Tag: podcast

All The Secrets

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“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” – Mary Tyler Moore

The other day my kids and I were out walking in the neighborhood and ran into two brothers, 11-years-old and 9-years-old, from the English family that has moved in up the street. The older brother did a card trick for Miss O. I wasn’t paying attention to all of it, but there was audience involvement, and even some spelling and counting going on.

When the older brother finished and revealed the chosen card – the right one – the younger brother exclaimed quite proudly in his delightful British accent, “It works nearly every time.”

Which made me laugh. The way he said it so charmingly uncovered that a lot of practice has gone into this particular trick.

And it reminded me that often family members know our secrets and weak points. Hopefully, especially when they are working well, within the context of great love and acceptance.

Speaking of family, I spoke with Vicki on this week’s Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast about how I started my family as a single person. We talk about invitro fertilization, the fears I needed to overcome, the lessons I apply from my dad, and the seven quotes that have helped me change my script from fear to love. Please listen and subscribe on Amazon Music, Apple, Spotify or Pocketcasts to Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast or find it here on WordPress: Episode 40: The Power of Choice with Wynne Leon

(quote comes from the MSW Blog: Being Brave)

Master Negotiators

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“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grownup we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.” – Madeleine L’Engle

I’ve found that daycare drop-off is an incredible place to observe negotiation skills. These young people who are still very comfortable asking for what they need are masters. Speaking for myself, I think I often give away the power in the negotiation because I’m more concerned about Mr. D’s needs than my own.

At 4-years-old, he’s pretty comfortable going to school so we don’t have really tough drop-offs, but lately he’s been negotiating for upside-down hugs. No, I don’t have to go upside down, thankfully. I pick him up and flip him upside down. It’s a good arm and core workout.

Yesterday morning after I’d done the three we’d agreed upon, Mr. D negotiated for more. He started to hold up four fingers but saw that he was going to get push back and lowered it to two. And then asked for one more after and then one final one, managing to get the four he wanted after all.

I’m thinking about this because in my job we’re negotiating a new contract with an existing client. Here are the ways I think we could learn from the five and under set:

  • Grown-ups, myself included, seem to fear the negotiation process. The idea that someone might use it as an opportunity to walk away is terrifying.
  • It seems like we do a lot of guessing what the other side will do before even making an opening bid. And what they do, is rarely what we’ve guessed. Sure, it’s strategically sound to think through pros and cons, but it stops being fruitful when it freezes us in place.
  • When we lean in to the process, it feels like connection. We seem to have forgotten what many little people know intuitively, that we can just ask for what we need.

Negotiation is vulnerable. Maybe all scenarios where we’re scared we won’t get what we want or need are. But watching these pre-schoolers reminds me that we won’t get anything unless we ask.

For more about negotiating, specifically the role of silence in negotiation, Vicki and I had another great podcast conversation with Dr. Gerald Stein – this time about the waiting game. See Episode 37: The Waiting Game with Dr. Gerald Stein to listen.

(featured photo from Pexels)

Being Different

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“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” – Dalai Lama

I’ve only met one other person who intentionally choose to have kids as a single parent. Of course, I’ve heard of plenty, and known a lot of wonderful people who have become single parents because of circumstance, including my dear blog friends. I also know others that think they’d be better off as parents without their partners. Clearly, there are so many ways to do this parenting thing and no matter how we do it, it comes with plenty of challenges.

But back to the story about the woman I met who intentionally became a single parent. I was with my kids at the local wading pool last summer when I started talking to a woman who was there with her five-year-old twin girls. We hadn’t talked long when she revealed that she had chosen to become a single parent at 50-years-old and was just in town for a couple of weeks to visit her mom because she and the twins lived on the East Coast. She also had a 16-year-old son from a previous marriage.

Does it matter to meet people who have made similar life choices? It took me a long time trying everything else that I thought would work to have a family before I moved forward to become a single parent. It felt so vulnerable to have to intentionally walk down this path. As if everyone would know that I was the one that wanted to have kids and I couldn’t hide behind a “shared decision.” I’m laughing as I type this because now I don’t care at all if people know that. Hello? Obvious, please meet irrelevant.

And I thought it would signal that I wasn’t capable of a relationship. Well, that may or may not be true but again, who cares? After all, I created two people that I now have a relationship with so that worry seems beside the point.

But the instinctive social programming to not be different is strong, isn’t it? And I know you all are nodding because I believe there’s something each of us have done differently that caused angst – maybe being a vegetarian in a family of meat eaters, moving away from a family home, being an introvert, being an extrovert, going to college, not going to college, coming out, getting divorced, the list goes on and on.

In the case of meeting this woman who also chose to become a single parent, I’m glad that I didn’t meet her before I choose to have kids because she might have made me more neurotic about walking this path. She kept asking me over and over again, “People in your life didn’t tell you not to do this?” And I answered repeatedly, “Nope.” She was distracted, overwhelmed by her young daughters, and not at peace, like she was in the midst of some battle with naysayers.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt that life was more stressful because she was traveling. I know that without the regular supports of routine and familiarity, being alone with two kids, no matter how you got there, is harder.

But it reminded me we all represent something to someone – whether it be a choice, a lifestyle, a belief, an attitude, or anything else remarkable. Would I recommend choosing single parenthood to everyone? No, for a lot of reasons, including the fact that I adored my dad and I think it would be great if everyone had at least one awesome dad in their life.

But do I want people that I meet to know that parenting, even when, or especially if, you choose it later in life, is full of joy, inspiration, and wonder? Absolutely!

Do I want anyone that I meet to feel a little energy and inspiration for whatever notion inside them tells them to do something in a non-traditional way? For sure!

Do I want to represent the message that there is goodness when we stop caring what other people think and pursue our dreams? Most definitely.

I think about that sometimes when I’m out with my delightful little ones. Who knows who we are going to meet and how we’ll rub off on them. Let’s hope it’s for good.

Speaking of people who inspire for the good, this week Vicki and I got to talk with writer, and blogger, E.A. Wickham on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. Elizabeth reveals so much inspiration and wisdom about leading a creative life: Episode 21: A Creative Life with Elizabeth Wickham.

It’s a great episode, please give it a listen and subscribe! Search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Spotify, or PocketCasts or click on the link above.

A Post, A Podcast, and A Survey

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“One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Out of the 1,063 posts I’ve published on this site, the one that generated the most discussion was the one I did where I talked about podcasting and why people do and do not podcast. Which I find interesting on several levels.

First, because I think we all have opinions about how reading versus listening works for us. If I could summarize, some of the comments from that post, it is that they are two different experiences, and sometimes to switch between one and the other is more than we want to do.

Second, because there are so many choices of content that speak to us – words versus photos, prose versus poetry, story-telling versus informative and on and on. We come in to a platform like WordPress, or the blogosphere in general, and then have to sift our way towards it.

When I talk with my friend, Eric, about the podcasts I listen to, he usually rolls his eyes and says they are too much work. I like podcasts about finding meaning, and digging deeper into what parts of our brain and body are running the show, about meditation and mystery. He likes things that are more at the entertainment level. Fair enough – because we meet somewhere in the middle and have really good conversations.

All of this is a prelude to two things. One, Vicki (of the Victoria Ponders blog), Brian ( of the WritingfromtheheartwithBrian blog) and I talk about blogging on the latest episode of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. Episode 17: Building a Base with Brian Hannon if you want to listen on Anchor or search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts.

We explore the questions about whether numbers matter, how we can’t predict what will land with our audience, how Brian’s experience as a newspaper reporter early in his career applies to blogging, and what is meaningful about the blogging experience. If you are a blogger that likes podcasts, you’ll love this fun and interesting episode.

And number two, we’ve put together a short anonymous survey about podcasting to gather feedback about what you like. So, if you want to weigh in on what topics land for you and what you’d like to see more of – please spend 2 minutes to answer these 4 questions on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter Podcast Survey. Or put your thoughts in the comments below.

That’s a lot – a blog post, a podcast (Episode 17: Building a Base with Brian Hannon) and a survey (Sharing the Heart of the Matter Podcast Survey). Yeah, I know. But if you have a few minutes, I’d really appreciate it.

Changing Someone’s Ride – Small Acts of Kindness

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“Some stranger somewhere, still remembers you because you were kind to them when no one else was.” – unknown

Miss O was 3-years-old when I got a bike seat for the back of my bike and took her for our first ride around the neighborhood. She loved being in that seat, even though she could primarily only see my back. As we rode around in the September sunshine, she would exclaim. “This is fantastic!” and also yell “hi” to everyone.

Her delight and enthusiasm were so infectious. It reminded me of my favorite lines from Salman Rushdie’s Midnight Children,

“It seems that in the late summer of that year my grandfather, Doctor Aadam Aziz, contracted a highly dangerous form of optimism. Bicycling around Agra, he whistled piercingly, badly, but very happily. He was by no means alone, because, despite strenuous efforts by the authorities to stamp it out, this virulent disease had been breaking out all over India that year, and drastic steps were to be taken before it was brought under control.”

Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie

It also reminded me of the summer I did a lot of tandem bike riding with my friend, Eric. I was in the back seat so I had no responsibility for steering and braking. All I had to do was stay on the bike and pedal. That left a lot of time for looking around and waving to people as we passed them.

I must have been going about this quietly because Eric didn’t have any idea I was waving madly from the back of the bike. Until one day when we passed a group of tough looking teenage boys and he was surprised that they smiled and did kinda of a cool, low-down wave at him. The next time we passed someone, Eric watched the shadow of the bike and saw me waving. He stopped, laughed, and then asked, “Have you been doing that all summer?”

Well, sure I had. And listen, I came by it honestly because my dad when we’d go hiking would greet every group we passed. “How much farther to the Starbucks?” or “You’re doing great. Almost there!”

What did I learn from riding with Miss O, my dad, and tandem biking? It doesn’t take much to change the experience of those around us.

This is also the topic of the HoTM podcast today, Episode 16: Nuggets of Kindness with Stuart Perkins Vicki and I talk with Stuart about one of my favorite posts of his — and how his powerful writing touches on parenting, kindness, inspiration, people paying attention to how they can help others.

It’s such a fun podcast – you may even find yourself shouting, like Miss O, “This is fantastic!” 🙂 I hope you enjoy listening!

Links for Episode 16:

Listen on Anchor: Episode 16: Nuggets of Kindness with Stuart Perkins or search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon Music, Spotify and Pocket Casts

Stuart’s blog: https://storyshucker.wordpress.com

Stuart’s post: A Nugget of Kindness

(featured photo from Pexels)

Flipping the Script So We’re Not Parked In Our Small Spaces

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“The more spacious and larger our fundamental nature, the more bearable the pains in living.” – Wayne Muller

The headlines from the news this week included a 6-year-old and her parents getting shot after a ball rolled into someone else’s yard, a cheerleader shot after realizing she had gone to the wrong car in a parking lot and trying to apologize, a teenager shot after pulling into the wrong driveway, another teenager (thankfully) healing after being shot when he went to the wrong address to pick up his siblings, a passenger on an airplane losing his cool over a crying baby.

Holy smokes – it just sounds like everyone is sitting a state of pain and fear just waiting to be lit up like a powder keg! That list makes me think of what happens when we get “parked in our small space” as my meditation teacher, Deirdre, describes. The state of being when everything and anything triggers us because we are already highly activated.

It goes without saying that most of us don’t react in any of the ways listed in the stories above. But I’ll speak personally to say that even when I keep my mouth shut and don’t show a surface reaction, being parked in my small space feels awful as I mutter obscenities in my head.

As opposed to when I’m feeling expansive and not only can I absorb the indignities of living but also I can even sometimes sit with others in their pain to help regulate their load. The small space/expansive state reminds me of a great story from the Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo:

“An aging Hindu master grew tired of his apprentice complaining, and so, one morning, sent him for some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

‘How does it taste?’ the master asked.

‘Bitter,’ spit the apprentice.

The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake, and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, ‘Now drink from the lake.’

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, ‘How does it taste?’

‘Fresh,’ remarked the apprentice.

‘Do you taste the salt?’ asked the master.

‘No,’ said the young man.

At this the master sat beside this serious young man who so reminded him of himself and took his hands, offering, ‘The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things…Stop being a glass. Become a lake.'”

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

When we flip our script and access our big space, everything seems less bitter. And we might even be able to help others flip their scripts as well. Or at the very least, not make it worse.

In the latest episode of Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, I talk with my meditation teacher, Deirdre, about how to flip the script on small spaces so that we can thrive in the big spaces of empowerment. We also dig into holding space – how to sit with others in their pain and discomfort. We talk about breathing – inspired by Patti’s comment on the last podcast and her suggestion of the song “Breathe” by Anna Nalik.

If you need an antidote from the news, or just even want the calm balm of Deirdre’s voice and wisdom, I know you’ll love this episode.

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts or click here to listen to the podcast on Anchor: Episode 14: Holding Space with Deirdre Wilcox

And here are the show notes on the Heart of the Matter site: Episode 14 show notes

Hitting It Out of The Park

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“How can you not be romantic about baseball?” – Michael Lewis in Moneyball

Sometimes when my kids and I are looking for something to do on a weekend, I’ll take them to ride the light rail. We ride from our Seattle neighborhood just north of downtown to the stop near the baseball stadium that is just south of downtown. Last year we lucked out with perfect timing on a day the Seattle Mariners were playing. We watched at all the people streaming towards the stadium, bought peanuts from a street vendor, and sat on a bench munching salty goodness as the first sounds of the game started drifting towards us.

This year I’m planning on actually taking my kids to a game but I’m always amazed at how fun just the atmosphere of baseball is. So when Vicki suggested we podcast with her friend and former colleague, Bruce Bohrer, about his post retirement stint as an usher for the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field, I was game.

There is something perfectly poetic about Bruce, the former director of admissions at Harper College going on to be in “admissions” at Wrigley field as an usher. And then jotting notes about the marriage proposals, the vendor songs, and all the sights, sounds, and smells of a ball park to write a book about it.

As we recorded this episode, we swung for the fences and Bruce short-stopped a question or two. Ss we were waved on for home, we squeezed in some more of Bruce’s great stories. I could go on and on with the baseball puns because they are so baked in to our lexicon. But I’ll end here with an item on the gratitude list of playwright and author Jack Canfora, from his post Dear Lord, Not Another Post on this Blog About Gratitude:

“For the sound of a bat hitting a baseball and a fastball hitting a catcher’s mitt. Anytime, but especially in early spring.”

Jack Canfora

Doesn’t that crack open a memory or two? If you are up for listening to a podcast, I think you’ll find this one really fun and enjoyable. Search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts or click here to listen to the episode on Anchor:  Episode 13: The Best Seat in the House with Bruce Bohrer

And for links to Bruce’s book, here are the show notes and more info on Heart of the Matter: Episode 13 show notes

The Hook

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“Just because they are a story doesn’t mean they’re not real.” – H. M. Bouwman

I was talking to Adam, one of Mr. D’s preschool teachers who was a newspaper writer in one of his previous jobs. (I think there’s a whole post I should write of how lucky Mr. D is to have such interesting and experienced teachers). He told me that he once interviewed Jim and Lou Whittaker, the now 94-year-old legendary Seattle mountain climbing twins and entrepreneurs.

So I asked him what his favorite interview was and he said, without hesitation, Ginger Rogers. Apparently, the arts writer was sick the day Ginger Rogers came to Seattle to promote a book she’d written and Adam said he couldn’t get his hand up fast enough to volunteer. His memory of it was that “It was the closest thing to royalty I’ve ever experienced.”

I bring this up because Vicki Atkinson and I did a Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast interview with Stuart Perkins, of the Storyshucker blog. In my mind, he is part of WordPress community royalty. Part of this is strictly personal because he was the first person to follow me, and most of it is because of his ability as a storyteller. He told us he loves to use a “hook,” something to draw the reader in and it’s a tool he uses to great effect.

Talking with Stuart, we learned about his base – growing up on a plot of land in rural Virginia. His grandmother, “Nannie” had land there and gave each of her 5 kids adjoining plots so Stuart grew up in the rich base of family and garden that he describes so often in his posts. Nannie and that simple life as told in evocative, touching, and rich stories.

A great base, a simpler time, a big family of storytellers – all great hooks. Like Mr D’s preschool teacher, Adam described, I couldn’t have been more thrilled to do this interview with the fantastic and fun Stuart Perkins. I hope you’ll listen and subscribe.

Search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts or click here to listen to Episode 12: On Storytelling with Stuart M. Perkins on Anchor.

Show notes are on the Heart of the Matter blog: Episode 12 show notes

The Road to Gratitude is Paved With Things Going Wrong

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“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.” – Maya Angelou

A couple of weeks ago Mr. D was silent on the way home from school on a Thursday. It was a special, I’m 3-years-old and I have no words for it but I’m about to be sick kind of quiet. And sure enough, within a couple of hours, he had a temperature of 101 and was coughing.

As I kept him home from school on Friday, I was so grateful that he’d have the weekend to heal. Then charting out the typical course of illness for my little family, I was grateful that Miss O would probably make it until her mid-winter break before she caught the cold. And then I was grateful that it wasn’t Covid.

In other words, I was filled with all sorts of gratitude in the midst of something going wrong. As I was juggling my work schedule to take care of a sick child, I felt the full force of what I had to be thankful for.

“Without exception, every person I interviewed who described living a joyful life or who described themselves as joyful, actively practiced gratitude and attributed their joyfulness to their gratitude practice.”

Brené Brown in the Gifts of Imperfection

Brené’s quote ties together gratitude and joy. But for me, I think there’s another relationship at play – that is with optimism. When I’m feeling hopeful and optimistic, I don’t spend much time on gratitude because I assume everything is going to work out. It’s only when they aren’t going swimmingly that I reconnect with gratitude and begin the upward spiral.

I’ve described myself as a congenital optimist. But I have a daily rhythm where I slide from hope to hopelessness. By the end of the day, I’m exhausted, my inner critic is in full force, and I find myself feeling more often than not, that my efforts in any or every area or all for naught.

Listening to my inner voice at 8pm the other night when my kids went to bed, I noticed this different tone. I was critical at myself for not putting away their cups of special sparkling apple juice when my kids went to brush their teeth so that when my son drank a sip of it after he brushed his teeth, all I could imagine were little sugar cavity bugs eating his enamel all night. And, in my head, I was angry at my kids for leaving a squishy toy on the floor that I veered away from only to hit my knee on the cabinet.

It’s easy to blame my bad nightly attitude and tiredness on my kids. But before I had kids, it was the same time of day that I’d start drinking wine so perhaps I just naturally accumulate dust during the day that makes me less sparkly.

But it’s during those hours when I’m less sparkly that I’m most grateful. That helps me to sleep and re-attach to my optimism.  It’s a cycle from optimism to darkness, then to gratitude which fills me with joy. I’ve noticed it is a full-circle that feeds itself as it progresses. It keeps me in touch with what’s important – which is most obvious when I’m in the down part of the loop.

In part I noticed this cycle because of a podcast I did with Libby Saylor (aka The Goddess Attainable) about her post Really Listen to the Way We Talk To Ourselves. In this delightful and illuminating conversation, we talk about self-compassion, dating and the mirror of love, and healing wounds from our families of origin. It was Libby that got me really listening to myself and focused on a lovely goal – to listen to myself (in any part of the cycle) with love.

I’d love for you to listen to our podcast.  Join us by following this link: Episode 6: Really Listen to the Way We Talk To Ourselves to listen on Anchor. You can also find it on Apple, Amazon, Spotify and Pocket Casts by searching for Sharing the Heart of the Matter.  Please subscribe!

Putting a Voice To a Name

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“The art of conversation lies in listening.” – Thomas Jefferson

There is so much to love about this blogging journey – the practice of writing down my stories, the delight of being able to read other people’s offerings, and the friendships that evolve over time when we comment.

And my recent foray into podcasting has just amped up this experience because it’s so fun to put real voices to people who I’ve read. To converse and have dialogue about what’s important and interesting from their point of view is so fun!!

I recently got to have a podcast conversation with Edgerton award winning playwright Jack Canfora about Why Theater Matters. I could gush endlessly about Jack. And I often do. I’ve had a writer’s crush on him for forever because he speaks to my heart. Every time I talk with him, read him, or listen/watch one of his plays, I come away smarter and more human. 

For anyone that has read Jack on Wise & Shine or his personal blog, listened to his audio drama in podcast form, Step 9, or just wants to find out what play Lincoln was watching when he was shot, I’d love for you to tune in to this Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast: Episode 4: Why Theater Matters on Anchor. (you can also find our podcast on Apple, Amazon, Spotify and Pocket Casts by searching for Sharing the Heart of the Matter – and please subscribe)

And here’s a link to the show notes on The Heart of the Matter.