Life(cycle) of the Party

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“You knew it would be hard and it would be uncomfortable and it might be awkward and you did it anyway. That’s courage.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

I did it. We did it, I should say. We threw a backyard birthday party for Mr. D’s sixth birthday and hosted 21 kids under the age of eight plus about a dozen parents. And the we? I hired Miss O and two of her 10-year-old friends to help. I also had the invaluable assistance of a young woman who was Mr. D’s pre-school teacher and has become a great family friend.

Here are ten things I seem to learn and re-learn about the life(cycle) of the party.

  1. Parties are a great forcing function. I’m guessing it would be easier to rent a party venue. But I love the opportunity to invest in my home. I try to do a home improvement project and a purge project before every party. I don’t think I sat down for three days leading up to the event. But I laid more pavers to expand my backyard seating area and filled eight bags of dishware, textiles, and toys to give away. That alone made the party a win before it even started!
  2. You have to sleep on it to learn. I walked 22,160 steps on the day of the party. At the end of the day, I was too exhausted to know or feel anything…other than tired. The lessons learned didn’t show up til the next morning.
  3. Even the happiest of events will exhaust you. Mr. D loved his party. It was a fair theme with Crocodile Cave water slide on one side of the yard, an inflatable hot tub on the other and in between a bottle-ring toss game, Skee ball setup, fishing game, and a flipping rings game. After lunch and birthday cake, we made shaved ice cones, cotton candy, applied tattoos and had a ballon art station.

    Mr. D almost fell asleep in his dinner.
  4. You plan, plan, plan… and then let it happen. Miss O had beautifully drawn out the time table for three party phases: WET,  DRYING, and DRY. We had roles assigned for each. We were about 15 minutes into the party when we made our first substitution.
  5. There is that guy at parties regardless of age. In one terrifying moment, I came eyeball-to-eyeball with a six-year-old that said, “I’m going to open the gecko’s cage.” I had to race the kid to the keys. I never thought twice about leaving the enclosure key in the door like we always do.

    The party shtick of that guy (not meant to be gender specific) starts early.
  6. The messy middle happens every time. There was a moment right before birthday cake where it all felt impossible. We took a deep breath and made it through.
  7. No one naturally markets their stuff. Each of the “fair activities” had its own arc. But when the lines at a particular stand ebbed, nobody wanted to be the carnival barker to attract an audience.
  8. Mixing up the ages benefits everyone. In this case it was letting older kids take care of younger kids. It made both ages feel special.
  9. Save time for the after part. My favorite part was after all the guests left. The workers, Miss O, and Mr. D got to really enjoy the fun.
  10. There are a few people that will go the extra mile to appreciate the effort. Keep them close. All the parents were lovely and grateful. A couple went out of the way to tell me afterwards what they appreciated. I suspect these are also the people I know, online and in real life, that take the time to leave good reviews. I want to be more like them.

Looking this over, I think it might be the lifecycle of all the hard things I’ve done. What do you think – is there a predictable arc of big to-dos? Did I miss any lessons learned?

(featured photo from Pexels)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast about collaboration – in our families, friendships, at work and in the world.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

83 thoughts on “Life(cycle) of the Party”

  2. Happy Birthday Mr. D. – six is going to look good on you! As I read your post I reflected on a couple of parties we’ve thrown. My wife planned them and I helped – I am the weak mind, strong back help. All of your rules and phases apply.

    The one thing I remember about our daughter’s high graduation party is that I wasn’t ready and dressed when the first guest arrived five minutes early, I was able to take a cold shower and collect myslef on a warm late spring day. The other, is that amidst greeting guests, visiting with them, and helping to refresh the food and beverages – I took ZERO PHOTOS of the event. Same thing happened with my wife. It was wonderful to relax at the end and visit with my son and his fiance, now wife, when all of the guests were gone. It was a great day and I’ll always remember it, I am sure my daughter does, too. Have a fabulous week.

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    1. Photos — such a great point, Clay! I didn’t take very many at the party so you are right on. I love that you provide the strong back help because that is key! Your daughter’s graduation party sounds like a wonderful event and memory for you all. You made it count!

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  3. For years we had December holiday parties at the house— big parties of 60-70 people. While I’m glad we were hospitable and the parties came together in their own ways, the messy middle is what I remember the most. Planning I’m good with, clean-up I’m good with, but that chaos in the middle just about put me in an early grave.

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    1. Oh, those are big parties. Isn’t it funny how the messy middle happens no matter what? That chaos is stressful! I bet the guests never even noticed but for the hosts. Yikes!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. brilliant !!!!! on every level, this is such a great life lesson and you went through all of the stages and lived to tell! well done, wynne! I absolutely love this post

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    1. Lived to tell. I’m laughing, Beth. I was looking at your post for today of your friend’s bday celebration and thinking that looked like a much more sane party. 🙂

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  6. I think that you’ve elevated the kid b-day party to a new level Wynne and made some awesome memories! So glad you saved the gecko from “that person” as well!

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  7. Awesome job Wynne!

    Can I schedule you to do my next birthday party? The guests may require wheelchairs, an AED handy, and an ambulance on standby 😄

    Keep Looking Up ^… His Best is Yet to Come!

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  8. Happy Birthday to Mr. D! Sometimes the “after part” or what I would call the “after party” is the most fun because you can relax and enjoy everything you put all the effort into! Love the story of “that guy,” you are right, there is always one. BTW Wynne, I think you are an amazing!

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  10. I love the lessons here, but I’m still stuck on the description of the party activities. A fair theme! I’m in! I just had my birthday but I’m giving your description to my wife and saying this is what I want next year for my birthday!!!! What do ya think? Ha ha! Happy Birthday Mr D!!!!

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    1. Right, Crystal? I was shocked when I saw that number. And I didn’t even have my phone the whole time. 🙂

      I bet you throw delightful parties!

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  13. Though it’s been a long time since I’ve hosted a kid’s birthday party (and never so lavishly as you), I do believe you’ve nailed the arc correctly. I also agree that the best part is when the guests leave and you can finally breathe again. In any case, well done, Wynne! Sounds (and looks) like the party was a huge hit!

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  14. I identify with much that you describe here, in a variety of activities, Wynne… In particular the messy middle (6) – which seems to happen in many events and activities… rehearsing for a school show, preparing an important presentation, a writing project, a home improvement… the piece between the start with enthusiasm, idealism and creativity, and the ending of satisfaction, gratitude and completion… where you may have doubts, fears and just wonder.

    I’m also believe in evaluation well after the event (2)- taking time to slow down and reflect.

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    1. Oh, I love how you put it, Malcolm. Between “the start with enthusiasm, idealism and creativity, and the ending of satisfaction, gratitude and completion.” The way you can describe it, it makes sense why there’s a lull. And I agree – it happens in all those endeavors!

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  15. You are so brave! Those parties are great but a lot of work. Without any planning whatsoever, I had my daughter 10 days before Christmas. (I know, what was I thinking???) I worked in retail, managing about ten stores. Christmas was always maniacal, with long hours, and then I planned elaborate birthday parties. Some in a venue, some at our home. I have no idea how I survived, but I do recall I was always sick by Boxing Day and usually spent New Years in bed. But we have super memories. How great that Miss O and her friends helped.

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  16. Happy 6th birthday to Mr D and congrats on the successful party. I love how you approached it and involved Ms O and the lessons you reflected on afterwards. Had a chuckle at #1, I invite people over to just to force us to clean the house. The indirect benefits of a homemade celebration!

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    1. Now I’m laughing too. The things I’ll do just to make me clean house… 🙂

      And the older kids were awesome at helping. It was great for us all!

      Have a great week, Ab!

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  18. Wow…what a party! I think Miss O has a new gig as a party planner extraordinaire, plus emcee, etc., etc, wrangling all the activities. Love it! And just think! His ACTUAL birthday is still on deck. Let’s hope that celebration is more low key! 💕😜💕

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    1. Oh my goodness — you have me howling, Vicki. Right, we haven’t even made it to the birthday so I better stop the celebration dance. Actually my brother and SIL are hosting his actual birthday party so I’m off the hook mostly. 🙂 ❤ ❤

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  19. Pingback: Life(cycle) of the Party – JAMES KEDZE BLOG

  20. Wynne, I got tired just reading your description! Wow!! But it sounds like the feeling of satisfaction and the happy results were very well worth all your efforts. Congratulations!

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  21. I too get inspired to pitch and donate when company’s coming. Not a good time for it, really–adding more work to the already-overloaded to-do-list. As I’ve gotten older (!), my modus operandi is to spread out the list over two weeks, so as not to exhaust myself before the guests come. Though I have yet to complete such a list as written, I’m doing better about not burning the candle at both ends and burning out just when I want to be in top form!

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    1. Spreading it out over two weeks – that’s brilliant, Nancy! I haven’t ever finished my to-do list either. There’s a lot of wisdom in not burning out ahead of time – thank you for the reminder!

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  23. It’s admirable to throw a child’s birthday party for a big group in your own home, but after a few of those, we wimped out and usually held it somewhere else.

    One of the best decisions you made was having Miss O and her friends help out. I’m a huge believer in the benefits for both ages when I used to do cross-age tutoring with another classroom.

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    1. Cross-age tutoring — it’s brilliant! So good for everyone! And I hold no guarantees that I won’t change my tune after a couple more of these. 🙂 Thanks, Pete!

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  24. Not sure if you missed any lessons, but the fact that “Mr. D almost fell asleep in his dinner” means it was a total success. The last big party we threw was at an indoor trampoline park, and all the kids were exhausted. Both kids and parents were happy. Well done, my friend, and happy birthday to Mr. D.

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  27. Sounds like a fun party for Mr. D. Happy birthday to him. I agree, sometimes happy moments can bring exhaustion, too. What matters is the joy we felt.

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  28. Well done Wynne, I think the party was a great success. And you managed well the guy who wanted to open the gecko cage…I am not sure I would be so kind. In the end I always prefer to rent a space and hire a caterer for parties, as I also want enjoy myself without working too much.

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  30. OMG Wynne, I’m howling at the guest announcing with complete seriousness “I’m going to open the gecko’s cage.” That should be in a movie. And I think Miss O’s phases, WET, DRYING and DRY is brilliant. I would never have put that together for my son’s Lion King party back in the day. I think you handled it perfectly. You had the passion to do it in the first place, you brought in help when needed, you expected the unexpected and you acheived the goal of Mr. D and everyone else having a great time. Sounds like a win to me!

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    1. Oh Melanie – you wouldn’t believe that kid!! You’re right – that’s a great line for a movie! A Lion King party – that’s brilliant! Thanks for adding your wisdom to the mix, my friend!!

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  31. You have compiled a wonderful list. I am fully in with you on point number one homes are and investment, might as well do the much-needed project, purging and updates. I had to chuckle at number five, I swear that individual always arrives to keep you on your toes, but number ten and looking back on number one makes it worthwhile.

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  32. You put together a great party. So nice to have different ages there. I have gone through stacks of albums and many held photos of the kid parties we hosted throughout the year. Great memories.

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  34. Happy birthday to Mr. D! 6! Yay!

    I remember one party I delegated help to organize, and no one was happy with the results. My mother had asked to help out, so I gave her some money to go to the store to buy party favors for the kids “loot bags”. My mother decided it would be more fun to go to the local thrift store, where she purchased OLD handbags (think: old lady purses of yore) and polyester scarves. She was really delighted with her purchases, and when she arrived home to show me, my husband, and a couple friends who had arrived early, we were all confused by her choices. She was positively beaming, telling us the kids will love them, that they love to play dress up. We were doubtful. At the party she handed out the gifts to each child (various ages from 3 to 10, boys and girls) and the look on their faces when they discovered there was no hidden stash of candy or goodies in the bags was excruciating! She was trying her best to explain what the gifts were all about, but none of the kids were having it. One boy threw the purse down on the ground disgusted, “I don’t want to dress up as my Nana!” the other kids soon joined in throwing their purses on the ground. Luckily I had some candy in the house, so I pretended it was all “an April fool’s joke” in October, and we managed to turn their glum faces to happy ones. I learned not to ask my mother for her help with any party planning!

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  36. Lucky Mr. D, to have such a loving mother and big sister to do this for him. I suspect that you could not have pulled this off as successfully without the indomitable Miss O. She’s amazing. 🙂

    Belated Happy Birthday, Mr. D!

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