Things About Parenting I Think I’ve Learned So Far

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“You’re an author, and the stories you write are penned across the hearts of your children. Therefore, be careful with the pen because you’re writing on some very precious paper.” – Craig D. Lounsbrough

I’m riffing the title of this post from Jack Canfora’s Things I Think I’ve Learned So Far because Jack’s post is one of my favorites and I’m too tired from parenting to think of one of my own. And that matches with my experience of parenting – you have to take small favors and lifts when you can.

Admittedly, I’m pretty early on into this parenting thing with only eight and a half years so far. Despite the best efforts of my more experienced friends to teach me everything I might need to know, I still understand I have a lot to learn. But in the interest of celebrating incremental progress, here’s the list of things I think I’ve learned so far in parenting.

Dance parties improve almost any mood.

When little people behave their worst, it’s when they need to be listened to and held the most.

Sometimes, on “those” days, you just have to declare it’s Milkshakes for Breakfast Day to shake everything up.

Try to say “yes” as often as possible, even if it’s just a qualified “yes.”

No matter how hungry you are, don’t eat that last bite off their plate until its cleared from the table.

There’s a time to push limits, and there’s a time to fold them in your arms. Knowing that balance is as mysterious as the original recipe for KFC or Coke. It’s sweet when you get it right, but you will still be guessing the next time.

Laughter is a beautiful elixir that will hold you together.

Socks are the bane of parenting. Little teeny tiny socks exploded off little teeny tiny feet are under the car seats, smooshed in the couch cushions, on the counter, behind the toy box, folded into books, and left everywhere and anywhere except the laundry basket.

My efforts to lobby Amazon to create a sock subscription service where new socks are delivered regularly have been ignored to date, mostly because I can’t ever finish an email without interruption.

A little bit of sugar works as an enticement. A great deal of sugar works like an unstable explosive.

You can use power over someone with little or no agency and it might work short-term. But, when you can, spending the time to develop power with a willing mind has a big long-term payoff.

You will screw it up. Look for the manual that came with the babies and remember there isn’t one. Be grateful for however many days you have before they figure that out too.

Insistence on anything that you previously thought you was indisputable fact before you had kids quickly becomes debatable in their eyes.
If you resist, the resistance becomes an object to focus on.
Better to use redirection.

Curiosity beats judgment any day and is one of the best tools in the box.

The line between crying and laughing is much closer than previously thought.

This is also true for irritation and awe.

On the Welch’s fruit snacks, the tear spot is between the h and the s. You’re welcome.

Every time you thoughtfully respond to a melt down you get to put a marble in the metaphorical trust jar.
Every time you lose it and yell, you take out ten marbles from the trust jar.
Every time you apologize for losing it, you get to add back your ten marbles, with bonus marbles for sincerity.

Naps aren’t just for the five and unders.

A well-rested kid can do most anything – this is true for well-rested parents too.

Save money on sorting games and instead teach them to match socks. This is a theoretical one but it would have been brilliant if I’d thought of it earlier.

You will screw it up. Apply grace liberally, get a good night’s sleep and try it again.

“Your eyes should light up when your child enters the room.” – Maya Angelou
But there will be times they will enter the room covered in paint or dressed in all the contents of the laundry basket that you, for once, managed to fold. So shoot for lit up eyes MOST of the time.

It’s fun when you try to pay close enough attention to learn something about yourself and where you came from every day.

In the years before logic works, you have a wonderful opportunity to practice winning over hearts instead of minds.

Connection expands in proportion to your time sitting on the floor next to them.

Someone will cry when the milk spills. Try to make sure it’s not you.

It’s only possible to handle someone else’s big emotions when you’ve taken care of yourself.

Life is fragile; love helps us to overcome the abject fear of being responsible for it.

Relationship can handle a lot as long as you remain connected.

Whatever amount of vulnerability and patience you entered parenthood with will not be enough. Fortunately, kids come with many opportunities to exercise both.

Things will seem unbearable, and then they’ll change.

It will pain you greatly at times, but you have to big the bigger person.

Parenting is maddening; but a bigger part is gladdening.

You will screw it up. Treat yourself as gently as you can, laugh about it, apologize as necessary, and remember you are teaching them how to start again.

The big upsets are rarely about what it’s about. Take the socks, for example, which is really about the complete disruption of any order and ability to get things done you previously believed you had.

Or this list, which might not be just about parenting.

73 thoughts on “Things About Parenting I Think I’ve Learned So Far”

  2. We did cheesecake for breakfast this weekend, since we didn’t get to eat it after dinner Saturday evening. We had a 7 1/2 year old visiting us, and he very politely declined the cake, preferring something “breakfasty”… the rest of us enjoyed our cake! We justified it… there’s protein from the cheese, fruit from the raspberry puree, eggs… sounded like breakfast!

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  3. Beauties, two. If I had to say one thing about life, it would be that there is no joy without sadness. Without one, we would think the other is the normal life course and have no name for it. I think this fits with raising children, too. Thanks, Wynne.

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  4. A delightfully insightful, humorous candidate for the next book in the Chicken Soul for the Soul collection . . . Chicken Soup for Frustrated Parents. Thanks for the smiles.

    A half dozen parenting axioms particularly struck a chord with this ole ragamuffin parent:

    • Parenting is maddening; but a bigger part is gladdening.
    • In the years before logic works, you have a wonderful opportunity to practice winning over hearts instead of minds.
    • When little people behave their worst, it’s when they need to be listened to and held the most.
    • Curiosity beats judgment any day and is one of the best tools in the box.
    • Laughter is a beautiful elixir that will hold you together.
    • You will screw it up. Apply grace liberally, get a good night’s sleep and try it again.

    Keep on keeping on Wynne . . . it’s worth every frustration, fear, and tear shed . . . they grow up way too fast!

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  6. Seven is such a magical age. Seventeen comes shortly thereafter! Sounds like you’ve got this parenting thing down pretty well. This was a joy to read! Also, even when they’ve fully grown, they will always be your children and they’ll continue to lose “socks” and teach you something new about life! Isn’t there a quote in the Bible about teaching a child and he will not stray from that? That, I’ve found to be so true! Loved this! ❤️ Mona

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    1. What a beautiful comment, Mona! I think you are right – about how quickly the time passes and about what we teach going with them. Thank you so much for the lovely comment!

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    2. Unfortunately, sometimes when you teach a child, it’s what it tries to get furthest away from in its own life. Either every effort I could make was truly not enough, or it’s more of a lottery than we think.

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  7. This is so good! It has been 53 years since I first became a mother. My daughter is now a grandmother. But you never stop being a mother. I still worry about my daughter as if she were still a very girl. You will screw up – but laughter is truly an elixir. The first Christmas after my husband died, my little girls were so sad. I found a book called “Ugly Joke Book.” We sat up Christmas night in my bed and read the jokes. Many were not that funny, but I laughed at each one as if they were the funniest things in the world. Slowly, they joined me in my laughter, and we laughed ourselves to sleep.

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    1. Oh, so great to see you, Alegria. And you are so wonderful to remark on this the second time around. Bittersweet is such a good word for it! Thanks, my friend! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  9. Your lessons learned are awesome. Every day brings a new one, and we just need to savor the moment. I’ve read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, “What to Expect When Your Wife Is Expanding”, “Raising a Modern-Day Knight”, and a bunch of other books because, since I grew up without a father, I didn’t know squat about being one. The fact that I’m able to enjoy my 15-year-old son and witness how he is becoming a man gives me the motivation to keep improving as a father. Parenting is awesome, so keep capturing those lessons learned and then pass them to them so they know what to expect.

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    1. I love how you read all the books – and have capitalized on the wonderful experience of parenting your son. I haven’t heard of “Raising a Modern-Day Knight.” I think I’ll need to go find that. You say it so well that the fact that you are enjoying your son means everything. I’m sure it also means that you’ve done the essential parts well. Wonderful!

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      1. It’s a Christian book but I think it has a lot of practical applications that can be followed regardless of faith and personal beliefs. I really liked the power of ceremony and the four key manhood ceremonies chapters that highlight activities that parents can do to celebrate the journey from boyhood to manhood.

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  11. Fabulous article that made me feel all ‘the feels’ of being a mom and a grandma. All of this is true and most of it never ends, and as you suggest it might not just pertain to parenting… Be sure to enjoy those dance parties and laughter elixirs as often as possible. ❤️ Also adore the comments left here by others.

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  12. I couldn’t love these more because they not only apply to parenting, but new jobs, marriage, flights, and road trips. This could be a best seller Wynne! “The line between crying and laughing is much closer than previously thought,” and both can be accomplished simultaneously in my experience. Hugs, C

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    1. I love the other applications you list, Cheryl! Road trips? Pure brilliance! Thank you for jumping in to affirm my experience because I know you are a great mom – and have seen it all!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  13. I enjoyed reading this list again, Wynne. So many wise nuggets in there and I chuckled again at how often mismatched socks popped up on your list.

    Parenting is an ever continuing journey and we will make mistakes and I love how you approach them with gentleness and kindness.

    And I too have learned the hard way to resist taking the last bite off their plate until the table is cleared! Talk about a massive meltdown. 😆

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    1. It’s no wonder mismatched socks have become a fashion statement, right? Thank you, Ab!

      And I’m laughing all over again about the last bite on the plate. “I CANNOT believe you ate my chicken, MOM!!!” Well, something about the last ten minutes when you didn’t eat it made me think it was available. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  16. What I most appreciate is that your kids have a mom who is very intentional about raising them the best she can, knowing that there are no perfect parents, and understands the importance of grace. They are blessed.

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  17. Oh Wynne, these are priceless little gems of wisdom from the garden of your soul! Thank you for sharing them with us. I think I must forward this on to my daughter, who will enjoy every morsel of it. Humor and wisdom are the two most valuable tools in a mama’s toolbox! You’ve nailed them both!

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  20. The tear spot for the fruit snacks!!!!!! Hahahaha. That’s terrific.

    I also really liked this one: The line between crying and laughing is much closer than previously thought.
    So much truth there. And thank goodness for that.
    And yes on dance parties, or even just music if dancing isn’t an option. And when they’re at their worst, they need you the most. And stuff about power over someone vs the alternative–like exceeding patience, for instance. I know we’ve talked about that before.

    Amazon sock subscription. Hahaha. Brilliant. That really ought to be a thing!

    A well-rested kid can do most anything – this is true for well-rested parents too. Yes!!! Same is nearly true for well-fed. But not quite.

    Connection expands in proportion to your time sitting on the floor next to them. My goodness. So wise!

    Okay, too much to comment on. Brilliant, Wynne. I must have missed this one the first time around. Thanks for reposting.

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  24. I don’t always eat traditional breakfasts. Sometimes it’s soup. Or cake. But never once have I had a milkshake for breakfast. Clearly you’re angling for Mom of the Year (and are no doubt the frontrunner)!

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