How to Share the Next Generation

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“Things are always in transition. Nothing ever sums itself up the way we dream about.” – Pema Chodron

I had this quirky social anxiety when I started the fertility process to have my kids via in vitro fertilization (IVF). It seems so silly now. But at the time I kept thinking that because I was in the process of trying to have kids as a single parent that everyone would know that I was the one who wanted kids. Yep, that was going to be obvious. 🙂

It’s hard to say why that seemed important to me at the time – there is lot to unpack when it comes to family and gender expectations. And perhaps parents who get pregnant the traditional way have the same feeling of vulnerability. It’s hard to know because often family planning is done behind closed doors.

It’s one of the many reasons that I love Mari Sarkisian Wyatt’s book, Saving the Fourth Generation and our conversation on the How To Share podcast. She magically, with self-awareness and dark humor, puts words to the complexity of the IVF process and what it’s like to have goals and obsessions for which it’s worth suffering the ups and downs, grief and miracles.

Mari and I talk about the different types of goals we have as we go through life and her Armenian grandmother’s wisdom about what it takes to make them happen.

There’s so much legacy in Mari’s story because her quest is in many ways a response to the shattering trauma that came from both of her grandparents’ families being decimated in the Armenian massacre of 1915.

We talk about Mari’s way forward as the sole child of her generation to have kids. She tells us how she navigated both the price and process of IVF. Her story is heartbreaking, miraculous and completely gripping.

We talk about her advocacy for her autistic son and how writing about her IVF process, 20 years after the fact provided some healing and delight in the miracle of family.

Mari’s story involves a lawsuit so in accordance with the settlement she’s not on screen for this episode. Nonetheless, Mari is entrancing as she shares the power of her journey and the warmth of her voice.

I know you’ll love it.

Takeaways

  • This is the story of what women and their partners are willing to go through to have babies by IVF at the turn of the 21st century.
  • Mari’s quest quickly became an obsession and she notes obsessions can hurt the people you love.
  • Mari says if you just keep working toward your goal one step at a time, you might just succeed. Hopefully your family will forgive you.
  • Writing this book nearly 25 years after her IVF journey has been healing for Mari and her family.
  • The message is about resilience, personal growth, and the beauty of ordinary days.

Here’s a clip from Mari talking about her incredible book, Saving the Fourth Generation:

Here are some ways you can watch this amazing and thoughtful episode:

Please listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe.

How to Share Feedback with Dr. Vicki Atkinson – How To Share

In this episode of 'How to Share', Wynne Leon speaks with professor and author Dr. Vicki Atkinson about the nuances of giving and receiving feedback, particularly in the context of writing. Vicki shares insights from her own experiences as a writer, emphasizing the importance of separating one's ego from their work, the value of a growth mindset, and the significance of asking the right questions when seeking feedback. The conversation also touches on the dynamics of feedback, the timing of giving and receiving it, and the emotional challenges that come with the creative process. Vicki provides a sneak peek into her upcoming novel, which draws from her family history, and reflects on the role of feedback in her writing journey.TakeawaysFeedback is a tricky subject that requires discernment.Separating ego from work is essential for growth.Asking the right questions can lead to more useful feedback.Timing and context matter when giving feedback.Not all feedback is created equal; choose your sources wisely.It's important to let your work develop before seeking feedback.Receiving feedback can be both enthralling and challenging.You can choose which feedback to integrate into your work.Emotional distance can help in processing feedback.Be clear about what you are asking for when seeking feedback.Links for this episode:How to Share homeVicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Vicki's Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith; Wynne's Blog: https://wynneleon.com/
  1. How to Share Feedback with Dr. Vicki Atkinson
  2. How to Share the Next Generation with Mari Sarkisian Wyatt
  3. How to Share Impactfully with Social Media Friends with Amy Weinland Daughters
  4. How to Share Resilience with Ana Hebra Flaster
  5. How To Share a Ghost Story with Alyson Richman (updated)

Links for this post:

How to Share the Next Generation transcript

Saving the Fourth Generation from Delphinium Press and on Barnes & Noble and Amazon

(featured photo from Pexels)

42 thoughts on “How to Share the Next Generation”

  1. I admire everyone who has made their own choice and their own way to create a family, one of my own daughters went through through this process as well, with a mix of heartbreak and miracle and I look forward to hearing this brave conversation, between the two of you.

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  2. Thank you for this compelling conversation, Wynne and Mari. Wynne, no doubt, you saw parallels between your and Mari’s stories. I’ve been following another IVF journey, on Erin’s blog, and it takes so much courage, perseverance and faith to go through this difficult journey and my heart goes out to everyone on this journey. Mari’s is one of resilience and loss – and other challenges, such as raising an eldest son with autism at a time when support services are so limited! – and I’m glad she found healing through writing her book – and in turning, helping others find their strength. 💕🙏

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  4. I would add one point. The treatment of Armenians in the World War I era is considered a genocide committed by the Ottoman Empire, now Turkey. Over 30 countries affirm that the genocide occurred. Turkey does not.

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  5. What a beautiful conversation. I especially love, love, love that Mari hired neighborhood kids be play with her son! I am likely on the spectrum and had a hard time making friends as a child, so that story absolutely lit me up. What a gift is it that Mari’s kids have such a loving and supportive mom-and not just that, but a parent who understands HOW they need support. Amazing conversation. Thank you Mari and Wynne! 🩷

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  9. I’ve never read a book about IVF, and I think it would be fascinating. Thank goodness this option is available for those who want a child. I especially appreciate Mari’s willingness to share the unintended consequences, something we can all relate to.

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    1. Unintended consequences — you’re right – that hits us all in the things we pursue, doesn’t it? It was fascinating to read Mari’s journey because when I tried IVF, it was 30 years old. Mari had done it 15 years before me and the differences in the science were fascinating! Thank you, Pete!!

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  17. I think although there’s a lot of judgement especially towards women when it comes to kids and the way they choose to have them, going through the IVF process as a single parent just shows that you truly wanted these kids and that they would be so loved.

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