Tag: acceptance

The Tides of Life

Posted in life lessonsTagged , , , , , 54 Comments

“The heart of man is very much like the sea, it has its storms, it has its tides and in its depths it has its pearls too.” – Vincent van Gogh

Previously, my favorite metaphor for the ups and downs of life was the carousel. You could see the rhythm, it was predictable, which appeals to my engineering brain, and it went full circle.

But my new favorite is the tide. I think it’s more apt. At the beach where we are staying, right now the tide is extremely low in the morning, followed by a very high tide in the afternoon, a barely noticeable low tide and then another high. Like this:

  • Low tide: -1.54 ft at 8:19am
  • High tide: 9.68 ft at 4:26pm
  • Low tide: 7.58 ft at 8:52 pm
  • High tide: 9.55 ft at 1:23am

And then as it moves through the month, it changes to be not so drastic. The low tide/high tide mark only shifts by about 5-6 feet. Like this:

  • Low tide: 1.48 ft at 3.35am
  • High tide: 7.45 ft at 10:08am
  • Low tide: 4.92 ft at 3.05pm
  • High tide: 9.61 ft at 9:04pm

There are several things that I like about the tide metaphor for life.

When it’s really low, it uncovers a lot of things that you can choose to comb through if you’re willing to get your feet wet.

At the times when the swing is drastic, the highs feel almost overwhelming like they’ll flood you. Also, there’s very little room to walk on the beach.

Life feels calmer when it evens out and the highs and lows aren’t very noticeable. But there isn’t a big impetus to get out onto the beach at any specific moment because they’re roughly the same. If you want to find treasures, it’s going to take a deep dive to get to them.

When the tide is very low, it’s going to be hard to float. You’ll have to work pretty hard to just get out there.

And maybe that’s the point: whenever possible, don’t fight the tides. It will change. Let the water come to you.

(featured photo is mine of the bay at a -1.54ft low tide)

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Fear of the Dark

Posted in meditationTagged , , , , , ,

“Go into yourself and see how deep the place is from which your life flows.” – Rainier Maria Rilke

I have a clock that projects the time and temperature onto the ceiling of my bedroom so that lying in my bed I can open my eyes and when they finally focus, I can see what time it is without so much as moving a muscle. It’s a pretty silly gadget but I’ve had it for more than 10 years and since it continues to display the time, I can’t very well justify getting a new clock. But it has to be dark enough in the room to see the numbers so I was surprised this morning when I awoke at 5:24am and could see it on the ceiling. The 16-hour days of summer have passed and even though it took me a couple more minutes to adjust to that and get myself out of bed, I loved getting up in the dark, it has an extra layer of quiet.

When I was younger, my sister used to call my “Pollyanna.” Which I think was a compliment but our relationship is fraught so it’s hard to tell for sure. Whether she meant it kindly or not, she definitely was using it according the Meriam-Webster definition “a person characterized by irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything.” In other words, I’m a little bit sunny – or maybe a lot.

So it’s taken me a long time to appreciate my dark sides. Like how uncomfortable I am when things are edgy and pessimistic. And my inability to foresee that things just might not work out. The era of COVID has been a terrible time to be an optimist – I’ve been wrong on every prediction of when things would go back to “normal.”

Just as I’m enjoying the shorter days, I’m also learning to accept that I can be both light and dark. In fact, sunniness without some down time is exhausting. There’s very little I can do about my optimism which seems to be innate but as I’ve learned to listen to my fears, anxieties and wounds I’ve found a deeper humility by leaning into all of me. As I help my kids name their frustration, disappointment, envy and jealousy, I am finding it easier to name mine. The other day when I was feeling envious of a professional colleague who seemingly has no trouble promoting themselves, something that is very difficult for me, I named it and instantly felt more human.

When I rolled out of bed in the dark this morning, I found it more accepting of my sleepiness and more sacred in the quiet. Somehow, it’s easier to bring all of me, light and dark, to the meditation cushion when the sun hasn’t yet come out. The candles I light every morning glow brighter in the dark and I’m starting to discover that I need to accept both in order to fully see.