A Legacy of Love

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“The one thing that we can never get enough of is love.
And the one thing that we can never give enough of is love.” – Henry Miller

When I published my book about my dad eight years ago, there was a consistent kernel of comment that I got about it from his peers that read it. It was stated or implied that they hoped they were remembered as fondly.

I’ve sat with that nugget for a long time to try to unravel what that meant. I’ve come to believe it reveals a truth about what’s important.

Let me start off with a list of the things that my dad wasn’t good at. He worked too much. He left the hard work of parenting largely to my mom. He could be sloppy with details. He was conflict averse and would turn most anything into something funny and light so as not to have to deal with it. He didn’t show his struggles or any negative emotion in a way that would make him more relatable.

But he had one major thing he did right consistently – he loved people. He managed his own neuroses, opinions, and worries in a way that made him open to love others. He’d say that it was following the example of Jesus to love, accept, and welcome others that allowed him to do that. He believed that was Jesus was the way, the truth and the life, but he also believed that it wasn’t the only truth. He came to appreciate any practice or belief in something bigger than ourselves.

On his birthday about four months after he died, I posted a tribute to him on Facebook based on the Maya Angelou quote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.“. An acquaintance from high school with responded with a comment like, “Not everyone had a dad like that.”

Right. I was incredibly lucky to have a dad that was so effusively warm and whose face lit up every time he saw me. I think he had an advantage as a pastor in that it was part of his profession to practice meeting, accepting and loving people. His resume virtues and his eulogy virtues were aligned, to borrow a phrase from David Brooks.

But I think we all have the opportunity to prioritize supporting and encouraging others in a healthy and boundaried way, and love people the best we can. I suspect it might be the key to how fondly we are remembered. The ultimate paradox is that we give love in order to be loved.

My book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

62 thoughts on “A Legacy of Love”

  2. That’s funny because I was thinking of my dad as I sat down at the computer and then saw your post. Though he died in the summer of 2000 at 88, I still miss him. He was a father from a different time in our history and, therefore, somewhat different in how he approached life and his children. One rarely, if ever, finds a parent who almost ideally meets the needs of even one of his children, and if he does, that almost certainly means he wasn’t exactly right for the others. All that said, when I think about him as I am doing now, my eyes start to glisten. Thanks, Wynne.

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  5. Oh my…fathers on our minds and in our hearts this morning. I love the synchronicity and synergy, Wynne and the photo of the two of you makes me smile. Thank you so much. 🥰

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  6. I too was very fortunate to have had a good and loving father. These are men who are larger than life, not only to us, but to the community they held dear and impacted! Blessings to you!

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  9. I think the neat thing about your book and when you write about your dad Wynne, is how clear-eyed you are. You’re able to see the positives, but also the challenges too. I think that really makes a difference. It makes his example all that more inspiring. I have no shot of being a saint, but being a father that’s positive, listens to his kids, and is calm in the midst of trouble, that I can at least try to do.

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    1. Thank you, Brian! I love your “I have no shot of being a saint, but being a father that’s positive, listens to his kids, and is calm in the midst of trouble, that I can at least try to do.” Right – you just described the active part of loving your kids. So, so, good! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  11. It has been said that the most difficult relationships are between growing sons and their fathers. Mine was no different but when you look back it you can understand why? He was of a generation that men show never showed emotions.

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  13. What a beautiful tribute you continue to share about your dad. Love and the ability to give and receive love is a gift that not everyone is blessed with. And your dad seemed to possess this quality in spades. And he clearly passed it onto you, Wynne. 💕

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  30. Wow I just LOVE the way you wrote this article! Do you mind if I subscribe to your blog so I can read your upcoming articles? And can I share your posts with my friends and family? More people need to read what you write because I believe you have such wonderful points that people that I know would very much appreciate. All I can say is “Thank you”!

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    1. Thank you so much for the lovely compliment. I really appreciate it. This post like all my posts are publicly accessible so by all means share the URL, The copyright info is linked under the legal menu item but I think it’s fair to summarize it as fine to share as long as its attributed and linked to me. Thanks again for the kind comment!

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