Tag: Dad

Sunday Funnies: July 17

Posted in humorTagged , 23 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

The Stethoscope

A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones’ chests, would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listen to their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe…but she never got a response equal 4-year-old David’s. She placed the disk over his heart. “Listen,” she said, “What do you suppose that is?”

He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up…as if lost in the mystery of the strange tapping deep in his chest. Then his face broke into a wondrous grin. “Is that Jesus knocking?” he asked.

Sunday Funnies: July 10

Posted in humorTagged , 22 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

The Test

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

“What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop.

“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”

“Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.”

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the flaming torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”

Sunday Funnies: June 26

Posted in humor, UncategorizedTagged , 18 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Perspective

A father and son in a huge rig were plowing their large acreage. At the end of a long hot day they came to the last run, alongside the highway. At the end the corner was too sharp to turn without spoiling part of what they’d done, so they opened the gate onto the highway and figured they would turn their 40 foot rig around there.

About the time they were in the middle of the highway, a small racy sports car came up over the hill at about 90 miles an hour. The driver panicked when he saw this huge 40 foot rig across the road in front of him and thought for sure it was the end, until, just before he ploughed into them, he saw the open gate into the field. So he spun off the highway, jumped a ditch, zigged and zagged across the soft dirt and then smashed into a tree.

The father turned to the son after watching this whole scene and said, “Whew, we got out of that field just in time!”

Sunday Funnies: June 19

Posted in humorTagged , , 24 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Kids Church Humor

Rev. David A. Stammerjohn, pastor of Laboratory Presbyterian Church, Washington, Pennsylvania, spent a week at the Synod school with his two children. The school’s theme focuses on Moses and the Exodus. When they returned home, his five-year-old daughter excitedly greeted her mother: “Guess what, Mommy? We made unleaded bread!”

The old pastor made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, “Yes, but in those days there were only 13.”

Four-year-old Tucker Jones attended the vacation Bible school at our church. The theme was “Discipleship and Saving Mother Earth.” His mother, Trish Jones, asked Tucker what he had learned. He immediately told her all about “Jesus and the 12 recycles.”

Sunday Funnies: May 8

Posted in humorTagged , 38 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

What a Comeback!

Some parents are taking their son home from church after his baptism and notice he’s sad. They ask him why. He answers, “They told me I should be raised in a Christian family but I want to stay with you guys.”

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A boy calls a girl that he’s dated and gets her answering message, “I am working on some big changes in my life. If you don’t get a call back, you are one of them.” (from Erma Bombeck’s Rules for Life)

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It was that time during the Sunday morning service for the “the children’s sermon,” and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her. “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?”

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

Sunday Funnies: March 27

Posted in humorTagged , , 16 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Potty Talk

A woman in England runs out of petrol. She can’t find anything to carry gas in – until she spies her child’s portable potty. She walks 3 km, gets the gas and returns to the car. She is pouring it from the potty into the tank when a Cadillac pulls up beside her.

The window rolls down to reveal 4 men from Saudi Arabia looking at her with astonishment. They finally say, “Maam, we don’t share your religion, but we want you to know we admire your faith.”

Sunday Funnies: March 20

Posted in humorTagged , 16 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Quips:

ATHEIST: Somone who plays golf with minister, priest and rabbi but refuses to concede 2″ putt to any.

Live in such a way that you’d not hesitate to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

A man was carrying a grandfather clock to be repaired runs into someone at the corner. The second man asks, “Why can’t you wear a wrist watch like everyone else?”

Man goes to the doctor and asks, “Is there anything you can do to stop my snoring?” The doctor asks “Why? Does it disturb your wife?” The man answers, “No, it embarrasses her. It’s the rest of the congregation it disturbs.”

I’ve always wondered what butterflies get in their stomachs when they get nervous.

Sunday Funnies: Feb 27

Posted in humorTagged , , 27 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Thoughts for Pondering

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting path.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.

You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

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If you like these, a previous post has more of them. This includes my all-time favorite: One of life’s mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make us gain five pounds.

Sunday Funnies: Feb 13

Posted in humorTagged , , , 15 Comments

Another installment from my dad’s humor cards.

The backstory: My dad was a Presbyterian pastor for 40 years. He kept a well curated stack of humor cards – little stories or observations that he typed onto 5×7 cards. Then he wrote in the margins when he used that particular item. His humor was often an easy way to settle in to something deeper – by laughing and thinking about the buried truth in these little nuggets, it paved the way to an open heart.

When we cleaned out his desk after he died 7 years ago, I was lucky enough to stumble on this stack. I pull it out regularly to have a little laugh with my dear Dad. Now when I post one of them, I write my note next to his and it feels like a continuation.

Church Bloopers

We really do need to watch how we say things. For example:

  • Prayer and Fasting Conference next week, the cost of attending includes meals.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • Announcement of the sermon for the morning service, “Jesus walks on water,” followed by the evening sermon, “Searching for Jesus.”
  • But the one that fits this text was the report that there was this wonderful inscription over the massive doors of an old stone church that read: “The Gate of Heaven.” Below that was a small cardboard sign that read: “Please use other entrance.”

The Formula

Posted in meditationTagged , , , , 26 Comments

“One filled with joy preaches without preaching.” – Mother Teresa

When I would golf with my dad and a stranger was added to our group, I always found it interesting to see how people would react when they found out that he was a pastor, or retired pastor. Of course, not everyone asked but more often than not it would come up. I remember being out golfing with my dad once and my dad’s ball ricocheted off a tree and very luckily landed really near the green. The guy golfing with us said something like, “Wow, the Big Guy really is looking out for you.”

My dad just laughed. I think it’s fair to say that he didn’t think God spent any time worrying about his golf game. And he was so good humored that sometimes it was hard to figure out how he approached life because he made it look so easy and delightful.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about all the in-depth conversations we had, especially in those years right before he died suddenly in a bike accident at age 79. What I’ve concluded is that there were three things that came together so that he appeared to glide through his golf game … and life.

First was his attitude. Wherever my dad was, he looked around for what he could do to help. So when golfing, wherever the ball landed he’d think it was great because that’s where he could be useful. And it wasn’t just his ball – when I would hit in the woods, as I frequently did, he’d be the first person tromping in there to help me find mine, laughing and good-naturedly joking all the way.

Second was his faith. My dad was sure he could hit from anywhere because his faith had taught him his work was in partnership with God. If he had to hit out from a bed of pine needles stuck between three trees, he would try. He didn’t expect that God would make it easy but he did think that God would make it meaningful.

Third, was his personality. He was such an enthusiastic, caring person that you just wanted to be around him. He never entered a room with an authentic compliment for those he greeted. And his eyes were almost permanently crinkled from the delightful twinkle in his eyes. He’d make you believe that you could also do anything, especially with him by your side. And he believed he could do anything because he had God by his side.

He remarked to me several times that people had said to him that he’d led a blessed life. He knew his life had plenty of trouble. Thinking back to my early years when we lived as a family for almost 6 years in the Philippines after Ferdinand Marcos had declared Martial Law, I’d concur that my dad faced plenty of obstacles. But in the end, he agreed he’d lived a blessed life – not free of ups and downs but full of meaning and love.

That’s the formula that I’ve come up with from my dad – love where you are at, believe you are not alone and care for others along the way. I don’t know if the guy we golfed with gleaned any of that but I know even now, seven years after his death, my dad continues to inspire me to do the same.