Our First Team

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“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh!’ he whispered. ‘Yes, Piglet?’ ‘Nothing’ said Piglet taking Pooh’s paw, ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.'” – A.A. Milne

After I landed at the airport on Friday night, I received a text from my nanny as I was making my way home:

“Lessons of the week:

  1. Big sisters make the world go round
  2. You can’t out-bargain a 3-year-old
  3. Sometimes you just gotta go out in your underwear”

Quite frankly, I was impressed that she was able to get Mr. D to go out in underwear when he has more often than not opted for the full on naked this summer.

And then she expanded on the role that Miss O played during the week.

“I’m just so thankful for and impressed by [Miss O]! There were some really emotional moments with [Mr. D] and she was there for a hug whenever he needed it! She helped me find things around the house, helped me interpret some of his words, and has a true talent for knowing exactly where Bunbun [D’s beloved stuffy] is at all times.”

It made me think of my family of origin. I have an older brother who always made me laugh and cherished me. And I had an older sister that was angry that I came along and was jealous of the easy way I rolled through life.

It seems to me that siblings are the first team that we join in life. Not surprisingly, I was delighted to be on my brother’s team when we were growing up. These days we don’t talk all the time – or even all that often. But if I need to feel better about something incomprehensible, no one can match the comfort I get from my brother.

And if I want to know how to do something, I watch my big brother.

When I don’t understand how the world works, the person I listen most to is my big brother.

He’s like a huge filter of the information I take in as if his context provides me a starting point of where I need to go next.

In my business, I frequently help companies turn data into information. That is to say, there is often too many sources of content and not enough time for workers to verify them. For instance, there may be so many versions of the company background sales presentation, that a new employee may not understand which one to use when her boss tells her to start with that. So I help build systems that tell people which content is trustworthy.

I suspect our older siblings are like that – the systems that help us to know where to start. Whether we learn to trust what they say or to do the opposite of what they say, either way they are a reference point. And when they are trustworthy sources, we have an advantage of using them to help us read the world.

I don’t always listen to my brother, agree with him or even talk with him – but I am forever attuned to taking cues from him. And I suspect little D is growing up to do the same with his sister.

When Mr D was first walking, Miss O decided to train him to give her hugs on command. She’d clap her hands and then yell “hug” and he’d come running (some of the time). When I came home after being away last week, it was like that bond they’ve been building for three years was that much stronger. I’m so grateful not only for the team I have with my brother, but that my kids are building their own team.

How do you feel about your siblings?

If you want to see a video of Miss O training D to give hugs, check out my instagram @wynneleon

I’ve also written about the split in my family of origin because I’ve come to see my older sister’s suffering as one that started when we were young as a feeling of not belonging. More on that at Forgiveness or Letting Go?

63 thoughts on “Our First Team”

  1. Lovely and endearing, Wynne. Your nanny sounds like a ‘keeper’! Those three lessons summarizing the week could stand the test of time, I think — beyond a week’s worth of wisdom!
    Also….I appreciate you linking to your post about your sister…I love background info and the context is helpful. Because ‘families of origin’ (love that we see that the same way) can be so messy and layered, our families by choice mean even more. Thanks for sharing and cheers to D and O — building their own team. xo! 😉

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Agreed, and I love the term “families by choice”! Yes, they are sometimes are even more meaningful than “families by blood”, well said!

      And I agree, the nanny sounds awesome.

      And the quote, Wynne, you chose to begin with… I had to read it three times: it’s fantastic! And such a great fit! I’m glad and awed that you created a “starter team” for your two children, and I know they’ll appreciate it even more as they go through life, like you and your older brother—by title and by behavior!

      Liked by 4 people

      2. I’m glad you liked the quote, EW. How can you go wrong with Winnie-the-Pooh quotes, right?

        Thank you for your encouraging and supportive comment. Always appreciated so much!!

        Like

  3. Hi Wynne, I don’t always click like or comment on your posts, as they come into me via email, so I thought today I would change that. I always read your posts and like them. I like your choice of topics and your outlook. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Such a profoundly familiar situation with my own life and siblings Wynne. I have been on both sides at various times with all three. Now only 1 is still a presence in my life on a very limited basis. Your linked post is perfect in describing my own backstory surrounding siblings and how we all see our place in the family- then and now. Thank you for sharing the joy of your children and the reminders that so many families are in much different places.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m sorry that your experience has similarity to mine – although I suspect that it’s pretty common. I love how you say it “so many families are in much different places.” Right! Happy Monday, Deb!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. One of the hardest tasks of parenting is creating children who are friends. The more children, the more difficult the task. Sounds like you are on the right road, Wynne.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, I can see what you mean about it increasing in complexity with more kids. I hope they become friends – but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they are at least allies! Thank you for the insightful comment, Dr. Stein!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. My first team was fairly big, eight of us. No one makes me laugh more. No one makes me angrier ;). And no one else is the world is like them. We don’t talk often, sometimes not even frequently. But we are still ‘the’ team. I loved this post.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I have a younger brother who has been both a thorn in my side and my greatest ally, in different situations. We don’t speak often, but we’re in a closer connection now than we were before. My daughter is an only child, so having family connections is important to her, so she helps her 3 kids to get along and respect each other. The twins naturally have a close relationship, and helping them develop a relationship with their younger sister was challenging but rewarding.

    We don’t have to like everything about another person, but we can be civil and respectful, for that alleviates so much strife between people!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love how you’ve helped your grandkids develop a relationship. I imagine that with your difficult mother, it was both a help and hindrance to your relationship with your brother. Love to hear about your closer connection now.

      And yes, we can be civil and respectful for sure! Thanks, Tamara!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You nailed it right on the head. When we have a toxic/abusive parent, the mind games they play can interfere with sibling relationships. Breaking that cycle entails becoming aware of each occurrence and mindfully applying new behaviors, which is done by trial and error because we weren’t taught how to do it.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. What a lovely story with Miss O, Wynne. Your reflections on siblings being the first team we join in life is so true. And how blessed you were to have your big brother and how blessed Miss O and Mr D are in having each other. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  11. What a wonderful nanny you have! Your kids sound pretty terrific too. This is an interesting post. I think it’s so true, siblings being your first “team”, and for each family it manifests differently. If you’re the baby, as I am (by 8 years to my sister and 10 from my brother), you put your siblings on a pedestal, for better or worse. You learn on some level how you don’t want to navigate your life and sometimes you learn how you do want to navigate the ups and downs of it all.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I love everything about this! Big Sis training for hugs on demand is about the cutest thing ever. 🥰 Also, your opening quote reminded me of how when Garrett was young, he’d do something similar. He’d be in another room playing and holler out, “Mom?” When I responded, he’d say, “Love you.” He was doing like Piglet, just making sure I was there. 😆 Another wonderful post, Wynne. 🤍

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I have been thinking the same thing about siblings recently! My own, though we sometimes squabbled, instilled in me a sense of team as a beautiful thing.

    My just-younger sister (https://rrwolfgang.com/) and I always used to argue over who was luckier. I’d argue I was luckier because I had her looking up to me and making me actually believe I was capable of achieving anything. She’d argue she was luckier because I helped her understand, by my doing, a whole different range of possibilities existed beyond our childhood home.

    We eventually stopped having the argument, because I won. )ust don’t twll her that, haha. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. After reading one of your more recent posts, I feel like I missed the mark with my comment. I was so tickled to see myself in your brother, I wasn’t so focused on the sister aspect of your post when I shared my comment. I’m sorry, and thankful, as always, for yoir heart-filled words in post and in comment.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. No apologies necessary, Deborah. Your comment didn’t miss the mark – it was spot on with a wonderful story from your heart-filled experience. And I’m grateful we meet over all of our collective stories about this existence!

        Like

  15. What an adorable post, I can just picture how sweet your children are (not all the time I’m sure! 🤣). Siblings are tough, I could go on and on about mine. I think they’re so interesting in that there is a fundamental connection from the start bc you live in the same household. But as adults that doesn’t always translate to close and/or healthy relationships. And I think it’s actually a beautiful thing when sibling relationships are enjoyable and supportive. I have that with my twin but we did NOT get along when we were younger. And I worshipped my older half sister growing up and her and I can’t have a conversation without it blowing up in tearful anger. So I don’t speak to her. And I think it’s ok for people to trust how their sibling relationships unfold. And it’s also important to cultivate those relationships like we would any other special relationship. I love the bond that it sounds like D and O are forming, and it’s such a special thing to have someone in your corner for life. It sounds like they are fortunate enough to have that some day! 💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your point about how relationships unfold – and change over time. We do have flow through the river of life and it’s not always going to be the same. Love that you have a supportive and enjoyable relationship with your twin now.

      Yes, my kids are sweet. Hopefully this will be a good launching pad for their lifelong relationship – but that might be many things over the years.

      Love your insightful comments, Libby!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. My relationship with my siblings from my side would best be described as complicated. Or, absent. I’m not sure what they think. I found the efforts in adulthood one-sided, and that gets tiring, even with family.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. This post made my heart smile!
    What a wonderful older sibling is Miss O. Kudos
    Little Mr. D is lucky to have her as his guardian angel. I am sure he will reciprocate the friendship, the support and unconditional love equally.
    May the first team stay blessed always.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. At least your oldest is doing something positive with her sibling. I used to hold my brother by the back of his shirt so he just stayed in place when he tried to walk. Maybe I was trying to teach him to deal with frustration? 😬😁

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ha, ha, ha, Todd! Well, I bet that was an exercise in frustration for sure. My brother used to dangle me upside down over a garbage can. No end to what things siblings can do to each other….

        Liked by 1 person

  21. Great post Wynne. And an interesting dynamic that mimics mine exactly. Except I lost my brother many years ago.
    Yeh to little Miss O and Mr. D for the bond they are creating. Imagine a training in hugs. I had to laugh at that, out loud.

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. Oh this is AMAZING! I think that family bond with siblings is incredibly important (probably because my mom drilled it into us). “Be kind to one another because you’re all each other will have when I’m gone” she use to say. She was right. My mom is nearing 60 and I’m so thankful for my little brother Austin. We also don’t always agree. We don’t talk all the time either, but when we need one another or want to check in… We’re only a phone call away. I grew up in a home that was pretty abusive and I constantly put myself between my brother and my step father because my brother was little. When I got sick, my brother was by my side checking in on me every step of the way. He’s my biggest supporter and I can tell him anything.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, what an incredibly touching bond you describe with your brother, LaShelle! I’m sorry you had to protect your brother growing up but wow, how neat that you all are so tight now. Beautiful!

      Like

  24. May your children’s bonds continue to grow. I have mixed relationships with my siblings, but at the end of the day if they needed me. They are aware they can call me, and simply say, “HELP” and I will listen to them without judgment, and do my best to meet their needs.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Aw I love their dynamic!

    I have one younger sister, 3 year age difference. And you’re right, we were each others first team and we are still a team. We have a great relationship but I don’t really feel like her “big” sister anymore. While I’m a few years older she’s a bit more settled based on our career choices -she has a stable position as a vet, makes more money, and bought a house last year. So I’ve been going to her now asking about what I need to do to get squared away to buy a house.

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