Tag: family

The Dog Ate My Holiday Cards

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“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” – Pema Chӧdrӧn

Cooper, the puppy, ate my holiday cards. Not all of them, thankfully. I managed to send quite a few out before he got into the box. But what really got me, is that he chewed some that I’d already written.

Sheesh! It’s hard enough to get it done in the midst of the holiday season. But then to have to redo some? It kind of derailed me. I’m still finishing up sending them out now.

But what’s more interesting to me than my ability, or lack thereof, to get the task done is HOW it happened that the puppy ate the Christmas cards.

When I go with the kids upstairs to do their bedtime routine, I was leaving Cooper in the family room/kitchen with the doors closed. Dealing with two young ones in that last hour when we are all so tired was all that I could handle. I thought that solution was to keep Cooper out of the mix.

One night after getting the kids to bed, I came back downstairs and Cooper had eaten the Kleenex box. I got out a new one and <doh> put it in the same place.

The next night, he ate the new Kleenex box. So I put the new new box up on the shelf and then gave him a chew to work on when we were upstairs. He ate the chew – and then the napkins in the napkin holder on the table.

Okay, Cooper likes paper. So I removed the napkins from the table. But then the next night he got the holiday cards.

Grrr. At this point I was nearing my wits end. Then a friend that came to stay with us offered, “Maybe it’s separation anxiety.”

I thought that was an interesting idea. So I tried giving Cooper his chew and left the doors open. Guess what? He’s stopped marauding the place. And he doesn’t even come upstairs to mess with our routine. Every once in a while he’ll come to visit, but he’s calm and unbothered.

If I had to count the number of times that I’ve had to learn the lesson to lean in to the problem instead of trying to shut it down or lock it away – well, it’d be a pretty high number. Funny how unintuitive it is to open up as a response to a problem instead of shut down. But it’s equally as amazing at what an effective solution it can be.

Now I just need to train Cooper to help me finish sending my holiday cards.

Style and Grace

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“She wasn’t doing anything I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.” – J.D. Salinger

When I was 17-years-old and a senior in high school, I lived for a year with my best friend, Katie’s family. My dad had taken a job at a church across the state and they gave me the option to stay and finish high school.

Which all hinged on a family being willing to let another teenager live with them. Fortunately, Katie’s parents, Jim and Connie were willing to take me in.

I was 17 and typically self-absorbed. I didn’t think much about it at the time, but it was my first glimpse into how other families operated. Looking back now, I giggle at all the misconceptions that my teenage brain put together.

For instance, Jim and Connie were originally from North Carolina. So, I assumed that was the source of Connie’s grace and style.

She never got flustered by the trials and tribulations of life. She was poised and prepared for just about anything.

She graciously had little gifts for Katie and me for every holiday. Like for Valentine’s Day, she gave me a wire basket filled with goodies and two pairs of socks, red and white.

The holiday she exceled at was April Fools Day. Connie was wickedly good at April Fools tricks. She’d rubber band the kitchen sink sprayer so you’d get soaked. She’d split apart Oreos and insert some plastic wrap. If you don’t think of April Fools as a holiday, it’s because you never lived with Connie.

Connie was such a good listener and was genuinely interested in what others had to say.

She never said a bad word about anyone, even the next door neighbors that could be somewhat challenging.

She taught me, to the degree I was teachable, about being a lady. Our dates had to come to the door to talk to the parents. We had to wait in our rooms for at least a minute before bursting out and running off.

She made the best chicken, cream potatoes and cole slaw.

Now that I’ve got a lot more life under the belt, I understand that none of the above, with the exception of the cooking, came from North Carolina. They came from pure love. A strong, selfless, caring, gracious woman who loved family and others, and exceled at living life.

All the way until she died this past weekend. But the legacy of her grace and love continues in the beautiful and incredible family she created with her presence. RIP, dear Connie. You knew how to do life well and will be missed.

(featured photo from Pexels)

(quote from Victoria Ponders – Holding the Universe Together)

Fifteen Things I’m Grateful I Did With My Kids This Year

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“The soul is healed by being with children.” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Went to a spray park on a rainy, cold day

Chased after the ice cream truck

Traveled to my childhood home town and rode the carousel a gazillion times

Built sand castles

Walked on the beach

Went back to find the little bit of plastic that we dropped on the beach when we realized we’d accidentally littered

Held our puppy

Dragged us all to puppy kindergarten class

Watched sunrises and cried when perfect days end

Played hockey with a tennis ball in the front hallway

Listened to their young voices telling me they are es-perts and wisdom that includes magic of fairies, hopes, and togetherness

Laughed about silly stuff

Talked about outside hurts and inside hurts

Celebrated doing hard things

Said yes… to all of the above and more

The Mirror of Love

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“Spend time with people who are good for your mental health.” – unknown

This week I was up on a ladder trying to hang some extra Christmas lights when eight-year-old Miss O walked in the room and said with a laugh, “I don’t like this lip gloss. It’s all over my teeth. Want to come down and see?”

I launched into a laundry list of things on my to-do list that precluding me pausing to see lip gloss on teeth. She laughed again and repeated something I told her the other day when she was frustrated with her Xmas gift making. “You’re a Leon. We expect to get things done. We experience stress when that doesn’t happen as quickly as we’d like.”

Then she brought me a hand strengthener and a stress ball to take my frustrations out on.

Isn’t it funny that we need other people to repeat our own observations back to us? My on-going battle is that my ideas of what I can accomplish, and the time I have available, are forever mismatched. I’m aware of it and yet I’m still like a fly against the window, bumping against it over and over again. Every once in a while, I’ll have a miraculous day where I feel like I accomplished what I set out to do.

But mostly, I just spend a lot of time practicing letting go of the list to be present. My kids help me do that. A lot.

One Less Thing To Worry About

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“Learning without reflection is a waste. Reflection without learning is dangerous.” – Confucius

I don’t think of myself as a very controlling person. Every once in a while, my mind wakes me up in the middle of the night to laugh at that statement.

This weekend my kids spent the night at my brother and sister-in-law’s. I like to chalk the anxiety I experienced in advance of that to the fact that they live on a boat and four-year-old Mr. D doesn’t yet know how to swim.

But is it that really?

Then I came across this quote and felt it fit like a glove:

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”

Maya Angelou

Raising my kids is the single most important thing I do. I want to live long enough to see them happily reach adulthood. Fortunately, there is no indication of anything health wise that will cut that short. If all goes well, I’ll be 68 years old when Mr. D graduates from high school and so far I’m managing the creaking joints and other travails that come with age.

But taking a day away from my kids reminded me that they can survive without me. I hope that isn’t ever the case.  But my mind can rest at ease because I’ve been reminded they are surrounded by others who love them and care for them as well.

Waiting for a Break

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“We learn how to be resilient and handle difficult things by PRACTICING dealing with difficult things.” – Tina Payne Bryson

We went to our favorite beach on Whidbey Island this weekend. We rented an AirBnB that allowed dogs so it was our puppy, Cooper’s, first vacation.

The weather was really blustery. After a particularly stormy week in the Seatle area, there was driftwood all over the beach. When my son, four-year-old Mr. D and my friend, Eric, went down to the beach, Mr D busied himself throwing huge pieces of wood into the water. And by huge, I mean almost as big as he is.

When Eric remarked on this, Mr. D turned to him and said, “I can do hard things.”

Here’s the thing about that. Every day for the ten days preceding the vacation, I’d sent Mr. D to school with a note. In the note, it counted down how many sleeps until vacation, explained that we had to go to school/work in order to be able to go on vacation, and ended with the sentence, “We can do hard things.”

Normally Mr. D doesn’t need coaxing to go to school. But coming off of some crud he caught at Thanksgiving, and the dark and stormy days of the last couple of weeks, it felt like he was tired. You know that deep, soul-level tired where even after good night’s sleep it feels like you are exhausted.

Of course, Mr. D cannot yet read but he carried the note with him anyway. He didn’t say much about it. But I knew he was paying attention because the note started ripping in places because it’d been opened and refolded so many times.

Sometimes we have to push through to earn a break. And I’m incredibly heartened to know that when we do, it builds the confidence that “We can do hard things.”

Fatherly Wisdom

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“I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do.” – Jana Stanfield

I met a friend when I was in my 20’s who summed up his dad’s advice to him:

  1. Always buy the best tires you can afford
  2. Never buy a cheap garden hose
  3. Buy tools with a lifetime guarantee

I marveled upon hearing that about how straightforward that fatherly advice was. Because my dad’s advice was a lot more ephemeral – not surprising given his profession as a Presbyterian pastor.

Jane Fritz of the Robby Robin’s blog recently asked what my dad would say about answering the big questions and challenges of our time: war, climate change, inequality. If you haven’t read her incredible post, Profound questions, seeking our attention and deserving action that builds on Rose’s wonderful and thought-provoking post Meaningful Intelligent Conversations, please do.

Our exchange reminded me of three pieces of advice from my dad, Dick Leon:

  1. Do the next right thing: This is a continual instruction, not a one time thing. Do the right things to make this planet a better place to live in whatever way that you can and according to your passions. Stand up for those that have been treated unfairly. Be kind. Take action on the social issues that are meaningful. Do all that you can to work, support, and encourage a better planet.

    The Dick Leon approach was not to play it safe either. Over the years he worked for Civil Rights, on behalf of Russian citizens during the Cold War, and at the end of his life he was working on land rights for peaceful Palestinian Christians in the West Bank. Most of those issues got him in trouble with some factions of his congregations and his life.
  2. Be cheerful about it: My dad often said that doing the right thing often means doing the hard thing. He recognized that it wasn’t/isn’t easy. So his instruction to be cheerful was two-fold. First, do what you can, and be happy about it. Because if you’re gritting your teeth every step of the way, it’s not sustainable. 

    The second part is that when you are in the groove of doing what you can cheerfully, you attract other people to the cause. Even if they don’t agree, others are more likely to engage in conversation with someone who appears not to already be irritated. Hence how my dad managed controversial topics within a church congregation of varying viewpoints.

    Cheerfulness is not synonymous with toxic positivity. Some of the issues my dad advocated didn’t work out. Others took a long time. My dad’s definition of cheerfulness was what one can do with a happy heart.
  3. When you’ve done all that you can, give up the rest to God: Or a higher power or whatever thing bigger than yourself that you believe in. This was my dad’s way of not worrying about the stuff that was outside of his control. Less energy spent on anxiety equals more energy for doing the next right thing.

I envied my friend from my 20’s for the simplicity of a list of dad advice. But now that I’m middle-aged, appreciate my father’s wisdom more. I believe his list is the reason that I’m still paraphrasing him almost a decade after he died. I’m not sure my dad had any awareness of his impact beyond his lifetime. But I think his advice guaranteed that he did have impact because it was the way he created legacy with his actions every day.

It’s harder to check off things from my dad’s list. But when I follow it, I find great comfort. And cheerfulness, of course!

(featured photo is mine: Dick Leon, on a Dia de los Muertos ofrenda)

For another great list, please listen to Dr. Gerald Stein on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast talk about Being Your Own Best Friend. Dr. Stein comes through with such wisdom and warmth as he provides some great tips for living our best lives.

Talk, Talk, Talk

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“We spend the first year of a child’s life teaching it to walk and talk and the rest of its life to shut up and sit down. There’s something wrong here.” – Neil deGrasse Tyson

My daughter, Miss O, learned the power of words early on. She started talking at 10 months and it’s been off to the races ever since. Now she’s eight-years-old, and I’ve learned to get worried when she isn’t talking.

One Sunday when it was just the two of us and Miss O was about three-years-old, I was feeling overwhelmed by the constant talking, singing, and narrating. We were sitting and drawing at the dining room table as the last rays of fall afternoon sunshine filtered into the room. I said to Miss O, “Do you think we could just be quiet for 10 minutes?”

Miss O paused for a moment and then said, “Why?”

About a year later, a friend was at our house trying to troubleshoot a problem with his van. Four-year-old Miss O asked him what was happening and he started, “When hot air meets a cold surface and water forms…” She interrupted him and asked, “You mean condensation?”

I confess, I don’t always listen to her every word. But I recently had the honor of editing a podcast that Miss O did with Vicki and me. As I tuned in with ears to make sure the conversation flowed, I was stunned with the perspective of this delightful young person talking with the incredibly interesting and supportive Vicki Atkinson.

Am I biased? No doubt! But most of all what I noticed is that Miss O has learned to use her words well. And she’s found her voice – to express herself, to give voice to her feelings, to convey her delightful enthusiasm, and at the end, to share her delightful glow with everyone around.

Ha – I just realized this post could have been reduced to one sentence. Miss O is on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast with the always amazing Dr. Vicki Atkinson and me – please listen. Perhaps wordiness runs in the family….

The Fruits of Our Labor

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“Each life creates endless ripples.” – Frank Herbert

This summer I was idly chatting with the mom of one of Miss O’s school friends at a pool party. Our conversation switched to careers and she mentioned that she is a nurse at the fertility clinic that I used to become pregnant via IVF (in-vitro fertilization). What’s more, she works on the team of Dr. Dudley, my fertility specialist.

When I revealed that, her eyes grew wide. She looked at me for a long moment, she looked at eight-year-old Miss O, she looked at four-year-old Mr. D, she looked back at 54-year-old me, and her eyes were full. She’d never met a baby of one of her patients. Even though I wasn’t directly her patient, it was like seeing the fruit of her labor.

There are times that I forget that I had kids in a non-traditional way. I have no problem talking about it, as I recently did on the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkison. But often it’s just that life right NOW is so busy, I forget about way back then.

Everything is timed to a T in the IVF process. This drug here, that test there, the implantation of the embryo, then a blood draw on day 10 to see if you’re pregnant. If you are, the due date is an exact calculation from the calendar. The fertility clinic, at least in my case, sees you until you are at ten weeks along. Then you transfer to an obstetrician and may never see them again.

One of my dad’s favorite parts of being a pastor was that he felt it was such an honor to be a part of the many sacred moments of people’s life – birth, baptism, marriage, death. To see the whole story.

But my acquaintance, the nurse, usually only gets to see that one part of the story. I remember sending a birth announcement to the fertility clinic when I had my babies. I gather from her wet and twinkling eyes that’s not the same as seeing these kids do a cannonball at a pool party.

There are a lot of times we never see the impact of our life – the way we touch other people with a smile, a question, or a reply. So, I love the stories of the full circle moments when we do get to see the fruits of our labor, even if “those fruits” just got you wet at a pool party. All the better to hide the tears.

For a related story about the IVF process, please see my Heart of the Matter post, The Courage To Try.

(featured photo from Pexels)

All The Secrets

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“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” – Mary Tyler Moore

The other day my kids and I were out walking in the neighborhood and ran into two brothers, 11-years-old and 9-years-old, from the English family that has moved in up the street. The older brother did a card trick for Miss O. I wasn’t paying attention to all of it, but there was audience involvement, and even some spelling and counting going on.

When the older brother finished and revealed the chosen card – the right one – the younger brother exclaimed quite proudly in his delightful British accent, “It works nearly every time.”

Which made me laugh. The way he said it so charmingly uncovered that a lot of practice has gone into this particular trick.

And it reminded me that often family members know our secrets and weak points. Hopefully, especially when they are working well, within the context of great love and acceptance.

Speaking of family, I spoke with Vicki on this week’s Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast about how I started my family as a single person. We talk about invitro fertilization, the fears I needed to overcome, the lessons I apply from my dad, and the seven quotes that have helped me change my script from fear to love. Please listen and subscribe on Amazon Music, Apple, Spotify or Pocketcasts to Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast or find it here on WordPress: Episode 40: The Power of Choice with Wynne Leon

(quote comes from the MSW Blog: Being Brave)