“Things are always in transition. Nothing ever sums itself up the way we dream about.” – Pema Chodron
I had this quirky social anxiety when I started the fertility process to have my kids via in vitro fertilization (IVF). It seems so silly now. But at the time I kept thinking that because I was in the process of trying to have kids as a single parent that everyone would know that I was the one who wanted kids. Yep, that was going to be obvious. 🙂
It’s hard to say why that seemed important to me at the time – there is lot to unpack when it comes to family and gender expectations. And perhaps parents who get pregnant the traditional way have the same feeling of vulnerability. It’s hard to know because often family planning is done behind closed doors.
It’s one of the many reasons that I love Mari Sarkisian Wyatt’s book, Saving the Fourth Generation and our conversation on the How To Share podcast. She magically, with self-awareness and dark humor, puts words to the complexity of the IVF process and what it’s like to have goals and obsessions for which it’s worth suffering the ups and downs, grief and miracles.
Mari and I talk about the different types of goals we have as we go through life and her Armenian grandmother’s wisdom about what it takes to make them happen.
There’s so much legacy in Mari’s story because her quest is in many ways a response to the shattering trauma that came from both of her grandparents’ families being decimated in the Armenian massacre of 1915.
We talk about Mari’s way forward as the sole child of her generation to have kids. She tells us how she navigated both the price and process of IVF. Her story is heartbreaking, miraculous and completely gripping.
We talk about her advocacy for her autistic son and how writing about her IVF process, 20 years after the fact provided some healing and delight in the miracle of family.
Mari’s story involves a lawsuit so in accordance with the settlement she’s not on screen for this episode. Nonetheless, Mari is entrancing as she shares the power of her journey and the warmth of her voice.
I know you’ll love it.
Takeaways
- This is the story of what women and their partners are willing to go through to have babies by IVF at the turn of the 21st century.
- Mari’s quest quickly became an obsession and she notes obsessions can hurt the people you love.
- Mari says if you just keep working toward your goal one step at a time, you might just succeed. Hopefully your family will forgive you.
- Writing this book nearly 25 years after her IVF journey has been healing for Mari and her family.
- The message is about resilience, personal growth, and the beauty of ordinary days.
Here’s a clip from Mari talking about her incredible book, Saving the Fourth Generation:
Here are some ways you can watch this amazing and thoughtful episode:
- The podcast player embedded below
- Click this link to watch in a browser: How to Share The Next Generation with Mari Sarkisian Wyatt
- Subscribe to How To Share on Spotify, Amazon Music, or Apple Podcasts
- Subscribing to the YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@howtosharepodcast
Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.
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Links for this post:
How to Share the Next Generation transcript
Saving the Fourth Generation from Delphinium Press and on Barnes & Noble and Amazon
(featured photo from Pexels)
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