Speaking for myself that is. I don’t want to sleep walk through the days of my life.

This is just one of the many reasons that I love the warm and inviting conversation I had this week on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast with my co-host, Vicki Atkinson.

I think it’s fair to say that we all have times where life feels frenzied. And it isn’t only because our to-do lists get too long. It’s also because of the pace of the world around us, and our exposure to the news, in whatever way we consume it.

Both Vicki and I start the day with sacred time. It’s non-negotiable for me so that I can at least start the day with a measure of faith and perspective.

But we know that doesn’t work for everyone. So we talk about our tricks to instill some calm. Vicki tells us about how she sets aside multi-tasking to focus on one thing at a time. And more than that, how to slow tasks to reap the full benefit.

For me, music can help to disrupt the stress swirl. Tuning in to songs from my youth delivers a noticeable energy lift as well. We touch on the research of Harvard psychology professor Dr. Ellen Langer about how our brains can impact our bodies.

It’s not hard to imagine that Vicki is an inveterate smile-r. She shares a story about how offering friendliness to others brings a side benefit of joy.

I’m confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we share the power of storytelling.

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 88: Meditative Moments with Wynne and Vicki

Episode 88 transcript

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

Episode 79: Sometimes You Have to Laugh with Author Pete Springer – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

Remembering How to Bounce Back – Dr. Gerald Stein

Kindness all around us! – Brian Hannon

The Subtle Shaping of Our Brains – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

Meditate on this! – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

Write it Out – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

From the hosts:

Vicki’s book: Surviving Sue

My book about my beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

Upward Spirals

Posted in loveTagged , , , , , , 47 Comments

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” – William Arthur Ward

This was first published on 8/17/2022. I’ve been slowly moving some things I’ve published on other blogs to this one and it’s a great reflective practice for me to remember all the things that touched my heart two years ago – and still do now! Thank you for your patience as I consolidate things if you already read this.

As I was writing my post Good Mood of the Soul, I came across the research that joy and gratitude often result in an upward spiral. The more we focus on gratitude, the easier it is to perceive joy. And when in the midst of joy, we are more open to gratitude.

So here’s the list of things I’m grateful for this week:

For everyone that is willing to read why I am grateful for

That I can still hear the Click and Clack, the Car Talk brothers in the Cars movies.

The quiet way my three-year-old son says, “you are my best mom friend” to me so that I have to lean down to hear. In that position it goes directly from my ear to my heart.

That we have the ability to take pictures with our hearts.

The way it sounds when my daughter says, “I’m thankful for the tooth fairy.” while missing her two front teeth.

For out-of-the blue notes from individuals I admire telling me something I’ve done right.

That I’ve been able to learn, to some degree, how to fix the things that I’ve done wrong.

That broken eggs make food, literal and metaphorical.

For whoever invented yoga pants and made messy hair look sexy, at least on the West Coast. And if that was only in the 90’s and is no longer a thing, for anyone that continues to let me think that.

Speaking of inventions, whoever invented self-sealing water balloons that fill 20 at a time.

That life keeps giving me opportunities to learn that suffering just softens me up for the next great thing.

For every grown-up that showed me what vulnerability looked like when I was a kid.

For every grown-up that shows me what vulnerability is when I’m a grown-up.

For this necklace I bought on a whim and have worn for 20 years that says, “Strength is having a grateful life” and that I have grown into knowing what that means.

Cool sheets on a hot night.

That I have a bed to sleep in.

Green tea on dark mornings.

That connect-the-dots works in art and in life.

For the human traits of kindness, courage and generosity.

For the Divine traits of grace, faith, hope and love.

For the times I’ve been on my knees needing loyalty, courage, generosity, grace, faith, hope and love – and that what I’ve received in those moments has opened me up to knowing what those traits are in my bones.

I am grateful for upward spirals.

What are you grateful for this week? What have you learned about upward spirals?

(featured photo from Pexels)

Emanating Joy

Posted in podcastTagged , , , , , 24 Comments

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

About a month ago when Miss O’s elementary school held Field Day, there was the traditional staff versus fifth grader tug-of-war. When the teachers won, Mr. Bean, a very tall staff member, spread his arms wide like an airplane and took a victory lap.

It was so joyful, that four-year-old Mr. D is still talking about Mr. Bean four weeks later. I think people who emanate joy, especially grown-up people, just stick with us.

Which is a good segue to the podcast that Vicki and I recently did with the recently retired pre-K teacher and blogger, Beth Kennedy. (Another great connection made by Pete Springer, by the way.)

Beth tells us the story of an instant perspective moment. In a chance encounter with an extremely friendly man, she is both buoyed and leveled.

It’s a funny and thoughtful story that is so true to Beth’s writing. In her beautifully concise presentation, she allows the sparkle of the realizations to shine bright.

So we talk about how we can get lost in our own worlds until something or someone breaks through and reminds us of the big picture. Naturally, our encounters with others ripple out.

This is a great conversation and story with a fantastic writer and keen observer of life that will stick with you long after it’s over.

So I know you’ll enjoy the scenic and beautiful places we go when we share the power of story.

We know you’ll love it!

Check out the full podcast at: Episode 75: “Cast Aside” with Beth Kennedy

(featured photo from Pexels)

Links for this episode:

Episode 75: “Cast Aside” with Beth Kennedy on Anchor

I didn’t have my glasses on…. | A trip through life with fingers crossed and eternal optimism. (ididnthavemyglasseson.com)

cast aside. | I didn’t have my glasses on…. (ididnthavemyglasseson.com)

Vicki’s personal blog: Victoria Ponders

Wynne’s personal blog: Surprised by Joy

Vicki’s recently released book: Surviving Sue

Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

A Piece of Advice

Posted in loveTagged , , , , , , , , 48 Comments

“I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.” – Oscar Wilde

This was originally published on 5/18/2022. Heads up – you may have already read this.

“Enjoy this time, it goes so fast” is the single most repeated piece of parenting advice that I’ve heard since having kids. Since I chose to become a single mom at an older age than my friends, having my kids at age 46 and 50, I hear it both from my peers and the older generations which makes it bear even more weight for me.

My kids are now 2-years-old and 6-years-old – there are a lot of parenting years I have not yet covered. But in the phase of parenting I’m now in, there are very many life skills my kids haven’t mastered both in terms of basic care and feeding and also regulating the emotional ups and downs of life. It’s a very physical job that takes a lot of patience. But while I’m needed often for kissing boo-boos, the beauty of this phase is that my kids’ problems are small and my kiss can fix almost anything that happens to them.

Breaking the advice down and applying it to where I’m at: “Enjoy this time.”

Enjoy this time which means enjoy this phase that’s a lot of work and is full of ups and downs. Enjoy this time which means celebrating it even when my shoulders are heavy with the responsibility and worry for this family. Enjoy this time which means treasuring every drop of this intimate closeness even when it’s full of sticky, raw emotion both positive and negative. Enjoy this time which means cherishing the weeks when it’s completely impossible to complete my personal tasks and create a stable experience for my kids when they are sick, the world is sick, or even when I’m sick.

And then “it goes so fast.”

It goes so fast implies that if I look away for a second, it will change to something else. It goes so fast means that time is ticking even when it’s not fun. It goes so fast tells me that if I’m dreaming of a moment in which I can have a routine that isn’t so urgently tied to others’ needs, I will miss something unfolding in the life of today.

And back together, “Enjoy this time, it goes so fast.”

Enjoy this time, it goes so fast tells me to savor what I have. Enjoy this time, it goes so fast implies a richness to the mess of a life I have now. Enjoy this time, it goes so fast means that this is the heart of life experience beating right now.

Now that I break it down “enjoy this time, it goes so fast” doesn’t seem specific at all to parenting. Perhaps we all need this reminder to touch this moment we are in.

(featured photo is mine of me and my kids, at age 2 and 6)

Upward Spirals

Posted in inspirationTagged , , , , , , 60 Comments

“The morning whispers hope, the afternoon sings of possibilities, and the evening reminds us to cherish the moments. Embrace each part of the day with gratitude.” – unknown

This was originally published on 8/17/2022. Heads up – you may have already read this.

As I was writing my post last week, Good Mood of the Soul, I came across the research that joy and gratitude often result in an upward spiral. The more we focus on gratitude, the easier it is to perceive joy. And when in the midst of joy, we are more open to gratitude.

So here’s the list of things I’m grateful for this week:

For everyone that is willing to read what I am grateful for

That I can still hear the Click and Clack, the Car Talk brothers in the Cars movies.

The quiet way my three-year-old son says, “you are my best mom friend” to me so that I have to lean down to hear. In that position it goes directly from my ear to my heart.

That we have the ability to take pictures with our hearts.

The way it sounds when my seven-year-old daughter says, “I’m thankful for the tooth fairy.” while missing her two front teeth.

For out-of-the blue notes from individuals I admire telling me something I’ve done right.

That I’ve been able to learn, to some degree, how to fix the things that I’ve done wrong.

That broken eggs make food, literal and metaphorical.

For whoever invented yoga pants and made messy hair look sexy, at least on the West Coast. And if that was only in the 90’s and is no longer a thing, for anyone that continues to let me think that.

Speaking of inventions, whoever invented self-sealing water balloons that fill 20 at a time.

That life keeps giving me opportunities to learn that suffering just softens me up for the next great thing.

For every grown-up that showed me what vulnerability looked like when I was a kid.

For every grown-up that shows me what vulnerability is when I’m a grown-up.

For this necklace I bought on a whim and have worn for 20 years that says, “Strength is having a grateful life” and that I have grown into knowing what that means.

Cool sheets on a hot night.

That I have a bed to sleep in.

Green tea on dark mornings.

That connect-the-dots works in art and in life.

For the human traits of kindness, courage and generosity.

For the Divine traits of grace, faith, hope and love.

For the times I’ve been on my knees needing loyalty, courage, generosity, grace, faith, hope and love – and that what I’ve received in those moments has opened me up to knowing what those traits are in my bones.

I am grateful for upward spirals.

What are you grateful for this week? What have you learned about upward spirals?

Good Mood of the Soul

Posted in meditationTagged , , , , , 38 Comments

”Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.” – Joseph Campbell

This post was originally published on 8/10/2022. Heads up – you may have already read this.

Recently, a friend sent me a printout of a sermon that my dad, who was a Presbyterian pastor, gave on parenting 36 years ago. She had a printed copy and kept it filed away. Now that her kids are long grown, she sent it to me.

In it, my dad gives a quick synopsis of his children’s personalities, “We look at our three children and see that their responses to life were distinctly different from day one. Our first child was laid back and relaxed … our second was wound up so tight she couldn’t keep her head still to nurse … our third was happy and charming. They had those marks when they were born … they still have them today.”

I’m the third one. That was written when I was 17 years old. But there’s something about family patterns that keep us trapped in roles from which we need to move on from. For me that was moving from happy to joyful.

In her recent book, Atlas of the Heart, researcher and author Brené Brown defines happiness as “Looking at the data we’ve collected, I would define the state of happiness as feeling pleasure often related to the immediate environment or current circumstances.”

And that fits pretty well with the list I can name of the things that make me happy:

  • Dance parties with my kids
  • Finishing a shower without interruption from my kids
  • Hearing a song I loved from college in the grocery store
  • A vanilla milkshake on a hot summer day

When I discovered meditation and mindfulness during my travels through the less pleasant periods of my life, it taught me that joy is a different feeling altogether. Brené Brown says she thinks of joy as “‘the good mood of the soul.’” She defines it based on her research as, “An intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure and appreciation.”

For me joy comes when I let go of seeking and preference. As poet Mark Nepo said, “One key to knowing joy is being easily pleased.” It’s cultivating my awareness of what is already present and my delight at the magic in the air. It works when I stop narrowing my field of vision to my agenda and open to all there is. Not surprisingly, researchers have connected joy to gratitude and describe the two together as “an ‘intriguing upward spiral.’ (from Atlas of the Heart). Gratitude increases our ability to feel joy, joy makes it easier to find gratitude and so on.

And here are the things that make me joyful:

  • Every time I get to wake up and witness a sunrise
  • Catching a glimpse of my kids in a circle with the other kids in the neighborhood leaning heads in to examine some fascinating part of life
  • Holding hands
  • Hearing the clink of glasses at a dinner with dear friends
  • Witnessing a whale surface to breathe
  • Listening to the Bach Cello Suites played by Yo-Yo Ma
  • The view from the top of a mountain no matter how breathless, exhausted and cold I am
  • Anything that comes out of a conversation that starts with “How can I be of help?”

The conditions of happiness are specific and fleeting. I’m frequently happy but it certainly isn’t a constant.

The conditions of joy are deep and enduring. They represent ties in my life, beauty of this world and things I’ve worked to make priorities. It is the current underneath my mood. It’s the reward for when I’m aligned with my values.

For the times of my life where I’ve felt like I’m stuck, wading through glue or too busy taking care of others to take care of myself – it’s joy that pulled me through, making it worthwhile all the way. I might have been born happy, but I’m grateful to live joyfully.

(featured photo from Pexels)