Wide Angle Moments

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‘We are like someone in a very dark night over whom lightning flashes again and again.” Maimonides

Last weekend, I had a moment of clarity-induced panic. Unfortunately, it happened to come while I was giving a short presentation at a company meeting to about 200+ people.

The company I work for has bi-annual events where families are invited. I’d flown with my kids to this event in New Orleans. The event planners did a great job of getting us all set up at the hotel, arranging group meals, and scheduling some fun outings. It was a nice opportunity to see people face-to-face that we only get to work with remotely.

Then came the company meeting for just the employees. I rushed Mr. D and Miss O through breakfast, got them settled down in our hotel room, and left them with three instructions:

  1. Don’t leave the room
  2. If you need anything, I’m on the 10th floor
  3. Stay together no matter what

When it came time for my five-minute presentation, I walked up to the podium and glanced at my notes. I started with a joke. Then looking at the audience, I had that moment of clarity-induced panic.

  1. I was the only woman leading a business unit and the only woman presenting at the meeting
  2. No one else with small children had traveled by themselves
  3. What the heck was I thinking?

I’ve come to think of these “what the heck” moments as wide-angle views of my life. The ones where I get a glimpse of a little bit more than just the task at hand. I’ve had them in mountain and rock climbing, my marriage, and parenting.

Often they come with panic of wondering, “Am I on the right path?” Sometimes, and I’m thinking of my marriage, the answer is “no,” but they always flash a wider view of purpose and trajectory. Whether I go forward or back, they’ve always required me to muster up some courage in order to proceed.

In the case of my presentation, it was a sense of wondering whether I’d bitten off more than I could chew and if I belonged. I felt my voice waver and looked down at my slides. I knew the material cold, I’d practiced aloud in my room, so I took a deep breath, and let my muscle memory carry me through.

(featured photo from Pexels)

74 thoughts on “Wide Angle Moments”

  3. I am sure you were a smashing success. If you do this enough before similar crowds as the only female, you will become ever more sure that you are in the right place. Carry on, Wynne!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Rebecca – this comment and a few of your others got caught in SPAM. I’m so sorry! Thank you for your incredibly kind words. Yes, bringing a friend along if I do another of these is probably a good idea! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This “flash” of doubt is normal, we all experience it especially when it comes to public speaking. I always tell myself when it goes away that is when I should really be concerned.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Congrats on plowing through that presentation, Wynne! Those moments of panic-induced clarity can be blessings and it sounds like you seized the moment and went through it.

    How did the kids enjoy their freedom? Did they order unintended room service? 😆

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    1. Thank you, Ab! The kids loved their freedom! I thought they’d might miss me but it turns out they are fine along for 90 minutes. 🙂 Since feeding kids on a trip is so difficult, I might have been fine if they ordered room service AND ate it. But they didn’t…

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  8. That brief moment of panic offered a wonderful revelation Wynne. You did well. And there’s nothing wrong with questioning why you’re the only female leader in the room, and with little kids. Been there. I know exactly what you mean. You’re pretty awesome for making it into a good memory for your kids. 💕

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh, I love this comment, Alegria. You’ve made me feel less alone, especially with “And there’s nothing wrong with questioning why you’re the only female leader in the room, and with little kids. Been there. I know exactly what you mean.” Thank you – I appreciate you!

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  10. As much as I like talking and even leading group discussions, I am not a “presentation person.” Had to do one a few years ago, and my muscle memory didn’t go nearly as well as it sounds yours did, Wynne. 🙂 Well done!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Bruce! I bet yours went fine. We are all so much harder on ourselves than others are. You’ve got a lot of wisdom so I’m sure it’s imparted in groups or events!

      Liked by 2 people

  11. Good for you for facing those fears by leaning into them and trusting yourself. As I was reading I was expecting to read that the kiddos had found their way to you while you were talking and you had to continue with them right there! Glad it all ended up going well!

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  14. Public speaking was the worst part of my career, especially for an introvert like me. “Deep breath, and let my muscle memory carry me through.” It works every time. Well done, Wynne, and good job leading the way among men.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s hard to imagine that public speaking bothered you, Edward. But I love your affirmation on the muscle memory. Writing is so much easier isn’t it? And I wouldn’t call writing easy… 🙂 Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, believe me, I’ve got stories. Sweaty hands and feeling like I was about to pass out while speaking in front of about a thousand people—definitely not good. But I guess it gets easier when you do it on a weekly basis for 24+ years. Well, sometimes writing is hard too. Remember my story about writing for the Spanish special topics class in college? I was terrified of a class full of experts, with me being the lonely chemistry major student trying to pass the class. I’ve seen people so scared in front of an audience that they couldn’t speak and needed to be excused. So, my friend, you did well. 👍🏽

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  15. The breathe is so important when giving a speech. I think sometimes the reason people feel especially nervous is due to lack of oxygen. I often recommend the “wonder woman” pose: hands on the hips and shoulders back and to do just before you need to present. It is “wonderous” what the effect on confidence and voice projection from this simple technique. It sounds weird but it’s proven what two minutes in a power pose can do.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What an insightful comment, David. I’m sure you’re right about the oxygen – never thought about that. If I remember correctly, you do Toastmasters, don’t you? That must be great practice. Thanks for the great comment.

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      1. Yes. Toastmasters will be 100 years old this year, amazing I think. Yes I have been a Toastmaster since 2006. Guests are welcome to visit meetings, even Leonard Nimoy was a Toastmaster.

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  16. I know the ‘what have I done’ feeling. So glad you were able to compose yourself. Sounds like it worked out. Friends of ours used to take a sitter on trips with them, to give both parents & kids a break. And the (usually teenaged) sitter had fun on the adventure, too.

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  17. Well done Wynne. My thoughts went more to challenging the organisation about its lack of gender balance. They should be encouraging female leaders. You are a role model and an inspiration. Way to go, Wynne. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Brenda. I appreciate your thoughts. I’ve worked so long in tech which is so male-dominated that sometimes I forget to see the big picture. You’re absolutely right.

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      2. Oh yeah!! We discovered they are better warm so the three that we brought back to the hotel didn’t get eaten. The kinda learning it’s fun to do. 🙂

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    1. What a good question, Mary. They were a great and supportive audience. But maybe a little clueless as to how hard women work to do it all. 🙂

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  24. lol that remind me when I was working in banking back home. The atmosphere was very tight because our director a lady was supper serious. I understood her attitude because we were only the 2 women in the department at the time so she had to really be an iceberg to be respected by the other men. It was hilarious at time where they in purpose pissed her off 😂😂 but i cherished their time for sure

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  26. Oh man. Just the thought of giving a presentation to 200 people, which I’ve done–scariest thing in my life–makes me shudder. Of course you nailed it, though. Hooray for being prepared and for the joys of muscle memory. How many times has that saved me in Taekwondo belt tests? Going to NOLA by yourself with two little kids in itself is a heroic feat! But you did it! You can do it, you could do it, and you did! You’re unstoppable. Being the only woman just shows what an amazing woman you are.

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    1. Muscle memory in your belt tests – that’s such a great example, Betsy! And your fearlessness in facing those tests is so awesome and inspirational! Thank you for your amazing encouragement and friendship. I think we do better things when we are surrounded by brave friends doing the same. I’m grateful for you!

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  31. Somehow I missed this excellent post earlier. It must have been because I was travelling last week. Everyone has said everything relevant already, so I’ll just add, “Atta girl, Wynne!” 😊

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