strength – Surprised By Joy

The first time I shouldered a full backpacking load, I was 20 years old at the base of a hiking trail in the Ecuadorian Andes. I didn’t have the strength to lift my pack, rotate it around to my back, and then hoist my shoulders through. So the leader of the trip suggested I balance my pack on the ground and then sit down next to it and snake my arms into the straps.

So I did that – and promptly tipped sideways.

I mention this because that’s how I feel this fall. I keep tipping over when I try to carry my load. The balance is off and I can’t quite get grounded enough underneath it to shoulder it with any steadiness.

Both my kids need help with school. My 11-year-old daughter is doing fine at middle school but it’s 6 periods and a lot of additional activities. Keeping track of what goes where and what is due requires some organizational skills that she’s still developing.

And my 7-year-old son isn’t liking 2^nd grade. His teacher is new to the school and the district has pared back on recess and amped up math time. It’s a rhythm that he’s finding challenging.

So I bike with him to school to help him get some exercise in before the day starts. Then I bike home and get my daughter off. By that time I’ve spent almost 2 hours getting my kids ready for school. And I’m in transition at work as well so I finding it hard to settle in myself.

Bumpy. That’s how it feels.

I mention the backpack because it’s the way I know for carrying loads. The lesson that I’ve learned repeatedly is that when I am having trouble carrying things, it’s usually because I’ve added them on without repacking. You can’t just stuff new items in the outer pockets, carry extra items in your hands, or clip them onto the top. If you do, they’ll hit you in the face every time you lean over – or you’ll drop them.

When I’ve resisted repacking my pack, it’s usually because I’m scared the group is going to go without me or that I’ll lose my momentum. But I’ve learned it’s not sustainable to carry an unexamined load.

Pull everything out

Give back what’s not yours to carry

Discard the baggage that you no longer need to haul with you

Repack only what is essential

Then you can shoulder a load that you can carry. My apologies if I miss anything while I’m repacking. I hope to be back to my balanced way forward soon!

(photos is of Miss O carrying a backpack at age 4)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

Please check out the The Life of Try podcast Where trying becomes the spark for personal growth, discovery, and re-invention!

“Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters.” – Margaret Peters

It’s Independence Day in America. Which is of course about the country and not about me but it makes me think about the long history I have with the word independence.

Independence was one of the most prized attributes a kid could have in my family. I wonder if that’s because I am the youngest of three and my mom was busy trying to find out how to best challenge her very smart brain within the confines of being a minister’s wife and a mother of three kids. If I’d ask for a ride, she’d hand me the bus schedule. If I wanted her to play tennis with me, there was a certain amount of practice I had to do on my own before I’d qualify.

Then there was the college boyfriend who broke my heart for the first time. He had introduced me to the poem, Comes the Dawn by Veronica Shoffstall that includes the lines, “So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” In my bereft state after we split apart, I remember those lines popping into my head as the best idea of independence I’d ever heard.

So when I was 30-years-old and wanted to buy a house, I was dating a guy whose only contribution to the effort was a list of the neighborhoods he’d like to live in. He clearly wasn’t the right one for me and I knew I could do it independently so I broke up with him and did.

Then my father came over and taught me so many of the skills I would need to own a home: tiling, replacing a toilet, installing crown molding. On one of our projects to dry wall a room, we couldn’t finish before he had to leave so he helped me build a system of platforms so I could finish independently. He knew I couldn’t wait until he had time to return.

When I got married in my mid-30’s, one of my husband’s complaints about me was that I was so independent. He could say the word so harshly that the last syllable cracked like a whip. It stung because I had always thought that was one of most prized qualities, after all my parents thought it was. And wow, he seemed so needy to me which might have been one of his qualities that led him to be unfaithful.

So we got divorced and even though I’d refused to have kids when I was married, I wanted them now that I was alone and 45-years-old. I went to a fertility clinic and found out that I could have them independently and so, I did!

Now I have two beautiful kids and am wondering if independence will be once of the most prized traits that I teach them. The mirror of introspection tells me that my version of independence might be an avoidance of vulnerability. I have an inkling that my greatest strength might also be my greatest weakness.

It’s taken me half a lifetime to realize that there is a fine line between independence and isolation, something that applies to both me as an individual and us collectively as a country. Believing that you don’t need anyone else to help solve your problems only tends to increase the size of the problems that you need to solve. Like climate change. Or world peace. So on this Independence Day, I celebrate the kind of independence that comes with the knowledge that we need others to be our best selves!

Tag: strength

The Need for Repacking

Celebrating Independence