Showing Up

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“Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know.” – Carl Jung

My ten-year-old daughter, Miss O, had a stomach bug this weekend. It hit hard on Friday night and then followed that typical 24 hour course where she felt miserable and threw up a half dozen times and then was mostly done.

When six-year-old Mr D realized that his sister wasn’t feeling well, he set out to make her his famous medium water. You know – not too hot and not too cold. In a lovely confluence where the one thing he knows how to make and the only thing she could keep down met, it was a beautiful gesture.

There was little else that Mr. D and I could do for her. She spent most of her day crying out in agony. Witnessing suffering like that makes me feel crummy. For me, helplessness usually turns into irritability. Fortunately, I was reminded of three things that I’ve heard/read lately:

From poet Mark Nepo, “… someone I love comes along in pain and I start dumping my pockets, looking for the one thing I know that will help them. But time and time again, the only thing they want is for me to open my heart like a sponge to them. They only want to be heard and held.” I swear my pockets are hanging out for how often I dig to try to find something to help only to learn this again and again.

When I talked with Sharon Eubank on the How to Share podcast she related some great lessons from her decades trying to help others as Global Director of Humanitarian Services for the LDS church. The one that really stuck with me was “My solution to your problem will always be wrong.” In this case, the foods that Miss O wanted to eat when she started to feel better wouldn’t have been my picks – but they worked for her.

And then in my most recent podcast conversation with author Amy Weinland Daughters she spoke of not knowing what to do for her friend, Dana, whose teenage son had cancer and then died. Amy started writing letters as a way to show up. She didn’t think it would make a difference but when Dana’s daughters asked Dana when she thought Amy would stop, Dana replied with something like, “I hope never.” We think what we are doing for someone who is suffering or grieving isn’t enough. But it does make a difference.

So I made an effort to pause my productivity efforts that made me feel like I was doing something by washing sheets and sanitizing bathrooms to just show up and stay present when Miss O cried out in pain and discomfort. I rubbed her back or her feet, told stories, and ordered more medium water from Mr. D. It really is what you are that heals. It’s all part of the magic of being there for someone.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

78 thoughts on “Showing Up”

  3. You’ve got the magic, Wynne. Therapist’s do a version of that, too. Glad to hear that Mr D is going to be a millionaire by selling his medium water.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I love your ‘three things’ reminders. So good, Wynne…but I’m sorry to hear Miss O has been ill. Leave it to Mr. D., though, to save the day with his oh-so-special “medium water”. So sweet…oh my gosh.
    Hugs to all! ❤️😊❤️

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  5. Oh my goodness, you’ve just described what has to be one of the worst parts of parenting Wynne – when you’re powerless and have to watch a child suffer or be in pain. It’s the worst. You describe it so eloquently. And I’m always convinced that that what I’m doing “isn’t enough.” Like you write, I find that it forces me to be in the present. Hoping Miss O is feeling a million times better. And I think Mr. D is onto something. Where can I purchase this “medium water” healing potion? It sounds like a miracle cure to me! 😎😎😎😎

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  7. I’m so sorry that Miss O is sick and is also in pain and discomfort. Mr D’s gesture is so beautiful and I bet it made a difference to lift the mood in the house. I hope today is a better day for all of you and that she’ll be on the full mend by Thanksgiving this weekend. 💕🙏

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  8. what a beautiful outpouring of love and kindness for miss o, from you and mr. d. you two are her love squad and the medium water is a magic elixir. I hope miss o is feeling better.

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  9. Yeah, it stinks when our children are in pain. Like your experience, there is really nothing we can do except be there. A few weeks back, my wife and I dropped everything on a Saturday morning and drove to our lake house six hours away to be with our daughter who was very sick. Every mile along the way, I could think of only the worst thing that could happen. Fortunately, by the time we arrived, she had listened to her mom and had been to the ER, gotten some meds that actually worked and was starting to feel better. What a relief. And when she did feel better and what she chose to eat was not on my list either. I am glad both of us were there to help, that’s what parents are for. Have a wonderful week and I am thankful our paths have crossed. Peace.

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    1. Oh, I’m so glad your daughter is okay! Wow – that is a long drive. I’m glad she took care of herself.

      Funny that what she chose to eat wasn’t on your list either. You’re right – that’s what parents are for.

      So grateful for you, Clay! Happy Thanksgiving!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Compassion + “medium water” = healing Love . . . kudos to Mr. D

    Grateful Ms. O has recovered to resume the full, adventrous life together with her brother and mother.

    Keep Looking Up ^ … His Best is Yet to Come!

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  12. Here’s hoping Miss O is up and at it again real soon. Mr. D gets at least a couple of gold stars for his efforts. I remember when I was that age and really ill, my mother did all she could to help me feel better. She stayed with me as much as possible, even while having to work full-time, and it is one of my fondest memories.

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  14. It’s true (at least for me). When I’m ill I just want my partner to show up at the bedroom door and ask. I largely don’t want anything tangible, only to know that I’m being watched over and loved. Hope Miss O is feeling much better today. 🙂

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  17. It’s a great reminder reminder, Wynne. For those of us who are problem solvers, we always want to find a solution. Your pointer to presence being more important than specific action or advice is a good reminder for me certainly. Thank you.

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  18. Awww, I’m sure it was the medium water that helped her, particularly since it was the only thing she could keep down. What a wonderful confluence of ability and need!

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  24. You brought all of this together so beautifully Wynn, showing that just by being there and being who we are, is the most important thing for helping and healing others.

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  27. It’s so heartbreaking when our kids get sick, but Mr. D’s medium water made me smile, there’s so much love there. Love heals, and I’m sure Miss O felt that extra portion while she was sick.

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  29. Thank you for sharing this perfect illustration of what most helps a person who’s suffering: presence. Sometimes that’s in person, like you with Ms. O; sometimes it’s in writing, as that friend who wrote letters. And isn’t it wonderful that God puts great satisfaction in the heart of the one providing the blessing too (Acts 20:35).

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      1. You’re very welcome, Wynne. I understand perfectly. My daughter was recently delayed in London, not feeling well. So hard to not be there for her, other than talking, which is something. ❤️ Hope you’re enjoy your day and that your family is healthy and happy.

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  32. Mr. D should reach out to Whole Foods and see if they’ll carry Medium Water. Sounds like a million-dollar idea that could disrupt the beverage industry!

    Watching our kids suffer is almost as bad as watching our pets suffer. (OK, fine…it’s actually worse.) Glad Ms. O recovered quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You have a good point, Mark. And maybe it is worse with our pets since they can’t talk. When you see Medium Water for sale, you can say you encouraged the idea from the start. 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  33. I have learned one of the best things you can offer when someone going through it is your presence that can be physical, a phone call is a warm voice is healing the heart, or even a note/letter which often arrives when the person is feeling better, I see them as words reminding one they were never alone.   

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