waiting – Surprised By Joy

Don’t Wait Alone

November 20, 2024November 19, 2024Posted in inspirationTagged kindness, relationships, time, waiting45 Comments

“Time is too slow for those who wait, Too swift for those who fear, Too long for those who grieve, Too short for those who rejoice, But for those who love, time is eternity.” – Henry Van Dyke

On Monday morning, Cooper and I were walking in the pre-dawn hours down a long block in our neighborhood. A taxi went slowly by us. As my mind wandered over how taxi cab drivers were doing in the era of Lyft and Uber, we neared the end of the block.

At the curb was a man standing with his suitcase. I asked, “Was that your taxi?”

He said “Yes. And what’ll I do if it doesn’t come back? I’m going to be late!” We looked about 20 houses down towards the end of the block. The lights from the taxi revealed its continued slow roll down the street. Fortunately, it turned around as it reached that far intersection and started creeping back towards where the man stood.

The man said, “What’s more obvious than a man standing with a suitcase?”

I laughed and said, “No doubt, the message is pretty clear!”

Cooper and I stood near him until the taxi driver finally spotted him and sped up. As I turned away to continue to walk the dog, I silently wished him a good trip. And hoped that our moments of camaraderie helped ease the tension of being late.

I think it did.

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(featured photo from Pexels)

Worth Waiting For

July 28, 2021Posted in meditationTagged confidence, meditation, patience, self-compassion, waiting2 Comments

“I’ve learned that I can totally remain humble, but I don’t have to cut off the wonderful things I deserve.” – Alicia Keys

I splurged and bought a new mascara the other day. The old one went on too slowly. Ironically, I’m willing to spend money on something to enhance my appearance but it has to be quick because I don’t want to be the person others have to wait for.

But then I spend so much of my days waiting. I wait for kids to finish taking in a scene before they want to walk on or waiting for kids to finish eating each methodical bite. Or because my daughter is learning to roller skate and my son is learning to ride his balance bike, I wait for kids every step of the way as we go around the block because neither has learned the power of coasting and are slower than if they were walking. At work, I wait for files to be transferred and to get replies on emails. I wait for packages to arrive and in lines for lunch.

Yesterday I was sitting outside eating lunch on a bench and watching a guy with a Bernese Mountain Dog. They were coming towards me but the dog paused to sniff, consider and then pee on every tree and interesting thing on the sidewalk. The guy patiently stood through each interlude, his perfectly relaxed expression and the slack in the leash indicating he thought the dog was worth waiting for.

It made me think of my perennial urge to rush myself. Of all the times I’ve been on a mountain climb hustling to get my boots, coats and shoes on so no one has to wait for me. Or the focused scan of the menu I do at the coffee shop so I’m always ready when it’s my turn to order. Perhaps I need to take a page from that dog’s playbook, learn to take my time with my routine and start to believe that I am someone worth waiting for.

Life in the Waiting Room

February 5, 2021February 5, 2021Posted in meditation, ParenthoodTagged being present, breathe, gratitude, impatience, meditation, waiting3 Comments

“Things are always in transition. Nothing ever sums itself up the way we dream about.” – Pema Chodron

I received an email last night from Seattle Public Schools. They aren’t going to be able to make the promised return date for in-person school for Kindergartners and 1st graders of March 1st. I have many reactions to that like “What, it’s been a year? How could that not be enough time?” but I also understand the huge number of details they need to work out. Whether or not I rationalize it, I still feel disappointed and in suspense. We’ve been packed in this house together for a year, doing the best to learn something including how to socialize with others and be happy about the circumstance and I’m ready for a change.

When I first decided to try invitro-fertilization to have a baby on my own, I went through all the steps and then sat down at my desk on the day that I’d gotten it all done and was prepared to start. I thought “Wow, life is about to change!” The next day my amazing father was killed in a bike accident and I was heartbroken. I thought “Not like that! That wasn’t the change I meant!” Even with this ever-present example of the most final way that don’t always change in the way that I anticipate or want, I still am very impatient for change and I’m an optimist that it’ll change for the better. I’m always looking forward to the next milestone or hanging my hat on “what I’ll do when…” It’s like living life in a waiting room, where you are isolated with the old magazines, never quite able to start something because you’re name might be called at any second, not enjoying where you are because it’s on the outside of the room you are waiting to be in.

There’s nothing to do but to return to now. Gratitude does that for me. I breathe into all the many things I’m grateful for including that, even amidst the grief of losing my father, IVF worked and I was blessed with my little family. Even when it feels like I can’t live in these circumstances for a moment longer, I practice returning to the sweetness of what is. It saves me from splitting myself between now and a time that has not yet happened. It saves me the energy of preparing for a future that will likely happen only in my mind. I stray from the moment, I return, it’s a cycle I repeat sometimes with every breath in the day. Life will change, I just try to meet it with my full and present heart.