“Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother.” – unknown
The other day, four-year-old Mr. D said to me, “Mama, you are the bestest in the whole entire moon.”
Sweet. And I don’t want to minimize that, but he said it to me after I gave him a cookie. I’m sure I can’t be the only person who has a complicated relationship with compliments, especially in families. Do they love us for who we are, the role we play, or what we do for them?
Do you feel that nugget of self-doubt in that last sentence? Me too. It reminds me of the few things I’ve been able to glean in the last fifty years about confidence and compliments.
They have to be right sized for the effort.
My kids keep teaching me this lesson. If I over-praise an effort, it feels insincere.
I have to be able to believe it
There isn’t a compliment in the world that can overcome my inner resistance. This one is fraught for me as a parent. My kids frequently compliment me for being the “bestest” or a “good mom.” But, of course, I’m just a mom and I can’t get everything right. My biggest growth area is mindful eating – not eating in front of devices. For a number of reasons this is complicated and I’m getting it wrong more than right.
So I find myself circling back to my driving principles. My priorities are to help them be kind (including to themselves), safe, and healthy (body, mind, and spirit). And to be present and to love them. If I can aim for most of that, then I try to give myself some grace about the rest.
Compliments are best when I would have done the same thing with or without it.
I would have given Mr. D the cookie whether or not he gave me the compliment. It wasn’t conditional on him saying anything.
So, yes, it feels safe to say that this time I can believe I’m the bestest on the whole moon. After all, it’s only me and a probe that’s tipped sideways in the running. Not that I’m on the moon…. but you know what I mean.
(Mary from Awakening Wonders reminded me of the quote for this post)
(featured photo is from Pexels)
Surprised By Joy 