Tag: Dad

Just Beyond the Veil

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“Death is just a door that only love can come and go through.” T.L. Moffitt

Last week when I was walking in to Costco, the man in front of me turned and for an instant I was sure it was my dad. Next to me, Miss O was startled by the unexpected break in my fast stride and turned to look at me. I put my hand on my heart and said, “that man looks just like Bumpa.” Wide-eyed, she nodded – she’s only seen pictures but she recognized him too.

Then later last week, I was doing a technical training at the church that my dad used to be senior pastor of and was surprised by someone in the audience who asked me to say a few words about him. It wasn’t my prepared topic but since my dad is one of my favorite subjects, it was fairly easy to ramble on about him as a few errant tears rolled down my cheek.

All of this to say, my dad feels very near in recent days. He would talk about this phenomenon as someone being “just beyond the veil.” The way I’ve come to see it, I don’t exactly where he is but somehow he comes near, and then I feel the brush of his touch.

I know I’m not alone in this as I’ve heard so many great stories that give me that spine tingle of mystical knowing. Someone who picks up their voice mail and there’s an old message from a departed loved one. Or someone thinking of their loved one who has passed, and they cross paths with their loved one’s favorite animal in a completely unexpected place. Or a gift that arrives just after praying to our dearly departeds for help.

Why do I think my dad is near right now? He didn’t often tell me what to do when he was alive so I doubt he’s doing it now. I think he’s sending his love — a love that’s even more meaningful to me because we did the work to make our relationship closer in the years before his death. So that even though he died unexpectedly, he still left me with words that mean so much to me. That is what my post on W&S is this morning: Writing Last Lines That Count

(Featured photo is from my book about my dear dad, Finding My Father’s Faith.)

Sunday Funnies: April 9

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A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 2/27/22).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Thoughts for Pondering

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

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If you like these, a previous post has more of them. This includes my all-time favorite: One of life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make us gain five pounds.

Sunday Funnies: March 26

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A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 2/13/22).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Church Bloopers

We really do need to watch how we say things. For example:

Prayer and Fasting Conference next week, the cost of attending includes meals.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Announcement of the sermon for the morning service, “Jesus walks on water,” followed by the evening sermon, “Searching for Jesus.”

But the one that fits this text was the report that there was this wonderful inscription over the massive doors of an old stone church that read: “The Gate of Heaven.” Below that was a small cardboard sign that read: “Please use other entrance.”

Sunday Funnies: Feb 5

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A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 12/19/2021).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Thoughts for Pondering:

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Stupidity got us into this mess – why can’t it get us out?

Even if you are in the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

It’s easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.

Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.

One of life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make us gain five pounds.

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.

Don’t believe everything you think!

Sunday Funnies: Jan 29

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A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 12/5/2021).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Job Well Done?

A woman hired a carpet layer to put down a huge new carpet. It was a job that took most of the day. After the largest room was laid, the worker stepped outside for a smoking break. But he couldn’t find his pack of cigarettes.

He went back in to look for them and saw a small lump in the middle of the huge living room carpet. There was no way he was going to pull the carpet up – so he got a mallet from his truck and pounded it flat.

Just then the woman came in. “Oh” she said, “I found these cigarettes in the other room. Are they yours? Now if I can just find my parakeet…”

Without Leaving Where He Was

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“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.” – Sandi Lynn

I’ve written so much about my dad that it’s surprising that I still have something more to say about him. Except that even eight years after his death he’s still teaching me things.

There’s a phrase that my brother used for my father at his funeral, “He met you where you were without leaving where he was.” When Vicki graciously interviewed me about the book I wrote about my dad on this week’s Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, she asked me about it. In the same way that my Presbyterian pastor dad said that every time he wrote a sermon about a topic it made him more focused on that topic, her asking me about it has made me so much more aware of what an awesome trait it is.

I’ve been thinking about the part of the phrase “without leaving where he was.” Because it’s a lesson that I am learning all the time. I get around my climbing friends and have an enormous urge to work out, my emotive friends and I want to prove I can match their disclosure, or spend time with my children and my creativity explodes. I think that urge to blend in to our current environment is strong for humans – or at least for me.

Here are some of the things I noticed about how my dad, who was also a people pleaser handled this. I’ve spent some time reverse engineering it and come up with five examples:

If he was around someone grieving or sad, he’d definitely dial his energy down. If they were secular, he wouldn’t say anything particularly faith based to them. But he still radiated his love that was based on the belief there was something bigger than this moment, this life, and this pain. He never left his faith behind even when he wasn’t talking about it.

If he was on the golf course with foul-mouthed partners, he didn’t start swearing. But neither did he seem to mind if someone else did. He knew what his values were and was confident in them that he didn’t trade them to fit in. But he was certain enough of who he was so that he seem to understand that others’ behavior didn’t diminish him and therefore freed him from judgment.

If my dad walked into a room or you crossed paths with him in the store, on a hiking trail, waiting for a table at a restaurant, or anywhere else, his presence was palpable. He exuded well-intended welcoming. It wasn’t about him, as it can be sometimes when someone charismatic enters the room, but instead was about a curiosity and interest in others. He didn’t need to tell you who he was but instead was excited to find out who you were.

In that same way, he assumed a lot about the capabilities of others. He was the quintessential “I see things in you that you don’t see in yourself” guy. He would extend himself to help get others to the starting line – but had faith that you could continue on from there. He could help on an effort without needing to own it or control it.

My dad worried over relationships and conflict. It was palpable when something worried him – but then he’d move to do whatever he felt would restore his part of the balance. He definitely followed the advice of one of his favorite quips, “If you have to eat crow, eat it early while its tender.” Then he seemed to be able to let it go so that time and faith could do their parts.

When I break down that phrase that my brother used for my dad, I realize how much magic there was in not leaving where he was. It’s one of the reasons he accomplished so much in his life – because he didn’t waste any time or energy being someone else.

If you are a podcast person, I’d love for you to listen to the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast (and subscribe). It’s now on Spotify, Apple podcasts, Amazon podcasts, and Pocket Casts as Sharing the Heart of the Matter. And here’s a link to the shownotes to this episode about Finding My Father’s Faith.

Sunday Funnies: Jan 22

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A re-run of my dad’s humor cards. They make me chuckle all over again – so I hope you enjoy them whether it’s the first time or second (first posted on 11/21/2021).

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Honoring the Dead

A 12-year-old was coming out of church with his father and saw a large board with rows of little name plates. He asked his dad what it meant and his father replied, “Those are the names of people from our church who died in the service.”

The boy paused then asked, “Which one – the 9:30 or the 11?”

Sunday Funnies: Jan 15

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A rerun of my dad’s humor cards. I laughed all over again when I found this one – the very first one I posted on 11/21/2021

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

Things I Learned as a Child

  1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
  2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let your mom brush your hair.
  3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  4. Never asks a three-year-old to hold a tomato.
  5. Whether she’s real or not, you should believe in the tooth fairy if you like money.
  6. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
  7. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
  8. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  9. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
  10. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

Sunday Funnies: Jan 8

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The last installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories he heard, found or saw and then typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Life Summed Up

At Presbytery yesterday, one of my colleagues passed along this definition of the eight decades of man:

Spills, Drills, Thrills, Bills, Frills, Ills, Pills and Wills.

(Parables, etc. Vol. 3, #3, May 1983)

___________________________________________________

And that is the very last card in the stack. Somehow it seems so fitting because it reminds me that there is an end to everything. And we get to sum it up in whatever way we want. It might not always rhyme or be prettily tied up on a bow – but we will all leave something behind. Hopefully, like was true with my wonderful father, it’s a lot of laughter, inspiration, and the memory of a life well-lived.

I’d define his life and decades as this: Good-willed, eloquently quilled and peace, joy and love filled.

Sunday Funnies: Nov 20

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Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Magically Appearing

A rabbi goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber, and asks how much he owes him. The barber says, “Rabbi, you’re a learned man, a wise man, I couldn’t charge you. It’s on the house. The rabbi says, “Thank you very much, Shalom” and leaves. The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.

A few days later, a Buddhist monk goes in for a shave and a shine, and when the time comes the pay, the barber says, “No money, please, you’re a spiritual leader, a man of the people. It’s on the house. The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 rubies.

The following week a Presbyterian minister comes in, gets a haircut, goes to pay, and the barber says, “No, Reverend, you are a holy man, a man of the cloth. I can’t take any money from you, go in peace and serve the Lord. The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 Presbyterian ministers.