Safety in Stories

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“The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So, write and draw and build and play and dance and live only as you can.” – Neil Gaiman

Three stories that have come up recently in my house…

#1

Four-year-old Mr. D loves telling the story about the parking ticket I recently got outside my mom’s apartment. Even though I have the pay-to-park app on my phone, I choose not to pay thinking we’d only be inside for 15 minutes. It’s a story I’d rather not think about given that I ended up paying $43 instead of the $2, but I have to admit, he’s told it so many times that it’s starting to get funny.

#2

The other day, Mr. D wanted to wear shoes with laces and put them on himself. He got them on and then tied about 10 overhand knots as we drove to school. I heard him in the back seat say, “Yeah, that looks good.”

#3

We bought a small red velvet cake at the grocery store recently. When eight-year-old Miss O had a slice of it, she pushed all the cream cheese frosting to the side. I asked if she didn’t care for it. When she said she didn’t, I swiped up a finger full. “Ugh,” she groaned and then added, “Sorry, didn’t mean to ‘yuck’ your ‘yum.’”

The Point

One of the things that I aim for in my house, is that we can express ourselves without judgment. That is, I want to be the place where the kids can tell their stories without worrying how they land.

The funny thing is that it’s had a bonus effect on me where I have to get to talk about the bonehead mistakes I make (like the parking ticket.) I’ve found it’s helped greatly to learn to not let my inner editor curate only the stories I want to talk about.

The Bonus

When I talk with my dear friend and podcast partner, Vicki, I get the boost of knowing she is a really safe person to tell stories to. Not that I always communicate well the first time, but she is such a good and encouraging listener, she brings out the vulnerable and brave me.

By contrast, in our most recent podcast, Episode 71, Catching an Edge with Wynne and Vicki, we talk about the unexpected responses we sometimes get to our stories.

I know I’m not alone in being surprised sometimes by how a story is received. We tell about an experience to a person or persons and then are shocked at how it lands. We thought it was funny and they thought it stupid. We thought it was deep and they only appreciate the surface. Whatever it is, it is out of our control for better or worse.

When our inner editor starts curating the content we share, we sometimes short-circuit our ability to be fully seen. So Vicki and I talk about the healing effect of telling our stories, no matter how they land.

Here’s a snippet of the podcast where I tell Vicki about a recent exchange of stories with a long-time friend (6 minutes with subtitles so you don’t have to have the sound on):

Vicki Atkinson and I are big believers in the power of story – to connect us, to create intergenerational healing, and to make meaning out of the events of our lives. Each episode of our podcast starts with someone telling a story in each episode.

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to it from your computer on Anchor Episode 71: Catching an Edge with Wynne and Vicki

Or subscribe to our YouTube channel to see a video clip of each story: @SharingtheHeartoftheMatter.

Episode 71 transcript of the podcast

Links for this Episode:

Episode 71: Catching an Edge with Wynne and Vicki on Anchor

Vicki’s personal blog: Victoria Ponders

Vicki’s recently released book: Surviving Sue

Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith

(featured photo is Mr. D’s well-tied shoes)

58 thoughts on “Safety in Stories”

  1. “Storytelling provides a window into our lives and lets us be seen.” What a beautiful message for Miss O’s teacher to share with her young students.

    Storytelling is such a unifying force in this world and you both make and share such lovely lemonade with the world through your stories!

    It’s a hot day over here and I may just want a literal cold glass of lemonade now!

    Liked by 4 people

    2. Stories are so powerful and so integral to our lives as humans, and it’s funny how often we seem to forget that? One of the most powerful statements about the power of stories came to me from Mary Lou Kownacki who wrote: “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story.”

      Liked by 3 people

  5. The whole notion of different versions of the same story told from different perspectives – and why we tell different versions is not as straight forward as it initially seems. Thanks, Wynne for reminding me. It makes me challenge myself, and helps me to understand others.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. This is such an invaluable phrase when it comes to friendships/relationships! “When I talk with my dear friend and podcast partner, Vicki, I get the boost of knowing she is a really safe person to tell stories to.” Having really safe people to tell stories to is one of the deepest kindnesses I’ve experienced.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Mr. Ds love of your parking ticket reminds me of the speeding ticket that I got traveling from my middle son’s boot camp graduation to our daughter’s college graduation. I get teased about it all the time. The ticket pained me at the time but has been nothing but laughs for the past several years. Ha, ha.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Oh I so agree Wynne, it’s the sharing of our stories that adds the sweetness to our lives. What a fabulous podcast. I love how you can derive meaning from weaving several stories together and squeezing the essence out of each to create a nectar that is tasty to most everyone. Bravo. Hugs, C

    Liked by 2 people

  16. These stories about Mr. D and Miss O are too cute, Especially the parking ticket one. Kids are the best storytellers, even if they don’t realize it. I totally get what you mean about creating a safe space to share stories.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Great idea about “The Point.” I think the best lesson you give your kids there is to learn to laugh at themselves rather than be embarrassed or beat themselves up. That lesson will go so very far, especially in those adolescent years when every minor infraction could potentially be the end of the world.

    D with the shoe laces! Adorbs!

    “Sorry, didn’t mean to ‘yuck’ your ‘yum.’”–Brilliant and so kind!

    Great topic to discuss on your show!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Our own inner editors can be annoying and less than helpful. I love this: “When our inner editor starts curating the content we share, we sometimes short-circuit our ability to be fully seen.”

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I love how the more we tell a story or hear a story our perspective often starts to shift. I like to think of that as growth.  Don’t feel bad about your ticket. I got one recently, and couldn’t figure out why as I used the pay-to app.  Turns out I clicked my spouse’s license plate in the app instead of my own. Surprisingly they outreached to us and asked “How could one car be in two places at once” I told them my tale, and they removed the ticket. Turns out they are working on an update to alert users of the “double “ car issue, and I was flagged in their system.

    Like

  24. Mr. D would probably enjoy videos of how to creatively lace shoes, there are some really interesting styles he may enjoy trying to copy!

    Like

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