Even 10-year-olds Know Better

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“There is no better test of a man’s integrity than his behavior when he is wrong.” – Marvin Williams

About 10 days ago I was making breakfast for my family on a calm Saturday morning. The news was on in the background and Donald Trump was responding to the Supreme Court ruling about tariffs.

He started, “I am ashamed…”

And then ended the sentence, “…that a couple of members of the Supreme Court don’t have the courage….”

I don’t recall saying anything. But the next thing I knew my 10-year-old daughter, Miss O, was standing on the couch with a pretend microphone in her hand offering an alternate response.

“I apologize. It was my fault. How can I fix it?”

Miss O is not an expert in the workings of the three branches of the US government. But she does possess the emotional intelligence to know that people should take responsibility for their decisions and actions.

I suspect this US presidency resonates in a unique way for those of us who’ve had significant entanglements with a narcissist.

  • The chaos.
  • The willingness to say anything, believable or not, in order to shift the conversation.
  • The loyalty tests.
  • The genuine belief that they should not be held to the same standard of behavior as normal people.
  • The constant need for more recognition and validation.

Being around people who make up their own rules and then blame others when they lose is exhausting. Even 10-year-olds know better.

When I had a business partner who was a narcissist, I was forced to learn the difference between what I can control and what I can’t. The wisdom of Prentis Hemphill helped me cope, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

Not only did I gain a lot of clarity about boundaries, but I also developed a deep appreciation for the people in my life who are trustworthy enough to hold close. I came through that period with a huge amount of gratitude for when life is calm.

There are enough tariffs being levied these days. So I try to remember not to let narcissists tax my energy more than necessary.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

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59 thoughts on “Even 10-year-olds Know Better”

  1. Oh Wynne, I just love everything you say in your valuable message. The importance of being able to “trust” – there is no point without trust is there?
    All out of the mouths of babes too – well said Miss O.

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  5. Add my vote for Miss O! 👏🏻👏🏻🥰🥰 And this is exactly why I’m puzzled about how he got to be president, twice?.? Even children can see he’s not mature, responsible, reasonable enough….

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    1. Thanks, Rose. I think there’s always an audience that thinks it’s safe to align with a narcissist as long as he’s on their side. Eventually it becomes clear that narcissists are only on one side and that’s their own. Right?

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  9. Miss O feels this and understands and has learned from the amazing adults around her. Thank you for sharing this, it gives us all hope for our future and for our leaders yet to come, of which she is sure to be one in some form.

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  12. Just gotta say, y’all are doing a magnificent job raising your children.
    These days. I make a point not to have the news on in the background. When I’m prepared to stomach the news, I seek it out by catching the headlines from the most neutral source I can find. If I’m prepared to stomach more than that, I allow myself to click on and read an actual article for the details… only if I’m fully mentally prepared.

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  14. Miss O is of course spot on. It’s great that she’s articulated the principle of taking personal responsibility for words and actions so clearly. The trouble is that when high profile people refuse to take responsibility or deflect responsibility, then many see that as the norm, or permission to make it their norm. It’s an important lesson that we must continue to affirm to ourselves and each other.

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    1. Thank you, Malcolm. I was stunned (and delighted) that she could articulate taking responsibility so clearly in three succinct statements. You are right about the insidious effect of normalizing behavior that isn’t right. Thank goodness for this community that seems to be a great place to affirm faith and goodness.

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  16. It truly is exhausting listening to him and so sad that a 10 year old can see through the bad behaviour. Every time I hear him say how “nasty Canada” has been ripping off the United States for decades, I want to scream. We are selling goods that the USA clearly needs and/or wants or nobody would buy them. It’s exasperating.

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    1. Well said, Michelle. I’m so sorry. As I learned in my prior life, it’s outrageous and not worth the energy. That said, I think it’s definitely worth the effort to oppose his actions and policies – just not worth listening to!

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  18. It is insufferable, Wynne. I just can’t wait till these next three years are over and hopefully that’s it. You’re absolutely right, even 10 year olds know better!

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  21. Excellent comment about narcissists taxing our energy. Prentis Hemphill’s quote is great too: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” Love that your 10 year old knows what taking personal responsibility sounds like (and what doesn’t…)

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  24. One of the most important lessons we teach our children is to take responsibility for our actions. It’s amazing how some people find it impossible to do that, but perhaps that’s also a reflection of the role models they’ve had.

    A few times a year, one of my students would say something political. It was as if I could hear their parents talking through them. This was true whether their parents were liberal or conservative. As children get older, they’re there are more than develop their own thinking.

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    1. A reflection of their role models – you said it perfectly, as always, Pete! And probably a testament to how powerfully caregivers can impact attitudes that last a life time – for better or for worse!

      Thank goodness for teachers like you to help provide those great lessons. Thank you, my friend!

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  27. Kudos to Miss O. Her intellectual clarity is amazing. I read what he said, because I can’t hear him anymore, and what he said, that their family should be ashamed of the Justices, was absolutely uncalled for and an example of his character flaw. My mind went to Justice Amy Barrett’s children, thinking about how she is going to explain the president’s words to them. Heartbreaking.

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    1. You said it, my friend. It is heartbreaking to think of that. And for a pretty straightforward constitutional issue (from what I understand). Hopefully history’s view of this will help blunt the impact.

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  28. I so love this. Bravo Miss O and bravo to mom for modeling and teaching empathy.

    When my husband let a narcissistic friend (and family that included their 5 year old son) stay with us a few years back, I had less than zero energy to be a hostess. I was also having a very rough time being the first several months of my Kundalini awakening. One day, when both parents dumped their son on me for the umpteenth time (my husband was away 15 hrs. a day working for most of their visit), I got upset with him and modeled boundaries to my son (in an unfortunately loud voice). Because the boy was used to being yelled at (his parents, and especially his dad, had very limited parenting skills) he quieted down. Later on, my son (14) told me that after I’d gotten upset, he realized that his bedroom was HIS space and that he could shut the door and not let the five year old in if he didn’t want. Even though I wasn’t very eloquent or particularly kind, I’m glad my son grew some boundaries that day.

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