Five Ways to Be a Happier Parent

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“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” – unknown

A friend who is pregnant asked if I had any tips. There are so many parenting philosophies and opinions out there. I can’t imagine I have anything to add. Besides, each kid and each parent is so unique.

But I do know what has made me a happier parent.

  1. Finding a way to ground the central nervous system. I remember walking into a room where my kids had spent a happy day hanging out with my brother and his wife. Miss O was about five-years-old and Mr. D was about one-years-old. As soon as they saw me, they started crying and clamoring for my attention.
    It wasn’t that they were unhappy. It’s just that they had spent the longest time away from me so far. I was the lightning rod for the relief they felt after all the bravery and novelty they had experienced.
    Having a way to calm myself – meditation, breathing exercises, time spent in nature – has lessened the overwhelm I feel when my kids need that extra boost.
  2. Understanding that life is a science experiment. One morning when Miss O was about three-years-old, I was trying to get us ready to leave the house to meet my friend, Katie. I found Miss O at the art table where she’d made a huge mess cutting into a squishy into her scissors. I was incredulous, “Why would you do that?”
    When I saw Katie, whose kids are grown, she laughed and said, “Life is a science experiment.” Understanding that has made such a difference to my parenting attitude. We all try things to see what happens next. Sometimes the kids will do this and it messes with my sense of order. But it isn’t personal, just a part of learning.
  3. Following their lead. On a recent Saturday morning, Mr. D and I were out front as he drove a remote control car down the sidewalk. When we were in front of our favorite neighbors’ house, Mr. D said, “Let’s ask them to play.” I demurred, thinking we might bother them, but Mr. D said, “Follow my lead.” I did and my neighbors, a couple in their 70’s were delighted to see us and have a turn to drive the remote control car.
    Dr. Alison Gopnik, a research psychologist at UC Berkley says kids’ neural pathways look like the streets of Old Paris, many, windy paths where you don’t go very fast. They are wired to look for what can teach them the most. On the other hand, our adult brains have neural paths that look like boulevards. Not very many but you can go faster. We are wired for getting things done.
    When we follow kids’ leads, they get us out of our ruts and help us be creative.
  4. Being creative to connect. The early years of parenting can be so isolating. Spending time with other parents who are also overwhelmed, and conversations that are constantly interrupted by attention to little ones often isn’t satisfying. Working, blogging, pursuing one interest that puts you in the path of adults you can connect with has made such a difference.
  5. Accepting that a great and happy parent is perfectly imperfect. I remember walking my dog past a house where a kid was crying when I was pregnant with my first child and thinking, “I’ll never let my kids cry it out.” Hah!
    Giving up the idea that I would be a perfect parent – always calm, with a clean and orderly house, and full of ideas that would keep my kids entertained and screen free – is the best thing I’ve done for myself and them.
    Instead I have come to see that a perfect parent knows if they lose it and yell, they can also show kids how to own it and apologize. And laugh at themselves, and be okay with being flexible with any no screen, all organic, and any other high-minded ideals to do their best for that moment.  

Anything you would add to the list?

(featured photo from Pexels)

I pulled this list from other parenting story posts I’ve told:

43 thoughts on “Five Ways to Be a Happier Parent”

    1. I fully agree Dr. Stein. As they grow so do the ways we parent. The learning is reciprocal and I find that give and take continues still with my 30-something “children”. The best part is that the stress is mostly 100% gone on my side because I know they are capable adults. I think that means happy parent 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

    2. Thanks, Dr. Stein. I was thinking that this list has helped me to be a happier leader as well. Breathing and knowing that I’m imperfect, as well as seeing things as an experiment and following the lead of the team has helped me a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think if you just realize that your situation isn’t unique – that all parents deal with the same trials and tribulations to a certain extent – you’ll be able to deal with the latest crisis more easily.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Treat your children like you want to be treated. My daughter, now in her 30s, still takes time once a week to tell me “be nice to me, I’m the one who will pick out your nursing home.”

    Liked by 4 people

  6. If I could rewind, I’d slow down and give less consideration to the people providing unsolicited input and commentary. Gah. Such a waste of time and energy. No one told me how many measuring sticks there were – parents comparing and evaluating one another. I love your list Wynne…you always have loads of insight to share. 🥰

    Liked by 2 people

  7. You have a great list! Looking back, I see two things I did that I would redo if I could. I would have let my kids fail at an early age and not try to make things right, like driving forgotten homework or swim bags to school. That would have helped with resilience. Also, it’s easy to jump in and complete tasks because its quicker and we’re on the clock. I wish I would have done less of that.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. This is a wonderful and wise list, Wynne. I love the balance between seeing it from the children’s perspective, such as letting them take the lead, from through empathy with the parent, in forgiving ourselves for the imperfections of this most noble life pursuit! 🙏💕

    Wishing you all a wonderful short week ahead! Enjoy that last day of your long weekend.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. When moodiness hits, check and see if hunger, heat or thirst is the problem. It actually is the root of many issues young ones have.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Such fabulous and wise advice Wynne. You are an amazing person and I love how you stay involved with your own interests and talents, which keeps you connected to other adults who can support and love you. This made me smile, the happy parent is perfectly imperfect. Brilliant. Hugs, C

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What an incredibly kind and supportive comment, Cheryl. Thank you. It is so wonderful to have the support and the outlet of this wonderful community – for all our perfectly imperfect yet passionate pursuits!! ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Love your list, Wynne, especially the last one. The sooner we accept it, the better. For parents of children with disabilities, number 4 is essential. Those parents need a community (family, friends, etc.) to give them the support that they are going to need, especially if they are single parents.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I like ‘life is a science experiment’ the most. While I am a self-acknowledged control freak, I force myself to recognize “Oh, that’s another way to do it!” But, truth be told, I find that easier to do in the classroom, where I let kids figure things out for themselves, than at home, where I need to get things done. I think it’s best to find the sweet spot between letting your kids try/experiment/fail/recover vs guiding them on how to successfully get on with everyday activities. I think you have a great handle on it.

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