Solving Life’s Problems

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I keep learning the same lessons again and again. Isn’t it funny when you finally solve something and realize you are a frequent flyer with that particular issue?

My son hasn’t been liking 2nd grade. I couldn’t really figure out why. My guesses were because there are shorter recesses, he has a teacher that’s new to the school, or just basic learning style. So I’ve been trying all sorts of things: biking with him to school, talking with the teacher to see how I can help, organizing lots of playdates and fun after school activities to make life in general better, saying I’d pay him at the end of the quarter if he tries hard.

Nothing I was doing seemed to be making a difference. I finally said to him, “I will never give up trying to make this better for you. But you’ve got to keep trying too.” I thought throwing in the towel on education at seven-years-old was too young.

Finally, because math seemed to be what he dreaded the most, I found a math tutoring place. I kinda winced when I told him we were going there – it didn’t seem like more school after school when he doesn’t like school would go over well.

But he loved it. After our first session there, it was like a weight lifted off his shoulders. After his second time, he asked when he could go back. He was disappointed that it was five days til his next session, so I scheduled him an extra one on the weekend.

And the lesson? Lean-in. When an issue arises, it can be an invitation to do more, not less.

P.S. I have a fantastic Life of Try podcast interview with the phenomenal climber Melissa Arnot Reid that will drop on Wednesday (10/28). Melissa’s memoir, Enough, Climbing Toward a True Self on Mt. Everest is a powerful example of leaning-in to solve what isn’t working on the inside — even when you are meeting with great success on the outside. Please subscribe so you don’t miss it!

(featured photo from Pexels)

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51 thoughts on “Solving Life’s Problems”

  2. He probably felt bad about not catching on to math. By getting extra help, his confidence has grown. Also, he knows how much you care by you providing extra help for him. It’s funny how these things work out. You are such a great Mom!!

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  3. You are so right! The key is to keep going until we find a solution or strategy that eases the pain and allows us to gain. Sort of like looking for a lost item, the need to keep looking ends when the item is found … Math is cool! Wish I knew that when I was his age! Now, Mr. D learn those math facts! You’d be shocked to know how many kids don’t know basic math facts! Peace and joy!

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    1. eases the pain and allows us to gain — I love that, Clay! Mr. D is busy learning those math facts. I’m not surprised that kids sometimes miss the basics. It’s really hard to discern what is going on sometimes! Thanks for the encouragement.

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  7. What a heartening story. We all have different learning styles and I bet that Mr. D’s learning style isn’t compatible with his teachers, BUT the tutor probably has the bandwidth to notice how Mr. D learns best, and lean right into that. I’m so, so happy this story has a happy ending!

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  9. Every child has subjects they struggle with and it’s great that you figured out that it was maths that was bothering him. Now he can get some tutoring and improve without having anxiety or stress about it!

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  10. I remember our Mr. D being frustrated with how the teachers were teaching math. Common core is difficult to understand and to teach. He had also been tutored by myself and my daughter who had been taught the French way to solve math problems (having been in French immersion in school), and he ended up creating his own method. We told him to hang in, that the schools were obligated by law to teach a certain way and when he got older he could use his own methods, which gave the correct responses. He was satisfied that he could eventually drop the Common Core methodologies in favor of much simpler methods.

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  11. Perfect! I’m glad you found a solution to this particular motivation problem. At that age, it can be so hard to clarify what the issue is. Hopefully, this will help him identify a specific problem in the future and use the right words to tell you what kind of help he needs. It also helps to have a mom who’s super engaged, like you. Not all parents are that involved, and children often struggle without getting the help they need. Kudos to both of you!

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    1. You said it perfectly, Edward — it’s hard to know when the problem is. But I’m grateful he’s stuck with it until we can get the right help. It’s hard to see kids struggle! Thanks for the great comment, my friend!

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  14. These words really jump out at me…profound and important about parenting and partnership…in ways that extend beyond parenting, really; wisdom that hits home:
    “I will never give up trying to make this better for you. But you’ve got to keep trying too.”
    So good, Wynne. And it seems like Mr. D. responded to your honest plea: meet me in the middle; I’m with you.
    xoxoxoxox! 💝💝💝

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  15. The powerful reminder to ‘lean in’ when things get difficult resonates so deeply. I had to deal with Maths on my own with a horrible teacher at school. I can understand how one feels when maths dreads someone. Beautiful post Wynne! ☺️

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      1. Speaking of, I went almost this whole year without dealing with poison ivy…until I brushed against a sneaky one a couple of weeks ago. Just a small rash around my wrist this time, thankfully.

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  17. Having taught a lot of 2nd and 3rd graders in the last decade of my career, it’s rare to find kids that don’t like school. It’s much more common as they get older. I’ve always wondered about what that says about schools and meeting kids’ needs. I’m glad that you figured out what was going on with Mr. D.

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    1. Oh, I think the kids liking school was a good reflection of who you were as a teacher, Pete! But I’m with you on your overall comment. We’ve created a one-size-fits-most system that doesn’t seem to work for everyone.

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  20. Pingback: Solving Life’s Problems – Christian Devotions, Health and General issues of the day

  21. Hi Wynn, I’m new here. I just read your About Page (post?) and I am now realizing that mine probably needs an update. For one, it states that we have 6 kids (biological) . . . but fails to mention that we adopted two daugthers (15 and 14) last year, although they’ve lived with us for 3.5 years. We live in the suburbs of Chicago. and I belong to a writers group near my home. I like to write and hope to one day get a book published. Some days that goal feels crazy lofty, other times my confidence feels a bit more stable.

    This post is a great reminder to persist until we get to the root of the problem. I laughed at how you cringed at the thought of how more school might not be the answer to a dislike of school. How great that he’s excited for tutoring. Not all kids learn the same way. Our youngest son is 20, a sophomore in college. He has memory issues as a result of epilepsy. It’s rough for him as this issue just cropped up the last few years, and he’s so frustrated. At his age, he’s not always open to our suggestions. I’m hoping he will start using the tutoring center on campus. I’ve told him they might be able to help him figure out what to learn – so he doesn’t waste so much time trying to learn all of the things. *sigh* I’m rambling, so I’ll stop here.

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  24. Way to go, Wynne. You will absolutely never give up and your kids will know, sense and feel that. I’m glad Mr D likes his new math tutoring place and I hope the rest of the year goes better!

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  26. Oh this is awesome Wynne and so smart of you to tackle it head on! I so wish I had that kind of parenting when I was struggling in math!
    It makes all the difference in the world! Kudos to you for doing more not less and it being a win win!!🏅 👏👏👏

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  27. What an incredible turnaround! It is amazing how much a child’s entire outlook on school can change once that one missing puzzle piece clicks into place. Kudos to you for staying patient, trying different things, and finding exactly what he needed!!!!❤️❤️❤️

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