How To Receive

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“If you want to be truly understood, you need to say everything three times, in three different ways. Once for each ear…and once for the heart.” – Paula Underwood Spencer

Eight years ago at a birthday party for a friend, I met a remarkable woman. It was a milestone birthday which is why I can pinpoint it that precisely.

This woman stood out not because of what she did (a therapist I later learned) or what we talked about (stand up paddle boarding in Puget Sound) but because she listened like a lake. That was the image that came to me when talking with her. She absorbed the conversation instead of volleying back and forth like tennis. Also it seemed like her words came from her depth.

It reminds me of a phrase I heard in a eulogy almost three years ago. We were honoring a man who was the father of a childhood friend. His grandson said about him, “He loved by listening.”

Two examples that stand out in the last ten years because they were great listeners. I often make the mistake of thinking I need to say something to be remembered – but these examples remind me that just learning how to listen well is remarkable in itself.

Fortunately, I was able to have a great conversation with my dear friend, Dr. Vicki Atkinson about how to receive for the How to Share podcast. In this episode, Vicki discusses the essential skills of listening and receiving in conversations. She emphasizes the importance of reflective listening techniques, being present, and using the SLANT method to enhance communication.

Our conversation explores how to navigate conversations with empathy, the role of affirmation, and the significance of maintaining boundaries while supporting others. Vicki also highlights the growth opportunities that arise from effective listening and the need for authenticity in communication.

Here are some key takeaways:

  • Everyone can learn how to be a better listener (as Vicki says, the runway is wide!)
  • Reflective listening helps slow things down and enhances understanding.
  • Tonality is crucial in reflective listening to ensure the speaker feels heard.
  • Active listening involves being present and engaged in the conversation.
  • The SLANT method is a practical approach to effective listening.
  • Asking clarifying questions shows genuine interest in the speaker’s message.
  • Affirmation and encouragement are key components of effective listening.
  • Setting boundaries is important to avoid taking on others’ burdens.
  • Listening well can mitigate stress and prevent larger issues.
  • Authenticity in communication fosters trust and connection.

And a short clip from the episode to whet your appetite:

I’d be honored if you’d listen, watch, provide feedback and subscribe. Here are some ways you can listen and watch to the full episode:

How to Share Our Luck with Gil Gillenwater – How To Share

In this enlightening conversation, Gil Gillenwater is with host Wynne Leon and shares his experiences and insights from over 35 years of philanthropic work along the US-Mexico border. He discusses his book, 'Hope on the Border,' which highlights the transformative power of education and community service. Gil emphasizes the importance of enlightened self-interest over traditional charity, advocating for a model that empowers individuals and fosters dignity. He explores the duality of poverty, the need for sustainable opportunities, and the joy found in serving others, ultimately presenting a vision for a more connected and compassionate world.TakeawaysEducation is the key to breaking the cycle of poverty.Enlightened self-interest can lead to personal and communal growth.Charity should not be viewed as a sacrifice but as a mutual benefit.Volunteering provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment.Welfare can disempower individuals and communities.Community service fosters connections and shared humanity.The disparity in wealth is a significant issue that needs addressing.Experiencing poverty firsthand can change perspectives.Creating opportunities in one's home country can reduce migration.The joy of service is a pathway to personal happiness.Links for this episode:How to Share homeHope on the Border at AmazonGil's organization: Rancho FelizGil Gillenwater on FacebookWynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith; Blog: https://wynneleon.com/; Substack: https://wynneleon930758.substack.com/
  1. How to Share Our Luck with Gil Gillenwater
  2. How to Share 1970's Chicago with Doug. E. Jones
  3. How to Share Feedback with Dr. Vicki Atkinson
  4. How to Share the Next Generation with Mari Sarkisian Wyatt
  5. How to Share Impactfully with Social Media Friends with Amy Weinland Daughters

How to Receive with Dr. Vicki Atkinson transcript

Links for this episode:

Dr. Vicki Atkinson at the ⁠Atkinson Group Solutions⁠; Vicki’s book about resilience and love: Surviving Sue; Blog: https://victoriaponders.com/

⁠A is for Ambivalence⁠ by Vicki Atkinson

(Featured photo stems from Vicki’s comment about the Chinese ideogram for undivided attention in this episode. It’s sourced from undivided attention from Pinterest by Nancy Sherr)

81 thoughts on “How To Receive”

  4. Exactly! I volunteered in work as a Staff Support Advisor. Not to offer therapeutic support, but as a signposting service.
    Our training shows us just what you were explaining- listen & be in the moment and repeat back what they have said. ‘ this is what I’ve understood you to say’. It’s amazing how that helps people to feel truly listened to!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks again Wynne – and Vicki – for accompanying me on my morning commute, this time a more relaxed transit ride, to work.

    Active listening is such an important skill – and as I learned over the years, there is a difference between hearing and listening. Something we can all hone, myself included, in our personal and professional relationships.

    I appreciated learning more about the SLANT approach and agree with you both that so much can be mitigated through making the time – and there always is time – to listen to those bids for attention, whether they are coming from our children, peers or direct reports at work.

    Kudos and thanks again for another lovely insightful conversation!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love knowing we were with you on your way to work, Ab. You said it so well – something we can all hone in all of our relationships! And your comment about making the time is so right on! Thanks for tuning in, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ironically, I learned many of my active listening skills from a job I worked in college. I was a telephone survey taker. We were taught to ask clarifying questions (in what way? for example), which is a technique I still use today.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Love, love, love all your wisdom, dear Vicki! Thank you so much for sharing it on this podcast and all the other ways you do it! So grateful for you! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Like

  15. I love your analogy of the woman who “listened like a lake.” The stillness, depth, reception. People like that are treasures by being authentically curious about other people 🌞

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Love the idea of reflective listening, Wynne, and look forward to learning about the SLANT approach. I’ve put a note on the bathroom mirror so I’ll remember to come back here and LISTEN to your podcast! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  18. There was so much interesting material to unpack here, Wynne and Vicki. 😊 Own the disconnect as a show of respect, be the listener to affirm what the person already thinks they are going to do and counter being pulled in as a fixer with comments like “What ideas do you have?” or “I’ll be here.” If anybody truly wants to be a better listener, they should really listen to this episode!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow, you clearly are a good listener, Melanie! You pulled out some great gems from Vicki. Thank you so much for tuning in and reflecting back — it’s so helpful to hear!!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Where do I start? Love, love how you described listening. Your use of the phrase “absorbed the conversation” . . . great writing but also describes what you’re talking about sharing and taking in. Slant, authenticity. And then Vicki and you . . . my two wise mentors!!!! Love this.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. you two are such wise mentors and the examples you gave are so spot on. listening is a skill I continue to work on, and I know I can do better with it over time and with more practice. I know that it is truly an incredible gift.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love that Vicki said that the runway for listening is long and we all can get better. I think that’s so true! Thanks to you for listening — so helpful to have your feedback!!

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Such a valuable skill in business and in our personal lives. Miscommunication happens quite often because of a lack of listening. Sometimes we think we hear the words, but if we’re not focuisng on the speaker’s intent, much can get lost in translation.

    I imagine that being a good listener is a hallmark of an excellent therapist. The fact that you noticed how well that woman was listening says a lot about her because it’s not normally the type of thing we pay attention to.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. This was beautiful and so needed in today’s noisy world. “Listening like a lake” — what a powerful image! Dr. Vicki’s insights are truly grounding. Thank you for reminding us that deep listening is its own kind of love.

    If you enjoy reflections on life, parenting, and twin mom tales, we’d love to welcome you to our blog Twin Chaos & Toddler Giggles and Insta @twintales2025. Please visit and feel free to share with others too! 💛

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Vicki is the perfect example of being a good listener who serves as a model for those who have contact with her. We never have enough people like her. Thanks, Wynne.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Good listeners are rare people as most of us want to talk to be listened but are not ready to listen to the interlocutor. I wishes I knew that woman who listened like a lake. Beautiful metaphor Wynne!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. The lake analogy is lovely! I’ve always been described as a great listener, but also just kind of assumed that’s a common trait of introverts: we’d rather absorb the conversation than lead it.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I love this phrase “it seemed like her words came from her depth.” It seems that many conversations are a practiced race against time, so we can hurry up and get to the next thing on our list. Thank you Wynne and Vicki for teaching us how to be good listeners, so we can have more authentic conversations.

    Liked by 1 person

  30.  “Just learning how to listen well is remarkable in itself.” This sentence sums up your post for me. To truly learn to listen is a beautiful art that we should all strive to achieve in all forms. 

    Liked by 1 person

  32. This is such a great post and reminder of how listening is truly a gift, Wynne. Thank you for shedding more light, and I loved the clip too. Vicki is a big help with her knowledge as well. I’m always eager to jump into a conversation, so I have to remind myself of the timing. 🙂 I also loved these lines in the beginning: “…because she listened like a lake. That was the image that came to me when talking with her. She absorbed the conversation instead of volleying back and forth like tennis. Also it seemed like her words came from her depth.” 💞

    Liked by 1 person

  33. A thought-provoking post, Wynne. I think that reflective listening is an art that can be honed and a gift some people are born with. I enjoyed and learnt a lot from the podcast. Thank you.
    Love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I love that you describe listening as an art that can be honed because that gives us such a beautiful target to aim for. Thank you so much for listening, Chaya!

      Liked by 1 person

  34. My maternal grandmother was an avid listener. At parties she’d get people talking, and without her saying much about herself, the other person would come away commenting, “What a fascinating woman!”

    Liked by 2 people

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