Tag: goals

All You Have to Do Is Ask

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“Our problem is not that we aim too high and miss, but that we aim too low and hit.” – Aristotle

Last week, nine-year-old Miss O came home from school disappointed that she’d missed the opportunity to sign up for her school Glee Club. Apparently we’d missed the memo.

So I suggested that we contact the music teacher to see if we could join now. “No,” she moaned, “we’re too late.”

I doubled-down with the parenting trope “It never hurts to ask” but apparently Miss O was sure that it would.

I remember being about Miss O’s age when my mom told me to call the store I wanted to shop at to ask when they would close. I was completely intimidated. It took a lot of drama and role-playing practice. When I finally did it, I discovered that it was a pretty straightforward query.

So I’m completely clear on the many reasons we have not to ask for what we want. I still feel twinges to this day. Asking might reveal that we weren’t on the ball or should have already known. What if we are being disrespectful or disruptive? Perhaps it’ll bring unwanted attention on ourselves. And what if they say ‘no’? What if they say something I don’t know how to respond to?

But despite all this, I remembered late that night to send an email to the music teacher. She responded the next day that she’d be delighted to have Miss O join. In fact, she’d already let Miss O know when she’d seen her that morning.

When I picked Miss O up from school that day, I gleefully said, “Wuhoo, you got in to Glee club! See, you just have to ask.”

She laughed and said, “Yep.” And then she added, “What do you do in Glee club anyway?”

Oh dear – that’s next week lesson: know what you are signing up for before you do so. It’s a lesson I’m still regularly learning…

(featured photo from pexels)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

Loving and Learning

Posted in love, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , 64 Comments

“Life isn’t about getting and having, it’s about giving and being.” – Kevin Kruse

I was chatting with another parent at a party the other night. Let’s call her Casey, because, well, that’s her name. Casey was telling me about spending the night prior sleeping on the floor next to their new puppy’s crate. Since I was fresh off of sleeping on the couch for my puppy when he was getting adjusted, I was nodding along.

Then Casey said that a friend of hers told her she had made a mistake by getting a puppy. The opinion was logical: she laid out all the plans Casey had said she wanted to do like rebuilding her acupuncture practice in a new location and thought the puppy was not conducive to Casey’s goals.

Hmm, is love ever directly conducive to our goals?

Perhaps when it is the goal itself but from my experience, love is the big disruptor that often interrupts our progress on the things we can measure.

I’m thinking of this past weekend when my four-year-old son wanted to sit on my lap as I was writing a post so I switched to typing one-handed.

Or the time 20 years ago when I screwed up a work presentation because my new love wanted to spend time and so I forgot to practice.

And the swollen eyes I had for weeks after I had to say goodbye to my last dog, making it nearly impossible to concentrate or pull myself together.

And yet:

My four-year-old, Mr. D, has been bounding out of bed in the morning to say “hi” to the puppy. I find him with his arm around the dog or the cat as he tries to broker peace for his new best friend. And having a puppy has also made him more organized to keep track of his Bun Bun stuffy so that it stays out of the dog’s sharp teeth.

My eight-year-old daughter, Miss O, has a new way to make friends. We stood outside the school gate this afternoon letting kid after kid pet the puppy while she proudly showed them how she’s trained him to sit. And the puppy is also making her grow up because she’s having to find her inner discipline in order to deliver clear commands to him.

I feel the rumbling at my feet of puppy snores as I type this and feel less alone. I’m also feeling the exhaustion that comes with the extra discernment, communication, and enthusiasm I’m expending to train my kids to train the puppy.

We’re loving and learning. I’m not sure there is anything more conducive to my parenting goals than that. I’ve lost sleep for far less worthy reasons!

What do you think is worth losing sleep for?

Pursuing Goals Passionately

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“The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.” – unknown-

When I was in third grade, Olivia Newton-John released her Totally Hot album. I had never wanted anything so much in my whole life (all eight years of it). My 25 cent allowance and lack of savings made a $7 album seem way out of reach.

The way I remember it, my mom thought it was a silly thing to spend money on and informed me I didn’t have enough money. But I wouldn’t be deterred. Eventually, I begged, borrowed, and did extra chores until I bought Totally Hot as my first album (and yes, it was a true vinyl album.)

I thought of this story when listening to the Ten Percent Happier podcast, The Science of Manifestation with Dr. James R. Doty. He has six steps for manifestation:

  1. Reclaim your power to focus
  2. Clarify what you truly want
  3. Remove the obstacles in your mind
  4. Embed the intention into our subconscious
  5. Pursue your goal passionately
  6. Let go of attachment to any particular outcome

[Side note: Dr. Doty also mentions the empty satisfaction of materialism, much preferring community and service for true happiness. For the record, I used Totally Hot to create dance routines with my friends. :)]

The Ten Percent Happier podcast also made me of blogging friend and author, Mark Petruska, who is a master manifester. So Vicki Atkinson and I talked with Mark in the latest episode of our podcast.

Mark tells us a great story about how he willed a campsite into existence. Even better, it was for his wife’s birthday! And it was in one of my favorite places – Mt. Rainier National Park!

We love Mark’s incredible mix of optimism, focus, and passion. So Vicki and I get him to elaborate how he harnesses the power of manifestation.

Building on the published work of Stanford professor, Dr. James Doty, we talk about the steps Dr. Doty suggests for manifesting outcomes in our lives. This isn’t just wishing for something, it is digging one’s heels in and passionately pursuing an outcome.

Which Mark illustrates beautifully with a great story about manifesting a refund.

This is a great episode about the power of setting our intentions, not listening to naysayers, and manifesting the things that are important. It’s inspirational, powerful, and fun!

I’m certain you’ll enjoy the scenic and beautiful places we go when we share the power of story.

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 80: Mastering Manifestation with Mark Petruska

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Transcript for this episode: HoTM episode 80 transcript

Links for this Episode:

Mark My Words – MARK PETRUSKA | WRITER

Ohanapecosh, By Gosh! – Mark My Words (markpetruska.com)

(featured image from Pexels)

Pause to Celebrate

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“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss

The first time I summitted a mountain, 14,411 foot Mt. Rainier, I was too cold to stand around and celebrate. I huddled with about five other climbers in the lee of some rocks waiting for the rest of the group to be ready to start the descent.

For the big summits I’ve stood on, that first one was the most uncomfortable, but none have been particularly pleasant.

I was thinking about this recently after we finished a big work project. The feeling upon a successful completion wasn’t that we were ready to celebrate – but that we were collectively exhausted.

Putting it together with mountain climbing, I realized that often, success feels like exhaustion. That applies to growth too. It’s only in retrospect that I can feel or recognize that something remarkable is finished.

Of course, the really good and experienced climbers that I climbed with would always say “Climbing is a round trip sport.” But even when we finished our round trip and went to the pub afterwards, we’d toast the summit, and quickly move on to spending most of the time talking about what we were going to do next.

Sometimes, we just need to take a pause to celebrate. Like now. Even on a Monday. If nothing else, we deserve a moment of applause for just showing up. Happy Monday!

I’ve written a post about recognizing our courage on the Heart of the Matter blog: We’ll Call it Courage Anyway

The Power of Stories

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“See, broken things always have a story to tell, don’t they?” – Sara Pennypacker

Shortly after I returned from Everest Base Camp in 2001, I went with my dad to hear Beck Weathers speak. Anyone that has read Jon Krakauer’s book Into Thin Air or any of the other books about the 1996 disaster on Everest, is probably familiar with his story. Here’s my abridged version:

Beck was a pathologist from Texas that was climbing in New Zealand guide Rob Hall’s group during the 1996 Everest climbing season. He was high up on the mountain nearing the top when he went snow blind. So, Rob dug out a spot for him to sit and wait until Rob summitted with the other clients and returned for him.

Rob never returned for him because Rob died trying to help another climber and didn’t adhere to his turn-around time, the time when they needed to go back down no matter whether they’d summitted or not. But one of the other guides from Beck’s group came by and now that the storm was descending, Beck went down with them to Camp 4. They got within 150 yards of the camp but couldn’t find it in the blizzard conditions. As they circled in the storm, Beck just fell over and they left him lying in the snow. He laid there for 15 hours at 26,000 feet during a storm with his face and hand exposed.

And then he miraculously “woke up” and managed to make his way to camp. The other climbers were in complete disarray after the storm and were shocked to see him. They helped him into a tent – and then left him there, expecting that he’d die during the night. As Beck screamed because he couldn’t eat, drink or even keep himself covered with sleeping bags, they couldn’t hear him over the howling winds.

Beck didn’t die that night so the next morning the other climbers rallied to find a way to help him down the mountain as he was suffering frostbite to his hands, arm and face. He was short-roped (pretty much tied right to) a dream team of amazing climbers, Ed Viesturs and David Breashears. Ed and David weren’t from Beck’s group but were up there filming a Imax film about Everest and had aborted their climb to help others.

The Dream Team got Beck down to 20,000 feet where a helicopter that was rallied by Beck’s wife in Texas attempted to land. The air is so thin that the helicopter rotor blades could barely keep the machine aloft and to even try to do this once, the pilot off-loaded every bit of weight that he could. He was on the knife-edge of not making it when he came over the ridge to find the landing pad the Dream Team had marked with red Kool-aid.

And just as Beck is about to get on the helicopter, a climber who has more severe injuries from the Taiwanese team arrived. The helicopter could only take one person and Beck gave up his seat to the more injured climber. Beck assumed he’d just signed his death warrant because he couldn’t make it through the Khumbu icefall with his injuries, not even with the Dream team’s help because they’d have to cross huge blocks of ice on ladders. As he’s contemplating this, the helicopter rose one more time over the ridge – the pilot came back for Beck.

Beck lost his arm from his elbow down plus all the fingers on his other hand and parts of his feet. He had a prosthetic nose that they grew for 6 months on his forehead. He could never work as a pathologist again. He wrote a book called Left for Dead that recounts with detail those four times he was left for dead on Everest and began a second career as an inspirational speaker.

Sitting in the front row, I was transfixed watching Beck tell his story. Great story-tellers have a way of raising questions in us that have nothing to do with Mt. Everest. As author Brandon Mull said, “Sharp people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.”

Have you ever pursued a goal so obsessively you gave up everything else? Would you be able to keep going after being left for dead? Would you give up your seat to someone else that’s more injured or give up your IMAX filming to help someone else? Have you been able to find your way to a new career?

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Journey Is The Destination

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“Tell me and I will forget, teach me and I will remember, involve me and I will learn.” – Benjamin Franklin

I took the kids out hiking last weekend. Before I had kids, I used to hike every Saturday morning starting in the years one of my friends was preparing to climb Everest (the trick of hiking with someone in that good of shape – make her talk all the way up and you talk all the way down). So hiking with my kids feels like going back to my roots.

But instead of hiking up Tiger Mountain as I would if it was just me, I choose a flat trail to Tradition Lake that the sign says is 1.5 miles away. As we head out with high energy, I had great hopes that we’d actually GET to the lake this time. Because we’ve tried this before and about a half mile in, after we’ve looked at countless sticks, rocks, bugs and slugs, Mr. D gets tired of “hiking.” I put him on my shoulders and carry him back to the parking lot.

I consider not making the goal to be good practice for me. I love finishing and as I wrote in the messy middle post, I find myself often rushing to the end. To enjoy the process of getting there, and to enjoy all the slugs along the way, is a way of slowing down my adult brain that is so intent on goals. It’s another opportunity to immerse myself in my kids lantern awareness, to use the term from researcher Dr. Alison Gopnik.

Of course I could carry Mr. D farther and get to the lake even if my knees, hips and shoulders might disagree. I think Miss O could do the trail all the way no problem. But I think developing the endurance to get there himself is something that is worth leaving it to Mr. D to do.

What I’m learning about accomplishments is not only to be flexible about what the end-point is but also to value the progression along the way. “Hiking” with my kids is like a walking meditation for me, another chance to learn that sometimes the goal isn’t what the sign says. It’s a practice of learning when to say we’ve gone far enough instead of pushing through. It’s honoring the deep knowing that comes with celebrating the beauty of the journey.

And sure enough, at about half mile in, we reached the end of Mr. D’s desire to hike. My reward for being willing to turn around was that we laughed the whole way back.

How do you feel about not reaching the end-point on the sign? Do/did you hike with your kids?