Use Your Words

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“One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

As a mom of a 4-year-old and 8-year-old, I frequently find myself using the phrase, “Use your words.” The other day, my youngest wanted something on a high-up shelf and was pointing to it. I looked up and there were only like a gazillion possibilities. So I said, “use your words.”

At his age, his words are imprecise. Last night could mean the night prior but it could also mean anytime in the past. Orange might be anything on the spectrum between yellow and magenta. But even words that don’t guide directly are more helpful than guessing.

It made me think about all the ways we can use words, especially in writing. Here are three of my favorites:

Direction-instruction

Our ability to teach other people what we know or have discovered is astounding. If I had to draw it out or act it out, we’d all be here for a LOOOONG time.

“The capacity to learn is a gift; The ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.”

Brian Herbert

Whether I’m reading how to replace a board on my deck or the finer points of philosophy, I’m so grateful that others use their words to communicate what they have learned because it helps me immensely.

Process-connect

“The words you speak become the house you live in.”

Hafiz

I frequently don’t understand “life.” I wend my way through the day and it seems like there are some unifying threads running through it if I could just see it from enough distance. But then I slow down to write it down and something magically pops. Here’s an example.

The other day a co-worker unloaded in an out-of-character way. I was so surprised and impacted by this that I wrote it down as a story, simply for my own use – almost a transcription of “they said” and “I said.” By the time I’d gotten the words out, I felt as if I’d created a storage space for the event; a way to buffer the rest of my day so that the after-effects of my conversation didn’t layer on to all the rest of my interactions.

Then two days later I got an email from the co-worker apologizing. They let me know about some personal stuff going on that colored their conversation with me. We can process it now (and maybe save ourselves from having to apologize) or we can process later, but putting words to the experience helps sort it all out.

One of the most impactful ways I think we use words is this full-circle processing and connection. We write to understand and then, for the stuff we publish, it connects us to others and their experience.

Amuse-entertain

At bedtime the other night, I was warning my 8-year-old daughter not to hit her brother. She retorted to me, “What? Do you want to me to grow up all Martin Luther King like non-violent?” I was so surprised by the out of the blue reference that I not only stopped talking, but also burst out laughing. And then we were all giggling and whatever had caused the kerfuffle was forgotten.

Words have magical power. They can bring either the greatest happiness or deepest despair.

Sigmund Freud

Yes, I do want my kids to grow up all non-violent. They probably have a better chance of that if they remember to use their words, hopefully in ways that invoke the best use of that magical power.

(featured photo from Pexels)

45 thoughts on “Use Your Words”

  3. Oh there are so many nuggets in this little post Wynne. Use your words. I find I come back to this message all the time. Yes, I used to tell it to my kids too. But now it seems to apply to me! I find I;m constantly telling myself to think things through. Use my words to think about what’s really going on. A coworker was rude to me because they have stuff going on. Or my son hasn’t called because he’s busy … not because he’s avoiding me. Ha, ha. Think it through Brian. I love too how you describe writing things out. I’m always looking for a story, so there’s that. But you’re right it gives space in my head for healing and forgiveness. Great post Wynne.

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  9. So you had a moment when you didn’t understand life? Only one? In 100 lifetimes I would still be learning about it. Welcome to a club with automatic, 100% membership, Wynne! And Happy Thanksgiving!

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  10. Ah words, word porn, geek speak, all are like beautiful foods to taste on the tongue!

    Interesting how MLK got immediately brought in to the conversation! Maybe they talked about him in class that day?!

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  12. Words do matter and they help inspire and move people, win elections, change behaviour and it’s such an important skill to have.

    I love reading again and regularly about how your kids navigate through this and how you guide them or the things you learn in your experiences.

    The words we use do shape the house that we live, you’re absolutely right. And that also means the house being us ourselves. Such insightful nuggets, Wynne!

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    1. It does! I still can’t click on your alias and go right there (maybe something that could be added to your gravitar profile) but I got there with this link. Thanks, Julian!

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      1. Sorry it’s so difficult. I’ll have another look at my Gravitar; it’s a long time ago that I last looked at it. Take care, Julian

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  15. Excellent post worth revisiting. I like this quote: “The capacity to learn is a gift; The ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.” I agree that journaling can help us process and heal from our days. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

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  16. I’ve been blogging for a long time, and find it’s so rewarding. A method of storytelling, keeping my history alive.
    I tell my grandchildren how beneficial reading is. It helps your internal dictionary, using alternative words to the ‘ordinary’ ones they use. Stories they can tell me, and each other.
    And as I get older, words are important especially on days when words are more difficult to find.

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      1. I think reading is so important. Doesn’t matter what it is, road signs, bus destination, recipes, instructions….magazines, books. Anything. I have a dyslexia husband son and granddaughter. I encourage them to read as much as they can.

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  17. This is a wonderful post about the power of words, Wynne, and I love this line about writing the words down, especially when there is a compelling need to unleash them:

    “By the time I’d gotten the words out, I felt as if I’d created a storage space for the event.”

    Wishing you and your beautiful family a very Happy Thanksgiving! 🧡🍁🦃

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  18. Words are magical and powerful indeed. They can bring immense understanding between two humans or create havoc. Organizations and relationships fail due to communication flaws. And to think that that’s sometimes just due to the words chosen. I love Miss O’s MLK reference.

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  20. I love the power that words convey. The ones that amuse and entertain are my favorites! (Speaking of words, I wrote a whole blog post about the word “kerfuffle” once, so I appreciate you using it here.)

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