The Stories We Inherit

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“No legacy is as rich as honesty.” – William Shakespeare

My ex-husband used to describe me as independent, especially when we were arguing. But he’d say it in a way that would fill out all four syllables with disdain…in-de-PEN-dent! The first time he said it that way, I was shocked that something I thought was a core value could be interpreted so negatively.

So when my mom came to stay with us for four nights recently, I asked her why being independent was so important to her, especially growing up. She told me that it came from her father. He was the oldest of eight kids. They were farmers in north eastern Washington and had very little money.

By the time my grandfather was seven years old, he was responsible for many things on the farm including spending days and nights in the wild chasing down their high-spirited mare when she’d get loose and run with the wild horses.

As she told the story, I felt like I’d gotten a new piece to the puzzle of what shaped my upbringing and legacy. It was a fascinating conversation to have with my mom on the heels of the podcast I recorded with author, Jennifer Griffith. She inspires the question: How do the stories we inherit from our families shape who we become—and how can we rewrite those stories with more compassion, courage, and purpose?

In this episode of The Life of Try, I talk with Jennifer Griffith, author of Both Sides of Then and host of the podcast About Your Mother, about inherited family stories, hidden shame, resilience, motherhood, memoir writing, and the healing power of bringing secrets into the light.

Jennifer shares how learning her mother’s story changed the way she understood her own identity, why family history can influence the way we parent and see ourselves, and how her LENS framework helps people revisit old narratives, look at them from a new perspective, and use those stories for good.

Here are some key takeaways from our conversation:

  • We all inherit stories—and they shape how we see ourselves.
    Jennifer reminds us that family history, secrets, wounds, and even everyday phrases from our parents can quietly influence our identity, choices, and relationships.
  • Seeing our parents as people can create compassion and clarity.
    When we understand the experiences, pain, and resilience that shaped our parents, we can better understand ourselves—and begin to loosen the grip of old assumptions.
  • Shame loses power when it is brought into the light.
    Family secrets can create distance, but honest storytelling—shared with care and appropriate boundaries—can create healing, connection, and freedom.
  • A new lens can help us rewrite old narratives.
    Jennifer’s LENS framework encourages us to listen to the stories we repeat, engage with them, narrate them from multiple perspectives, and step out of them so we can use them for good.
  • Trying again often means slowing down and letting the work become ready.
    Jennifer’s story about being told “you’re not ready” became a powerful lesson in patience, humility, and the creative courage required to keep going.

This eye-opening conversation explores family secrets, legacy, forgiveness, generational stories, personal growth, writing a memoir, and what it means to keep trying when a story is still unfolding.

Here are some other ways you can listen and watch this episode:

Links for this episode:

The Power of Looking at Your Life Through a New Lens transcript

Both Sides of Then: Finding Love After Abandonment by Jennifer Griffith on Amazon

Jennifer Griffith’s website: Jennifer Griffith – Author of Both Sides of Then – Podcast Host and Author

About Your Mother on Apple podcasts

 Other episodes you might enjoy

How to Tell Relatable Stories

The Quiet Mindset Shifts that Changes Everything | Mindfulness & Personal Growth with Joseph Schmidt

How to Embrace What Makes You Different | Finding Your Purpose with Kym Gordon Moore

(featured photo from Pexels)

If my work has encouraged, inspired, or helped you try something new, consider supporting it with a small “cup of coffee” donation. Your support helps me keep creating conversations, stories, and resources that cheer people on as they do brave, meaningful work.

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram wynneleon

44 thoughts on “The Stories We Inherit”

  2. Really interesting Wynne. In a different way ive been looking at this same theme … how the stories we tell and share shape not just us, but communities. Its fascinating to see how these stories can shape who we become.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is wonderful, Wynne. There is so much to chew on here. Isn’t it fascinating how our inherited stories—”good” or “bad”—shape how we see ourselves and how we interact with the world?

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Great interview Wynne. I appreciate and admire Jennifer’s willingness to dig into her family history so deeply. I wish I had tried harder to discover those stories. My parents didn’t share much of their history.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh I’m firmly on your side Wynne. It’s not very nice of me but my first reaction reading your intro was “well, hey guy, put on your big boy pants and step up. Independence and collaboration are good things in a relationship!”

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  11. How ridiculous that your ex thought that “independence” was something to ridicule!
    This particular takeaway is powerful and will definitely stick with me: “Shame loses power when it is brought into the light.”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Remaining independent, even when you’re in a relationship is so important. It’s something my mum made sure we understood. No one with good intentions would see independence as a bad thing. Glad you’re free from your ex.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. isn’t it amazing when you learn more about your family and their/your origin stories? it fills in so many blanks and gives new perspective and understanding (for good or bad) of those who came before you and somehow shaped a part of you became.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. A parent’s unhealed trauma will definitely affect their child/children, in so many ways, varying from fear blocking them from some actions, anger getting triggered that is out of proportion to the situation at hand, withholding affection, or even becoming overly clingy and overly involved in the kid’s lives.

    When I was healing, I had to look at what my parents went through, and what they had experienced was truly traumatic. My father had worked through his healing via writing music and his work withing the Ukrainian community. My mother wasn’t able to do this kind of inner work, so her past trauma became the foundation as to why she treated everyone around her badly. She wasn’t able to see that she had essentially created a free pass for herself and required everyone to accept being abused.

    I had to accept that she might never ever be able to face how badly she had treated people, her shield she had erected was too strong. I was happy that she finally removed that shield just hours before her death, and was a little surprised to see that I didn’t feel a sense of injustice that she hadn’t been able to do this for me or my brother years ago.

    My brother and I had worked very hard over the years to heal from her abuse, and part of it was coming to an acceptance of who she was and what she was capable of and not capable of.

    Releasing the inner expectations of how a parent “should” behave towards a child, and instead see them as a hurt and damaged individual who was trying to navigate through life as best as they could is crucial to our healing.

    The parent may never become able to face their own trauma, their own hurtful actions towards others, and may never be able to have anything resembling a healthy relationship with their kids. We still need to work on our own healing, in spite of this.

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  17. What a wonderful episode, Wynne. “What’s the worst thing that you’ve ever done, Mom?” sounds like the perfect title for your next book, and if you write it, I’ll be the first one to buy a copy, because I want to know too. 😂 I completely agree that we all have inherited stories that we need to think through and tell.

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  19. Very interesting. And, gosh, I can only imagine how challenging it must have been for your 7-y-o grandfather to chase a horse down! Incredible.

    Though in a fictional way, this reminds me of the new perspective we get on Ana’s mom in my book when we learn about her impoverished upbringing. Knowledge does change perspective.

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  22. Its been a bit since I’ve posted and what timing with this post. My ex-husband also had acted the same with my independence . And ive been learning so much a out my family history,pattern and how it has effected is effecting me as being so independent. Thank you for such an interesting post.

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  23. This really resonated with me. We inherit so much from our families—sometimes without even realizing where our beliefs, strengths, and struggles come from. I love the idea of looking at those inherited stories through a new lens rather than simply accepting them as our destiny. Such a thoughtful reflection on honesty, compassion, and rewriting the narratives we carry.

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  24. Wonderful conversation with Jennifer! I appreciated learning more about the concept of “inherited stories” and I so wish I had taken the time to learn these stories in depth before my parents both passed.

    The lens methodology is interesting as well and I can see how stepping out of ourselves helps us see the whole picture and to revisit our stories, especially the painful ones, with kindness and empathy.

    Failure is such an important part of the process and I appreciated Jennifer’s humility in sharing her manuscript fail. Hopefully her novel will come to fruition soon. It’ll certainly be worth the 25 year wait!

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  25. This reminded me of my father. When my sisters and I were little girls, he always told us, “I am not raising damsels in distress!” True to his word, he taught each of us how to use power tools, fix the garbage disposal, repair drywall, and change a tire, just to name a few skills. Needless to say, every guy I ever dated was in awe of my abilities. Today, my spouse is incredibly thankful for my vast knowledge whenever something around the house needs to be repaired or replaced. I say a loud “yes” to being independent because, just as my dad used to say, “Do not have any expectations that someone is coming to save you!”

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