Minding My Own Business

If what you believe does not impact how you behave than what you believe is not important.” – Shaykh Yassir Fazaga

This year I’m celebrating having my own business for 20 years. It’s hard to unpack all that means to me but my business was there before I got married and carried me through when I got divorced. It gave me the flexibility to trek to Everest Base Camp for 3 1/2 weeks when I was single and has given me the time and money to have kids as a single woman now. It’s held different structures like when I had business partners and employees and like now when I am a sole proprietor with subcontractors. There have been ups and downs that seemed so huge that they’d swallow me at the time but now in hindsight are now just good stories. While many of the things I’ve learned are specific to my company’s focus which is to provide consulting to businesses about how they can better implement computer collaboration like document sharing and approval processes, the three most key lessons are life lessons:

  • Always pay everyone else, including the government, before you pay yourself. I remember the first payment I got 20 years ago was for $5,000 and it seemed like so much money that I went out and bought a tile saw so I could tile the floor of my home office. But once I paid the state and city taxes, my start up costs and legal fees, my take home was about $1,200. I could still afford the tile saw but I learned not to look at any payment as my money. Instead I pay my expenses often before the client remits payment so that when I look at the bank account, I know how much I can pay myself.
  • Finish your projects and create relationships, and your reputation will take care of much of your marketing. After my business partner told me of my now ex-husband’s infidelities and it became clear we needed to all go our separate ways, I was left maintaining a small office building that we all still owned together. It was after the financial crisis of 2008 so the building was worth less than the mortgage and we couldn’t sell it. So I went to the local SBA office to talk with someone about how to restructure the loan. He gave me a series of things I had to do, accounting, legal and structural and told me if I did, we could restructure them. It took me five months of hard work and when I made an appointment with him and returned, he said, “Wow, you came back. Not many people do.” Which made me cry. And I also was able to reshape the loan to work until I could sell the building. That same tenacity in finishing projects and maintaining my reputation through all circumstances has worked to give me repeat business and referrals that have made the business easier to run over time.
  • Have faith. Every year at this time, my business slows down in late summer because people are on vacation. It doesn’t matter that it’s different customers on one year versus the next, it always happens. And I always worry. So the third lesson is have faith. I think of it like the story of Manna in the Bible. Enough manna would fall each day to feed the Israelites when they were in the desert. But they couldn’t store it from one day to the next. They had to have faith it would come again the next day.
    So I spend August doing my part – honing my skills and reaching out to people and sooner or later my pipeline fills and the business continues. Like with all problems, worrying only drains the energy out of what needs to be done so I’ve learned take a deep breath, focus on faith and keep working.

I’ve heard the phrase “it’s not personal, it’s business” many times. It seems often right before someone is unkind or unfair to someone else. I’m guessing whoever coined that phrase didn’t run a small business for 20 years because at some point it becomes indistinguishable. But when your values are infused in your business, it can be a beautiful thing.

The Core Message

If what you believe does not impact how you behave then what you believe is not important.” – Shaykh Yassir Fazaga

I was challenged by a question in Frederick Buechner’s meditation book Listening to Your Life: If you had to write a last message for the few people that you care about the most in 25 words or less, what would it be? I pondered this, tried it, revised it, slept on it, wrote it again. It’s hard. I never got it down to 25 words or less but here’s my favorite version in 45 words:

You are beautiful and precious, worthy of love. I am rooting for you in every endeavor, holding you in every tear, and standing tall beside you when you speak your truth. Cultivate silence. Stay rooted in learning and growth, leaning towards life. Never stop trying.

And you know what I liked best about this exercise? It’s like writing out my value statement about how I want to live. It seems like if I can distill that, it’ll tether me to my ground in the moments when I feel I’ve lost my way.

Counting What Counts

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and nothing everything that counts can be counted.” – Albert Einstein

Yesterday I went to the store with my kids and my five-year-old daughter wanted to bring her own money to buy a new toy. She packed an entire backpack full of supplies for our 10 minute drive to the store so it wasn’t until after she picked out something that we realized that she hadn’t brought her wallet. I agreed to loan her the money to buy it and she would pay me back but the Barbie accessories she picked were more than she had saved up. Not wanting to make this a lesson in indebtedness I didn’t make much of a point that I was happy to spot the difference. But later when she was showing my mom what she’d gotten, Olivia said, “But I lost all my money.” Stifling a smile I urged her to explain further and she then amended her statement to be “I gave all my money to my mom.” (Like it was some charity thing). I chuckled about that for the rest of the afternoon because this follows on a conversation where I tried to get her to change five-1’s for a five dollar bill but she didn’t like that trade. She wanted to keep her ones and also have the five so she found five coins in her piggy bank and wanted to trade that.

Knowing that this is a common hurdle for kids, I’m not too worried that she’ll get it. But it strikes me that we all face similar lapses in thinking when it comes to counting and what we value. We use “likes” as measures of acceptance when it’s really one insightful comment that makes us feel heard. We count how many times the nanny has left us without extra diapers instead of celebrating how well-cared for the kids are. We count how many kids socks we have to pick up at night when we’re tired instead of the smiles and looks for reassurance we answered in the day. We count how many extra pounds are on our bodies because COVID has made it hard to go to the gym instead of feeling the one amazing beat of life our hearts give us to keep going. We count how many days until life changes instead of leaning in to enjoy the closeness of life now. We count how many friends we do or don’t have instead of realizing that it’s the wholeness of the Universe that can make us feel loved.

I’m an engineer so I love numbers. The only way I’ve found to come back to what matters is to sit in meditation. It’s the time when I do nothing while seated on my meditation cushion that makes the most difference about the quality of everything else I do.