Tag: education

The Imposter Syndrome In Blogging

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“Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.” – Mark Twain

The was originally published on 5/3/2023. Heads up – you may have already read this.

On a recent podcast, Dan Harris was telling a story about when he suggested to his wife, a physician who graduated top in her class from a prestigious medical school and has practiced at some of the best teaching hospitals, that she might suffer from Imposter’s Syndrome. His wife’s response made me laugh out loud. Dan said it was something like “It’s interesting that some other people felt like that but I really AM an imposter.”

This Ten Percent Happier podcast with Dr. Valerie Young, an expert on the syndrome for more than 40 years, is fascinating for their deep dive in Imposter Syndrome or “feeling like a fraud, despite evidence to the contrary.” She also noted that some areas are more susceptible to this kind of thinking and being creative is one of them. According to Dr. Young, “when you are in a creative field, you are only as good as your last book or your last performance.”

Or, to expand on the professor’s point — your last blog post. That really resonated with me. Here’s why I think that.

I didn’t go to school for it.

In my professional life, I’m an expert in Microsoft collaboration software – things like creating structure and process about where people put and find their files, and workflow (e.g. how do I submit something for approval?).

Does my electrical engineering degree have any bearing on that? No. Outside of some basic troubleshooting and thinking skills, there isn’t any relationship between my degree and what I do now. I could draw a similarly loose relationship between the writing classes and I took in college and writing now, but I wouldn’t ever call myself an expert because….

Writing has been around a long time.

Writing has been around for about 5,500 years. I’m pulling that number from this delightful Psychology Today article about The Evolution of the Written Word. It’s a lot easier to feel like I know a good deal about collaborative software even though it changes daily and I’m always have to look something up. But writing? Well, there’s been Shakespeare, Fitzgerald, Garcia Marquez, Rushdie, and Hemingway and just typing that list makes me remember all that I don’t even know about the great writers, much less about writing.

No one pays me to write

For whatever I do and do not know about Microsoft software, I’ve been able to make a living out of a career providing consulting services around it. I’ve even published a couple of technical books, some of the least profitable parts of my career, which doesn’t bode well for me making a living from writing. But no one pays me to write, or at least not that I’ve managed to figure out yet, which makes me lack in the most basic form of transactional affirmation.

For some people, and I’m thinking of my colleague, Jack Canfora, who have made a go of writing as a career, the mantel of a writer seems to fit a lot better. Which affirms my inclination to think of myself as just a hobbyist.

And yet…

So why persist as a writer? Because writing feels more meaningful than any single consulting project I’ve ever done. Because writing requires me to dig deep and put myself out there is a way that is not required with computer consulting. Because writing about life creates a goodness in my experience that increases my enjoyment in life.

Here’s what I’ve concluded. Sure, sometimes (or a lot of times), I feel like an imposter as a writer and I know I’m not alone in that feeling. But every one who lives their authentic words out on paper can’t be an imposter to their experience. Any one who has hit the word “publish” has indeed created something. No one who uses words to create feelings in others and communicate should suffer from the distinction that others may have done it better. All who bleed, figuratively speaking, to put themselves out there should be proud of the effort.

What about you? Do you feel like you’ve suffered from Imposter Syndrome as a creative? What have you done to combat it?

(featured photo from Pexels)

Going to the Next Level

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“I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly.” – R. Buckminster Fuller

We are coming to the end of our school year. 28 more school days in third grade for Miss O. And 50 days until Mr. D graduates from his preschool program. Do you remember that feeling as a kid? Being not only ready for summer break but also ready to ascend to that next level?

It has me thinking of what milestones we have in our lives as grown-ups that celebrate our readiness to go on to the next level. There are some big ones like becoming an empty-nester or retirement. Or we have annual ones like birthdays, anniversaries, and New Years. But often, I find myself at those moments planning on what I’m going to do next instead of commemorating what I’ve learned.

Let me suggest that we take a moment to bring back that feeling of finishing a school year. To actually name something we’ve graduated from and celebrate it. I’ll start:

I’ve come to believe that I am enough. Or at least to understand that pretending to be someone else is ineffective. So if a situation or expectations make me feel otherwise, I try to slow enough to double-down on being me long enough to get through.

And by graduating, I don’t mean being done. It brings to mind another graphic from Miss O’s 3rd grade teacher:

It seems fitting on this last day of teacher appreciation week to honor our teachers by naming what we’ve learned. Are you with me? If you are stuck, maybe visit the list from Pick Three Affirmations to find a place to start.

(featured photo from Pexels)

For a story about the circle of life, please listen to our Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast: Episode 66: The Power of Story with Wynne and Vicki.

We are changing our format starting with this episode. Vicki Atkinson and I are big believers in the power of story – to connect us, to create intergenerational healing, and to make meaning out of the events of our lives. To set the stage, we will be starting with someone telling a story in each episode.

To listen to the podcast, Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts. Or subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Great Teachers

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“Those who know, do. Those who understand, teach.” – Aristotle

Last week when I was dropping off Mr. D at his pre-school, I heard one of the teachers in his class encouraging a little girl who was starting potty training. In a class with 20 kids aged three to five, and three teachers, it surprised me that they could tackle potty training as well. I thought all the kids did this in the younger classes before ascending. Hats off to teachers who teach skills, mold social behaviors, and tend emotions as well. And I’m not just talking about teachers for kids.

It’s teacher appreciation week in our schools this week. So I am pulling together some lessons I’ve learned from the amazing teachers in my life.

Call and Response

In Mr. D’s preschool classroom, whenever a teacher says, “Holy Moly,” the kids answer, “Guacamole” and it gets their attention. It makes me think of how effective it is to train some automatic responses.

Fall! Or Falling! is called in climbing when someone is falling and others need to try to anchor a fall. It’s intended to get an immediate reaction to drop down and arrest. When trained well, no one stops to look around to find out what’s happening before they act – it’s action first and assessment after.

It’s Going to Be Great is a phrase my dad used to say when we were early on in the envisioning and creation stages of a project. When I say this to myself like he used to say to me, especially when working on a project, it gives me a shot of confidence to overcome the self-doubt.

Calm the Body to Facilitate Learning

My friend, Katie, does some specialized tutoring with kids. In her teaching space, she has a wobbly chair that allows kids to bounce, stuffies for hiding, and games. Her thoughtful approach gives a nod to the conditions in which we learn as much as the content.

It reminds me of the classes I’ve taken from my meditation teacher, Deirdre. We never go straight to sitting in meditation, it’s a series of exercises to help us drop-in to a calm and receptive state.

Vicki Atkinson has written about the snacks she kept when she was a professor. Minds can’t learn when the body is screaming for something.

Nonetheless, I often forget this when I sit down to learn a new technology. I’m on the clock and then get right to it as if I can just think myself ready. But soon enough, I’ll find myself frustrated and pacing. The body wins sooner or later to get its part in learning.

Portable Lessons

My dad liked to talk about making his sermons portable. Something people could take away with them as they walked through life and unpack when needed. I can think of several examples that are take-aways from great teachers:

Keep small things small: Miss O’s second grade teacher had this catch phrase to remind kids not to let mistakes or distractions take away from the bigger point.

Is it a window or a mirror?: This question from Miss O’s third grade teacher is a writing lesson. Writing can be a window for experiences others haven’t shared. Or it can be a mirror when we write about something familiar that is an opportunity for readers’ self-reflection.

Parked in my small space: This phrase from my meditation teacher, Deirdre, has transformed my awareness of when I’m feeling small and closed. When I’m working from my small space, my reactions are often guarded, judgmental, or defensive. Awareness has given me the choice to stop, take a deep breath, and try to shift into my more expansive and curious mode.

So hats off to all the teachers in this world. Thank you for bringing your mind, body, and spirit to the job so all of us can grow and learn!

(featured photo from Pexels)

Schools of Thought and Feeling

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“A teacher is never a giver of truth; he is a guide, a pointer to the truth that each student must find for himself.” – Bruce Lee

I once had a client tell me, with a hint of irritation in his voice, that he believed the schools of today in America were teaching kids to become socialists. There was so much in that sentence to unpack that I didn’t even touch it. But I remembered thinking at the time, that it probably had more to do with his relationship with his kids than anything else.

My kids weren’t school age when my client said that but now that eight-year-old Miss O has a few years in the public school system, it is interesting to notice what has and hasn’t changed since I was a kid. What hasn’t changed is the great teachers and administrators who are dedicated, imaginative, and delightful and somehow make it all work.

What I’ve noticed that has changed since I was young is how much social emotional learning they include. The kids get to school and do their mood meters and they talk about feelings, inclusion, and helping.

My kids seem to love way-back-when stories so the other day I was telling them that I remember when not-littering became a campaign and something punishable by fines. My two delightful young ones were amazed that people thought it was okay to just throw things out a car window when they were done with it.

Four-year-old Mr. D, who is not yet in the public school system, has gone on “garbage walks” since he was two-years-old. The kids would point out garbage and a teacher would pick it up with gloved hands.

So the other day when there was a piece of garbage on the ground, Mr. D pointed it out to me and said, ”It’s not healthy for the earth to eat.”

The other day, Miss O was struggling with what to do next with a project and she suggested, “Instead of erasing unfairness, I could draw fairness.”

All this makes me think that what kids these days are learning in school today, in addition to the three R’s, is to be stewards. Stewards of themselves, the environment, and of others.

(featured image from Pexels)

Naming and Owning

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“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.” – Ludwig Wittgenstein

I was driving in the car with my kids talking about envy. It oftens happens in our house when one of my kids discovers a toy long hidden and invents a new game for it and the other wants to grab it from their hand. Or, as I heard a child quoted in a sermon once, “Why do I always want what’s in my brother hands?”

In response my 6-year-old daughter asked me, “How do you know so much about feelings?”

The voice in my head, a little exasperated, wanted to reply, “Because you two have so many of them! And guiding you through this minefield of growing up emotionally intelligent has required me to come to terms with my own emotions when I’d prefer just to always to say I’m happy and call it good!”

Dr. Brené Brown, research professor and author, lays the groundwork for mapping human emotions in her book Atlas of the Heart by describing a survey she used in workshops for five years. It asked people to list all the emotions that they could recognize and name as they were experiencing them. The average number named was three: happy, sad and angry.

Many of the parenting books I’ve read about raising resilient children have advised to help children move through situations that we have to help them name their emotions.

 In trying to help my kids identify what it is they are experiencing, I’ve found that I’ve had to name and face my own emotions. In this way I have learned so much nuance about my own interior, sometimes grudgingly, but always resulting in better color and effect in my own life.

So instead of voicing the snappy retort in my head, I responded from that place in my heart that holds love, warmth and awe for the lessons I continue to learn, “Because I love you two so very much that I want to help you grow up so healthy, inside and out.”