My Mother the Spy

Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle.” – Lewis Carroll

My 6-year-old daughter and her friend have a particular camper van that is regularly in the school parking lot. They are so fascinated by its story – it has a license plate that says VANLIFE and they wonder if anyone lives in it or if it belongs to a teacher. Playing along, I suggested that if we were spies, we’d put a tracking device under the bumper and see where it goes. They thought this was a great idea so I suggested my daughter should ask my mom for practical advice because we’ve always suspected she’s a spy.

My mom learned Russian in college while getting her major in Far Eastern Studies. When she graduated in the early 1960’s, the CIA offered her a job. She’s always said that she turned the job down and instead chose to get married.

But would there be a cover any better than being a pastor’s wife? In the 1970’s we lived in the Philippines and my mom took private Russian tutoring lessons. She and my dad visited the Soviet Union in that time when very few Americans ever did. I believe they even smuggled jeans in to give to their hosts.

When I was in college, my mom returned to college as well to get another degree in Russian Language and Literature.

After the wall came down, my mom lived in Moscow for five weeks to teach English. She developed such strong bonds that she and my dad led “work trips” there for most of the 90’s for people who were interested in supporting some soup kitchens and religious studies programs that were non-profits that she supported.

When I went to Russia almost 20 years ago to attempt to climb Mt. Elbrus, she sent cash with me to give to her contacts. They gave me the most vibrant walking night tour of Moscow in August I could have imagined.

And the last piece of “evidence” – she’s smart enough, adventurous enough and driven enough to pull it off. When you ask her if she’s a spy, she just smiles.

So it was my mom’s “professional” advice to my daughter NOT to track that van. She said she wouldn’t want anyone knowing where she goes so it’s best not to know that about others. šŸ™‚

The funny thing about family lore like this is that the secrets are so much fun to speculate about because don’t we all have mysterious sides? And by that I mean avenues we could have pursued and alter egos we might have been had the Fates come down just a little differently. I’m guessing that now that my mom is in her 80’s, it’s safe enough to hit publish on this – or so I hope.

(photo by Pexels)

Emojis

If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy.” – Proverb

In 1990 when I was college, I went with a group to stay with a tribe in the jungle of Ecuador for two weeks. When we were there, the chief of the tribe told us a story about how they used to hunt with blow guns and darts tipped with curare. They didn’t have curare in their area but would travel into Peru to trade for it.

Then in the 1960’s, Western medicine discovered that curare was a powerful paralytic that could be useful as a muscle relaxant. They bought up all the curare so that the tribe could no longer trade for it. Instead they switched to using shotguns which meant many of the small birds and animals that they used to hunt were no longer viable because the shotgun would blast them to pieces. According to the chief, about 500 words in the language used to describe those small animals and their habitats disappeared from their language. One invention and the ripple effect changed their lore and language.

I bring this up because I’ve been thinking that the adoption of emojis has changed our language. What did we do before the šŸ™ praying hands emoji to indicate we were thinking and praying for someone but unable to say that because we didn’t know their spiritual tradition and/or maybe not even be certain about our own?

Or my personal favorite is the ā¤ ā¤ ā¤  emoji which I use instead of having to dance around whether I like or love someone.

And we were able to indicate a sly reference before the šŸ˜‰ emoji? Were readers ever sure we were joking before the 😊 emoji?

Thinking that using emojis meant that I wasn’t working hard enough to convey myself with language the other day, I tried to end a text with words that meant I was thinking about and appreciating them. Five minutes later, I erased the jumble of words I came up with and replaced them with ā¤ ā¤ ā¤

 I’m pretty sure I’ve lost 500 words from my language at least. 😊

And Then I Woke Up with a Tattoo

Knowledge increases by sharing, not by saving.” – Lyrical

About 10 months ago when I started to blog regularly, I remember LA of the Waking Up on the Wrong Side of Fifty blog saying in a comment that I would develop great blog friends. Given that the platform lends itself to self-awareness and sharing, it’s a reasonable assumption. But I didn’t really understand the familiarity that develops when you follow someone, dare to comment and create a history over time.

Now that I do, I’m so grateful for the blog community. The awesome power of sharing wisdom, practicing putting words to this experience of life and telling stories. I have learned so much and I have laughed a lot. It’s like spending an extended time sitting around a table swapping stories with people from around the world.

And then coming home with a tattoo!

Thanks to the hilarious Betsy from the ParentingIsFunny blog. Her friend had them made for her birthday and in recapping the adventure she offered to send extras to anyone who would wear one. Happy birthday, Betsy!

Witty Remark

Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.” – Mark Twain

My kids and I were driving in the car up a long, gently rising hill when my son noticed a jogger on the sidewalk beside us. Here’s the conversation that ensued:

[My toddler]: What man doing?

[Me]: He’s jogging.

[My 6-year-old daughter]: Jogging is what you call it when grown-ups run because they are really slow.

Of course, I immediately burst into laughter and my daughter was delighted to have said something so witty that she has been trying to recreate the humor of it ever sense. Which is hard to do without the setup.

One of the things that fascinates me about witnessing my kids and their friends grow up is the development of their story-telling capabilities. Knowing that narrative shapes our inner lives as well as our interaction with others, I love talking with my daughter about the stories we read and see.

So when Mitch Teemley published this great post Hitting the Creative Bullseye, I thought about my daughter’s witty remark to see if his breakdown of the hallmarks of creativity helped analyzed why we laughed: is unexpected, feels right and surprises them.

Ticking through the points:

  • Was it unexpected? We were just chit chatting in the car so no one was primed for a joke and so yes, it was unexpected.
  • Did it feel right? Yes. There is so much undeniable truth to the remark ā€œjogging is what you call it when grown-ups run because they are really slow.ā€
  • Did it surprise us? I think the benefit of being 6-years-old is that no one expects you to come up with observations that hit the mark so when you do, it’s both surprising and memorable.

Of course the problem is in repeating it. But that’s why we practice — so that we can access both wit and wisdom, the “Feels right” insight in the moments that are both unexpected and surprise us. Because after all, wit is often how grown-ups deliver wisdom so that others will remember it.

Freedom to Climb

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” – Ghandi

Last night we were hanging out in front of our neighbor’s house. My toddler had laid down his strider bike in order to play with their toys and my daughter was climbing trees wearing the tennis shoes I’d just washed for her that day. I was intently talking with my neighbors about how much neighborhood freedom we should afford our older kids when my daughter slipped and fell from the tree she was climbing. She didn’t fall far but her foot got stuck in the fork of the tree so she was hanging upside with her hands on the ground, scared and crying. I picked her up and her foot came loose, then I turned her over so she was cradled in my arms.

Through her tears she breathlessly choked out, “I think we need to…” and the neighbors and I hung on the next words (go to the hospital? get a band-aid?) “…wash my shoes again.”

It was hard not to let out a big snort of laughter and relief. She’s fine.

Keeping it Light

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

As I was walking through the kitchen during a break from work yesterday, I overheard this conversation between my nanny and my 5-year-old:

Nanny: ā€œWould you like some carrots with your lunch?ā€

Kid: ā€œYuckā€

Nanny: ā€œI think you said that wrong. It’s pronounced ā€˜Yum’ as in short for scr-yum-deli-i-tious.ā€

All: <giggling>

She is a master of making my kids laugh – and getting them to do things. It’s such an effective tool but one I found hard to deploy at times. Like the other day when my 5-year-old daughter was screaming like crazy because she’d put popcorn up her nose. I managed to get her calm enough so that she could lie down on the floor, plug the other nostril and I blew into her mouth. It must have looked so fun because my toddler lay down next to her to wait his turn. I thought we were dealing with a kernel, turns out that it was a small popped piece of corn and whether it came out the nostril or worked its way into the throat, it’s still unclear but either way it was fine.

I was telling this story to my friend Katie later and we were crying we were laughing so hard. How long has it been since we were of the age that putting things up our nose seemed like a good idea? And how the scene must have looked – the kids lined up on the floor plugging their nostrils!

I think it takes practice to deploy humor in the moment. It’s one of the reason that I like the Parenting is Funny blog which is delightful – and inspirational! I also read a tip in a magazine the other day that suggested to smile when giving directions because it changes how you say things. Like you can’t say, ā€œOh good grief, I have asked you a 100 times to put your shoes awayā€ with a smile on your face so it’s apt to come out more like ā€œOh, is the middle of the kitchen where we are keeping our shoes now? Let me add mine to the pile!ā€

I left the kitchen before I found out whether or not my daughter ate the carrots with her lunch. I wasn’t worried either way because I knew that the nanny was winning this war of sound bites!

Let the Games Begin

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

Before I had kids, I had this vision that I’d run my family would be like a sporting event. I’d use the referee calls, cheer the goals, help practice the plays. When I would have a babysitter, I’d give them a referee shirt and a whistle. It was mostly humor, a way to envision what life would be like, and I even got my dearly departed dog, Biscuit to do some signs in that year and a half he over lapped on this Earth with my daughter.

When you borrow from all the sports, there is a great list of calls to use. Here are some of my favorites, adapted to my purpose:

  • Delay of game: Any time we are dilly-dallying on the way to the car, the bathroom or bed
  • Roughing the cooker: No touching the cooker when knives and hot pans are involved.
  • Illegal use of hands: This has wide latitude for interpretation but means getting into anything or everything that Mom says ā€œnoā€ to is not allowed. Ā 
  • Out of bounds: A very useful call because Mom gets to decide what is in and out of bounds
  • Water hazard: We live in Seattle – there are a lot of water hazards, especially in the Spring that need to be avoided whenever we are going somewhere without a change of clothes.

The possibilities are endless! And useful if you could hand out yellow cards for ā€œfoulsā€ and the players would know to mind themselves? As much fun as I had thinking all these up, it isn’t the way I run my family. Mostly because I’ve found I’m more in the game than a referee. But there’s one idea that has stuck in my head. As a single parent, I have to play the full 90, as they say in soccer. There are no substitutions. And the last few minutes, the ones right before I get the second child to bed, especially if there are ā€œextra minutes,ā€ are when most mistakes can be made. In those minutes, I just try to keep my head down, bring the game to the close and pay no attention to any trash talking. Because as soon as the whistle blows, I can head back to the sidelines, mark the day down as a win, lose or draw and rest up for the next game.

God Bless You

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

I don’t know what is in the air but it’s making me sneeze. But yesterday I had to drive my toddler to the very first birthday party he’s ever been invited to on a farm an hour from our house, I didn’t take any allergy medicine just in case it would make me sleepy. We had a great time at the party but whatever it is got worse so by the time we got home, I was sneezing non-stop. Achoo, achoo, achoo. My kids think it’s funny and maybe it was fine for the first 100 but by the 101st, I was tired of it. Finally, I took an allergy pill.

I tend not to tell my kids when I’m not feeling well. I guess I think they can’t do anything about it, it’s not their problem… <snort> until it is because I’ve got a fraction of my patience and am swimming in the shallow end of my grace pool. But last night, I did tell them as I went to lay on the couch for a minute, the Benadryl made me drowsy.

Their reaction was fascinating. They tried to help. My 5-year-old daughter took off my shoes and covered me with a blanket. My toddler son followed his sister’s cue and piled on whatever he could find on the floor, which these days is a lot of stuff, and then sat on me. Not particularly helpful but very amusing. And he tried to say, “God Bless You” which came out sounding a little like a sneeze itself.

Yet another little lesson for me not to keep my inner world and my outer world so separate. Somehow in the communicating of how I’m really doing, life continues but just a little more authentically, humorously and with a little less effort. Not to mention it’s hard to keep anything to yourself when you are violently sneezing… achoo!😊

Sunday Funnies

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

I inherited my dad’s folder of quotes and jokes. He was still collecting these 13 years after he retired from being a Presbyterian pastor, probably because he still did a lot of speaking engagements. He knew there’s nothing like a belly laugh to make us fully exhale and then deeply breathe into the delight of the day.

So here’s one from his file – the results from the Washington Post 2006 Neolologism Contest where they ask readers to supply alternate meanings for common words:

  1. Coffee
    (n.) the person upon whom one coughs
  2. Flabbergasted
    (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained
  3. Abdicate
    (n.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
  4. Esplanade
    (v.) to attempt an explanation whilst drunk
  5. Willy-nilly
    (adj.) impotent
  6. Negligent
    (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown
  7. Gargoyle
    (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash
  8. Flatulence
    (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
  9. Balderdash
    (n.) a rapidly receding hairline
  10. Testicle
    (n.) a humorous question on an exam
  11. Rectitude
    (n.) the formal dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
  12. Pokemon
    (n.) A Rastafarian proctologist