Tag: unity

Beyond the Assumptions

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“We’re all different. Don’t judge. Understand instead.” – Roy T. Bennett

Two things this weekend made me think of a date I went on a dozen years ago. The first was participating in the No Kings march in downtown Seattle with my kids. It was energizing, funny, and peaceful. Nothing that matched the divisive way some politicians characterized it in advance of the event.

The second was a quip from Dr. Stein’s post, “Laughing to Normalize Our Lives.” In it he humorously suggests, “Recall the worst date you ever endured. Phone the person and invite them out for another try. This will distract you from the state of the world.” And then adds, “Bring aspirin anyway.”

Back to the date — it was with a guy from a rural part of Washington. I thought he was from Olympia, the capital of the state of Washington. Turned out he was from a small town on the peninsula west of the city.

When he saw my neighborhood, he exclaimed, “Wow, this place is a zoo. Everyone is right on top of each other.” He wasn’t wrong. There’s probably 15 feet between my house and the houses on either side.

But it’s normal to me, not a zoo.

He told me that when he told his friend he was coming to Seattle, his friend quipped, “That’s where all the men drive Priuses and sit down to pee.”

And to cap it all off, the guy brought a gun on the date.

Oh boy! All of this was surprising to me. I’ve lived in Seattle for almost 40 years and it doesn’t feel dangerous at all to me. Nor do the men seem like wimps.

But it was fascinating to get this peek into how others’ see us. The stereotypes, assumptions and fears that come with a different way of life. For example, when I told a friend about this guy’s reaction, he asked, “Did he drive a big truck?”

Seems like it should be the easiest baggage to put down our assumptions about others. But sometimes we don’t even realize we are carrying them.

I never did see that guy again but he had a really big heart. I’m pretty sure his veins flowed red when leaving the heart and appeared blue on the return. Just like mine.

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Lit From Within

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“If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.” – Buddha

I think the people in life who I’ve learned some of the most memorable lessons from are the ones who are lit from within. Like Robin Williams in the movie Dead Poets Society, there’s an infectious spirit that makes me feel like I’m not only learning but also catching a spark.

I mention this because of a recent podcast conversation Vicki Atkinson and I had with blogger, parent, FASD advocate and amazing human, Ab from the My Life with T blog. Ab is definitely lit from within.

Ab tells us of the moment both his advocacy and blogging started. When a program supporting kids like his young son was canceled, it lit both fires.

The writing practice is part of Ab’s self-care. It helps him process the events that need to be noted, held onto, learned from, and cherished. It’s a great tool in his wonderful resource kit for parenting well.

And then his writing helps to raise awareness about people living with FASD. Ab shares the definition of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and we discuss how building awareness and understanding is so important.

Ab makes such great connections about different blogs and the way our writing unites us.

It was so much fun to be able to talk with Ab. It feels as if we are old friends after interacting nearly every day for 4 years on one blog or another. He is so passionate, funny and articulate and we could have talked for hours. Vicki and I are so lucky to have the great fun of being able to talk with people who are dear blog friends.

This in an incredible conversation about how moments of disappointment and frustration can blossom into something fruitful when you follow the threads as Ab did.

I’m confident you’ll love the scenic and beautiful places we explore as we share the power of storytelling.

We know you’ll love it!

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor: Episode 85: Writing and Advocacy with Ab

AND subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Links for this Episode:

My Life with T blog by Ab

In Canada: What is FASD? – CanFASD

In the United States: FASD United

A great resource for caregivers trying to understand and support a loved one with FASD:

Trying Differently Rather Than Harder: Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders – Third Edition: 9780972953207: Books – Amazon.ca

A book by recognized FASD educator Nate Sheets:

Essential FASD Supports: Understanding and Supporting People with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders: Sheets, Nate: 9781977245083: Books – Amazon.ca

From the Hosts:

Vicki’s recently released book: Surviving Sue

Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

In Feeling

Posted in meditationTagged , , , , , 9 Comments

“The problem with this world is that we draw our family circle too small.” – Mother Teresa

Here’s the way sickness travels in my family. One kid gets sick, the other one gets it and then finally I get sick. Fortunately, I don’t always get sick but if I do, I’ll be last to get it. And when I do, I learn how brave my kids have been.

This time it was my daughter who got a stomach bug first last weekend. She spit up a few times and then said, “Wow, I’ve never thrown up 4 times in a day before. When are we going to go hiking?” I replied that I thought she might want to rest given that she didn’t feel well. She exclaimed she felt fine so we went.

Then my son got it mid-week. It was very clear because I opened his door to get him out of his crib in the morning, and instantly got hit with the smell. “I sneezed it out!” he exclaimed, not all that upset. He stayed home from school but he too said he felt “good” and was pretty peppy playing around all day.

I thought I’d avoided getting it too until this weekend when my body, probably exhausted from all the cleaning, just gave up and succumbed. I wondered how the heck my kids were so delightful when their bodies were fighting this bug. It always looks easier when someone else is doing it, doesn’t it? As usually happens with getting sick, it comes with a huge heap of humility and admiration too.

This made me think of the words sympathy and empathy. Sympathy from the Greek of sun (with) + pathos (feeling). Oxford languages defines sympathy understanding between people, common feeling.  

Empathy, a word I hear so often these days in conjunction with raising emotionally intelligent kids, is from the Greek of em (in) + pathos (feeling). It is defined by Oxford languages as the ability to understand the feelings of another.

In my little family we have so many opportunities to have sympathy for each other because we share so much context at this stage – the people we know, the many hours we spend all together, the illnesses we pass along. It may be the easiest time for us to all stand in common feeling. And if we get that right, at least some of the time, it helps us become more empathetic toward others because we have the family experience of feeling understood.

The other thing I was reminded of as the illness ran its course is how much energy I spend resisting being sick. I didn’t want to throw up and I managed not to. But in hindsight, it may have made it last longer overall. Sometimes we just have to let the bad out so that the healing can begin, a lesson I keep having to repeat.

It’s funny as I type this thinking of my gratitude towards this stomach bug. It created a shared family experience, reminded me that resistance to uncomfortable things is often a harder route to go and most of all, makes me so thankful that we all feel well again. If only there was a virus that could unite our bigger human family….

(featured image photo from Pexels)

Negotiating Inner Peace

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“The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.” – unknown

Yesterday I was trying to read my meditation books to start the day. In one there was a poignant passage about all the past leading to now and the future proceeding from this here but all we have is the one golden moment of today. In another, it was about pausing to appreciate our accomplishments. And the third was about setting forth into the world with the intent to unify and belong instead of to conquer and thereby treading a gentler path through life.

All I could think was “I don’t have time for this sh!t! I’ve got to get stuff done!” It started this internal dialogue that went like this:

[Practical Me] Really beautifully written messages but sometimes I just don’t have time to consider anything at any depth.

[Philosophical Me] Ha – isn’t that the point? That we could spend all of our todays just getting stuff done and putting off any search for meaning and appreciation for beauty until long after it’s gone?

[Practical Me] Yes, but today I really have so much to do. It’s the first day of school, the first day of the month and I have so much work to get done.

Here’s where I negotiated peace between my selves. Yes, there are sometimes where I don’t have time to consider all the sides, the long-term implications and all the other things that can become in their own ways a buffer between me and the experience of life. Sometimes I just have to act.

But it’s the feeling of being in a rush that can be settled out before jumping in. That there is a tiny space for setting intention to be mindful in my efficiency. A moment to be purposeful, not panicked. A note to myself that yes, today is in fact sacred. I will pause to acknowledge accomplishments. And in doing all I need to do, I will try to unify and not to break any things in my haste.

Drawing Boundaries

Posted in meditation, ParenthoodTagged , , , , ,

“The problem with the world is that we draw our family circle too small.” – Mother Teresa

Coming back together after a year apart feels like I’m out of practice on some things. Like how to greet people. Is it a hug or fist bump or a nod? But as awkward as those things feel to me as an adult, I’m watching my five-and-a-half year old try to manage them after missing out on about 20% of her life experience in socialization and it feels really big. Like how to navigate the friend who wants to eat her lunch.

My daughter doesn’t eat very fast. Her friend scarfs down her own lunch and then starts in on my daughter’s. My daughter wants to share and has no foresight that she is going to need that fuel or be hungry. Drawing boundaries. It feels like this is one thing that we haven’t had to do during the year of coronavirus.

Drawing boundaries has always evoked for me the idea of two countries dividing territory. But looking it up, I see that there are many different parallels. In mathematics, the drawing of boundaries applies to clearly defining when a theory is supposed to hold. In therapy, it’s the rules that govern the patient/therapist relationship. Abstracting these, drawing boundaries allow us to create predictability in relationships by defining what’s mine and what’s yours.

But I-ing and my-ing is also known in Buddhism to be one of the root causes of spiritual disease. When we start protecting territory, we stop being able to see the Unity that ties us all together. We limit our ability to see ourselves in everyone. We elevate the ego and its importance in relationship to everything else.

Of course I know this intuitively as a parent. When my babies arrived, there was little boundary between those tiny little people and me. The love I was overwhelmed with carried me through feeding, waking, changing diapers, washing clothes with spit up on them with little thought of whether they were cutting in to “my” time or whether “I” had everything I needed. It was all “we.” Now as they get older and take “my” stuff and putting it places that I cannot find, there are some distinct boundaries. But in every moment of tenderness and perspective, I am right back to that beautiful place where they are my heart walking outside my body.

Believing that there are some healthy ways to draw boundaries, I decided to step in to the lunch situation. I figure that we have all have more of a chance of seeing that we are more alike than different when our tanks are full. But I’m hoping that she goes on to solve world hunger so that’s true for everyone.