Category: authenticity

The Mysterious Case of the Barking Dog

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“In school we learn that mistakes are bad, and we are punished for making them. Yet, if you look at the way humans are designed to learn, we learn by making mistakes. We learn to walk by falling down. If we never fell down, we would never walk.” – Robert Kiyosaki

On a recent afternoon I was going through the mail in the mailbox and found an unsigned, handwritten note on a plain piece of paper that read (including word error),
“Please do not leave you dog out barking. It is unpleasant for neighbors.”

My ten-year-old daughter, Miss O, saw the look on my face as I tried to discern the message. She came to read over my elbow. Sensing a family meeting, six-year-old Mr. D wandered over and asked what we were doing. We read the note through one more time.

“But Cooper doesn’t bark,” Mr. D said. And he’s right, Cooper isn’t a barker. He’ll steal your socks and your steak but he’s quiet about it.

“And we don’t leave him outside,” Miss O added. Also true. Cooper is in the habit of lying on the front porch to watch the neighborhood but that’s when we’re home and the door is open.

“Maybe they have us confused with someone else,” I mused.

We couldn’t figure out the note but we were united in our righteous indignation in defense of Cooper’s honor. Mr. D suggested he rip up the note and throw it as far as he could.

It wasn’t until the next morning in the shower that I connected the dots. One day the week before we were getting ready to leave the house so that I could drive the kids to camp. Cooper was out on the front porch. I called him in and locked the door.

But when I came home about 90 minutes later after dropping the kids and picking up supplies, Cooper was on the front porch and the door was unlocked. One of the kids must have opened the door to check the weather and Cooper snuck out. He wasn’t barking when I came home so I didn’t realize it right away. He must have barked when he realized he was trapped out there.

The funny thing was that I almost didn’t tell the kids once I figured it out. Our righteous indignation felt so comfortable that I kinda wanted to keep wearing it.

But I also know that it builds up over time. The vulnerability of confession doesn’t come naturally to me, but I’ve found owning my errors and frailty keeps my pipes clean. Everything flows better when I don’t let the grime build up. More than that, I feel everything more fully when I shake off the protective coat of righteous indignation or defensiveness.

And it creates space for learning. When I told the kids my solution to the mysterious case of the barking dog, they both nodded and went, “Ooohhh, right!” I bet we’ll remember that lesson.

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – sharing leads to success.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Source Code

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“Writing also makes you process memories in a different way. You have one idea and then remember another. It’s like each one is a cow in a field, and you have to round them all up.” – Michael J. Fox

The other day I mentioned to a friend that I was reading Bill Gates’ latest book Source Code. He responded with something along the lines of, “Oh, right, that book. He’s trying to reform his image.”

Living in Seattle, it’s hard not to have an opinion about Bill Gates. So many of my close friends work for or have worked for Microsoft or the Gates Foundation. I spent many years working at Microsoft as a consultant. We feel like we know him because we’ve crossed paths with him in so many ways. We’ve lived in the same neighborhoods Bill grew up in, hiked the same trails, and/or went to the same schools.

From my perspective, Bill changed how engineers like me were compensated. He’s 14 years older than me. By the time I graduated from the University of Washington with my electrical engineering degree, I benefitted from the ripple effect of the Microsoft practice of giving stock options to everyone in the company. No longer were just senior management and sales people compensated for growth, but the technical people were as well. It raised the bar for paying everyone in the region.

He also led a company whose culture allowed for, and possibly grew, egotistical bullies as long as they were smart. Other business ventures he’s been involved with have pushed their weight around in less flattering ways too.  

So the ripple effects from Bill Gates are felt strongly here. Some positive and others less so.

Source Code only covers his first 20 years. Is he trying to polish up his image? Possibly. My writer and reader heart likes his book for the digging deep to understand where his story started. It seems like an honest effort.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about how to share anything – to the appropriate audience, with the right permissions, at the most opportune time.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Those Pesky Bugs

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“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

Heads up: this post might bug you.

Oh boy, there are so many great puns about lice. I’ve been thinking about that because we got them last week. Lice, that is, not puns. Well, maybe both.

Funny thing about lice is that they come with an acute sense of shame. This has been going around the school – and seems to be worse after the classes rotated through the bike unit in PE. But even knowing that AND after finding out that four other families from our school were booked at the treatment clinic, I still felt it. It must be a powerful trigger of the fear of community ostracization.

I managed to get over it long enough to tell the school, the teachers, and the families we’d played with recently. Like I’ve found with my other vulnerabilities, it turns out that sharing came with a blessed sense of camaraderie. Most families with elementary school kids have gone through this and the parents had hilarious stories.

There was the family who had sent their three kids to a camp in France. The whole camp played a game where they passed a hat so that the hat wearer got a turn to speak, sing, or dance. Every single kid in the camp came home with lice.

And a mom told me the story of having to go to the clinic to be checked. As she was sitting in the chair getting her hair combed out, a former work colleague came in also to get checked. He launched in to a long conversation with her despite her best, “Can we talk another time?” face.

Someone shared a hilarious video with me that mapped the lifecycle of a mom’s feelings about lice: the shame, the fear, the disgust, the exhaustion, the acceptance.

It makes me scratch my head to wonder why I need to keep learning that being vulnerable results in benefits. I mean benefits in addition to immediately knowing the washing machine cycles answer in a recent NY Times Connections game because I’ve spent so much quality time with my washer in the last week.

These things that come with life aren’t easy. But when we put our heads together, [oops, don’t do that], they can be at least a little funny!

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon and LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

The Longer I Live, The Less I Know

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“One filled with joy preaches without preaching.” – Mother Teresa

A few weeks ago, an author replied to a comment I’d made on their blog post about meditation. It was something along the lines that I practice more than I preach. It was a genial comment totally appropriate for the conversation.

But it set me back on my heels. Do I come across as if I’m preaching? Heck no, that was my dear father who had the credentials, platform, and audience who asked for it.

It sparked some introspection. I feel some sensitivity in claiming to be an expert in anything. Even in my career that I’ve done for 30 years and have achieved some external accolades, I tend to play down my credentials.

When I think about what works for me, specifically meditation, I know how personal it is to me. My conversations with my beloved dad about his faith were all about how my expression of faith and his differed. Those conversations taught me much – including that I’m more comfortable with working out what works for me, and less comfortable assuming I know what works for others.

Writing has provided me the opportunity to mine a deep well of stories about my children. I consider my children as the experts at being unapologetically human and naturally close to the Source, especially in these younger years. I write to capture what they teach me and the ever-present challenge it is to love well and keep growing.

If I had to name what I’m good at, I’d say it’s having a willingness to try. In the last ten years, and I credit both meditation and my children, I’ve been able to cultivate an openness to others and to life that has helped me learn.

So I reached the ironic point in my introspection, because I think the more I practice, the less I preach. The more that meditation helps to create space between me and my ego, the less I need to control. The longer I do it, the less I know, but the more I believe.

When I screw it up, like a dozen times a day, I get to practice returning. But when I’m in that flow, it improves my ability to listen to the Divine. It’s solidified my goals to love bigger, show up more vulnerably, and help more.

Is that preachy? I hope not.

My book about the conversations and my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo is of my dear dad at a speaking engagement)

Don’t Call Me Nice…Please

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“Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain

This was previously published on 10/2/2022. Heads up – you may have already read this.

The other day I made a comment off-handedly and the recipient said, “Oh, that’s so nice.” I didn’t like that compliment. Yes, I realize it’s not nice of me to judge a comment about being nice. Upon reflection, it’s because I don’t like the sound of me when I’m doing nice. And believe me, as a former sorority girl, I can do nice!

Here’s how I see the difference:

Nice: Off-handed bromides about someone’s appearance

Kind: Genuinely complimenting something you like about someone else

Nice: Sunniness

Kind: Warmth from within

Nice: Saying what someone else wants to hear

Kind: Listening to what needs to be said

Nice: Wishing someone a nice day

Kind: Mustering an internal energy to blow love, safety and warmth in the path of another

Nice: Holding the door open

Kind: Walking with others across thresholds that are challenging for them

Nice: Wearing a mask

Kind: Dropping your pretend mask so that you can been seen

Nice: Offering platitudes so that get you something

Kind: Exhibiting an expansiveness that allows you to give something

Nice: Walking away from a conversation in order to avoid conflict

Kind: Authentically showing up to a relationship so that it can grow

Nice: Something that brings a smile to your face

Kind: An experience that gives you goosebumps all over

Look, I’d take nice over a punch in the face – but what I really am blown away with is kindness. For me kind starts on the inside and bubbles forth in an unstoppable force of love.

As a reformed nice person, I have to work at switching to kindness but when I get it right, it’s the sort of effort that boomerangs right back at me. When I get it wrong and someone calls me nice, I’m learning to hear it as a reminder that I’m probably swimming in the shallow end of my sincerity and expansiveness and need to go deeper.

(featured photo from Pexels)

In-Person Meetings and AI

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“We live in a world where there is more and more information, and less and less meaning.” – Jean Baudrillard

For this week, I’ve actually had to leave the house to go to work. It’s made me realize how much technology has changed our lives. I’ve worked remotely for years so somehow it was lost on me how different it is to have to walk out the door every morning, until I experienced a stab of anxiety at the beginning of this week.

Especially with two kids and a dog, the number of things I had to plan for was enormous. Knowing that I can dial-in to a meeting even if any one of the three is sick is an amazing benefit. I’ve been spoiled not having to plan transportation and care outside of their schools for my three when I work from home.

But this week I’ve been attending a Microsoft conference that is here in Seattle. No surprise – but the most predominant topic is Artificial Intelligence (AI). [Is it somewhat ironic that as I started to type Art…that Word suggested Artificial Intelligence to fill in?]

Microsoft has made something like a $20 billion investment in AI. The conference was awash with examples of all the things we can do with AI. I will never claim to be a prognosticator, but as someone that’s been in the computer consulting field for 30 years, it’s interesting to puzzle through the application of this technology. All of the below is just my opinion so take it for what it’s worth.

Fine line between helpful and creepy

The most recognizable use of AI is in natural language search. We can type in or say search terms and Bing (Microsoft’s search product) will return results that are (hopefully) right on target for what you want. I question whether it’s helpful to have that abstraction from where the data comes from which makes it harder to verify the veracity of the source of the research.

And then there’s a line between helpful and creepy. The other day a search result popped up about whether to store your open cheese block in a Ziploc bag. It was something I’d recently pondered but hadn’t done any research on. It must have been just a coincidence? Either way, I refused to click on the result – it was too creepy.

Fine line between cool and useful

I was talking about AI with a Microsoft program manager that was in the booth next to me. As we talked through some of the examples, he offered “that’s there’s also a fine line between cool and useful.” All the prototypes and fun demos that have been shown, there’s a cool factor – that still leaves most people scratching their heads over the utility. No doubt humans will figure out how to leverage it but for now, it’s still an idea that is not very real-world.

We’re not getting replaced

This brings me full-circle to the start of the post and why I’ve been leaving the house every day. Because there’s no substitute for in-person relationships. Meeting others, reading body language, having collaborative conversations – there’s no short-cut for that. Even online there’s a palpable difference between a real conversation and a bot supported one.

As I’ve been away from my computer this week, there’s no AI I can set to read my favorite blogs and leave meaningful comments. Not to mention that I wouldn’t get the benefit of reading them. [Yes, this is a roundabout apology for being behind on my blog reading.] So for many reasons, I’m looking forward to staying home, sitting on my couch, and catching up.

In a timely but also ironic way, we’ve started using Otter AI to provide transcripts of our Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. See how it does by visiting our latest podcast: Episode 44: Hot Tips for Writing about Family With Brian Hannon

(featured photo from Pexels)

I’m Trying To Do Better

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“And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk to bloom.” – Anais Nin

In the ten years or so before my dad died, my parents started spending their winters in Tucson. I’d go visit whenever my bones needed drying out, usually in February.

In one of my favorite stories that I tell in my book, on a visit to Tucson three years before my dad died, my mom and I were in the living room and Dad yelled to us from his study, “Isn’t the sunrise beautiful this morning? We are so lucky.”

And Mom yelled back, “Dick, it’s absolutely wonderful!”

I could see my mom wasn’t really paying attention and said to her in a low tone, “It’s okay, Mom, I won’t tell him you didn’t even look.”

Mom replied, “He can’t even see the sunrise from where he’s sitting.”

I love that story because it showcases my dad’s enthusiasm as well as my mom’s delightful ability to go along. But it also reminds me of the flip side of our family. My parents didn’t argue at all when I was growing up. There was no playing Mom off Dad because they were a unified front. Certainly they must have had conflict but they were so good at covering it up or having it out behind closed doors that there was no sign of it in front of the kids.

This is all to say that I suck at communicating hard feelings, and I come by it honestly. It doesn’t help that when I was married, my ex-husband”s response when I told him something I felt or was concerned about that he didn’t want to hear was, “What’s the big deal?”

I’ve worked on this in two ways. First, through meditation, I’m able to better discern what is and isn’t important for me to speak up about and let go of the stuff that isn’t. It’s one of the reasons meditation works for me to irrigate the irritation. Am I irritated because I’m tired, my ego is out of whack, etc.?

And my second way? My children. They provide me a steady flow of boundary-pushing, soul-wearying, things I can’t live with examples that I have to find the words to express. The beautiful thing is that it’s this expansive relationship of love and constancy that’s allowed me to grow into expressing my wounds.

Like last night when Mr. D’s toenail cut into my shin. I said, “ouch.” He said, “Sorry.” I replied, “It’s okay.” And we went on with the night. Such a small thing – but I’m learning the risk the little ones in order to be brave for the big ones.

I adore my dad, as anyone that has read my writing knows. He could manufacture sunshine just like he did that morning in Tucson. His job as a pastor made him very good at carrying everyone else’s hurts. But I’m not sure he ever learned how to express his own.

I’m hoping that I can grow my own willingness to be vulnerable so that I can do that better. I can hear my dad saying to me, “You’ve got this, Kid.”

For more on the topic, please check out my podcast with Dr. Vicki Atkinson about risking disappointment. Please search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast in Apple, Amazon Music, Spotify or Pocket Casts. Or click here for show notes and a link: Episode 42: Risking Disappointment with Vicki and Wynne

(picture is my own)

Leaning In To Answers

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“I’ll choose honesty over perfection every single time.” – unknown

“Have you been faithful to me?” was the question I asked that essentially ended my marriage. It took three years for us to be completely done but that question was a dividing point. Not a particular brave one because I already knew the answer (my business partner had told me), but it was a conversation starter for sure.

But what it divides is more than just my marital status. In the aftermath of my divorce, what I’ve learned is to be able to ask questions, even ones that might change the status quo of a relationship.

  • Do you still want to do this?
  • Is this a meaningful job for you?
  • Does this make sense?
  • This way we have of talking doesn’t meet my needs. Can we do better?

As I was healing from my divorce, I was introduced to the Buddhist nun, Pema Chӧdrӧn’s writings about leaning in. Those words, leaning in, became one of the defining points between before the question and after the question. I learned that I can ask the tough questions and survive. Moreover, I learned the wisdom that the answer exists, whether I want to know or not. So I might as well lean in.

This whole practice has removed a patina of fear from my life. It doesn’t make asking big questions any easier since I’m a conflict-averse, people-pleaser. But does make me less fearful of doing so. There were many questions that I could have asked in my marriage that might have might have started the conversation sooner – Why are your needs more important than mine?  Why do you say, “What’s the big deal?” when I tell you something that is bothering me? I feel suffocated by your need for constant affirmation, can we change this?

I don’t think the outcome would have changed but I do think the dialogue would have been more brave and real. I didn’t ask those questions at the time because I was quite adept at looking away. There have been many good things that have come from my divorce – my meditation practice, inner peace, the freedom to find my own path. But one of the most fruitful is the willingness to lean in to ask and answer meaningful questions.

Somehow asking that first one taught me I could handle any other answers that came my way.

Please see my Heart of the Matter post for a response to a recent question I asked my mom. The Courage to Ask Questions

(featured photo from Pexels)

The Games We Play

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“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” – unknown

Miss O came home from school on Friday with a complaint that one of her classmates was taunting her with “Leon the Lion.” Geez, I thought – it could be way worse than that, but the classmate is one that just knows how to effectively get her goat so I understand how that gets under the skin.

[An aside here: My friend, Eric, tested the names I picked for my kids before I had them against playground taunts. I’d kinda forgotten about this teasing phase but he did his best to steer me away from anything that rhymed with “farts.” Not that I can remember having an option that did. On the other hand, he thought Lancelot Leon would be a great name for Mr. D so I’m not sure why Eric was even on the committee except for his excellent sense of humor.]

The other thing that seven-year-olds do is that thing where the repeat the thing you said so that when you say, “Please stop copying me,” you get to hear it in maddening echo. We also have the situation when the older sibling says to the younger sibling “Stop copying me!” and then mere minutes later becomes interested in what the younger sibling is doing and starts copying them.

I’m guessing that my description of playground taunts or the echo game is surprising to not a single reader because they were around when we were kids and also when our parents were kids. It makes me wonder – is there anything about human experience that is original? And although we continually invent new ways to hurt each other like online bullying and more deadly bullets, the concept isn’t anything new.

So is it worth speaking about and writing about if it’s all a rehash? Here’s what I found listening to Miss O. The work of relationship and living is about listening to how an experience lands for a person. Even if it is the exact same experience we had a minute ago or forty years before, it will feel differently. It’s the first time Miss O has gone through this so I get to apply any wisdom I’ve been able to glean to the patience and warmth I bring to the situation.

We all need our chance to express the pain of living, the joy of discovery, the pull of love, the singular a-ha moments because it keeps us healthy. It keeps pulling the inner to the outer and even when it’s all familiar, it’s authentic expression. And that has the chance to inspire us all or unlock the doors of our own memories. Sure, none of it is new – and that’s good news because we get the opportunity to do it better each time we play our role as participant, speaker, or guide.

My post on the Heart of the Matter this morning is of a similar theme – Originality. Do we ever write anything new? Please check it out and subscribe!

(featured photo from Pexels)

Fresh From the Source

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“People like you and me never grow. We never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born.” – Albert Einstein

On Tuesday, Mr D wore his construction outfit to school so when I went to pick him up, I called out, “Is there any construction worker available? I have a project at home!”

He took it at face value and then I needed to find something for him to work on at home. Out came the ladder and then Mr D hunted around for all his tools and I helped him get them organized on the ladder.

He still wasn’t tall enough to reach the ceiling so he wanted to step on the last step. When I showed him the sticker that says not to step on that last step, he said, “How about we get a new ladder with no sign on it?“

Made me laugh and think of all the times I’ve thought it was the rule that was the problem. And all the times I’ve stepped on that last step on the ladder because I was just sooo close to what I needed to reach.

And I realized that when I wrote the post for Wise & Shine yesterday Things About Parenting I Think I’ve Learned So Far that I forgot one of the most important ones: Write down what your kids say. It’ll make you laugh, wonder, and think because it rings of an authenticity that comes with being fresh from the Source.