“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

There was a moment when I knew my marriage was over. It was about ten months after my business partner told me about my husband’s infidelities. We had been trying to put our marriage back together. And then one day I walked into the kitchen. My ex had cooked an egg, broken the yolk, dribbled it all across the stove and counter on the way to the plate (I assume), eaten breakfast (again, I assume – didn’t see that part), and then left the house without cleaning it up.

I took a picture of it with the remark, “Really?” and texted it to him while he was golfing. [Granted that might not have been the best way to deal with it on my part.]

He texted back a rant which I can’t remember verbatim. But it ended, “because I’m married to a bitch who can’t communicate.”

I sat on the living room couch with my elbows leaning on my knees and looked at that message for a long time. I felt so tired. I knew I was done trying.

I’m a little slow to realize when it’s time to stop trying. But every time I accept that whatever I’m trying to do is not going to work, I get the same feeling. Maybe you know what I mean – it’s a sensation that lands the moment I know that I’m not going to succeed. It’s a cross between a gut punch and a groan.

And I have a visual that usually comes to mind at the same time. It’s from a climb I did on Mt. Whitney in 2005 – I’m lying on my back in the snow balanced on a giant pack, tired, and hungry, knowing I’m not going to make the summit. The marriage is a very dramatic example, but I flash to that even at smaller moments like when I’ve accepted that I overreached on the menu for a dinner party plan and need to stop.

In this episode of The Life of Try podcast, I tell the story about that winter climb on Whitney and the three things I’ve learned about working through that gut punch.

• Pause before reacting to disappointment. Urgency is often just fear trying to get us to move before we’re ready.
• Take the learning and leave the shame.
• Widen the definition of success. A try can still matter even when the original outcome changes. Courage, honesty, effort, and accepting help all count.

If you are navigating disappointment, burnout, uncertainty, or a dream that feels too heavy to carry, this episode offers encouragement to pause, learn, accept help, and keep becoming the kind of person who tries.

Here are more ways to listen and subscribe:

• Click this link to watch in a browser: When You Know You Aren’t Going to Make It
• Subscribe to The Life of Try on Spotify, Amazon Music, or Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe to the YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@thelifeoftry

Links for this episode:

When You Know You Aren’t Going to Make It transcript

📘 Amazon: ⁠Enough: Climbing Toward a True Self on Mount Everest ⁠by Melissa Arnot Reid

📘 Amazon: The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

🔗 Connect with Dr. Kristin Neff

• Website:→ ⁠https://self-compassion.org/ ⁠
• Linkedin: → ⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristinneff/⁠

Other Episodes You Might Enjoy

➡️ ⁠Letting Go Of Outcomes: The Mindset That Keeps You Moving⁠

➡️ ⁠Why Second Place Isn’t Failure | The Hidden Power of Persistence & Resilience⁠

➡️ ⁠When Your Plans Fall Apart | How to Stay Resilient, Adapt & Keep Moving Forward⁠

Success isn’t always about finishing first. Sometimes the greatest victories belong to those who stay prepared, keep growing, and never stop trying.