Hurrying Never Helps

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“God did not create hurry.” – Finnish Proverb

We’ve been riding bikes to school this week. Primarily because it makes four-year-old Mr. D happier to do drop off at his school. Why that is, I’m not sure. Because we get the endorphins flowing? Because it makes him feel strong and successful? Perhaps. It seems that right now he’s realized the world is big and he is small. His inclination is to want to stay home in his safe space. But when we ride bikes to school, the threshold into his classroom doesn’t seem like that big of a deal and he has a great day.

Anyway, the hero of this story is eight-year-old Miss O. She’s been totally game to ride bikes if it helps her brother.

After the first day we did it, I told her it worked to help Mr. D have a great day. She said, “That’s great. But we have to find a different way.” But then she got up ready to ride again the next day.

Sometimes I don’t realize what things are big efforts for my little people, Miss O in particular. In this case, we drop her off first before Mr. D and I continue on to his school. But she rides her own bike while Mr. D rides attached to mine on a third wheel.

We have to get up earlier, it’s uphill for the first six blocks, and she wants to lead, so she’s taking on that responsibility too. It behooves me to remember the things that help me to do hard things: just start, remember to feed and water the body, and to take things one step at a time.

I tend to forget all that if we are running late.

On Wednesday morning we headed off later than usual and Miss O’s bike was rattling. I thought it was just the chain guard pressed against the chain and told her to keep riding. We got around the first corner and she said, “this is really freaking me out.”

I did not want to stop. We were late! But I had her get off her bike and found a section of the chain guard that had bent and was clipping the chain at every turn.

We got back on the bikes. About six blocks later when we’d finished the uphill, Miss O said, “I need a break.”

Oh holy cow, my inner voice demanded. You’ve got to be kidding me. But I remembered the things that help to do hard things and edited that voice before it came out. “Okay, Sweetie. How about a swig of water?”

The number one thing I need to do in order to help myself and my kids try hard things is to try not to hurry. If I don’t add time pressure to whatever else it is we’re trying to do, including the things I do solo in the day, it always goes better. I am more patient with others, I have less tendency to want to jump in and do it myself, and specific to my kids, we can enjoy more of their lantern brain where they see and observe everything around them. Like on this ride when Miss O heard a woodpecker in a tree somewhere around block four. Such a distinctive and interesting sound.

The number one thing I regularly screw up is not leaving early. Then I have to swallow my own anxiety about being late in order to help them have a positive experience with trying. Fortunately, I managed to do tamp down the time pressure on this ride and we got Miss O to school on time-ish.

Note to self: Hurrying makes life less enjoyable. Keep trying to leave earlier.

78 thoughts on “Hurrying Never Helps”

  1. I have a daughter who has always wanted to lead, too. You’ve got a good one, there. I wonder what her different way might be? Maybe her lantern brain has spotted another path?

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Truly, if we were on a family bike ride, she was either in the front having the best time, or in the back making everyone wait for her. Either way…making her presence known. 😏

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  2. Lovely that your kids are observing the world. It took me decades to appreciate the all the architecture that waited for me to look at it.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. My family had no knowledge or interest in classical music, painting, sculpture, theater, architecture, or the great books. Somehow, I found my way to them all, but architecture was the last to catch my attention.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so impressed that you put your kids ahead of your own anxiety. My mom never did that, so I’m left with the impression that that’s how moms operate. It’s good to see a different approach. Thank you.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. Legendary UCLA Basketball coach John Wooden used to tell his teams “to be quick but don’t hurry.” I think that falls in line with what you’re saying Wynne. When we’re in a hurry, we rush and fall prey to last minute challenges. Good for you for heeding your kids call!

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Love your last line…just love it. It’s a juggling kind of day around here and I need to remember the wisdom from a former colleague. “You can only scoop one ice cream cone at a time.” Maybe I like it and it’s stuck with me, you know – on account of ice cream and all – but it’s good advice when I feel like I need to scoop everything at once. 😜

    Liked by 6 people

  6. Mrs. Chess likes to leave much closer to the arrival time desired. I like to leave extra-early. Your “leave earlier” reminded me of a quote from the TV show Modern Family. Jay Pritchett comments about being out on the town with his always-running-late wife Gloria. While out…he hears his favorite song “Midnight Train To Georgia” played…”A train I’d never make unless I told Gloria it left at 11.”🙂

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    1. <snort> That’s hilarious, Bruce! It’s hard to change our “leave” time, isn’t it? When on my own, I tend to get places on time but not early. But when I add my kids to the mix, their randomness makes it so we’re late. I need to change my own rhythm and it’s hard! I need a little of your extra-early!

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  7. The slowing down a lesson we can all stand to be reminded of, and can only imagine how much truer that is with children. You’re doing great, Wynne, and your kids are so lucky to have you as their mom. 🥰

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  8. Oh how I love this, Wynne. So many nuggets of wisdom for all of us as we carry on with living our lives. Slow down. Don’t rush. Take notice. Take care to nourish your body. Keep trying. How fortunate your children are to have you as their mother. Brava! ❤️

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Such a good maxim to follow, Wynne. It’s easier said than done, and won’t happen every time, but including enough time in the getting ready and getting there parts so that we can actually enjoy observing the world around us is so worth aiming for. Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I agree 100% with your post. In the long run, does it matter if your kids are a few minutes late to school? I would rush around doing things for my kids to get them out of the house on time and rob them of being self sufficient. I love this: “…remember the things that help me to do hard things: just start, remember to feed and water the body, and to take things one step at a time.”

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    1. I do that same rushing around, Elizabeth. You’re right – a couple minutes late to school is okay. Especially if they are learning big things! Thanks for the encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. The thing is there are 86,400 seconds in a day. Not more not less. Yet we all fall into the trap that there are only 8600 seocnds in a day. Time with your children is so precious and keep in mind one day you will look back and chuckle at bike problems.

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  14. This is awesome, Wynne. The experiences and valuable lessons that you are teaching them are something they will remember for the rest of their lives. You are giving your kids some good quality time.

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Oh Wynne you are such an excellent parent. How beautifully you impart lessons to your kids, while sometimes having to swallow your own anxiety. You’re quite right, rushing doesn’t serve much purpose and we miss so much of the magic along the way. Like the sound of the woodpecker. Your little heroes are going to grow into big heroes. That’s for certain.

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  20. Keep trying to leave earlier, so true Wynne. I left for a business trip last Wednesday and to go to the airport I took the train, as usual. The train was defective and therefore very slow, moreover it had to stop because there were people in the rails. I always plan to be at the airport two hours before the departure but from now on I will leave even earlier. Hurry gives me anxiety so I always try to do my best to avoid it.

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  21. I hear you about time and being late. One of my biggest pet peeves is being late. Your story reminds me of when my son was little and in preschool and I finally figured out to add about fifteen extra minutes to get out the door to keep us on time. Bravo to you for keeping it cool and getting Miss O to school on time-ish! Not always easy.

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    1. The extra 15 minutes trick – that’s a good suggestion, Susan. It’s amazing how many little “things” can come up with the three of us trying to leave the house!

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  22. I really appreciate how you are always learning from your kids and finding ways to improve your own outlook in the process. It’s inspiring. Wish I’d had that frame of mind when mine were younger.

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  23. I love that quote. Thanksfor sharing. Something I learned as a child and still do till this day is setall the clocks fifteen minutes early. Every clock I own excluding my cell phoneis this way, and for that I set my alarms fifteen minutes early. Feeling rushedalways puts a damper on my mood. Arriving and showing up early alwaysallows me to take in my surroundings , feel composed, and allows students and clients a few extra minutes to wrap up their conversations.

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  26. You and Miss O are such MVPs. Way to go to her for helping Mr D with his morning ritual with her openness. And kudos to you for being patient through the roadblocks, literally in this case.

    Sometimes, we just try to hurry through the obstacles that we often make it worse. Taking it slow through the bump often does work out for the better.

    And speaking of hurry, let’s hope this four day week flies by quickly!

    Liked by 3 people

  30. A good lesson to learn, hurrying never helps. At age 62, I need this reminder. Maybe they’ll recognize this as they start earlier and arrive with plenty of time before school starts. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. I have recently advised my youngest granddaughter to set alarms in her phone and to label them to help keep herself on track. My daughter said she does this, and I told them I do it too. That made Miss T feel better, that we weren’t asking her to do something weird, but just to do what we find helpful.

    You’re teaching your kids through example and best practices… this will help them!

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  32. When were in a hurry, of course we need to be in rush because we are running late on time” and due to that sometimes we forget something and upon arriving on the destination, We realize something we regret that thing especially if thats important to bring

    Liked by 2 people

  33. I took to telling friends and family that were always late that things actually started earlier than they did because I’m a stickler for being om time. And if your not 10 minutes early, you’re late! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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