The Need for Repacking

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The first time I shouldered a full backpacking load, I was 20 years old at the base of a hiking trail in the Ecuadorian Andes. I didn’t have the strength to lift my pack, rotate it around to my back, and then hoist my shoulders through. So the leader of the trip suggested I balance my pack on the ground and then sit down next to it and snake my arms into the straps.

So I did that – and promptly tipped sideways.

I mention this because that’s how I feel this fall. I keep tipping over when I try to carry my load. The balance is off and I can’t quite get grounded enough underneath it to shoulder it with any steadiness.

Both my kids need help with school. My 11-year-old daughter is doing fine at middle school but it’s 6 periods and a lot of additional activities.  Keeping track of what goes where and what is due requires some organizational skills that she’s still developing.

And my 7-year-old son isn’t liking 2nd grade. His teacher is new to the school and the district has pared back on recess and amped up math time. It’s a rhythm that he’s finding challenging.

So I bike with him to school to help him get some exercise in before the day starts. Then I bike home and get my daughter off. By that time I’ve spent almost 2 hours getting my kids ready for school. And I’m in transition at work as well so I finding it hard to settle in myself.

Bumpy. That’s how it feels.

I mention the backpack because it’s the way I know for carrying loads. The lesson that I’ve learned repeatedly is that when I am having trouble carrying things, it’s usually because I’ve added them on without repacking. You can’t just stuff new items in the outer pockets, carry extra items in your hands, or clip them onto the top. If you do, they’ll hit you in the face every time you lean over – or you’ll drop them.

When I’ve resisted repacking my pack, it’s usually because I’m scared the group is going to go without me or that I’ll lose my momentum. But I’ve learned it’s not sustainable to carry an unexamined load.

Pull everything out

Give back what’s not yours to carry

Discard the baggage that you no longer need to haul with you

Repack only what is essential

Then you can shoulder a load that you can carry. My apologies if I miss anything while I’m repacking. I hope to be back to my balanced way forward soon!

(photos is of Miss O carrying a backpack at age 4)

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52 thoughts on “The Need for Repacking”

  2. Well said, Wynne. I think that for many, the imbalance includes their children’s needs, work, the changes that speed through the days, and the fear (spoken or not, and written or not), of what is to come on the world stage. We are better when we seek the balance our friends can help with. You will find yours. You are a powerhouse.

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  4. A mother’s load keeps changing, keeps increasing as the kids get older! The transition is the bumpiest, learning the new steps to this intricate dance!

    My two oldest grandkids are in college, so no more day to day stuff with them, it’s bigger life stuff my daughter needs to drive 3 hours each way to take care of for them.

    The youngest has a packed extracurricular schedule with band, marching band, Beta, and now she wants to join math club. I asked when they were goi g to get some sleep, lol, between work, schooling and homework (for both since my daughter is back in college too) practicing g music and playing in competitions which includes travel to other High Schools.

    It’s so complicated! Especially at the beginning of a year.

    You can do this!

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    1. You are so right about the transition time — and that the beginning of the year is complicated. What a full schedule your youngest granddaughter has. Wow – that’s a lot! Whew – sending love and support to everyone!

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  6. The start of a new school year is A LOT – for everyone, I think. I think you’re doing a grand community service today for many of us who feel the need to recalibrate. Thank you for the nudge about repacking…might be just the thing I need at the moment, too. Much love to all! 💝💝💝

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  7. Your theme of ‘repacking’ fits in perfectly with my intentions of this week’s ‘detoxing and decluttering’. I love a lot of my life but some of the things/meetings/obligations/clubs/people I love are overwhelming me (I ‘almost’ miss covid days of not being able to go anywhere). I need to figure out where I want to put my focus, which is hard when so much of the world desperately needs our attention/action/time/money. Time to “Repack only what is essential”.

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    1. Ah, you said it so well, Rose! There are so many things calling for our attention, time and money — all very worthy. But we do need that detox time. Sending you all my best wishes for your successful repacking!

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  9. That is exactly how I feel lately. Getting everything done and then some is burdensome. I know my sixth graders are making strides and learning new skills. For some it’s challenging, but they are being pushed to learn and grow. That sounds exactly like what O is experiencing, but she’s ready for the challenge, exactly like you were the first time you carried a full pack. Take care and enjoy a bonus day off!

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  10. This is so good, Wynne! A great reminder to give back everything that’s not ours to carry. As we know it’s often easier said than done, but so necessary. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. May you find the balance you need.🙏🏽💕🌺

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  13. It’s a shame you can’t use one of those rolling suitcases with wheels when climbing the Andes. I imagine the chances of you tipping over sideways would be considerably smaller.

    For several years, due to coparenting schedules and living arrangements, getting the kids to and from school took a solid 90 minutes every day. “Bumpy” is the perfect way to describe that. I don’t blame Mr. D for his lack of enthusiasm; more math, less recess is not something I would want, either.

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    1. Ah yes – the rolling suitcases in the Andes. Love that you have out of the box solutions, Mark!

      90 minutes every day — yes! It’s hard!! Thanks for feeling our pain, my friend!!

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  16. As a military guy, I’m with you about carrying an unexamined load. Each mission is different, so we’re supposed to pack accordingly. And getting a bigger pack isn’t a good answer, either. Assess the mission, look at the requirements, and pack the essentials.

    The best way to get a heavy pack on your back is to have someone help you with it. In the Army, when we went on long missions that involved walking for days with a heavy pack to reach an objective, we’d drop the heavy pack about a mile from our destination and transfer the essentials to what we called a “butt pack.” That small pack, which we carried on our lower backs and attached to our waist belts, held enough to get us through 24–48 hours. Once the mission was complete, we’d walk back, pick up the heavy pack, and move on to the next destination.

    Sometimes you need to carry a heavy pack, and there are times when you need help getting it on your back. But sometimes you just need to examine your load and take off what you don’t need at the moment. And sometimes you just need to carry a small pack with only the bare essentials. Life calls for continual assessment, and prioritization is key. You’re a strong and good person; balance will come soon, my friend.

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    1. I love all the facets to this answer Edward! You are so right – getting a bigger pack is not the answer. Assess the mission – have a smaller pack for the essentials — and have friends help with putting it on. Oh, so good — you know how to help build a metaphor, my friend!! Thank you for the great comment and the encouragement!! I appreciate your balancing effect!

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  20. I love the analogy of repacking your backpack. It’s such an important part of life, especially when we are also responsible for other people’s journey. Glad to hear Miss O is doing well, the organization skills will come. And good luck to Mr D as he navigates the change to his school schedule.

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  22. Sometimes you also have to remove something from the pack or the load gets too heavy, my friend. You can only do so much reorganizing, but I’ve got faith that you will be able to let go of something since your kids need a little extra attention right now.

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  23. The image of you tipping sideways next to your pack in the Andes made me smile, and then it landed. So much of steadiness comes from where the weight sits, not from how strong we are. When I add things without repacking, I notice it first in my body: shoulders creeping up, breath getting short, jaw tight. In Feldenkrais lessons there is a lovely idea that you find balance by sensing where your weight already wants to go, rather than bracing harder. Your list does the same thing for a whole season. Giving back what is not yours to carry feels like the hardest pocket to empty.

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