Things About Parenting That I Think I’ve Learned So Far, Part 3

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“The role of a leader is not to come up with all the great ideas. The role of a leader is to create an environment in which great ideas can happen.” – Simon Sinek

I don’t expect any great applause for this but I’ve solved the sock problem I’ve been complaining about since Things About Parenting That I Think I’ve Learned So Far Part 1. Let’s be clear — the socks still go missing, get tucked in between coach cushions and get carried around by Cooper the dog. But I’ve figured out a brilliant strategy: they don’t need socks when they wear Crocs. <ba dum tss!>

So it’s time to update my Things About Parenting That I Think I’ve Learned. My kids are 11 and 7 years old so I still have a ways to go. But I believe we’ve turned the corner. Parenting now is more psychological than physical. It looks a lot like leadership.

So here are the things I’ve learned so far:

It’s a great responsibility being responsible for someone else; pack treats for yourself…and them
Knowing what you are and are not responsible for will save your sanity

Teaching values is done one small act at a time
They are always watching… like when you
– Wave when someone lets you in
– Say “hi” or smile to strangers
– Admit you don’t know it all
– Call the homeless people by their name
– Bow to a Higher Power

There is a time when you just have to say “yes” to the McDonald’s drive-thru

Rarely will the three of us all see something the same way
But we can still exchange stories of what we see while looking in the same direction

Melt downs and spin outs happen
You will be judged by strangers and your kids alike by how you react
Digging deep to respond from your inner calmness usually works better

This generation will never not know life without Amazon and smart phones
That doesn’t mean that they need to get everything instantly or always be connected
But it does mean we will need to let them navigate the world differently than we did

Wear Crocs…without socks!

You can stall for time by time by responding, “That is a great question.” to a kid’s good question.”
If you don’t know the answer, just say, “I don’t know.”
They won’t hold space for not knowing if you don’t.

Good friends make the world go round
Your friends
Their friends
And if you are very lucky, siblings as friends.

Parenting is hard work
It’s okay to lie on the couch and let them paint your toenails now and then

Kids are different
They will likely not like the same foods
Not be calmed by the same things
Have unique capabilities
But still care about the same people, value each other, and respect differences

On the subject of chores — I frequently forget to enlist help for what would be really helpful to me
Overestimated what I need to teach and what they’ll eventually learn on their own
Miscalculated how long it will take
And have plenty more chances to get it right

You will screw up
They will learn more from how you react than if life had gone perfectly

Correction without judgment and anger is more effective
Use fewer words

Respect goes two ways

There is no substitute for being genuinely interested in and liking your kids
Listen to understand not evaluate

How you show up is as important as what you show up for

Life is not fair
We all want it to be… especially kids.
Demonstrate how to reach for hopes and dreams
And if you can, show how to navigate the messy middle.

(featured photo from Pexels)

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64 thoughts on “Things About Parenting That I Think I’ve Learned So Far, Part 3”

  3. I’ve discovered that wearing matching socks is a thing of the past anyway, lol. Children do teach us so much and it’s good to have a framework (and philosophy) to guide us.

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  4. I went back to read parts 1 and 2 and this is a great addition. It’s a learning experience this parenting thing, isn’t it? Even when they are adults and out of the house, there is still some stuff to be learnt!

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  8. Saying “yes” to the McDonald’s drive-thru through those years was a blessing in disguise. Great list, Wynne, and I completely agree with you that this phase looks a lot like leadership. It’s all about leading and influencing. Excellent!

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  9. ‘A Guide to Raising Children and Navigating Life’ … the folder I’m saving this in Wynne . Brilliant – Practical – Encouraging!

    Thank you for sharing this wisdom garnered from experiencing the trials and triumps of single parenthood.

    Keep Looking Up ^ … His Best is Yet to Come!

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  12. Such a lovely, thoughtful post full of insight and wisdom, Wynne. This especially “hits”, what you said here:
    You can stall for time by time by responding, “That is a great question.” to a kid’s good question.”
    If you don’t know the answer, just say, “I don’t know.”
    They won’t hold space for not knowing if you don’t.
    I think, in my parenting days with Delaney when she was small, I always felt compelled to be the answer person and geez. Heavy is the crown, right? I love the idea of letting your two see you holding space, being comfy with uncertainty.
    xoxoxo! 💝

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  13. These are all such wonderful and wise lessons, insights and advice, Wynne. The transition from the physical strain to the psychological effort is noticeable as kids get older. And you are so right, a lot of it is around modelling the behaviour – especially during the tougher moments – because kids are always watching us!

    Love the Sinek quote and his talks too!

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  15. I love that you made the point about kids are always watching. That responsibility carries a lot of weight, as it should. When kids would return to visit me at school, they would sometimes recall some small detail that made an impression on them. It’s not always about the big stuff. It’s more about creating a loving and stable environment where you always listen to your kids and learn to read the nonverbal signs as well.

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  17. So well expressed. I think children are always watching us consciously and subconsciously and pick up habits which we exhibit and in a way they inspire and cajole us to be our best so that they learn what’s the best. 🙂

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  18. Love this post, Wynne! This statement is so true—“Parenting now is more psychological than physical.” It’s amazing what you discover about yourself while navigating through parenting. Enjoy the ride!💕🌸

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  19. Wynne, I think having the wisdom to saying “yes’ to McDonald’s now and then may be among the wisest items here. I am not a parent myself, but of course I had a couple, and one of the traits I feel good parents have to have is being flexible. There are times to discipline, times to reward, and times to just roll with. The best parents probably parent with all of those times in mind.

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  20. My favorite parts:

    Call the homeless people by their name–Love, love, love! I know they hate being ignored. It’s so dehumanizing, so good on you!

    There is a time when you just have to say “yes” to the McDonald’s drive-thru–I have occasionally experienced that moment. 😛

    We can still exchange stories of what we see while looking in the same direction–absolutely brilliant.

    I have become skilled at ignoring judgemental strangers. It’s a developed skill for sure.

    Digging deep to respond from your inner calmness usually works better–absolutely true, as I believe we discussed years ago.

    Okay, I accept that I cannot copy/paste the entire rest of this post. It’s ALL good. Well done, friend, including on the Crocs revelation. 🙂

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    1. Ah, so much great feedback from a fabulous parent. Yes, I love that you weigh in on these. Developing the skill to ignore judgmental strangers is very important!! Love this comment, my friend!

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  24. I wish you all the success in the world as a mom Wynne, You are doing such an amazing and thoughtful job. I pray your children always know how much you deeply love them. 💞💞
    My mom and I used to argue about the fairness of life – she’d yell at me ‘life’s not fair and I’d better get used to it’. and I’d yell back, “Well it should be and people should be trying to make it fair!!” I absolutely refuse to accept that it can’t be made more fair. 💪🏻😊

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    1. Oh, such an interesting point about fairness. I totally agree about social fairness. Miss O was complaining today about her mouth hurting because she got braces and said, “It’s not fair.” So I thought about this line more — and maybe it’s that kids use that phrase pretty liberally.

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  26. I love your list, Wynne! My faves:

    “Teaching values is done one small act at a time.”

    “If you don’t know the answer, just say, ‘I don’t know.’
    They won’t hold space for not knowing if you don’t.”
    Brilliant. Thank you for sharing!

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