Share the Load

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“It’s not the load that weighs you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – C.S. Lewis

When my kids and I recently watched the movie, “A Boy Called Po,” 10-year-old Miss O asked what the description “heavy” meant. The movie is about a widowed father struggling to take care of his autistic son in the wake of his wife’s death and a lot of work pressure. Heavy applies but it’s also a delightful drama.

We’ve had some really interesting family conversations about this movie. Miss O really empathized with the boy in the story who seems to be about 10 or 12-years-old. She was also pretty critical of the dad who she thought should be more patient.

This came on the wake of comment she made to me that the staff at school working with disability students should be more patient. From my point of view, both the dad in the movie and the staff at school are doing the best they can and a pretty good job. So I countered that adults need empathy too.

This is where it gets interesting – because then Miss O said she wanted to do everything I do in a day just to see. We picked Saturday of this weekend. I gave her a list of all the food prep, pet care, chores, and special projects we had for the day.

I checked in to see how she was feeling at lunchtime. She said, “Right now I feel okay. We’ll see how I feel at the end of the day. I can see it might be okay to do for a day but it would be tiring to do all day, every day, for years.”

Then we returned home a little before 5pm after a fun outing, and it was time feed the dog, the cat and make dinner. She made a plan of what she wanted to cook, then discovered she had to empty the dishwasher she’d run earlier, and in the midst of doing that, her younger brother said, “I’m hungry.”   

I offered to help and even so, it was almost two hours between when we came home from our activity and when she got to sit down and eat her dinner. Then the kitchen had to be cleaned, the gecko had to be fed, and there were snacks to prepare for while we watched shows.

At the end of the day she said, “I don’t know how you do it. It’s impossible to get it all done.” She’d finished one load of laundry but it needed to be pulled out of the dryer to fold so the second load could be dried. She observed, “it’d be okay if you could carry things over to the next day but then you have to start everything else all over again.”

For my part, I just tried to let her do it, do everything she asked, and roll with her decisions and timeframe. So I experienced what it’s like to not be in control of the flow and the timing. It was a great lesson for how adaptable my kids are. I also felt far more rested at the end of the day and it gave me an idea of how much wear and tear what I’m trying to do is.

So I’m scripting my own movie, “A Girl Called O.” It’s a comedy, with a side of drama, and the lead is pretty heroic. She cares enough to want to understand and try it all. In the end, not everything is tidied up but the characters care enough for each other to show up and share the load.  

(featured photo is mine)

You can find me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wynneleon/ and Instagram @wynneleon

I host the How to Share podcast, a podcast celebrates the art of teaching, learning, giving, and growing.

I also co-host the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, an author, creator and storytelling podcast with the amazing Vicki Atkinson.

110 thoughts on “Share the Load”

  2. What a wonderful project you handed out to your daughter. I am really happy your daughter could emphathize with the boy bit it was wonderful you made her understand the weight of parents and caretakers too. What a wonderful mom you are. 💕

    Liked by 4 people

  4. This was a lovely life lesson to share with Miss O, Wynne! Nothing gets the point across like hands on empathy and experience!

    I haven’t heard of A Boy Named Po and I will have to look it up. Something tells me it’s a tearjerker. I can already feel the warm fuzzies from how you’ve described it.

    Hope you three enjoy your week away!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s a good movie, Ab. I thought it was worth watching. It takes us three nights to finish a movie so we have a lot of time to think about it. Hope you three have a great week!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. That you learned from the experience as an adult does not surprise me. That Miss O even asked to take on your job is astonishing. Who is she? An old soul who shall be a remarkable adult — something as a wonder.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. I love this! What an emotionally mature girl you have there, Wynne. I’m impressed she made it through the entire day. Have you considered trying out living her life for a day? That would be interesting!

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Perhaps your next book should be ‘Disciplined,Loving Parenting’ with Miss O as your co-author Wynne ☺️
    Great job mom, and kudos to Miss O who is mature beyond her years.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. A fun “job shadow” experience. I remember having chores and responsibilities pretty early so it wasn’t all on my parents, but they still did plenty. Now I own my house and a lot of times, the things just don’t get done. 😅

    Liked by 2 people

  12. This is a wonderful lesson! How special it is that Miss O asked to do it in the first place.

    Mayhaps, she will now try to do more of her share of the tasks 😉

    Liked by 4 people

  14. What an amazing girl you have! As others have said, she is wise beyond her years with the biggest reserve of empathy. Kudos to her for wanting to living a day in your shoes, and to you, Wynne, for providing the opportunity and releasing the reigns. ☺️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are right, Erin – she’s remarkable. The funny thing was that she offered to do it for a whole weekend. I said, “let’s try one day.” It’s a fine balance letting them enjoy childhood but also offering a glimpse of the future! Thanks for the lovely comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Wynne, this sounds like a great idea to “flip the script” on occasion and look at life through another set of eyes, if only for a day or a weekend. A real learning opporunity to be sure, and the lessons learned will shape or reshape perspective and perception alike.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Oh my goodness…”A Girl Called O”. I love it. And I adore how open and flexible you are – giving Miss O the opportunity to actually experience a day in your life. Such a learning experience for her and one she would never have grasped as fully if it was all “talk”. The learning is so often in the doing. So good! Give her a big hug from me. 💝🥰💝

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Great story, thanks Wynne. One of the interesting aspects is how you respond as a parent. Some folks would praise Miss O and (perhaps correctly) tell her how wonderful she is. I think if it were me I would probably underplay it, ask her what she’s learnt, what comes next – perhaps imply it’s the start of a journey rather than a final achievement. I’m not saying I’m right – I’m just recognising the interesting choices that parents in general and you in particular have to make…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a thoughtful comment, Malcolm. One of the ways I was changed by the experiment was willingness to ask for help so when she walked into the kitchen last night and I asked her to feed the dog and the cat, it was a nod that she is both willing and able to help. Thanks for the great comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I’m impressed by Miss O’s wish to try out a day of your experience, then to go through with it. Maybe like “Freaky Friday” but not as zany. But seriously, it sounds like a great learning experience for her to see a day through your eyes.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Oh I love this new series, Ms 0, Wynne. What a win you created at such a young age and you make it look easy. Imagine having a classroom of these kids.. YIKES. Maybe you can make a fortune implementing this into the schools. xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Thanks for sharing this experience of ‘walking in another’s shoes’. We can all learn a lot from these types of situations. But what Miss O said is true, adults need to be more patient with people of differing abilities. As adults, we all the know how overwhelmed we are by life’s requirements, imagine how others feel… Hugs to you all, you have such an awesome family Wynne!!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. “I gave her a list of all the food prep, pet care, chores, and special projects we had for the day.” Oh my goodness, how many pages did it run. Ha, ha. Love it Wynne. And yes, good for Miss O that she tried. I may be wrong, but something tells me she registers high on the “empathy scale.” In a world with a lot of narcissists, that is such a valuable thing!!! Good for her. Such cool kids.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Given her generation – she wrote the list on an iPad so “how many pages did it run” is harder to see. 🙂 You nailed it with this comment, Brian. She is high on the empathy scale and encouraging that in our world would make such a difference! Thanks for the great comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Awesome experiment, Wynne. That was just a small taste. You and Miss O should write down the moment and the statements made in a journal, then revisit that conversation in about 15 or 20 years. I’m sure she’ll have a complete picture by then. It could be part two of the movie.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Love it! Let me know when “A Girl Called O” is streaming.

    I bet kids wouldn’t be in such a hurry to grow up if they actually spent a day doing all the mundane but necessary things adults do regularly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right – it’s a good exercise for everyone! You should have seen the look on her face when I told her she needed to remember to feed the gecko after all the other things she’d done. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  36. Love this so much ! What a learning experience for both of you she learned how your day is and you learned as well I hope you heed this advice of you not being able to control the flow. I am going to keep this in mind for myself as well. Even though my life isn’t as busy as yours but it was at one time I tend to beat myself up about Not being busy enough when honestly I need to ” not control the flow” Higs to you and your beautiful family and so happy you got to have a break.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Hi Wynne, I love that Miss O wanted to mimic your daily routine to feel what it’s like. What a great hands-on lesson. And don’t forget about your writing and podcasts and reading other blogs. How do you do it? 🙂 And “A Girl Called O” made me smile and think of my kids when they were young. They used to say that our family should be a sitcom. Great post! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I love that they said your family should be a sitcom. What a lovely compliment (in my book)! I forgot about the other tasks. 🙂 Thanks for the great comment!

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  40. So, many lessons in this piece, yeah for both of you showing grace and flexibility. One thing I suggest is if your finances allow is to outsource the BIG stuff, sit down with the kids and talk about a housekeeper, or a meal delivery service. This will began to give them an understanding of money (few bucks come from their allowance), how to best use their time, empathy, and patience. To families without extra income, I would suggest assigning days like Sunday for Meal prep and Wednesday for laundry etc. The lessons as parents we must constantly remind ourselves of where to teach life skills as we raise individuals who will hopefully become functional adults.

    Liked by 2 people

  48. Very nice! It’s like, you never know what another person’s life is like…until you’ve walked in their shoes, and after that happens, maybe instead of criticizing them, you can offer to help lessen their load just because you NOW comprehend what they go through every day.

    Liked by 4 people

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