Tag: exhaustion

Holiday PSA: Remember to Play

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“Sometimes it’s okay if the only thing you remembered to do today was breathe.” – unknown

There’s a difference between being tired and exhausted, isn’t there? If I wasn’t so exhausted, I’m sure I could tease it out. Somehow an avalanche of work obligations, the kids school and social commitments, and holiday preparation all landed at once in my life. I’ve been tackling as much as I can every day, sleeping hard every night, and then getting up to try to shovel out again.

Somewhere in there I’ve noticed three things that become a lot harder when I’m exhausted: being present, generating humor, and keeping the faith. As someone who typically has a lot of energy, or at least consumes enough sugar to fake it, I was surprised that those depend on having some gas in the tank. [case in point, I think I could have made that sugar joke a lot funnier if I wasn’t so tired!]

As usual, my kids save me. Usually because they provide so much distraction that I can’t take getting stuff done too seriously.

But in this specific case, because I had to take them to a delightful indoor play place for a birthday party this weekend. Painted all over the walls were some really good quotes that pointed out the benefits of play:

“Think what a better world it would be if we all – the whole world – had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap.” – Robert Fulghum

“It’s a happy talent to know how to play” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Those who play rarely become brittle in the face of stress or lose the healing capacity of humor.” Stuart Brown

I can’t be the only one exhausted at this time of year so I thought I’d share these with you. Also, I think I write about this every year about this time so I’m hoping that writing about these will help future me skip the stress and remember to play. [Again, I think that had some potential to be funnier.]

Here’s to play – or at least cookies and milk and then a nap!

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

Pause to Celebrate

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“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until becomes a memory.” – Dr. Seuss

The first time I summitted a mountain, 14,411 foot Mt. Rainier, I was too cold to stand around and celebrate. I huddled with about five other climbers in the lee of some rocks waiting for the rest of the group to be ready to start the descent.

For the big summits I’ve stood on, that first one was the most uncomfortable, but none have been particularly pleasant.

I was thinking about this recently after we finished a big work project. The feeling upon a successful completion wasn’t that we were ready to celebrate – but that we were collectively exhausted.

Putting it together with mountain climbing, I realized that often, success feels like exhaustion. That applies to growth too. It’s only in retrospect that I can feel or recognize that something remarkable is finished.

Of course, the really good and experienced climbers that I climbed with would always say “Climbing is a round trip sport.” But even when we finished our round trip and went to the pub afterwards, we’d toast the summit, and quickly move on to spending most of the time talking about what we were going to do next.

Sometimes, we just need to take a pause to celebrate. Like now. Even on a Monday. If nothing else, we deserve a moment of applause for just showing up. Happy Monday!

I’ve written a post about recognizing our courage on the Heart of the Matter blog: We’ll Call it Courage Anyway

Five Pieces of Writing that Inspired Me: #1 Faith

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“When you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.” – Toni Morrison

My toddler has become the master of two word sentences. “Mama lap” is one of his most frequent and it works to make me sit down, pull him onto my lap and read him a book.

I’ve been thinking a lot about words lately. How we string them together and hope they convey what we want and need and maybe if we are lucky, even reach another person where they live. So I’ve gone back through my most beloved meditations and books and picked out five of the most inspirational things I’ve read that have pulled me up, changed my perspective and touched my heart.

Learning How to Float

When we stop stuggling,
we float.

When first learning how to swim, I didn’t trust the deep. No matter how many assuring voices I heard from shore, I strained and flapped to keep my chin above the surface. It exhausted me, and only when exhausted did I relax enough to immerse myself to the point that I could feel the cradle of the deep keep me afloat.

I’ve come to understand that this is the struggle we all replay between doubt and faith. When thrust into any situation over our head, our reflex is to fight with all our might the terrible feeling that we are sinking. Yet the more we resist, the more we feel our own weight and wear ourselves out.

At times like this, I remember learning to float. Mysteriously, it required letting almost all of me rest below the surface before the deep would hold me up. It seems to me, almost forty years later, that the practice of finding our faith is very much like that – we need to rest enough of ourselves below the surface of things until we find ourselves upheld.

This is very hard to do. But the essence of trust is believing you will be held up if you let go. And though we can practice relaxing our fear and meeting the deep, there is no real way to prepare for letting go other than to just let go.

Once immersed, once below the surface, it is not by chance that things slow down, go clear, feel weightless. Perhaps faith is nothing more than taking the risk to rest below the surface.

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

Self Compassion

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“You must transform and transcend your unconscious habit of pitying yourself and having feelings of inferiority if you want to grow and feel the experience of your mind reaching into infinity.” – Yogi Bhajan

This past Sunday I loaded up my stroller with all the things we’d need for a morning outing – picnic blanket, food, coats, masks, map for a scavenger hunt we were doing and took my kids down to a local wading pool that is empty this time of year and a great place for my daughter to practice with the new roller skates we’d gotten at a garage sale. We’d been there a few minutes when a dad arrived with three kids, his stroller similarly loaded and all of them riding bikes/trikes. I was idly watching him as he engaged with his kids – 6 yrs, 3 yrs and 18 months. At one point the 3 year old was upset and the dad got down on the ground right in front of the strider bike the kid was riding and talked it out with him. Then the dad turned to me and started talking about being exhausted. The story almost just tumbled out of him – his wife is considerably younger, in grad school and he doesn’t want to spend what could be the last decade of his life exhausted. Although he didn’t look that old to me, I appreciated his candor and his quest to find a way to enjoy this phase of life.

For anyone that is living this part of life with young children or remembers it, you know there is a lot of caretaking to happen. Bathing, toileting, eating, cleaning, reading, planning, communicating, entertaining, regulating emotion – none of these happen for my little people very proficiently quite yet. I had these kids late in life and so intentionally, that there are many days I don’t even question why I spend an 13 straight hours of a weekend day so focused on someone else’s care. I remember the time before I had children when I just had myself and my dog, Biscuit, to care for and I was so incredibly tired of just thinking about myself. I’m delighted to have these bright lights in my life and when it’s so clear that their needs outweigh my own, doesn’t it just make sense to focus on them?

But the balance has possibly tipped too far towards the kids, sometimes just simply as a practical matter. Why wear clean clothes when they will be dirty in 10 minutes? How can I brush my hair properly with one hand while I hold the baby with the other? Do I bother to prepare myself food that I is good for me if no one else will eat? And finally there’s the question of how to work out for my own benefit when I’m already exhausted from exercising my patience.

In my determination to make sure my children are taken care of, I’ve lost regard for myself. That is to say, I don’t even make the list as one of the key people to take care of. I think there is a price to be paid for losing your self-regard, even if it happens only as a practical matter. The consequence of never thinking I am worthy of care is that I start to believe it. In holding them up, I’ve let myself down.

Listening to this dad last weekend, I felt so much compassion for everything on his plate and it was in having his story laid out before me that allowed me to see that I need to extend the same compassion for myself. I’ve been falsely believing that it’s a dichotomy of my kids needs or my needs instead of expanding my pool of compassion to see that we all need care and that includes me.

As we talked and our kids played, a van from the city’s parks and recreation department pulled up with a bunch of toys for the kids to play with – pogo sticks, balls, noodles, the corn hole game and more. It was such a gift to have an hour free from being the entertainment director and a good start to relaxing into compassion for myself. Now I just need a clean shirt and some healthy food.